Public Agendas and Private Hells
by shadowycat
Summary: Can you live on memories? Can you live without them? Severus Snape is about to find out. Sequel to "The Ever Twisting Path". This story is darker than the first two. Reader beware. Specific Warning: Torture Complete
1. The Last Day of the Rest of Her Life

**                                                                                           Public Agendas and Private Hells**

                                                                                                                       by

                                                                                                               shadowycat

Disclaimer:  None of the recognizable characters and settings in this story belong to me.  They are all the property of J. K. Rowling.  I do not attempt to make any monetary gain from their use.  This story exists purely for the enjoyment of myself and any and all who wish to spend their time reading it.

Author's Note:  This story, taken with the two, which precede it, "Is A Picture Worth 1000 Lives?" and "The Ever Twisting Path", constitutes a totally alternate universe set of circumstances for these characters.  The imminent arrival of Book 5 in the series will no doubt throw new light onto the characters of Severus Snape and Remus Lupin and take them in totally new directions from those proposed here.  Some characters may disappear entirely from canon, while others may be radically altered from the way we know them now.  Therefore my stories will have to stand or fall on their own.  This story in particular is much darker and more painful than its predecessors.  Thank you for your time and attention.  I hope you enjoy the story.  Do leave a review and let me know.

This story follows quickly on the heels of "The Ever Twisting Path".  It begins in mid-September of what would be Harry Potter's 6th year at Hogwarts.

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                                                                                  Chapter One:  The Last Day of the Rest of Her Life

Under a green canopy in the bedroom of their dungeon quarters, Evangeline lay contentedly in the big bed and watched her husband get dressed.  She stretched languidly and practically purred with satisfaction.  Just a short time before he'd kissed her awake and proceeded to start her day off in the most enjoyable way possible, by making love to her.  The touch of his sensuous lips on hers, of his elegant talented hands on her body, always made her heart sing with joy.  No one made her feel the way Severus Snape did; no one else ever could.  Such a wonderful start to her day brought back sweet memories of the recently past summer spent largely naked and in his embrace.  Any time spent in his arms was to be savored, already she was feeling deprived of his presence beside her as she watched him layer himself in black armor and get ready to face the world.

Suddenly reluctant to let him leave her sight, she sat up and slid out of bed, her toes curling slightly as they touched the cold stone of the floor.  Letting this spur her on to fleetness, she flew quickly across the room to fling her bare arms around Severus before he could escape from the comfort of their bedroom into the chaos of another morning at Hogwarts school.

"It's not time for breakfast yet, Severus.  Where are you off to so early?"  She murmured as she snuggled into the small of his back.

He placed his arms over hers and squeezed her lightly.  "Albus wanted to see me first thing this morning.  I'm not sure what about.  I told him I'd be there before breakfast, so I really need to get going, Evangeline."

The Potions Master slid around in his wife's embrace so he could see her face not to mention her enticing body.  Sighing with frustration, he tried to remove her arms from his waist.  It was always hard to pull himself away from her, but he knew he shouldn't keep the Headmaster waiting.  Something in the way that Albus had spoken to him last night convinced Snape that whatever the elder wizard wanted would be important, and he wouldn't like it very much.

Snape let his eyes trail down his wife's body one last time, making note of her tousled warm brown hair and smooth flushed skin and the fact that at almost five months along, she was finally beginning to show her pregnancy.  He still smiled inwardly as he remembered the splash she'd made at lunch just a few days ago, when her condition had finally become apparent to everyone in the school.

As Evangeline had made her way up the aisle between the banks of students, heading for the head table, a hush had fallen over the crowd in a long undulating wave.  Every head had turned to her and every mouth had fallen open in succession as she made her progress through the room.  Then as one, every set of eyes had turned to stare in open-mouthed awe at him as he sat at the head table awaiting his wife's presence.  

It was a moment he'd been anticipating and dreading since the start of the new school term, but when it finally occurred, the response had actually been rather amusing.  It was quite a sight to have the entire student body all doing their best imitation of a glassy eyed fish at the same time.  Without a word being said, every student in the school had gotten the message loud and clear.  The much hated and feared Professor Snape was shortly to become a father, and they were all going to have a front row seat to watch the show.  

Now, as his eyes caressed the gentle swell of Evangeline's abdomen, he smiled and relented in his attempts to leave her side.  He found that he couldn't help but slide his arms around her one more time, to hold her warm body close against his for one more lingering kiss before facing yet another tedious day.  As their lips met he suddenly felt a cold shiver of foreboding run through him as if this kiss should be savored as a talisman against the overwhelming darkness that inexplicably seemed to be yawning before him.  He mentally shook off such unsettling thoughts. Apparently he had more misgivings about what Albus might want of him than he'd thought.  If he didn't watch out he'd find himself reading tea leaves and making foolish pronouncements of gloom and doom like that idiot Sybil Trelawny!

"I really should go, Evangeline.  I'll probably see you at breakfast…if not, then at lunch."  He smiled down at her and gave her one final squeeze.

She caressed his face gently and relented in her attempts to keep him with her.  "All right, Severus, but your ploy of last night isn't going to work forever, you know.  As much as I always enjoy making love with you, you can't continue to put off important conversations by getting me so deliciously distracted.  Sooner or later, we need to spend some time talking about the baby.  I'm about halfway through with the pregnancy now.  We need to decide on a name, or names, I suppose, since we don't know whether it's a boy or a girl, and we need to make some decisions about how we're going to manage putting a third person into this rather small space."

Snape looked uncomfortable.  "I know Evangeline, but my meeting with Albus is not merely another means to put you off.  I really do need to see him.  We'll talk about these things this evening, I promise."

"The prospect of becoming a father is scaring you more and more the closer it comes, isn't it?" she asked quietly.  Sure with a sudden pang of concern that she knew what his reluctance to address the subject really meant.  Their strong emotional bond made hiding their feelings from one another almost impossible.  Both of them were finding that this bond of emotional honesty had some drawbacks as well as its many advantages.

He sighed.  "I'll admit it's daunting."

"Are you sorry that…"

"No."  He placed his hand gently over her mouth to cut off her question.  "No, Evangeline.  I'm not sorry that you're pregnant.  I just feel a bit inadequate to the task of fatherhood.  I didn't have the greatest role model to look to in my own father, and nothing in my experience has led me to believe that I'll be particularly good at this.  I don't want to let you or the baby down, not ever."

She smiled gently at him.  "You couldn't possibly let me down, Severus.  I don't have any experience at this either, you know.  We'll have to learn together.  You'll be a wonderful father, you'll see."

His smile held a trace of sadness as he gazed at her.  "I hope so, but we'll have to talk about it later.  I don't want to keep Albus waiting."  He bent and kissed her again. 

As their lips met once more, Evangeline also felt an unsettling shiver go through her as she sensed Severus' uneasiness, and felt more reluctant than usual to let him leave her side.  Not sure what to make of the feeling, though, she plastered a smile onto her face and kissed him quickly again before releasing him and walking beside him to the door of their quarters.  "Okay.  I'll look forward to seeing you at breakfast in a little while then.  I hope whatever Albus wants won't take up too much of your time.   When you do have a stray minute, think baby names, okay?"

He nodded in agreement.  "I promise.  I hope Albus doesn't want too much of my time, either.  I have a rather full day today as it is."

Then with a final quick kiss, he opened the door, went out and strode up the hall in a swish of billowing black robes and disappeared out of her sight. 

But neither Snape nor Dumbledore appeared for breakfast or lunch.

                    ******************************************************************************************************

Evangeline sat next to Remus Lupin at the head table during the end of lunchtime and brooded.  Most everyone had come and gone from lunch, but there'd been no sign of the Potions Master. Where could Severus be?  What could Albus have wanted from him and why would it have made him uneasy?  She hadn't laid eyes on him all morning.  Not since he'd gone out their door before breakfast on his way to meet with Dumbledore.  

She turned her eyes up the table to where the Headmaster usually presided over meals in the Great Hall.  His chair, too, sat annoyingly empty. No answers were to be found there.  She sighed in frustration and a dark frown settled over her features as she pondered over the unknown uselessly.  Suddenly she became aware of her name being spoken in a tone of voice that seemed to crave an answer.

The distracted witch turned her head and found herself looking into the concerned eyes of Remus Lupin.  "Is everything all right, Evangeline?  I don't think you've heard anything I've said for the past five minutes, at least."

Feeling apologetic, she forced a smile.  "I'm sorry, Remus.  You were telling me about your letter from Eleanor.  I must've drifted off for a moment.  You really should go and visit her you know."

Lupin gave her a bemused look.  "That's what I was just saying, Angel.  I'm going to see her next weekend.  We had such a nice time when I visited her over the summer, that I've been rather eager to get another chance to spend time with her."

Evangeline smiled warmly.  "That's wonderful, Remus.  I always thought you two would hit it off, if you got the chance to really get to know one another."

"Well, you were right."  His smile faded.  "Now, tell me what's gotten you so distracted."

Worry lines crept back onto her forehead.  "I'm not sure.  Severus left early this morning for a meeting with Albus.  He didn't seem to know what it was about, and he seemed a bit worried about it.  Before he left, he told me that he'd see me later at breakfast or lunch, but I haven't been able to find him all day.  I haven't seen Albus, either.  I'm about ready to burst into that sanctuary of his and demand some answers, but it's probably nothing and then I'll look like an overly hysterical wife."  

She rubbed a hand over her rapidly expanding waistline.  "Pregnancy really does seem to be affecting my moods and my judgment.   Even little things seem like major problems.  I'm sure I'm just over reacting, pay no attention to me, okay?"

He smiled encouragingly.  "Don't worry.  I'm sure everything is fine.  Albus must have had something that he needed Severus to do, and it's just kept him too busy to find you and tell you about it.  I'm sure you'll see him this afternoon…certainly at dinner."

She nodded.  "I'm sure you're right.  He has a late afternoon class.  I'll just catch him after that.  I have to go now and see Filch.  He has some paintings that he found in storage that he wants me to look at to see what can be done for them, if anything.  I guess they're in pretty bad shape."

Lupin raised an eyebrow.  "Has Filch forgiven you and Severus for the creative way you made use of the castle over the summer?"

Evangeline blushed.  "That's a tactful way to put it.  How do you know what we did to the castle over the summer?"

He grinned.  "When I first returned to Hogwarts before the beginning of term, I stumbled over Filch fixing up something or other and grumbling to himself about his "Happy Honeymooners".  He was happy to have a sympathetic ear to fill with his woes, I think."

Evangeline looked embarrassed.  "We probably weren't very nice to poor Filch.  I imagine we created a lot more work for him than he'd have had over the usual summer."

Lupin nodded.  "It did sound that way, but don't feel too badly.  I got the impression that he found some of it rather amusing.   He did seem to enjoy describing the look on Minerva's face when he showed her how you and Severus had redecorated the Gryffindor common room."

Evangeline smiled.  "Yes, poor Minerva.  She was a bit annoyed over that for a few days."

Lupin laughed.  "Yes, I imagine so.  I wish I could've seen it."  He pushed his chair back.  "Well, I've got a class to get to, so I'll see you later.  And don't worry.  You'll see Severus soon I'm sure, and he'll tell you what Albus is up to now.  He has to be around here somewhere, after all."  With a final smile Lupin left the table and headed out of the Great Hall leaving Evangeline sitting alone at the head table with her worries.

But Evangeline didn't see Severus at all that afternoon.

                      ******************************************************************************************************

Her meeting with Filch took quite some time.  The paintings he'd found were indeed in very bad shape and were going to require quite a lot of work to restore them.  By the time she and Filch had lugged them all up to her workroom, assessed all the work that would be required, and done some initial repairs on them, it was already fairly late in the afternoon.

After leaving Filch to his other pressing work, Evangeline headed down to the dungeon to try to catch Severus after his last class.  The students were all pouring out of the classroom as she headed down the corridor congratulating herself on her perfect timing.  She turned into the classroom with a smile on her face to find herself abruptly face to face with Albus Dumbledore.

The smile on her lips vanished in an instant to be replaced with a frown.  "Albus?  What are you doing here?  Where's Severus?"

A strange expression flitted over his face before settling into his usual enigmatic smile.  "Hello, Evangeline.  Severus had to run an errand for me, so I told him that I'd take over his classes if he didn't make it back in time."

Suddenly the temperature in the dungeon seemed to plummet and the first nips of worry began to work their way up her spine.   "An errand?  You sent him on an errand…out of Hogwarts?  Where?  What could be so important that you'd send him out of the safety of the castle, Albus?"  Her voice took on an accusatory tone.

Dumbledore crossed the room to stand next to her and patted her arm reassuringly.  "Don't worry, Evangeline.  I'm sure that Severus is fine.  I needed to get something rather urgently, and he was the only person I knew who'd be able to find it.  It was extremely important or I wouldn't have asked him."

Worry began to nibble harder at the back of her mind.  "What did you need?"

He frowned.  "I really can't say, Evangeline.   It's better if you don't know about it.  These are perilous times, my dear, as you're well aware.  Everyone has to do his or her part.  Severus understands this.  I thought you did, too."

Worry now burst full-blown into her heart and settled in cold lumps at the base of her spine.  "Where did you send him, Albus?"  She felt her throat tighten as she forced the words out.

He hesitated for a long moment, but decided to answer her.  "Malfoy Manor."

She gasped in alarm.  "Malfoy's!  Why on earth would you send him there, Albus?  It's not safe for him to go anywhere near any of the Death Eaters!"

"The house is empty at the moment, Evangeline.  Draco is here.  Lucius is still in Azkaban, and Narcissa is visiting family in France at the moment.  Severus shouldn't have any trouble.  Don't worry."

Her heart felt like it was suddenly sheathed in ice.  "Then why isn't he back yet?" she asked quietly as she focused her attention on Dumbledore's blue eyes.

The old wizard sighed and suddenly looked very anxious to leave the room.  "I'm sure he'll be back very soon, Evangeline.  Please, don't be concerned.  Now if you'll excuse me, there's something important that I need to take care of before dinner."

Without another word, the imposing wizard stepped around Evangeline and swept out the door in an impressive flurry of red robes, leaving her standing there in the middle of the potions classroom in a state of mild shock.  She clasped her arms around herself and a violent shiver coursed through her.  Severus was gone.  No matter what anyone said, she didn't believe that it was safe for him to go to Malfoy Manor.  There was no way that house was ever left open and unprotected, no matter who was actually in residence. What could have been so important?  She began to shiver in earnest now, fear overtaking worry as the predominant feeling in her mind.

Horrible images ran rampant through her thoughts.  How could Albus do this?  How could he put Severus in such danger?  Why now?  When she and the baby needed him so much!

The worried witch ran her suddenly icy cold hands protectively over her slightly swollen abdomen.  Without thinking about it she began to twist the wedding band on her finger.  Suddenly a tremor of weakness flowed over her like a rush of water from a strong tap.  She felt dizzy and lightheaded.  Bright lights began to burst randomly behind her eyelids.  With a moan she sank to her knees and slowly collapsed onto the floor.

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Far from Hogwarts castle, a thin nobbly hand with spindly fingers shook ever so slightly as it dropped a ring of gold and silver into an outstretched claw.

"I told you I could do it, My Lord.  It all went as I said it would."

"Excellent," purred a cold voice.  "Let's be very sure they get the message.  I do so want there to be no doubt.  Send our little package at once. Be sure to include this."

The ring exchanged hands once more and the servant bowed low then turned to leave.  Mocking laughter followed him as he rushed from the room to do his master's bidding.

               ********************************************************************************************************* 

When Evangeline opened her eyes again, she had no idea how much time had passed, but she felt oddly unfocused and couldn't explain exactly why.  Something felt different…wrong…missing.  Once again her attention was drawn to her wedding band.  With trembling fingers she reached over and slid the ring off her finger.  She stared at it in horror.  That shouldn't be possible!  The binding magic should hold the ring on tightly.  She shouldn't be able to simply remove it.  As long as the marriage lasted…as long as they lasted…the rings should remain bound to their fingers, as they were bound to each other.  What could it mean?  Only one thing that she could think of…only one horrible thing. With a cry of pain and anguish, she hauled her stiff body up off the cold floor and fled out of the potions classroom as quickly as she could manage.

The distressed witch hurried up out of the dungeon and into the Great Hall in a state of panic.  She must have been unconscious for some time as dinner was almost over.  Heedless of how distraught she appeared, she ran straight through the room heading for the head table, raising heads and creating a buzz of apprehension as she passed.  Snape's chair was still empty, but Lupin sat in his and watched her approach with concern.  Something was obviously very wrong.

She stumbled up onto the dais and grabbed Lupin by the arm.  He pulled her down into the empty chair beside him and stared at her worriedly.  Up close she looked awful, pale and trembling with huge eyes that didn't seem to be focusing properly.

"What's the matter, Evangeline?" he asked anxiously.

Others at the table were looking their way with concern as well.

Evangeline didn't seem capable of answering him.  Instead she stared at him wordlessly and held out a tightly clenched fist.  It took a tremendous effort on her part to open her stiff fingers, but once she did Lupin found himself staring in confusion at her wedding ring as it rested in the palm of her hand.

He raised questioning eyes to hers.  "That's your wedding ring, isn't it, Angel?  Is something wrong with it?"

Terrified, she nodded and whispered in a strangled voice, "It came off.  Remus, it's not supposed to be able to come off.  What does it mean?  Could something horrible have happened to Severus?  Why did my ring come off?"

In her agitation, her voice was rising in volume.  Dumbledore rose from his seat and started down the table toward them.  Before he could reach them though, another commotion arose from the student body who were all looking up and pointing at the huge black vulture that had just entered the hall carrying a substantial box. 

As everyone continued to stare and point and whisper, the stately bird circled the hall once and then dropped its parcel directly in front of Evangeline.  She stared at the box with the deepest dread then slowly got to her feet.  Without a word she reached out trembling fingers and began to open it.  As Lupin, Dumbledore, and the whole school looked on, Evangeline peeled back the wrapping and reached into the box.  Her shaking hand came back holding Severus' wand with his wedding ring rammed down over one end of it.  She moaned softly.  "Oh, no…please, no."

Before either Lupin or Dumbledore could stop her she dropped the wand onto the table and peeled back more of the inner wrapping until she could see what else the box contained.  Suddenly she screamed the most horrified and pain filled scream that anyone in the hall had ever heard before as her eyes met the cold empty eyes and waxen features of her husband's face in the box.  Her numb fingers traced the planes of his face, brushed the limp hair aside, and touched the bloody edge of his neck.

Evangeline's screams echoed over and over throughout the hall in rapid succession.  Bloodcurdling… hopeless…devastated.  

A harsh ugly voice screamed, "Murderer!" at eyes filled with guilt.  With a shock so great it withered her soul, Evangeline realized that the voice was her own, and the guilt-filled eyes were Dumbledore's.  

The two stared silently at each other for a long agonizing moment, and then Evangeline gave a horrid gasp and clutched at her abdomen.  Pain twisted through her body in red hot rivulets, searing her soul and plunging her down into darkness and desolation.  Like a marionette whose strings had been cut, she collapsed into a heap on the floor, her body convulsing uncontrollably.

Poppy shoved her way through the crowd of stunned teachers to reach Evangeline's shuddering form as quickly as possible.  After a brief examination, she looked up with a shocked expression on her face.  "I need to get her up to the hospital wing immediately."

Instantly Lupin bent over and scooped Evangeline's body up into his arms, and the two of them raced out of the hall as fast as they could go with everyone's shocked stares following them every step of the way.

The entire population of the Great Hall seemed absolutely stunned then slowly they all turned their eyes to their Headmaster seeking understanding and reassurance, but he didn't seem to have any to give them. Dumbledore seemed rooted to his spot beside the table.  McGonagall touched his arm in concern and whispered in a frightened tone, "Albus?"

Her touch seemed to awaken him, and slowly he turned and looked at her with eyes that suddenly seemed to be conscious of every one of the years they'd witnessed on this earth.  Without saying a word, he turned away from her and went to look down into the box on the table and gaze with sadness and grief on the face of one more death to be laid at his doorstep.  One more of his children gone before their time.


	2. Utter Desolation

                                                                                                Chapter Two: Utter Desolation

The pale naked figure hanging on the stonewall painfully forced his eyelids to open.  Everything was a blurred mass of gray and black with occasional splashes of reddish brown.  He blinked his dark eyes to try to bring focus and understanding, but his numbed brain resisted strongly.  Gradually he became aware of a figure standing in front of him.  The figure coalesced into a thin man in black robes, who spoke in a grating and somewhat querulous tone.

"Oh, good.  You're finally conscious, traitor.  We can begin again."

With a flick of a wand and a muttered word, the prisoner's world dissolved once more into nothing but searing pain.

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A strong sense of fear and desperation settled over those in the infirmary as they worked unceasingly to try to save both of the lives that balanced precariously on the edge of fate. Once Evangeline had been placed on one of the infirmary beds, Remus Lupin absolutely refused to leave her side. Since Poppy really did need an extra pair of hands, she didn't press the issue and allowed him to stay and help her.  He did his very best to assist the mediwitch in her frantic attempts to stabilize her and keep her from losing her baby, but he realized quickly that he didn't possess the necessary skills to be of any true help.  Despite his fervent wishes to the contrary, he was reduced to simply running and fetching things and praying as hard as he could that Poppy could be successful in her desperate attempt to save both of them.

As the long night wore on though, it became painfully clear that Poppy's best efforts were not going to be enough.  Before dawn's arrival Evangeline's baby was stillborn in a rush of blood.  No amount of healing magic could prevent it.  In the space of a few hours, Evangeline had lost both her husband and her child, and it seemed her will to go on living as well.

Leaving a dazed Lupin to sit and hold Evangeline's limp hand and watch over her like a guardian angel, an exhausted Poppy walked dejectedly across the room to speak to a stricken and silent Dumbledore and McGonagall.

She raised haunted eyes to theirs and sighed heavily.  "I'm sorry.  I couldn't save the baby.  She'd lost too much blood and labor couldn't be halted.  I did everything I could, but the child wasn't developed enough to survive on her own."

McGonagall swallowed hard and whispered in a low cracked voice, "It was a girl?"

Poppy nodded.  "Yes."

Dumbledore looked across the room at the pale still figure lying on the bed.  "And Evangeline?  Will she recover?"

Poppy looked very unhappy and uncertain.  "I honestly don't know, Albus.  She's lost a lot of blood.  She's been unconscious ever since we brought her up here.  No matter what I do I can't wake her, even the birth didn't seem to get any response from her.  I'm afraid I'm not sure what will happen to her."  She sighed in frustration.   "I'll do my best, but I just don't know what to tell you.  I can't make any promises at the moment; I wish I could."

Dumbledore nodded sadly.

Fearful but determined, Poppy looked him in the eyes.  "Albus, I hate to ask, but what was in that box that could cause this?"

McGonagall turned away with tears in her eyes.

Dumbledore answered quietly, "Severus' wand and his wedding ring were on top.  Underneath was what appears to be his severed head."

Poppy gasped in horror and whispered in a shaken voice, "My god!  No wonder.  Are you sure it's real?"

Dumbledore shook his head.  "No.  Once you and Remus can spare time from Evangeline, I'd like the two of you to examine it.  As far as Minerva and I can tell, it appears to be real, but I'd feel better if I could get your opinions."  

Poppy nodded sadly.  "Of course, Albus.  We'll do all we can.  I certainly hope we can prove that it's not real, but real or not, I'm afraid the damage has already been done."  Then with a deep sigh, the mediwitch patted the wizard comfortingly on the arm, turned away, and retreated across the room to get back to her comatose patient.

                     *******************************************************************************************************

The next few days passed at a crawl for everyone in the castle.  News of Professor Snape's death spread through the school like wildfire fanned by the hot breath of anger and fear.  Snape would have been astounded to see how many of the students genuinely mourned his passing; many of his colleagues did as well.  And every one of them prayed fervently for the recovery of his wife, whose condition did not seem to be improving at all, no matter what was done for her.  The entire population of the school existed in a mild state of shock at these gruesome and horrifying events.  Hogwarts seemed a little less safe and secure than it had just a short time before.

Lupin and Poppy examined the grisly trophy in the box in every way they could think of.  As much as they hoped to be able to prove that it wasn't Snape's head, they couldn't.  Every test they put it through confirmed that it was Snape, although a heavy tinge of dark magic infused the whole thing.  Still, that feeling could be the result of how he died.  The ragged edge of the wound pointed to extreme forces having ripped his head from his body.  Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, and anyone else they had test it, all came to the same sad conclusion. There simply didn't seem to be any room for doubt.  No matter what any of them wanted to believe, it appeared that the head was genuine; Severus Snape was dead.

                       ******************************************************************************************************

An overwhelmed Remus Lupin dragged himself into the infirmary after dinner and took his usual place in a chair at the side of Evangeline's bed.  It had been an unbearably long day.  Classes had crawled by; the students were still too numb to really pay attention, which was probably just as well because he had no idea if his lessons were actually making sense at the moment.   No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't really make himself focus on anything except the woman who lay unresponsive to the world in the bed in front of him. 

The day had been absolutely gray and featureless with nothing worth thinking about or remarking on until it was almost over. Then the mood of the day had quickly gone from gray to black as the late afternoon had been interrupted by a solemn ceremony held in a tiny graveyard north of the castle.  While a somber and sad group of people watched in bleak silence, two small coffins were lowered into the ground side by side.  Together in death as they'd never had the chance to be in life.

Still trying unsuccessfully to banish that horrid image from his mind, Lupin reached out and took Evangeline's limp hand in his and closed his eyes.  How long had it been since he'd looked on something pleasant?  Since life hadn't been reduced to such a blinding horror?  His weary brain couldn't give him an answer.  Suddenly he felt the light weight of a hand settling onto his thin shoulder.  Resignedly he opened his eyes and looked up into Poppy's drawn face.

"Remus, you shouldn't be here.  You need to get some rest before you collapse, yourself.  There's nothing you can do for Evangeline."

Lupin sighed and a stubborn frown settled onto his features.  "I can't sleep anyway, Poppy.  I need to be here.  I know it sounds foolish, but I have this feeling that she'll need me when she wakes up."

Poppy sighed, refusing to voice the thought that rattled loudly around in both of their minds.  If she wakes up.  

Instead she patted his shoulder and nodded her head.  "Okay, Remus, you can stay for awhile, but you aren't going to spend the night in that chair again.  Your body needs sleep.  You aren't going to be any help to Evangeline if you collapse and end up in the next bed.  I'll give you a dreamless sleep potion before you go, and I insist that you take it."

He nodded.  Anything to get her to stop bugging him.  "Okay, Poppy."

Satisfied that she'd done all she could, she bent down and checked Evangeline's pulse rate, then straightened up and went to attend to her other work.

Lupin turned his attention back to the woman in the bed in front of him.  She was so pale and still, almost like a beautifully made doll…lifelike, yet not alive.  Breath flowed in and out of her body, but that was the only sign of life.  He stroked the back of her hand gently and leaned over to speak to her.  Somehow he had to get through to her.  He didn't think he could stand it if she ended up joining her husband and daughter in the cold hard ground behind the castle.  She had to survive; she had to survive…and recover.  His horrified mind simply couldn't accept anything else.  

He raised her hand and rubbed it gently against his cheek, while he whispered pleadingly to her in a soft voice, "Evangeline.  It's time to wake up, Angel.  We all miss you and love you and need you.  Please, come back to us…to me.  Please.  Severus wouldn't want you to do this, Angel.  He'd want you to be strong…to go on living. You know he would.   Please, come back, Evangeline.  Please."

                       *****************************************************************************************************

Somewhere in a safe dark place where pain and hurt and tragedy do not exist, she turned her head.  Something was intruding on the cool quiet darkness.  A voice.  She tried to block it out.  She'd heard it before, hateful thing…trying to drag her out of the cool comfort of oblivion.  Whispering about how much it needed her…how much it loved her.  Against her will she could feel the voice grabbing a hold of her and pulling her away from the darkness…the comfortable, painless darkness.  She fought the voice, tried to plunge deeper into welcoming nothingness, but it wouldn't stop talking.  All she wanted was peace and quiet and the hateful voice was denying her that escape!  Ever so slowly the horrid voice was dragging her upward into the painful light…toward the painful world… back into that from which she'd tried so hard to escape forever.

                      *****************************************************************************************************

Suddenly Evangeline began to moan and throw her head around on the pillow.  Lupin squeezed her hand and called for Poppy, who dropped what she was doing and came at a run.  Both of them watched carefully, speaking encouragingly to her as she appeared to finally be regaining consciousness.

Evangeline's eyes snapped open, and she stared wildly around her.  Poppy placed a comforting hand on her forehead and smoothed her hair back as she spoke to her in a soothing voice.  "Evangeline, dear, it's Poppy.  Do you recognize me?  Do you know where you are?"

The wild light died out of Evangeline's eyes, and they began to resemble two dead pools of fetid liquid.  Lifeless.  Cold.  "Poppy," she whispered hoarsely.

Poppy smiled warmly.  "Yes, dear.  How do you feel?"

Evangeline slid her free hand over her abdomen feeling its soft flatness.  "Empty," she whispered painfully, and closed her eyes once more.

Lupin was suddenly afraid that she was going to slip away from them again, and he squeezed her hand and touched her cheek gently.  "Evangeline.  Please, don't go back to sleep, Angel.  We've been so worried about you.  We need you to stay here with us."

She dragged her eyelids up again and focused her empty gaze on Lupin.   In a hollow dead voice she murmured quietly, "Severus is dead.  So is his child.  Why shouldn't I join them, Remus?  I don't belong here with you; I belong with them."

Cold fear spilled over him like a shower of ice at her quiet words.  "No, Angel.  You're alive, and you do belong here with us.  Severus wouldn't want you to follow him into death.  He'd want to protect you.  He'd want you to be strong and face the future.  You know he wouldn't want you to give up."

Her eyes filled with tears.  "Damn, you," she whispered in a strangled tone.  "And damn, Severus, too.  How could he leave me here alone, Remus?  How can I go on without him?"

Lupin put his arms around her and hugged her tightly.  "You'll never be alone, Evangeline.  We'll all be here to help you.  I promise…you won't be alone."  He held and rocked her gently as she sobbed out her pain and anguish against his sympathetic shoulder throughout the long dark night. 

                       ***************************************************************************************************

Evangeline slowly regained her strength over the next few days, but there was no animation in her features, no life in her voice.  She moved from one moment to the next with the air of someone who was just trying to get them over with as quickly as possible.  No visitor got much of a reaction from her…with one notable exception.

"Hello, Evangeline, my dear.  How are you feeling?"  Dumbledore spoke softly and smiled his gentle smile at her from the foot of her bed.

Evangeline turned cold eyes up to his and responded sharply, "How do you think I feel now that you've murdered my husband, Albus?"

The old wizard stood tall and simply stared at her.  Not having an answer for the absolutely bone chilling hatred that suffused every syllable of her statement.

"Come to gloat?"  She sneered.  "Unhappy that I survived?  You managed to kill Severus and his daughter…too bad you couldn't make a clean sweep of things.  Better luck next time."  The look of pure hatred on her face could have turned most people to stone, even without the snakes.

Dumbledore sighed deeply.  "Evangeline.  You know I never meant for anything to happen to Severus…or your baby.   Severus was like a son to me."

"Then you need to learn to take better care of your children, Albus.  Now get out of my sight.  Being in your presence makes me feel sick to my stomach."  Her tone would've frozen a torch.

She turned her head away from him, but he didn't take the hint.

"Evangeline, please don't…"

She didn't let him finish.  Instead she sat up swiftly, leaped out of the bed, and flew at him with clawed hands like a raptor, tearing at any part of him that she could touch.

"Murderer!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs.  "Leave me alone!  Go join your victims!  I HATE YOU…I HATE YOU…I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU!"

She continued to pound on his chest and rake at his beard as she collapsed into gut wrenching sobs.  Both Poppy and Minerva, who'd just entered the infirmary, ran to the two of them and pulled Evangeline off the unresisting figure of the Headmaster.  

As Minerva tried to quiet the hysterical woman and put her back to bed, Poppy turned to Dumbledore and asked, "Are you all right, Albus?"

He nodded dazedly.  Once reassured that the Headmaster was undamaged, Poppy's gaze turned slightly colder.  "Then I think it would be best if you left now.  It's not good to have her so upset.  Once she's had a chance to recover, I'm sure she'll feel differently, but for now I think it's best if you don't visit with Evangeline."

Looking very much like an old man who'd lost his way, Dumbledore nodded to Poppy and left the infirmary hoping that he'd be able to get through to her another day.

But Evangeline vowed to never again speak to Albus Dumbledore, and that was one vow that she kept, for a very long time.

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	3. Withdrawal

                                                                                                      Chapter Three:  Withdrawal

The prisoner opened his eyes only to have blood drip into them from a cut on his brow.  With his hands held fast to the stonewall at his back there was nothing he could do to remedy the situation, so he decided the best thing to do was to simply close them again.  Safer, too.  Alas, he was too late.  His small movement was noticed by the thin figure who'd been avidly watching for any sign of returning consciousness.  Once more the prisoner was assaulted by the querulous voice.

"Pretending to be unconscious won't change anything for you, you know.  I've been torturing people for a long time…I know when a subject is awake or not.  My Lord is most eager for me to pick your brain, traitor.    It's always so important with traitors to know what secrets have been passed along, after all.  Your knowledge of the plans of the enemy is also invaluable, so we have a lot of work ahead of us.  My Lord doesn't want you permanently damaged at the moment, so I do have to be more creative than usual, but that's part of the art and challenge of a true torturer, after all.  You've been quite stubborn so far, that's simply going to have to change if we're to get along, at all.  Perhaps you're holding on to hope of rescue, but you shouldn't.  No one will be looking for you, traitor.  No one at all."

Suddenly the prisoner jumped and jerked against his bonds as a very sharp blade was delicately run down over his breastbone leaving a thin line of red in its wake.  

The voice chuckled happily.  "I've always preferred the old methods of extracting secrets to the more modern magical means anyway.  After all, torture should be painful, shouldn't it?  And Imperius is so warm and fuzzy…hardly torture, at all, and although My Lord doesn't want you permanently damaged, he is very eager that you should suffer for your betrayal…very…eager."

                 *********************************************************************************************************

After several weeks spent in the infirmary, Poppy felt Evangeline was well enough to leave.  Physically she'd completely recovered from her devastating shock and miscarriage.  Emotionally, though was quite another matter.  Her whole world had been destroyed; putting the broken pieces back together was going to be a long tortuous process.  And the final result would never be the same with such essential pieces missing forever.  So not surprisingly, she wasn't exactly herself.  Her manner had become cold and withdrawn with everyone, and she never smiled for any reason.

Remus Lupin walked with her down to the quarters in the dungeon that she'd shared with Severus.  Fearful of letting her go into them alone, he'd insisting on staying by her side when she made her first attempt to return to them.  She hadn't argued…she rarely did.  It would've taken far more effort than she was willing to devote to anything at the moment.  Thinking and feeling were things she hoped to avoid at all costs.

Hoping for the strength to do this most painful task, Evangeline laid a hand on the doorknob and paused for a moment.  Then she bowed her head and swung the door open.  Upon entering the familiar room, she looked around.  Someone had tidied up a bit since she'd last been here.  The fireplace was empty…as was the top of Severus' desk.  That made her pause.  It looked so strange.  Never in all the time she'd known him had Severus' desk been empty.  There were always scrolls and bits of parchment covering its surface.  Student essays or exams…research papers…bottles containing hideous pickled horrors of one sort or another were a common sight, but never was it completely clear.

Slowly she crossed the room and gazed at her blurry reflection in its polished surface, caressing it gently with her fingertips.  He truly was gone.  No clearer sign could exist.

Stiffly she raised her head and turned to the door of the bedroom.  With reluctant steps, she forced herself to walk over and push against the door and enter.  Lupin refrained from any comment, but he stayed glued to her heels, waiting.

Her eyes roamed the room carefully.  The door to Severus' wardrobe was still ajar, as he'd left it on that last morning of her life.  She walked over and shut it firmly, not daring to take a look inside.  As thoughts of him began to overwhelm her, she abruptly turned away from the wardrobe and found herself face to face with their bed.  With a hesitant hand, she reached out and fingered the green curtains and glanced down at the coverlet with her carelessly discarded nightgown still lying on top.  He'd removed that from her body the last time he'd…

Suddenly she seemed to melt into herself.  Her legs could no longer support her, and she sank to her knees and rested her head against the side of the bed.  Silent tears coursed down her cheeks, and her body shuddered painfully.  Remus knelt beside her and put sheltering arms around her.  She whispered into his shoulder.

"I shouldn't have come back here, Remus.  I can't stay here anymore.  Not without him.  I can't…please, don't make me."

He blinked back his own tears and caressed her hair comfortingly.  "No one would ever make you do anything you don't want to do, Evangeline.  You don't have to stay here.  Your old quarters upstairs are waiting for you…or if you'd rather, I'm sure you can have a completely different room to stay in.  It won't be a problem, Angel."

Grateful for his understanding, she gave a nod.  "Somewhere new, I think," she whispered softly.  "Although, there aren't too many rooms in the castle which don't have memories in them.  Damn Severus and his thoroughness.  He never could resist a challenge."

Lupin smiled faintly and nodded.  A glimpse of humor was an unexpectedly good sign he thought.  Gently he helped her to her feet, and the two of them turned and left the dungeon and all of its painful memories behind.

                   ********************************************************************************************************

Halloween came and went and the year rushed onward into the chill of November.  Evangeline regained enough strength to be able to once more reenter Snape's dungeon quarters and begin the horrid chore of packing up his things for storage.  Taking the opportunity to say a private farewell to her husband, as she lovingly handled each of his possessions one final time before laying them to rest.  She refused all offers of help, of which there were many, preferring to manage on her own.

Alone was the way she preferred to spend all of her time if possible.  She avoided the Great Hall like the plague. The only people whose company she seemed comfortable with were Remus, Minerva, and surprisingly Argus Filch.  Mrs. Norris, too, seemed to spend quite a bit of her time in the dungeons with the sad widow, purring about her ankles as she packed up her late husband's life into a series of wooden boxes and nailed them shut.

Filch carried another large wooden crate into Snape's sitting room and set it carefully on the floor, then he turned soberly to the woman in the black gown and nodded respectfully.  "That's the last of the boxes from the storeroom, Miss Evangeline.  Do you think it'll be enough?  I can try to find more if you think you'll need them."

Evangeline straightened up from the box that she was in the process of filling with Severus' precious books and stared at the new addition with empty tired eyes.  "I think this'll be enough, Filch. I've already packed up his office and taken anything personal from his classroom.  This is all that's left.  Thank you.  I really do appreciate all the help you've given to me."

Embarrassed at being thanked for just doing what he considered to be his job, he ducked his head and muttered, "It's no trouble.  I'm glad I could help.  Is there anything else you need me to do for you?"

She gazed at him soberly for a moment then slowly shook her head.  "No.  I'll need you to put the boxes in storage when I'm through, but until I get them all packed up, I can't think of anything else I need."

He nodded, loath to leave her alone coping with such a sad job.

As he hesitated, Evangeline gave him a small smile and asked, "Have you met the new Potions teacher yet?  I understand she started work today."

Filch sighed.  "She did.  I haven't met her officially.  I did see her getting shown around by the Headmaster, but he didn't introduce me.  Have you met her?" he asked reluctantly.

Evangeline shook her head.  "No.  I hope to be spared that.  She's thankfully been given other quarters.  Things will certainly be different around here now.  I suppose the students will be happy to be getting a new professor.  Severus was never popular with them.  Before long, I suppose no one will even think about him, at all.  It'll be like he never even existed."

She looked down at the book she held in her trembling hand and her eyes sparkled with new tears, as Mrs. Norris purred more loudly and rubbed her head against Evangeline's ankle.

"Not to me," Filch stated quietly.  "I don't think I'll be alone, either.  Professor Snape wasn't the kind of person it'll be easy to forget.  He was a very important person around here for a long time, and no little Potions instructor fresh out of school is going to be able to fill his shoes.  He's not that easy to replace, and Professor Carstairs isn't likely to be able to hold a candle to him.  Oh, the students are going to think they've got it easy for awhile, but sooner or later…probably about the time they take their next batch of exams, they're going to realize just how much Professor Snape taught them.  They'll come to miss him, too.  You just wait and see if they don't."

She looked up and met his concerned gaze.  "Thank you, Argus," she whispered.  Putting down the book in her hands, she crossed the room and gave the startled caretaker a sudden hug.  Embarrassed to be caught being sympathetic, he patted her back awkwardly and cleared his throat several times.  She pulled back and smiled kindly at him once more, then turned away and went back to pick up the book she'd dropped.

Filch headed for the door and paused in the entrance to add, "Just let me know when you want the boxes moved, and I'll take care of it right away."

She nodded to him.  "I will, thank you."  Then she turned away from him to continue with her onerous task.  He watched her quietly for a moment, then silently turned and left the room.  Leaving Mrs. Norris to continue her vigil over the lonely woman.

                 *********************************************************************************************************

Once this last burdensome task was finally accomplished, Evangeline approached Minerva McGonagall one cold afternoon and asked for a bit of her time.

Minerva opened her door wider and beckoned Evangeline inside.  "Come in, Evangeline.  Of course, I can spare you some time.  All the time you need.  It's always a pleasure to see you, you know that."  She smiled warmly.  "Would you like some tea?  The house elves just brought it so it's fresh and hot."

Evangeline nodded.  "That would be very nice, Minerva.  Thank you."

The two of them settled, a bit uneasily, into chairs on opposite sides of a small table on which rested a silver tea service.  Minerva filled two porcelain cups and fixed them to order, then she leaned back to wait for Evangeline to tell her why she'd come.

"I've decided that I need to leave Hogwarts, Minerva.  As soon as possible."

Fear sprang to Minerva's eyes.  "Are you sure that's wise, Evangeline, dear?  The Dark Lord is still eager to get his hands on you.  Where could you go where you'd be as safe as you are here?"

Evangeline shook her head sadly.  "I've been hurt more deeply here at Hogwarts than I ever have been anywhere else.  I don't really think safety is a good argument to use on me at the moment.  I'll be careful, but what happens to me isn't really that important to me anymore."   She paused and took a deep breath.

"I just can't stay here any longer with all the pain and memories that haunt me here.  Severus is everywhere I look.  I see his face in everyone I come across; I hear his voice in the corridors, the whisper of his robes.  His footsteps follow me all over the castle, echoing on the stones.  If I don't leave, one of these mornings you'll find me at the foot of the Astronomy tower.  I can't take much more of being here.  It's time to go."

Minerva nodded sadly.  "I understand.  Where will you go, Evangeline?"

Twisting her fingers together in her lap, she looked down. "My father's sister had a cottage on the coast of Cornwall that I used to visit sometimes as a child.  It's mine now, although I've never taken the time to go there as an adult.  I doubt if Voldemort even knows about it.  It's isolated and quiet and exactly what I need at the moment."

Minerva frowned in concern.  "I'm not sure that being alone is what you need at the moment, dear."

The unhappy witch's head snapped up abruptly and she stared seriously at her friend.  "My mind is made up, Minerva.  I am going.  I had Eleanor quietly transfer funds from both Severus' and my accounts into a new one under an assumed name.  I plan to leave first thing in the morning.   I wanted to tell you because you mean so much to me, and I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to you.  But I don't want you to tell anyone else where I've gone.  Will you do that for me?"

Minerva's eyes were rather red by this time as she held in her tears.  "Aren't you saying good bye to anyone else?  Everyone will be devastated to discover you've gone, you know."

Evangeline rose from her chair and crossed the room to look out the window.  "I just can't face a string of long good byes.  And I don't want anyone to come after me.  I need time alone."

"You aren't even going to tell Remus where you're going?"  Minerva asked quietly.

Evangeline shook her head.  "No.  He needs to move on with his life.  He was starting to do that when Severus…when this all happened…now I've shoved it off track again.  I'm the last thing he needs in his life… messing things up.  Please, don't tell him where I've gone.  Promise me?"  She turned and stared earnestly at her friend, her voice thick with pain and suppressed tears.

Minerva stood and went to join her at the window.  "All right, Evangeline.  I won't tell him."  Then she paused and added quietly, "And what about Albus?"

Evangeline's face went as rigid as granite.  Her eyes flashed with deep anger.  "I never want to see or hear from Albus Dumbledore again.  Tell that man anything about me or my life…and we are no longer friends."

Minerva went slightly pale when faced with the raw hatred that flowed from her friend like poison.  She nodded quickly.  "I'm so sorry that you feel that way, but I promise, I won't tell him anything."  She hesitated and then added softly, "May I visit you…once you've settled in?"

Evangeline's features softened and she nodded.  "Not too soon, but yes, I'll always be happy to see you."

Minerva put her arms around the younger woman and hugged her tightly.  Hoping fervently that this was the right thing for her to do, and that this wouldn't be the last time she saw this woman who felt almost like a daughter to her.

               **********************************************************************************************************

After her talk with Minerva, Evangeline returned to her room to finish up her packing.  She took a roundabout route to get back to her chamber for the night taking some time to visit with all of the many friends she'd made over the last year within the castle's painted realm.  It was hard to go around and talk to everyone knowing that they'd all want to extend their condolences once more, but Evangeline couldn't envision a reason to ever set foot in Hogwarts castle again, even within the painted realm, and she wanted to be sure that she'd said goodbye to all of the paintings that had come to mean so much to her.  Although, she didn't tell them it was goodbye, instead merely seeming to be casually visiting.  She knew that she couldn't have stood the pain of actually having to say farewell to everyone.  In so many ways, it was going to be very hard to leave, but she knew in her heart that it would be much harder to stay. 

Once she'd closed her bag, she placed it on the bed and shrunk it down to a manageable size and then placed it on a table with the few other boxes and bags that were to follow her from Hogwarts to her new home.  Then she stood in the middle of the chamber and simply stared numbly around her at the four empty walls of her small room.  Now what?  She knew she wouldn't get much if any sleep tonight.  Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was Severus.  Over and over it was always the same dream.  He'd stand there and open his arms wide as if to hold her, but when she moved to enter his loving embrace she couldn't ever get there.  No matter what she did, he was always just out of reach.  She'd awaken drenched in sweat after this dream over and over again all night long.  It hardly seemed worth the pain to even try to sleep…it was simply impossible.

She shivered at the thought of going to bed and instead threw herself down into a chair before the fire and focused her empty eyes on the flames.  The dance of the fire was enthralling…almost hypnotic.  If she tried hard enough, she could empty her mind completely and think of nothing except the fire and how the bright colors blended and swirled in unending meaningless and mesmerizing patterns.  Suddenly she lifted her eyes from the flames and actually looked at the bricks on the edge of the hearth.  How odd.  There was something there that hadn't been there before.  Something new…but not unfamiliar.

Shining in the firelight on the bricks that ringed the opening of the fireplace was a small silver serpent.  The last time she'd laid eyes on the little snake it had been attached to the back of the fireplace in the Slytherin common room.  Severus had told her that it hadn't been there before.  Apparently he'd been right.  It must travel around, appearing wherever it wished.  How interesting.  Why was it here?  Why now with Severus gone? Could it be here for her?

For the first time since she'd opened that horrid box, she felt the prickle of curiosity in the back of her mind.  Before this, nothing could rouse her interest, but this tiny silver snake…herald of Slytherin himself in a way, had managed to reawaken her interest in something outside the utter emptiness and despair of her mind.  She rose from her chair and stepped closer to the fire.  Reaching out a trembling hand, she touched the tiny reptile gently with her finger.  Instantly, the fire extinguished itself and with a whoosh of air, the back of the fireplace vanished to once more reveal the long dark tunnel that led to Slytherin's domain.

She stood there and stared down the passageway, undecided whether or not to enter.  The last time she'd entered Slytherin's study, she'd been with Severus, and they'd been blissfully making love all over the castle.  She vividly remembered the beauty of the study…and the comfort of the couch.  Did she really want to go back there alone?  Hesitantly she stepped into the coolness of the passageway and began to walk toward its end.  As much as she feared that returning to the study would be painful, she simply had to know why the snake charm had appeared here…now.

So she forced herself to walk the length of the dark tunnel until she once again stood before the door with its impressive carved serpent.  With a deep breath, she twisted the crystal knob and opened the door.  The room inside stood bathed in the light of many candles, but it wasn't quite the room it had been before.  The large black couch before the fire was gone; it had been replaced with two leather covered wing chairs.  The windows were draped with black crepe, like those of a house of mourning in times past.  The mantle was also draped in black, and the fireplace was empty of flames.  The hearth was covered in a carpet of dead leaves, and the opening was filled to overflowing with a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

Evangeline entered the room slowly, shivering as she passed through the invisible protective barrier.  With a feeling of awe, she approached the fireplace and stared at the gorgeous floral tribute, for that's what it was without a doubt.  Whatever presence governed this place, whether it be Slytherin or some manifestation of the magic contained in the castle itself, was expressing its sorrow at the loss of Slytherin's Head of House.  There is a language of flowers where each type of bloom, each piece of greenery conveys a meaning.  She'd played around with this as a child, creating bouquets for her parents and friends to pass on a message, but she hadn't thought about it for years. 

The grieving widow sank to the floor and stared at the beautiful arrangement trying to remember the meanings of the various plants that were included.  There were roses and tulips, marigolds and rosemary, interwoven with lemon balm and yew and sage.  Love, remembrance, memory, sympathy, grief and sorrow.  All were expressed in the bouquet.  Her eyes filled with tears as she stared into the fireplace, but the grief in her heart lightened a tiny bit at the thought that even though he was gone, Severus had been valued and would be missed and remembered here where he'd dwelt for so much of his life.

               **********************************************************************************************************

Just as dawn was extending its brightening rays the next morning, a lone figure in black slipped out of the front door of the castle and slowly made her way around the building to the north side of the structure.  There she approached the small graveyard with its recently disturbed earth.  Shivering with cold and intense pain, Evangeline sank down onto the bleak hard ground and carefully traced the beloved name on the stone with her trembling fingers and whispered softly to the bitter wind.

"I'm so sorry, Severus, but I'm not as strong as you always hoped I was.  I can't stay here any longer.  Everywhere I look…you're there.  I see you stalking around corners.  I hear your voice coming from empty classrooms.  I see you sitting by the fire.  Your face is always before me whether my eyes are open or closed.  I know I'm being cowardly, but I simply can't bear the pain any longer.  I also can't stand the tension of never knowing when I'll run into Dumbledore.  I can't take the pity and sadness in everyone's eyes.  I have to go."  

With a gasp, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and rose from the earth.  "Take good care of our daughter.  I know you were a little afraid of becoming a father, but our child couldn't have a better father than you to watch over her.  I'll love both of you forever, and someday…hopefully soon…I'll join you.  Then we can finally be a family together. Until then you'll just have to manage without me…as I will somehow have to learn to manage without you.  You'll both be constantly in my thoughts, no matter where I go.  I promise you.  Good bye for now, my love."

With a sob, she turned away abruptly and ran swiftly from the gravesite and into the woods, following the northern path into the forest.  When she'd run far enough to escape the clinging grasp of the protective wards, she stopped and without a backward glance, disappeared from sight.

                **********************************************************************************************************


	4. Persistence of Memory

                                                                                              Chapter Four: Persistence of Memory

The prisoner opened his eyes and looked around him at the bare cell.  Blissfully alone, for once!  His body lay in a heap on the cold stone floor, and the stink of burned flesh hung in the air like a pall.  He tried to move, but his stiff mind resisted sending the signals to his even stiffer body.  Gradually, agonizingly, he was able to untangle himself and push his ungainly form up into a sitting position against the unyielding wall.  A hiss was drawn from his throat as the painful burns on his back met the rough coldness of the stones.

Why was he alone?  He was never alone.  That black figure with the hateful voice was always pushing at him to tell him things.  Things he'd been using all of his strength to forget.  It was the only answer.  If he didn't remember, he couldn't tell anyone anything. He didn't know why it was so important that he not tell them anything, but he knew that it was.  Not that he'd be inclined to give them the satisfaction anyway.  Simply because they wanted it was a good enough reason not to give it to them, as far as he was concerned.  Perhaps if he forgot everything he ever knew, they'd finally leave him alone.

Maybe it was working.  Maybe that was why he was alone now.  Had he managed to forget everything yet?  He wasn't sure.  Maybe a test was in order.  What was his name?  Hmm.  Nothing came to mind.  Good.  

The dark haired man closed his eyes again and leaned wearily back against the wall, ignoring the pain of his burns as best he could.  In the lonely darkness of his mind, she came to him.  He'd forgotten her name, but he couldn't bear to forget her face.  She was like a light in the darkness, promising that everything wasn't lost no matter how hopeless it all seemed.  Her face floating tantalizingly in his mind reminded him that there was some goodness and beauty left in the world.  Greedily he drank in the vision that swam through his thoughts.  Glowing green eyes, soft brown hair, and the most beautiful smile.  No.  He couldn't bear to forget her image, even as the whole rest of his world became nothing but pain and agony.  She remained as a talisman of hope.

                   ********************************************************************************************************

Minerva McGonagall raised her hand reluctantly to knock on Albus Dumbledore's office door.  She wasn't looking forward to this conversation, but she wasn't the type of person to put anything off simply because it was unpleasant.  Her knuckles rapped smartly on the wooden panel, and she waited uneasily for his summons.

It was a bit slow in coming, but when it did, she opened the door and entered without delay.

Dumbledore was standing at the window staring out into the gray day beyond the glass.  "Good Morning, Minerva.  What can I do for you this morning?"  The imposing wizard turned and gazed soberly at her over his spectacles.

McGonagall squared her shoulders and stepped forward.  "You weren't at breakfast, Albus.  Everyone was surprised.  It's rare when you miss one.  I wanted to be sure that you were all right."

Dumbledore nodded his head and a faint smile drifted over his face as he turned away from the window and walked over to his desk.  "I wasn't particularly hungry this morning I'm afraid.  I took a walk instead."

Suddenly McGonagall sensed that she didn't need to tell Dumbledore about Evangeline, after all.

Indeed, he nodded again at the questioning expression that came over her face.  "Yes.  I saw her leave, Minerva.  She stopped at the cemetery to say good-bye.  She was there when I walked around the castle heading for the same destination."

McGonagall bit the inside of her mouth anxiously.  "Did you speak to her, Albus?"

He sighed deeply and shook his head.  "No.  I didn't want to intrude.  Talking to me is something I imagine she wants to avoid at all costs.  When she got up from the ground in front of the gravestone and fled into the forest, I knew that she wasn't coming back."

"It's simply gotten too painful for her to stay here any longer.  We did talk about this possibility."

The Headmaster sank down into the chair behind his desk heavily.  Sorrow etching deep gouges in his face.  "I know.  I just wish I could help her.  Make her understand."

McGonagall wanted to ease the deep hurt she could feel in him, but she wasn't sure just what to do.  Nothing she'd tried so far had helped.  "Evangeline won't blame you forever, you know.  You've simply got to give her more time, that's all."

He smiled sadly up at his friend.  "That's kind of you to say, Minerva, but we both know it's not true.  Evangeline will always blame me for the death of Severus and their baby, and why not?  I am to blame, after all.  The fault lies with no one else.  If I could have it to do over again, I'd never have sent him from the castle that day, but hindsight is always excellent while true foresight is rare indeed."

McGonagall's throat tightened with sadness.  "Why did you send Severus to Malfoy Manor that day anyway?  If you don't mind my asking."

Dumbledore sighed.  "No, I don't mind telling you.  There's no need for secrecy now.  I'd learned that Malfoy had acquired a very special book for Voldemort.  It was the only remaining copy of an ancient text on longevity and immortality.  It was one of the books that Evangeline's father Ernias Winthrop had used as a basis for much of his own work.  Apparently Voldemort has taken to studying Ernias' research in the hope of discovering the secret of Evangeline's abilities.  Not to mention the value the research could have to him in his own quest for immortality.  Severus and I both thought that ultimately Voldemort might learn something of value from this book that could further threaten Evangeline and strengthen his grasp on life far more than we'd wish."

"I knew approximately where the book was hidden, but I didn't have the knowledge of the house and its security precautions to allow me to go and get the book myself.  So I waited until the house was empty and sent the one person who might have the intimate knowledge to find it and get in and out safely.  When he found out what I wanted him to retrieve, Severus was eager to go.  He was quite confident that he'd have no problems at all obtaining the book, but apparently I'd waited too long.  I don't know what happened.  I don't suppose I ever will, but both Severus and the book are lost to us now."

McGonagall sank into a nearby chair.  "Oh, Albus, that's dreadful.  Evangeline would feel even worse if she knew that Severus left the castle to try to keep her from harm.  She'd never get over the guilt."

Dumbledore nodded.  "I know.  That's one of the reasons I've never mentioned it.  There's no need for her to ever know about it.  It's much better that she continues to lay all of the blame on me.  It was my decision after all, so the blame is rightfully mine to bear."

"However did you find out about this book anyway?"

Dumbledore sighed once more as he contemplated another decision that seemed so right at the time, but that ended up bringing much more harm than good.  "When Lucius Malfoy was under the effects of Veritaserum just before Severus and Evangeline's wedding, he and I had a little chat.  I learned quite a lot of useful information during that conversation, but this is something I wish I'd never found out about.  The cost of trying to obtain that book was far too high…far too high."

McGonagall regarded her friend sadly.  She wanted to ease his mind on this subject, but she didn't think it was possible.  She'd tried every conceivable argument in the past and nothing had worked.  As much as she hated to admit it, some of the blame did rightly fall on his shoulders, and she wasn't going to be able to lift it off and make everything right again.  With a sad sigh, she got up out of her chair and turned and headed for the door.  As she laid a hand on the knob, his voice halted her in her tracks.

"Where has she gone, Minerva?  Did she tell you?"

Reluctantly, she turned and faced him again.  "She specifically asked me not to tell you where she's gone, Albus, but yes, she did tell me, and I'll try to check on her from time to time."

He nodded in understanding and sighed once more.  "Yes…well, that's not unexpected, I suppose.  She's fortunate to have you to watch out for her."

With a final grave nod of her head, McGonagall left the office with a whisper of her velvet robe and quietly closed the door on Albus Dumbledore.

                     ******************************************************************************************************

Evangeline stood at her easel in the back room of her small cottage and painted furiously.  She couldn't get the paint onto the canvas fast enough to suit her.  Ever since she'd arrived at the cottage, she'd been devoting herself to this one task.   She painted night and day, hoping to take her mind away from the lonely pain of the graveyard and place it on happier memories of the past.  Memories that she relived over and over in her desperate desire to halt the anguish that overwhelmed her soul.

The lonely woman found herself infinitely grateful to have so many wonderful passionate memories of her time with Severus.  What would her life have been like if she'd never known him…never loved him?  It was almost impossible for her weary mind to contemplate what that might have been like.  Life before she knew him had retreated to insignificance in her thoughts.

He'd been the focus of her life almost from the time she'd first laid eyes on him.  It was so hard to believe that they'd known each other for such a short time, barely over a year.   Yet that year stood out head and shoulders over all the others as the most important one of her life.  Severus' very existence had transformed her life from one of ordinary drabness to one of shining colors and endless fascination.  Ironic when you think how he shunned color himself.  

Life with him had been the happiest she could ever imagine experiencing.  Just the thought of never having experienced his touch, his passion, his love, made her shudder.  If one year was all that fate was to allow her, then she knew she'd have to treasure every second…remember every look, every word, every touch…every kiss.  If this pain was the price she had to pay for the joy of having been an intimate part of his life, then it was worth it.  There was no doubt in her mind.

Evangeline knew that she was about to discover just what life without him would really be like, but at least she had her memories to sustain her!  Could a person live on memories?  She guessed she'd have to find out.  This should help.  Would help.  So she redirected her concentration to the easel in front of her where she pinned her hopes for survival from this day to the next on his image as it stared back at her from the canvas.

                      ****************************************************************************************************

From the time Evangeline left Hogwarts in mid November, until the middle of December, Remus Lupin begged Minerva McGonagall daily to tell him where she'd gone.  He threatened and pleaded and cajoled…nothing worked.  Minerva had promised her friend that she'd keep her whereabouts to herself.  She also didn't think that running after Evangeline was the best thing for Remus.  Neither of them deserved to suffer any more pain, so she kept her promise, as difficult as it was for her.

However, Remus wasn't about to let Minerva's reluctance to enlighten him stop him from finding Evangeline.  The desperate wizard tried every avenue he could think of for a trace of her.  He checked her school records, asked Dumbledore about information on her family, and asked everyone in the castle if they knew where she'd gone.  None of this resulted in any useful information.  

Finally, almost as a last resort, he sent a letter to Eleanor Hamilton asking her if she knew where Evangeline had gone.  The answer he received wasn't very informative and was barely cordial.  He couldn't blame her, he supposed.  After Severus died, he never did go to visit Eleanor as he'd intended and had brushed off every attempt she'd made to contact him.  She knew how he felt about Evangeline so it didn't take very long before she gave up trying to contact him anymore, and now, not surprisingly, she wasn't very pleased to be used by him to try to track down her friend.  Basically she told the anxious wizard to go swim with the grindylows, preferably in heavy robes.

So he did the only other thing he could think of.  He searched through Evangeline's family's property records for anything that he didn't know about.  In addition to the family home, her shop in Diagon Alley, and the home she used to live in, in Upper Cadmium, he finally found a record of a small piece of property in Cornwall that had belonged to her aunt.  Armed with this new piece of information, he approached Minerva McGonagall once again.  

Minerva opened her chamber door and sighed when she saw Remus Lupin standing there staring at her.

"Honestly, Remus, you are the most persistent person I've ever known.  Didn't I already tell you once today that I can't tell you where Evangeline has gone?"

He nodded.  "Yes, Minerva, you did, but that was before I did a little research into the Winthrop family's property records."

Alarm flitted through McGonagall's eyes.  She tightened her mouth disapprovingly and held her door open for him to enter.

Once he was inside, she closed the door and crossed her arms over her chest as she frowned darkly at him.  The resemblance to Snape was chilling.

"Don't you have any sense at all? At the moment I'm ashamed to call you a Gryffindor," she exclaimed in annoyance.

He looked at her in confusion.  "What are you talking about, Minerva?"

She sighed.  "I know that you want to find Evangeline, but can't you see that all this digging around could raise interest in what you're doing?  Evangeline is still being hunted by Voldemort.  Surely you don't want to put her in more danger?"

"Of course not!  I've been very careful and quiet about what I've been doing.  You're just upset that I found out about the property in Cornwall."  Her dismayed reaction confirmed all his hopes, but he suppressed a smile and continued reassuringly, "Don't worry.  I altered the records.  No one looking into the records after I did will find out anything at all about the property.  Evangeline is perfectly safe there."

"But not from you," she stated quietly.

Suddenly filled with intense exasperation at her manner, he frowned at her.  "She doesn't need to be protected from me.  I won't hurt her.  I'm worried about her.  She was in very fragile emotional shape when she left here.  She shouldn't be alone in the middle of nowhere with no one to look out for her.  She needs me, Minerva!"

A look of sadness crossed Minerva's face.  "No, Remus…she needs Severus."

He went pale.  "Well, she can't have him.  He's dead."

McGonagall nodded.  "Yes, he is.  She needs time to come to terms with that.  She doesn't need you putting pressure on her to turn to you for comfort.  The last thing Evangeline needs at the moment is a lovesick wizard trying to worm his way into her life."

Lupin felt as if she'd slapped him.  "Is that what you think I'm doing?" he whispered.

"Frankly, yes.  I know you love her.  Please, don't deny it.  It was obvious that you loved her even before Severus died, but after he died it was all over your face every time you were anywhere near her.  Severus has only been in his grave for a few months.  That might be enough time for some people to begin to come to terms with their loss, but not Evangeline.  I've seldom seen anyone more in love than she was with her husband.  She's nowhere near ready to accept you, Remus.  If you ever want her to be able to, you have to give her more time."

Lupin just stood there and stared at McGonagall feeling like he was made of glass.  Had everyone known all his feelings?  Had he truly been so transparent?

He expelled a ragged breath and sank into a nearby chair.  "You must think I'm a complete fool," he muttered bitterly.

Hoping to ease the pain that she could see etched into his features, she went over to sit across from him and smiled sympathetically.  "Of course not.  You can't help how you feel, and Evangeline is very worthy of being loved.  I know she cares for you too.  It's just too soon.  Can't you see that?"

Reluctantly he raised his eyes to hers.  "I know it's too soon for her to care about me.  I have no intention of trying to take advantage of her vulnerability at the moment.  I don't know if Evangeline could ever love me, but that won't stop me from trying to be her friend.  I'm worried about her.  She shouldn't be alone now.  Can't you see that?  No one knows more than I do how much she loved Severus.  I'm just so afraid that she'll give in to her sorrow and grief and try to join him.  I live in fear of that daily.  I have to see her, talk to her, know how she's feeling.  I'm going to go and check on her.  I'm sorry if you think I shouldn't, but fortunately it's not up to you what I do with my time."

McGonagall stared at him for a moment in silence, then she sighed and nodded.  "You're probably right.  Someone should check on her, and I can't think of anyone better than you to do it."

Grateful for her trust, he smiled.  "Don't worry, I'll tell her that you didn't tell me where she was.  I promise that I won't stay too long or push her in any way to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but I need to be sure she's okay."

McGonagall nodded somberly.  "So do I, Remus.  So do I."

                   *******************************************************************************************************


	5. Wounds of the Soul

                                                                                                  Chapter Five: Wounds of the Soul

The prisoner lay strapped to a table as the querulous voice worked his evil.  It sometimes seemed to him that the purpose of all this had changed.  The creature with the scalpel in his hand often seemed more interested in carving his intricate designs into the prisoner's flesh than in getting him to spill any of the secrets that he no longer remembered.  The burning pain moved slowly down over his abdomen heading for the more delicate skin of his most private parts.  As querulous voice laughed madly, the prisoner tried to lose himself in the cold empty darkness of his mind while the ever intensifying pain bathed his soul and the blood began to bathe more and more of his abused body.

                  XXXX

As soon as the students were on their way to the Hogwarts express for their Christmas holidays, Lupin was on his way down to the gates of the grounds to head off to Cornwall to find Evangeline.  He was so worried about her that he'd almost left before classes were done, but he had enough sense to know that if he'd done that, he might not have a job to return to.  Still she'd been gone for more than a month and so many things could have happened to her in that amount of time.  He was a bit frightened of what he'd find in Cornwall when he got there, but he was equally determined that nothing should stop him from making the trip.

The werewolf appeared in front of a small cottage on top of a cliff near the ocean.  The surf was pounding fiercely on the jagged rocks as a bitter wind whipped in from the sea.  His uneasiness grew as he took a good look at the loneliness of the surroundings and how tempting the beckoning sea could seem to a despondent person.  His knock on the door to the cottage went unanswered.  The door was unlocked, however, so he opened it and stuck his head inside to call Evangeline's name.  Everything was silent.

Now he was uncertain just how to proceed.  He was sure that this was the right spot.  Perhaps she'd gone for a walk on the path he'd seen meandering off along the cliff top.  He dropped his overnight bag inside the door of the cottage and headed up the trail along the sea.

He'd only been walking for a short ways when he came around a sharp corner and saw a lonely little figure standing on the edge of the cliff.  She was gazing out at the horizon and letting the wind whip her hair out behind her like a sail.  Her arms clutched a heavy woolen shawl tightly around her thin body.  To Lupin's eye, she looked too fragile to stand before the chilly winter wind.  He almost expected it to pick her up in its cold embrace and fling her back into the scrubby brush next to the pathway. 

Now that he'd found her, he was a little afraid to approach her.  She'd probably be disappointed, even angry to see him.  As he hesitated, trying to decide what to say to her, she glanced in his direction and saw him standing there watching her silently.

Her face didn't change expression.  She continued to gaze in his direction giving no clue as to what she was thinking.  Lupin put a smile on his face and continued to walk up the path until he stood next to her.

"Hello, Angel," he said warmly, uncertain of his reception.

Keeping her thoughts to herself, she nodded to him as if she'd just seen him an hour ago.  "Hello, Remus.  How did you find me?"

"Minerva didn't tell me, if that's what you're concerned about.  I've been worried about you so I did a little research and found out about this piece of property.   I decided to come see if you might be here…and you were."

She nodded absently and a frown creased her forehead as she considered the possibilities.  "Property records, of course.  I'll need to do something about that."

He smiled.  "Already taken care of.  No one else will find you that way, I promise, and I'm certainly not going to tell anyone where you are."

She nodded again and spoke in a distant tone.  "Thank you."  Without another word, she resumed her study of the horizon.

Lupin tried again.  "How are you, Evangeline?  We've all missed you at Hogwarts."

"I'm fine."

Her blank expression and emotionless tone of voice screamed otherwise to the concerned wizard.  He put out a tentative hand and touched her reddened cheek.  It felt like ice.

"Evangeline, how long have you been standing out here?  It's awfully cold."

She frowned absently.  "Is it?  I hadn't noticed.  I'm not sure how long I've been out."

Gently he took her arm and carefully guided her off the cliff and back onto the path that led to her cottage.  "Perhaps its time to go back.  It'll be teatime soon, and you look like you could use some warming up."

At first he was afraid that she'd protest, but she didn't.  Instead she let him lead her back toward the cottage as docile as a baby lamb heading for her mother at feeding time.

When they entered the cottage, she tossed her shawl onto the couch, told him to sit down, and said that she'd go fix the tea.  Wanting to keep a close eye on her, he asked to help.  Evangeline shrugged her shoulders carelessly but made no protest against it, so he followed her into the warm kitchen and watched her carefully as he helped her to get the tea made.  Once it was ready, they sat at the kitchen table and stared at one another while they drank it.  She looked overly thin and tired and extremely pale to Lupin.  There were ugly black bruises under her eyes as if she hadn't slept properly in months.  So far his visit hadn't eased his worries one bit.

"This is a nice little cottage.  It's certainly got some spectacular views. Do you like living here?  What have you been doing with your time?" Anxiously he began his worried interrogation.

Carefully she set her teacup down in its saucer before she answered him.  "It's peaceful here and quiet.  I can go for days at a time without seeing anyone.  I like that very much.  I've been doing a lot of walking and thinking.  And I've been painting again, and visiting the painted realm once more.  I missed being able to do that while I was preg…" She hesitated and ran a shaky hand over her abdomen then clutched at her arms as if she'd become suddenly cold.  

"Uh...I missed it."  The pale witch looked flustered at her accidental mention of this painful topic that she wanted to avoid.

Lupin nodded in understanding.  "Can I see what you've been painting, Evangeline?"

She met his warm eyes with her empty ones and nodded hesitantly.  "I guess so."

They both got up from the table, and she led him into a large back room full of the dying light of the late afternoon.  

The room held quite a few paintings large and small.  Mostly they were seascapes.  Which made sense with such a compelling model right outside the door.  These weren't sun drenched beautiful scenes though.  They were angry paintings of storm tossed seas and bitter chilling winds.  It made Lupin cold just to look at them.  Nature's fury burst from every canvas…cold…naked…angry.  Then there were the portraits.  Severus' serious face gazed back at him from half a dozen different frames hung around the room.  Oddly, unlike the restless seascapes, none of these paintings were animated.

Wordlessly Lupin turned to Evangeline and was surprised to see defiance shining back at him from her emerald eyes.  It was the first touch of emotion he'd seen in her.  He found he couldn't decide if he was pleased to see it or not.

"What do you think?" she asked with a hard edge to her voice.

He smiled and tried to relax.  "They're wonderful, Angel.  I've always thought you were a very talented painter.  I'm glad to see you getting back to it.  The portraits are truly excellent.  The likeness is remarkable."

His answer seemed to catch her off guard, and she looked momentarily flustered as if she'd expected a different reaction, then she turned and gazed at the closest portrait of her adored husband and nodded.  "Yes.  His face haunts me constantly, it would be remarkable if the likeness wasn't accurate."  She extended a trembling hand as if to caress the face in the painting but dropped it abruptly back to her side without touching its surface.

Then suddenly she turned and walked back into the front sitting room with Lupin trailing after her.

"Now that you've seen that I'm alive and well and in no immediate danger from anything you might've imagined Remus, you can take a good report back to Hogwarts," she exclaimed sharply.

"I'll do that, Angel, but I was hoping to have at least a short visit with you first."

She turned back to him with a cold look in her eye.  "I certainly don't mean to be rude, but I'm not in the mood for guests.  If I'd wanted company, I'd have stayed at Hogwarts."

Hoping to change her mind, he nodded.  "I understand, but it's getting rather late.  I didn't make any other arrangements for tonight.  Would it be too much bother if I spent the night here and left in the morning?"

He could tell from her expression that she wanted to say no, but she couldn't come up with a good enough excuse, so reluctantly, she allowed him to stay.

                  XXXX

In the middle of the night Lupin was awakened suddenly.  The sleep-fogged wizard lay there listening intently trying to figure out just what had jarred him so precipitously from sleep.  He lay in a narrow single bed in a small guest room across the hall from Evangeline's bedroom.  A rather nasty storm raged outside the cottage, but he didn't think that that was what had disturbed him.  He thought it had been a voice.

Shaking off the last remnants of sleepiness, he got up, lit a candle, and reached quickly for his robe.  As he was putting it on he heard the staircase creak with the weight of a person.  He opened his door just in time to hear the front door of the cottage click shut. A prickle of concern flashed through his mind.  With a frown on his face he crossed the small hall and peeked into Evangeline's room.  Her bed was empty, the covers thrown carelessly back.  Alarmed now, he ran back to his room and quickly pulled on some clothes.  Then he ran downstairs calling for Evangeline, but as he feared, she wasn't in the cottage.  Hurriedly he grabbed up his cloak and threw it over his shoulders then he picked up a lantern and lit it as he went out the door and started up the path along the cliff fighting against the stiff wind and driving rain.

As he rounded the corner where he'd found her earlier in the day, he saw her standing where she'd been that afternoon.   The picture she presented caused his heart to race in sudden terror.  Evangeline was standing on the very edge of the cliff in the pouring rain, her body swaying helplessly in the strong wind.  She was wearing only a thin nightgown, which was soaked through, and plastered against her pale skin.  Her eyes were half closed, and she seemed ready to collapse at any moment.

With fear pushing him on, he ran as fast as he could to get to her.  When he touched her she looked up at him with glazed unfocused eyes and collapsed so suddenly that he almost missed catching her.  Horrified at how light and insubstantial she seemed in his arms, he raced back to the cottage as quickly as he could.

Bursting through the front door and kicking it shut behind him, Lupin carried her swiftly up to her bedroom and laid her down on her bed.  She began to shake and shiver uncontrollably with cold.  Her skin felt clammy to his touch and had a bluish tinge to it, which scared him.  With trembling fingers, he stripped off her wet gown and reached for his wand to perform a drying spell.  As he realized that in his haste he'd left it somewhere in his room, he cursed angrily beneath his breath and ran into the nearby bathroom for an armload of towels with which he quickly dried her frozen body.  By now she was crying and moaning incoherently.  He wrapped her in a soft robe that he found draped over the foot of the bed. Then he lay down beside her and cradled her in his arms until her shivering subsided.  She began to whisper Severus' name over and over in a small heartbroken voice as her sobs continued, begging him not to leave her.  Lupin thought his heart would break from listening to the ragged pain in her tone.  Even after three months, for Evangeline, the wound was so fresh it would bleed with the merest touch. 

Anxiously he began to rock her in his arms and talk to her…to try to get her to respond to his voice.  To him it looked as if she was still wrapped up in some horrific nightmare…not really conscious of what was going on around her.

"Evangeline…Angel, please wake up.  It's Remus, sweetheart.  Please, talk to me, Angel.  Please."  He caressed her cheek and continued to rock her as he spoke gently to her and searched her vacant eyes for a response.

Gradually, her eyes lost their glazed frightened look and began to focus on his.  She stopped whispering for Severus and began to sob harder.

She stared into Remus' eyes and cried brokenly, "Oh, Remus…I can't stand this emptiness anymore.  Please, help me.  Please.  These dreams they're so real, but when I wake up I'm always alone.  I don't want to be alone anymore.  Please."

Without warning she threw her arms around his neck and drew his head down to hers so she could kiss him.  "Kiss me.  Touch me.  Love me, please," she whispered in a tortured voice against his lips.

Remus was in agony.  There was nothing on this earth that he wanted more than to kiss and love this woman in his arms, but he knew if he did he'd be sorry.  He'd made the mistake of taking the place of the person she really wanted in her arms once before, and he'd regret that lapse to his dying day.  Nothing but pain came of it, and he knew if he took advantage of this moment of vulnerability it would end the same way.

So with all the strength he possessed he pulled back away from her enticing lips and held her tightly against his chest as he spoke softly to her.

"I'm sorry, Angel, but I can't do that.  I love you; you know that.  But making love to you would be the wrong thing to do.  I took advantage of you when you were in a fragile emotional state once before, I won't ever make that mistake again.  I won't be a momentary substitute for Severus.  You have to get past all this pain before you can reach out to anyone else.  You need time to heal."

"I know.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have..." she whispered haltingly in a tiny pain filled voice.  "I'm just so empty inside.  I miss Severus so much, and I have these nightmares that seem horribly real and vivid.  I can see him so clearly.  He's standing right there next to me…I could touch him; if only I could reach him, but no matter how hard I try…I can't ever touch him.  He's always just out of reach.  He'll always be just out of reach." She tried to stifle a small sob with the back of her hand.

Still scared to death by the image of her standing on the precipice, he asked, "Have you walked in your sleep before?"  He caressed her back gently with a comforting touch.

"I'm not sure.  I might have," she reluctantly confessed.  He shivered at the thought of her wandering along the edge of that cliff in her sleep.  Something had to be done to safeguard her.  This couldn't be allowed to go on!

Remus laid his cheek against the top of her head.  "You shouldn't be alone, Angel.  When I get back to Hogwarts, I'm going to make arrangements to have one or two of the house elves come and stay with you for awhile.  They'd take good care of you, sweetheart, but they wouldn't interfere in your life like any of your well meaning friends would."

Emotionally drained and exhausted, she could only nod weakly against his chest.  "Perhaps you're right.  I do need company, and house elves would be less demanding than anyone else."

Relieved that she wasn't going to fight him on this point, he smiled into her damp hair.  "Good, I'm glad we got that settled.  Now go to sleep, Angel.  You need the rest."

Tilting back her head, she smiled up at him.  "Thank you, Remus."

He smiled back.  "You're welcome."  He tucked her under the covers and lay there beside her just watching her as she drifted off to sleep.

Once he was sure she was sleeping soundly he kissed her gently on the forehead and crawled off the bed.  Suddenly he heard a low silky voice speak to him from behind his back.  "Is she all right?"

Shocked he whirled around and gasped at the sight that met his eyes.  There at the foot of the bed stood Severus Snape.

Lupin's heart came to a dead stop as he stared at Snape.  For a moment reality twisted and he wondered what the hell was going on.  Then suddenly he realized just what he was staring at.

"Oh my god!  Angel, no…this isn't going to help you," he murmured painfully as he walked to the foot of the bed and stared at the life-sized animated portrait of a completely naked, no doubt anatomically correct, Severus Snape standing in a painting of their bedroom in the dungeon at Hogwarts. 

The painted Snape raised an eyebrow at Lupin and spoke in a perfect imitation of Snape's rich baritone voice.  "Well, have you lost the ability to speak or is English simply too complicated for your little mind to comprehend?" 

Lupin felt like he'd fallen down the rabbit hole.  The likeness was absolutely remarkable down to the last detail.  There was no doubt about it; Evangeline was superbly talented.  And now Lupin had no doubt just what she'd meant when she'd said that she'd been visiting the painted realm.  But making love to a painted doppelganger of her dead husband wasn't going to help her to get over him.  No wonder she was having nightmares.  Somehow he was going to have to persuade her to put this away.   If it was the only thing he accomplished on this trip, it would be worth it.

Gazing in awe at the painting, Lupin became uncomfortably aware that he probably didn't quite measure up to the man he hoped one day to replace in Evangeline's life.  He sighed, well that was typical of this whole situation wasn't it?  Second fiddle, second best.

The painting frowned at Lupin again.  "Are you truly as stupid as you look?"

Lupin frowned back.  This painting sounded just like Snape, too.  How creepy was that?  "What are you talking about?"

The painted Snape crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.  "Oh good, you can speak, after all.  I asked you if Evangeline was all right?"

Lupin nodded.  "Yes, she's fine now.  She just needs to sleep for awhile."

Snape nodded.  "All right.  If she's okay then I guess I'll go get some sleep myself.  Good night."  With that, he whirled around and stalked over to the bed in the back of the painting and crawled into it.

Lupin shook his head.  The painted figure even walked like Snape.  With a shiver, the dazed wizard turned away from the painting and glanced back at Evangeline sleeping peacefully in her bed.  With a sad sigh he walked across the room and sat down in an easy chair next to the bed to wait out the rest of the night at her side.

The next day Lupin left to return to Hogwarts.  Before he left, he expressed his concern over the painting.  Evangeline told him to mind his own business, but he could tell she listened to what he had to say.  He could only hope she'd act on it.  Once he returned to the castle he arranged for a couple of house elves to go stay with her and tried to get back into the flow of life at the school, but his thoughts never drifted far from the sad woman in the lonely cottage by the sea.


	6. Healing Time

                                                                                                          Chapter Six: Healing Time

Strong arms flung the prisoner hard against the wall.  His head hit the stones with a sickening crunch, and he slowly slid down to the floor in a heap, painting a jagged line of red as he went.  Although his head throbbed painfully, he simply lay where he fell, waiting to see what would happen next.  He'd learned the hard way never to volunteer anything.  That went as much for motion as information.  Footsteps left the room behind him and slammed the heavy door in their wake.

For a moment, he thought he might be alone, but then there was the faint whisper of cloth on stone that always heralded the hateful querulous voice.

"Well, it seems you're as resistant to potions and truth serums as you are to physical tortures.  A most difficult case.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, considering who you are and what your lifelong profession has been.  Still, it is disappointing."

The voice sounded frustrated and a little desperate.  A faint smile flashed over the prisoner's face as it rested on the stone floor.  Wouldn't it be a shame if querulous voice disappointed his lord and master?  Oh, yes.  He'd be simply devastated if that happened.  Life's small pleasures must be seized and savored wherever they showed up.  There were few enough of them left, goodness knows.

"Well," querulous voice continued.  "We'll simply have to begin again.  Subtlety hasn't worked well with you…perhaps a bolder approach will have better success today.  Crucio!"

Once more the world was defined by nothing but endless burning pain, and the prisoner gave himself up to it.  If nothing else, it proved that he still lived, an accomplishment to be proud of.  

                        XXXX

As difficult as it was for him, for the next six months Remus Lupin stayed at Hogwarts and didn't give in to his intense desire to visit Evangeline again.  He did begin to send her letters, though.  Chatty, upbeat things revolving around news from the school, students she'd known, the latest bits of staff gossip…anything at all that she might find amusing and diverting.   He was very careful not to mention anything to do with Albus Dumbledore or their struggle with the rising tide of evil that the Dark Lord represented.  If possible, her hatred for the powerful wizard had grown to rival even that that she held for Voldemort.  So avoiding any mention of either of them seemed like the correct choice to make.

At first she didn't respond to his letters, but as he knew she received and read them, Minerva got regular reports from the house elves, he continued to send them.  After a time, he did begin to get answers.  At first they were short awkward things, but gradually they began to sound more like the woman he remembered and craved to see again.

Although Remus didn't go to visit Evangeline, Minerva McGonagall did go and spend a weekend with her in the middle of March.  Lupin found himself incredibly anxious to find out how that visit had gone and was knocking at her chamber door almost as soon as she put her overnight bag down on the floor.

Minerva opened her door to see an overeager Lupin bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet like a puppy waiting to greet his returning master.  She sighed.  "Really, Remus, you could've waited until I'd gotten my cloak off before you came knocking at my door."

Lupin looked slightly embarrassed, but he didn't back down.  "I'm sorry, Minerva, but you have to know how curious I am.  May I come in?"

With a wave of her hand, she opened the door a bit wider, and he sailed past her to perch on the arm of one of her easy chairs.

Once he'd settled, he raised his eyebrows and looked expectant.  "Well, how is Evangeline?  Is she still walking in her sleep?  Is she still having nightmares?  Has she lost any more weight?  Does she seem any happier?"

Minerva held up a hand to stop the torrent of questions.  "Remus, enough!  Let me sit down first, then please only one question at a time."

Feeling a bit like one of her students again, he tried to rein in his intense curiosity.  "Sorry.  It's been a very long weekend."

Minerva removed her cloak and hung it in the closet, then she sat down in the chair opposite Remus with a sigh.  "First of all, Evangeline told me to say hello to you, and to thank you for sending the house elves.  They've been a big help to her."

He smiled.  A positive start, indeed.

Minerva continued, "She seemed much more like her old self while I was there.  Not happy, but not as tortured as she was the last time I saw her.  She looked like she'd put on a little weight, perhaps, but she was still very thin.  The dark circles under her eyes were gone, though, and they didn't look as empty as they had the last time we were together.  Also she said that the painful nightmares that she'd been having had faded away almost completely, and she was sleeping much better."

Remus nodded in relief.  "Good."

"She really seemed much improved.  We had a very pleasant visit.  I was quite encouraged."

"I'm really glad, Minerva.  Um…did you see any of her paintings?"  

Minerva nodded.  "Yes, she showed me what she'd been working on.  Lots of seascapes and a few portraits of Severus mainly."

"Were any of the portraits animated?"  He held his breath.

Minerva shook her head.  "No, and I'll admit I was relieved to see that.  She doesn't need an animated portrait of Severus talking to her all day.  That wouldn't be helpful at all."

Lupin nodded, thinking to himself that Minerva obviously didn't know about the portrait in the bedroom.  Perhaps that was a good sign.  Perhaps it meant that she'd gotten rid of it.  He certainly hoped so.

Minerva smiled.  "Actually I was quite encouraged by her most recent work.  She was painting a portrait of one of the house elves.  It was very lovely…lots of warm colors.  It had a peaceful feeling about it…not like those angry seascapes she'd done when she first went to the cottage.  I think she's doing better, Remus.  Time is helping her to heal from her loss."

"Did you talk about Severus at all?  Or Albus?"

A tinge of sadness began to color Minerva's voice.  "Yes.  She was able to talk rationally about Severus, although talking about him was obviously still very painful for her.  Albus was a different story, though.  She's vehement in her hatred.  If anything it's more hard and fast now than it was when she left here.  She blames him completely for the death of Severus and their baby.  I'm afraid she's not going to change her mind about that.  I wish I could say differently, but she's hardened her heart to him, and I can't think of any way to open it up again.  I did try…it was the only unpleasant spot in the visit."

Lupin's features sagged with a look of unhappiness.  "There may not be a way to change her mind.  And to be fair, she does have a point.  Albus sent Severus into a dangerous situation that ended up killing him.  Perhaps he had a good reason, I don't know.  He's never told me what happened, and I've never asked.  But if Albus hadn't done that, both Severus and their daughter would probably be with Evangeline right now.  She'd be a mother to a living breathing child and a wife with a husband she adores.  If I were her, I might very well feel exactly the same way.  I know if he'd done that to Evangeline, and she'd died, I'd probably have had an extremely hard time forgiving him.  And Severus would have killed him, of that I have no doubt at all."

Reluctantly Minerva nodded.  "I know, but Albus has suffered so much since Severus' death.  He blames himself, too.  He was always so fond of Severus.  It's been heartbreaking for him, and to have Evangeline blame him as well …"  

Saddened, she paused and sighed.  "This sorrow and guilt isn't good for him.  We need him to be strong and focused at the moment, and he isn't.  Severus' death weighs so heavily on his conscience.  He's second-guessing his decisions more and more often.  That's not good.  I was so hoping I could change Evangeline's mind.  Her forgiveness would help him so much, but I don't think it's going to happen.  I dread telling Albus about how she feels, but I know he's going to want to know.  I'm sure I won't be able to keep it from him."

Lupin nodded and got up to leave, but Minerva called him back before he could leave the room.  "Remus, when do you plan to visit Evangeline, again?"

"Not until this summer, I think.  I don't want to go too soon.  I'm just glad to know that she's doing better.  Until then, I'll just keep on writing to her.  And don't worry; I won't go until after her wedding anniversary.  That's going to be painful enough for her without my company."

Minerva swallowed the lump in her throat.  "They didn't even get to celebrate one anniversary.  Life is so cruel sometimes."

Lupin sighed.  "You don't have to remind me of that, Minerva.  I'm very well aware of all the little cruelties that life is capable of."  With a nod, he withdrew from the room and quietly closed the door behind him.

                          XXXX

Getting through the rest of the school year was hard for Lupin.  With every letter he received from Evangeline, he wanted to see her more and more, but he was determined to give her as much space and time as she needed.  He'd never forgive himself if he rushed her into something and lost her as a result.  He was at least trying to be honest with himself.  No longer did he tell himself that he was only trying to be her friend.  He wanted so much more than friendship from Evangeline, and he was determined that this time…he'd get it.  Sadly, he knew that she'd never love him the way that she'd loved Severus, and he was willing to accept that, but he found that he could no longer accept not being a part of her life.  Somehow, he simply had to make sure that Evangeline ended up in his arms this time.

                          XXXX

Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore stood on a balcony enjoying the late June sunshine as they watched Remus Lupin head down to the castle gates with his bag in his hand.

Dumbledore sighed.  "Remus is determined in his course?"

Minerva nodded.  "Yes.  He's going to wait a couple more weeks before he goes to visit, though.  There's a full moon in a couple days, and he wanted to be sure to miss Evangeline and Severus' anniversary.  I think he's handling things very patiently over all, considering how much he loves her."

Dumbledore shook his head sadly.  "It's not going to work, Minerva.  I know that Remus loves Evangeline.  He's loved her for a very long time, but she doesn't return his love.  She's never going to love anyone other than Severus, and I destroyed that for her."

Minerva turned sympathetic eyes on her colleague.  "Oh, Albus, you didn't mean to harm either of them.  You've got to find a way to forgive yourself for Severus' death.  And you don't know that Evangeline won't come to be able to love Remus.  Eventually Evangeline will find a way to put Severus and their love in the past.  It won't be easy for her, but she's made great strides in picking up the pieces of her life.  She's a young woman, and she's not going to want to spend the rest of her life alone.  Why couldn't she turn to Remus?  She cares about him, I'm certain of that."

"She may care about him, but she doesn't love him.  Even if she accepts him as a partner in her life, eventually Remus is going to want more than she can give to him.  Once that happens, the relationship is doomed.  Some people simply aren't capable of loving more than once.  Evangeline's love for Severus went far deeper than the usual relationship.  The kind of love they shared can only happen with one person in a lifetime.  No one else can ever replace Severus in Evangeline's life.  Remus is in for nothing but heartache if he tries."

Minerva turned her eyes from Dumbledore and trained them once more on the distant figure who was just now reaching the gates.  In the space of a breath, he vanished from her sight.  She found herself fervently hoping that Albus was wrong.  He rarely was she knew, but he'd been wrong to send Severus from the safety of the castle.  She hoped he was wrong now…with a better, happier result.

                            XXXX

It was a warm pleasant afternoon when Remus Lupin appeared outside Evangeline's cottage.  The ocean breeze ruffled his hair softly as he held a hand to his brow and gazed out to sea at a distant ship near the horizon.  His heart beat strongly as the warm July sunshine shone brightly down, and he felt suffused with happiness at the thought that he'd soon be seeing Evangeline again.  It had been a very long seven months.

He turned and walked up to the cottage door and knocked firmly.  As before, there was no answer.  So he opened the door and called her name getting no reply.  This no longer concerned him as it once would have.  On such a glorious day, he'd have been surprised to find her inside.  He was a little surprised not to find the house elves at home, though.

Dropping his bag in a corner of the sitting room, he closed the door, and began to climb up the cliff path.  He climbed for quite awhile passing by the spot where he'd found her the last time he was here.  Until eventually, he came out on top of the cliff with a wonderful view in all directions.  Here he found Evangeline standing in front of an easel working furiously on a painting of the ship far out at sea.  Knowing that her time with her subject was limited, she worked smoothly and quickly catching as much of the moment as she could, knowing that she could always go in later and rework anything that didn't suit her.

Lupin hesitated to interrupt her.  So he took a seat on a convenient rock and simply enjoyed watching her move as she captured this moment in time on canvas.  Her movements were fluid and graceful, her hair shone brightly in the warm sunshine, and she seemed quite contently absorbed in her work.  Just watching her made Lupin's heart beat with happiness.  He'd missed her so much. Eventually she put down her brush and stepped back to scrutinize her work with a critical eye.  

"It's wonderful, Angel.  You've captured the feeling of the light on the water perfectly.  The colors are so vivid and alive."

Evangeline gasped and jumped noticeably as she whirled around to glare at Lupin.

"Remus Lupin!  How dare you sneak up on me that way!  Do you want to give me a heart attack?"  She planted her hands on her hips and gave him one of the blackest looks he'd ever seen on her face.  

He smiled broadly.  Seven months ago nothing would have elicited such an emotional response from her.  He tried to look contrite, but it wasn't easy because he was so happy to see her reacting so normally and looking so beautiful.  For the first time in an unbelievably long time, he found himself facing the woman he remembered and loved so very much.

"I'm sorry, Evangeline.  I didn't mean to startle you."

She sighed and removed her hands from her hips.  "I'll forgive you, this once.  Just make a little noise or something the next time you find me working.  I get wrapped up in things, and I don't always notice what's happening around me."

He smiled warmly at her.  "I promise, I'll be more careful in the future."

She grinned in return and came forward to give him a tight hug of greeting.  Life was wonderful when her arms slipped around his waist, and he could once more savor the feeling of holding her body against his own.  The hug was brief and friendly, but it was everything to Remus who so longed for any contact with her.  Her touch felt like a float thrown to a drowning man.

They both walked up to the easel and looked at Evangeline's work.  "I think it's a wonderful painting.  What do you think of it?"  He turned to look at her as she stared appraisingly at the result of her afternoon's labor.

She frowned at it critically.  "I'm not sure.  There's something about the ship that I'm not satisfied with, and the colors of the water don't seem quite right to me, either.  I do rather like the sky, though.  The light and the clouds really seemed to work well this time."  She shrugged.  "Oh, well.  I'll work on it again later after I've had some time to think about it.  The ship is gone anyway, and the light has changed too much for me to continue with it now."

She began to clean up her brushes and pack up her supplies.  Remus carefully removed the painting and folded up the easel.  

"How did you manage to get all this stuff up here anyway?  It must have taken you several trips."

She grinned at him.  "Oh come on, Remus.  Don't tell me you don't shrink things so they're easier to manage.  It's a necessary spell for someone like me who's always lugging awkward bulky things around."

Putting thought to action, she waved her wand and everything but the painting itself shrunk down to the size of a doll.  Evangeline then packed it all into a small case and stood up ready to go.

Remus smiled.  "Why don't you shrink the painting, too?"

She shrugged.  "It's still wet so I couldn't put it in the box, but I've never felt comfortable shrinking paintings anyway.  I guess I'm too connected to them."

Remus hefted the painting, Evangeline picked up the supply case, and the two of them headed back down the path toward her cottage.

Evangeline turned to Remus as they walked.  "It's good to see you, Remus.  How was the rest of your school year?"

"Oh, the usual.  Fortunately nothing too momentous happened, and the year ended on a quiet note.  How have you been?  You're looking much better."

This was certainly true.  She'd put on a little weight, and her face no longer had that drawn and haggard look it had had the last time he'd seen her.  In fact she looked much more well rested and less troubled than she had.  He dared to hope it meant that she was beginning to make peace with her ghosts and move forward with her life.

She sighed.  "I'm all right.  I'm not having nightmares any more, and I haven't walked in my sleep since you were last here.  Thank you for sending the house elves.  Having them around really did help a lot."

He nodded.  "You're welcome.  I'm so glad they were a help to you.  Where are the house elves anyway?"

They'd reached the cottage by this time, and as she opened the door she glanced at him and said, "I didn't think I needed them any longer so I sent them back to Hogwarts just after the end of term."

He frowned as she beckoned him to follow her through to her studio and gestured for him to leave the painting on a convenient easel.  "Are you sure that's wise, Angel?"

She stripped off her gloves and left them and her box of supplies on a nearby table, then she walked closer to him and laid a soft hand on his arm and squeezed gently.

"I know you're concerned about me, but I've got to learn to manage on my own now.  I truly don't need the elves any more.  I'm grateful that they were here to help me when I did need them, but they belong back at Hogwarts, and I need to get used to living my own life without anyone else around to do things for me.  Before I came to Hogwarts almost two years ago now, I was a very self-sufficient person.  I need to remember who I was then and learn to be that person again."

He nodded.  "I suppose you're right.  I just hate to think of you here all alone."

She smiled understandingly.  "Well, I'm not alone now.  You're here.  How long can you stay?"

Forever, whispered his heart, but fortunately his brain had other ideas.  "A few days…a week… whatever you feel comfortable with, Angel.  I don't want to be a burden or a problem for you.  I'll stay for as long or as short a time as you want me here."

She smiled at him as she guided him out of the studio.  "Well, let's talk about it over dinner, all right?  I confess it was really nice to have someone else do the cooking for awhile.  How are you in the kitchen, Remus?"

He laughed as they headed off to see what kind of meal the two of them could come up with together.


	7. Look Forward, Angel

                                                                                             Chapter Seven: Look Forward, Angel

The prisoner shivered and clutched the shapeless gray rags that passed for prison attire more tightly around his far too thin frame.  He was left alone most of the time now.  The painful torture sessions occurred with less and less frequency.  They were conducted by different people, as well.  He had a suspicion that querulous voice had been severely punished for his lack of success in getting secrets out of him.  His lips twitched.  What a shame.

He was confident now that he'd never be able to tell them anything.  There was nothing left in his empty mind to tell.  They hated that…and he was glad.  Defying his tormentors was the only pleasure he had left in life, after all.  That and staring at the vision of her face in his mind.  His Angel of hope.  All he'd allowed himself to keep from his former life was her image.  Who she was…what she'd meant to him…he no longer remembered.  It wasn't important anyway.  What was really important was simply her image in his mind.  She personified the difference between life and death.  Fortunately they'd never asked about her face.  He wasn't sure that he could bear the absolute emptiness if he was forced to forget her, too.

                  XXXX

After a very pleasant dinner, Remus took his bag up to his room while Evangeline finished straightening things up in the kitchen.  As he was heading back downstairs, he paused and couldn't resist taking a peek into Evangeline's bedroom to see if the painting of Severus was still hanging on the wall at the foot of her bed.

With a pang of trepidation, he opened the bedroom door, quietly slipped inside, and was saddened to find himself face to face with Snape once again.  There was one rather important difference, however.  Now the painted image was fully clothed in Snape's usual elaborate ebony robes.  Lupin felt some small sense of relief at this detail hoping that it meant that Evangeline was no longer seeking solace in the arms of the painted image of her dead husband.

Snape frowned darkly at Lupin.  "Oh, it's you.  Here to cause more trouble?"

Lupin frowned back.  "I'm just here to visit with Evangeline.  Frankly, I was hoping she'd put you somewhere else."

Snape raised a sardonic eyebrow. "Afraid of a little competition?"

Lupin sighed.  "Not exactly.  You aren't competition for anyone, it's who you represent that's the competition, and even dead and gone, he wins every time."

With a shake of his head, Lupin turned and left the bedroom and the image of Severus Snape behind.

He headed down the stairs to the sitting room and found Evangeline curled up on one end of the couch with a cup of tea cradled in her hands and a serious look on her face.  Another cup stood waiting on the table next to the other end of the couch.  Wondering just what her serious expression meant, he picked up the teacup that she'd left for him and directed a nod of thanks her way.  Then he dropped down onto the cushions of the comfortable couch and turned to face her, waiting to see what she might want to talk about.

Although it seemed obvious that Evangeline had something important on her mind, it quickly became apparent that she was a bit reluctant to bring it up.  Eventually, once the silence between them began to feel a bit uncomfortable, she finally found the courage to speak.  "Thank you for waiting until July before you came to see me again, Remus.  I was really glad that no one felt they needed to intrude on my wedding anniversary."

He nodded quietly.  "You're welcome, Angel.  I'm sure that that day was hard enough on you without anyone else interfering."

Unshed tears sparkled in her eyes. "Yes," she whispered softly.  "It was a day that was never meant to be spent alone, but under the circumstances, I couldn't imagine spending it any other way.  We should have had a lifetime together, Remus, instead we were married for a scant three months.  I've been a widow for far longer than I ever was a wife."

Seeking to regain her composure, she paused and took a sip from her cup then continued, "Severus was everything to me, Remus.  In what was really a very short time, he became the whole focus of my life.  I didn't realize it while it was happening, but once he was gone…I found I had nothing left.  I was emotionally adrift. Perhaps things would have been different if our baby had lived…but she didn't."  Her voice trailed off, and she took an unsteady drink from her cup before continuing. 

"I'll never make that mistake again.  Never again will anyone hold a place of such absolute importance in my life.  I'll never love anyone else the way that I loved him. I'll never remarry or attempt to have another child."

Remus felt his heart constricting in his chest. The happy mood of the afternoon seemed to have vanished, to be replaced with a serious, painful, intense feeling that was very disquieting. "Why are you telling me this, Evangeline?  Are you trying to warn me off?"

For a moment she simply stared at him over the rim of her teacup with a pained expression on her lovely face.  Then she replied quietly, "I'm just trying to be honest with you, Remus.  I don't want there to be any misunderstanding between us.   I know that you want more from me than simple friendship.  I just thought you should know how I felt." 

Remus didn't know just how to respond to that.  Scared of the answer, he nevertheless forced himself to ask, "Do you want me to leave, Evangeline?  Is that why you're telling me this?"

She blinked back tears and stared at him sadly.  "I don't want to hurt you, Remus.  I'm afraid that you want more from me than I'll ever be able to give you.  I can't love you.  I can't love anyone ever again.  My heart is empty, and I can't imagine ever letting anyone fill it up again."

Although what he wanted to do was go and take her into his arms to try to ease the aching pain that quivered in her voice, he restrained this impulse.  Instead he set his teacup down on the table beside him, got up off his end of the couch, and went to sit on the floor by her side. He spoke in a warm soothing tone.  "I know how hurt you've been and still continue to be, Angel.  I know you loved Severus with all your heart, and I don't expect you to ever feel the same way about me.  I swear that I'll never pressure you to do, say, or feel anything more than you're capable of, but you need to understand how I feel, too.  Will you hear me out?"

His warm eyes stared into her frightened ones earnestly hoping that she'd give him this chance to finally tell her just what she meant to him.  Slowly she nodded, obviously a little reluctant to hear what he had to say.

He smiled reassuringly up at her.  "I first realized that I truly loved you, Evangeline when you were dying from the Devil's Foot poison.  I've never felt such utter desolation as when I thought you might not recover from that.  Once you did recover, I devoted every waking moment of my life to trying to banish the feelings I felt for you.  There didn't seem to be any hope that you'd ever come to care about me.  I knew that you loved Severus, and that you'd always love Severus.  I just wanted you to be happy, Angel.  That's all that's ever really mattered to me.  After your marriage, I tried to start up a relationship with Eleanor.  I enjoyed her company, and for awhile I really thought I had a chance to learn to leave my feelings for you behind me and begin to make a connection with someone else."

Lupin sighed and sadness tinged his smile.  "But once Severus died, I knew that I'd just been kidding myself.  Even if nothing had ever happened to him, I'm sure now that I'd have come to realize in time that I was just using Eleanor as a substitute for you.  Not very noble of me but true all the same.  As much as you loved Severus, Evangeline, is how much I love you.  I can't help it, I can't control it, I can't stop it.  It simply is."

"I know in my heart that you'll never love me the same way, and I really have accepted that, honestly I have.  I'll never put any pressure on you to be more than my friend, but I need to be a part of your life, Angel.  I'll joyously accept from you as little or as much as you can give me. I promise.  Please, don't worry about hurting me."  

Tears began to creep down Evangeline's cheeks.  "Oh, Remus…that's so unfair to you.  How can you devote so much time and love to someone who can't ever love you back.  You deserve so much better than that," she whispered.

Lupin reached up and took the cup from her trembling hand and set it down on the table.  Then he took her cold hand in his, caressing the back of it gently with his thumb.  "Life isn't fair, Evangeline.  We've both learned that lesson far too well.  If I leave here and never see you again, I know in my heart that I'll still never love anyone else the way that I do you.  I'd rather be nothing more than your friend and be able to be a part of your life than the lover of anyone else in the world."

Feeling overwhelmed by his declaration, she got up and slid down off the couch to sit next to him on the floor, where she wrapped her arms tightly around him.  With his heart pounding hard in his chest he accepted her embrace and held her gratefully against him.  Hesitantly he stroked her soft hair and simply enjoyed the feeling of finally holding her in his arms again not sure just what to make of her sudden embrace.

They sat there in silence for a long time then Evangeline spoke in a soft voice barely above a whisper.  "I'm sorry that I can't give you the love you deserve, Remus.  I really do care about you very much.  Spending time with you has always made me happy.  Perhaps…in time…I'll be able to give you more than friendship, I just don't know.  I can't promise anything.  I'm simply not ready to let anyone into my life at the moment.  I'm sorry.  I know that's not what you wanted to hear."

Remus swallowed his disappointment at her words.  No, it most definitely wasn't what he wanted to hear.  When she'd embraced him, he couldn't help but hope that it meant that she was ready to finally let him show her how much he loved her, but he took heart in the fact that she didn't rule out a relationship in the future.   If Evangeline needed more time, then that's what he'd give her.  If eventually he could have her in his arms then it would be worth the wait…he had no doubt about that.

He nodded and kissed the top of her head.  "I understand Angel, and I stand by what I told you.  I'll take whatever you're willing to give me, and I'll never pressure you for more.   I do need to ask you something though, and please be honest with me, don't try to protect my feelings, okay?"

She raised her head from his chest and looked at him curiously.  "You can ask me anything, Remus.  I won't lie to you."

"Does your reluctance to let me into your life have anything at all to do with what that bastard Malfoy made me do to you in that tower in the Forbidden Forest?  Do you feel repulsed by the thought of being close to me because I treated you so horribly?"  He held his breath.

She smiled understandingly at the fear in his eyes and shook her head.  "No, Remus.  What happened in that damned tower has no bearing on how I feel about you…or how I could ever feel about you.  I've never blamed you for that incident; I thought you understood that.  The blame for that horror belongs to Lucius Malfoy alone, as far as I'm concerned.  Please, let's leave all that in the past okay?  I'd really rather not think about that ever again."

"That's fine with me.  It's certainly not something that I ever want to talk about again.  I'd much rather focus on the future than the past anyway, and in regard to the future, I want you to make me a promise."

"What sort of promise?"  A slight wariness entered her eyes.

He smiled at her as he caught a stray lock of hair and slid it gently behind her ear.  "I want you to promise me that you'll begin to try to make a real life for yourself here. Don't continue to hide yourself away and brood over the past.  Severus would want you to be happy, you know.  Just because you don't feel ready to get intimately involved with anyone is no reason for you to live like a hermit.  I know you need to be careful about who knows where you are, but you can't let fear and sorrow make you a prisoner.  You're still alive, Angel.  You need to find a way to make peace with your life and find a measure of happiness in it."

She nodded sadly.  "I know you're right, Remus, and I promise to try."

He hugged her tighter again.  "That's all I can ask."

                  XXXX

Remus stayed with Evangeline for a little less than a week.  Now that they'd cleared the air a bit, the rest of the visit was pleasant and comfortable and incredibly heartening to Remus.  The more time they spent together, the more right it felt to him.  Keeping the visit short seemed like the right thing to do.  He'd rather make several short visits than ever take the chance of overstaying his welcome.  There were also other less pleasant things he needed to do over the summer.  Tasks assigned to him by Albus Dumbledore, and he knew better than to discuss those with Evangeline.

A week before term began in the fall, he returned for another visit, hopeful, happy, and eager to see her again.  When he appeared outside Evangeline's cottage this time and knocked on her door, it flew open almost immediately catching him by surprise.   A very relaxed looking witch stood there grinning at him happily.

"Hello, Remus.  I'm glad you could come for another visit.  It's good to see you."

Delighted at her greeting, he dropped his bag, grabbed her, and twirled her around in his arms before putting her down and giving her a big hug.  "Evangeline.  It's good to see you, too.  You're looking wonderful."

She smiled up at him.  "Thanks.  You're looking good, too.  Did you have a nice summer?"

As they talked, he retrieved his bag and resting his other arm along her shoulders the two of them went together into the house.  Casually he dropped the bag in the sitting room, and they proceeded through the cottage to the kitchen, where Evangeline got him a cool drink and began to grill him on what he did over the summer.

He found he had to be careful about what he told her.  Anything that had to do with the struggle with Voldemort seemed like something to stay away from.  So he told her the true but innocuous stuff.  That he basically, ate, slept, and caught up on the reading he needed to do to prepare for the next term at school that started in less than a week.  

"I also had a nice long visit from Sirius in early August.  He says to say hello to you."  He finished off his recitation with a smile.

She smiled back.  "The next time you see him, tell him that I said hello back.  What's he up to these days?  It's a shame that no one can seem to do anything towards clearing his name.  You'd think that the "all powerful, all knowing, Albus Dumbledore" could've managed something like that if he really wanted to."  Her tone had turned decidedly bitter at the end of her statement.

Lupin decided not to go there, and merely added, "Sirius is doing lots of undercover work for the cause.  I'm afraid his name's not going to be cleared until Peter Pettigrew is captured, and unfortunately that hasn't happened yet."

She nodded sadly and changed the subject.  "Well, I've been doing quite a bit more painting.  I've found a little shop in the closest Muggle village, just a couple miles down the road that's owned by a very nice lady who's willing to sell my paintings on commission.  The unanimated ones, of course," she said with a smile.   "They're surprisingly popular, so keeping her supplied has taken up quite a lot of my time."

Happy to be on safer ground, Lupin returned her smile.  "Of course, your paintings are going to be popular, Angel.  You're a wonderfully talented painter.  I've always loved your work."

"Thank you, Remus, but frankly I've always thought that my friends were possibly biased.  It's nice to get the approval of totally uninvolved strangers in this instance."

He laughed and conceded her point.  "I suppose so."

The smile faded from her face, and she gazed at him more seriously.  He felt a shiver run through him at her contemplative look, unsure of what it meant.

"There's something I'd like to ask you, Remus."

His heart began to beat faster as he nodded.  "You know that you can ask me anything, Evangeline."

She smiled faintly.  "Yes, I know.  I want to try to make something for you if you'll let me."

Puzzled, he shook his head.  "Of course, Angel.  You can make anything you want for me."  

Hoping to lighten up what suddenly felt rather serious, he grinned hopefully and asked,  "Have you taken up knitting, by any chance?  I could use a nice warm scarf…in Gryffindor red and gold, of course."

Amused at his playful tone, she smiled and shook her head.  "No, I'll never be any good at knitting.  I tried it once and kept stabbing myself with the needles.  Those things are lethal!  Besides, I'm pretty sure that the Slytherin code of honor has something in it that forbids me from producing anything in "Gryffindor red and gold"!"

He chuckled.  "Oh, heavens…well, I certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for getting you kicked out of Slytherin for honor violations."

With warmth sparkling in her eyes, she continued, "Actually, what I meant was that I'd like to try making the Wolfsbane Potion for you, if you'd like me to that is."

His mouth dropped open in awe.  "Really?  That's a lot of work, Angel.  Are you sure that you want to go to that much trouble?"

A kind smile spread gently over her face.  "You've done so much for me, Remus.  I'd like to be able to return the favor.  You're not getting it anywhere else at the moment, are you?"

He sighed.  "No.  It's not as if you can purchase the potion in a convenient store, and I don't know anyone who's as talented as Severus was at potions.  The new Potions instructor doesn't seem to be very many steps ahead of the students, I'm afraid.  She did try to make the potion, but the results weren't exactly as effective as they should've been.  I'm afraid Audra Carstairs was fresh out of school when she came to Hogwarts, and I suspect, not exactly top of her class.  I guess, there weren't many really good ones to choose from when Albus had to hire someone.  Rather than force her to keep trying, I've been resorting to the tried and true method of locking myself up during a full moon.  Not pleasant but effective."  

Lupin hesitated, and then added.  "Do you really think you could make the Wolfsbane Potion?  I don't mean to be pessimistic, but I know it's not an easy potion to make, and you aren't an expert at potions, Angel.  Audra is trained in potions, after all.  If she wasn't able to manage it, do you really think you'll have any better luck?"

"I can't promise anything, Remus, but I'd really like to give it a try.  I'll admit that I'm nowhere near as good at potions as Severus was, but I've always had pretty good luck with them.  I had top grades in Potions in school.  Remember, my father was a Potions Master, and I spent a good deal of my childhood in his lab watching him work.  Also I watched Severus make the potion for you several times.  I even helped him more than once, so I have some experience with it.  I really think I could do it.  Would you let me try?"

Touched by her thoughtfulness he nodded.  "Of course!  It's so kind of you to offer.  If you can make it successfully, it would be a tremendous help.  I always feel a lot safer around other people when I can use the potion."

"Good.  I kept several of Severus' potions books, including the one with that recipe in it.  It contains all of his extremely specific annotations, and I've got almost a month to practice.  You will have to come here to try it out, though.  I can't take it to Hogwarts, I'm sorry, but I just can't go back there."  She looked regretful but determined.

"That's okay, Angel.  It won't be a problem.  Any excuse to come to see you is always fine with me."


	8. Freedom

                                                                                                       Chapter Eight: Freedom

The prisoner stretched his stiff and weary muscles as much as his scar tissue would allow.  He ached all over but there wasn't any intense pain.  The beating he'd received earlier had seemed to be more of an idle amusement for the guards than any sort of interrogation session.  Perhaps they'd finally given up on ever learning anything useful from him.  If so, it could mean that his long tiring ordeal was finally nearing its end.  The only end that could occur…his death.

He almost welcomed the idea.  It would mean the game was concluded, and he'd won!  No matter the pain…no matter the cost…he'd given them nothing…except frustration.  An acceptable epitaph.  He lived, he died, he won.  The old man would be proud.   Great.  Just when he was sure everything was gone, something would sneak back.  Who was the old man?  Why was he pleased to think that he'd have been proud of him?  His father, perhaps?  No, that didn't seem quite right.  Don't think about it!  It's better not to know.  Forget.   Forget everything.  Forget it all.  Forget the pain.  Forget the torture.  Forget…

                      *****************************************************************************************************

Remus Lupin appeared outside Evangeline's cottage in the late afternoon sunshine.  The scent of autumn strongly suffused the brisk cool air.  Everything felt crisp and clean with the tang of the salty ocean adding its spice.  With an anticipatory smile on his face he stepped up and knocked on the door.  There was a short delay then the door opened to reveal Evangeline smiling at him in welcome.

She had her warm brown hair pulled back and twisted into a loose bun, which served to emphasize the gracefulness of her slender throat.  Lupin had a sudden almost irresistible impulse to grab her and press his lips to the beating pulse visible beneath the smooth skin.   A stab of fear went running through him at the thought since it was so near to the full moon.  This particular image was a bit too close to visualizing himself ripping into her tender throat with his fangs.  Suddenly he felt a bit afraid to be so near her this close to a full moon.  It was of the utmost importance that his dual nature never endanger Evangeline.  This visit would have to be very short.

"Hello, Remus.  Everything's all ready for you.  Come in."  She held the door open widely and beckoned him in.

He shook off his disquietude and smiled back at her.  "Have you managed to do anything about the taste, Angel?  I never could convince Severus that he should work on that.  I think he enjoyed watching me gag as I drank it."

She sighed.  "This is my first attempt, Remus.  I followed the recipe to the letter.  Hopefully it will be exactly the same as what you've had in the past…awful taste included, unfortunately."

Together they walked through the cottage to the kitchen, where a cauldron full of potion simmered on the fire.

Evangeline took a drinking goblet off the counter and dipped it into the cauldron filling it with steaming liquid.  She turned with a nervous smile on her face and held out the cup.  "Here you go, Remus.  I'm pretty sure that it's right, but if you've changed your mind, I'll understand."

Confidently he reached out his hand, his fingers lightly brushing against hers as he took the goblet from her grasp.  "I'm sure it's fine, Angel.  I trust you.  Besides, I didn't come all this way to turn it down."

With a smile of reassurance for her, he brought the cup closer to his face and sniffed at the steaming brew.  A grimace of distaste flashed across his countenance.  "Well, it certainly smells right.  Here goes nothing."

While she watched him anxiously, he upended the cup and drank the potion down in one gulp.  As usual he had to force himself to swallow the hideous stuff.  His eyes watered from the noxious fumes and abhorrent taste.

He nodded to her and gasped.  "Gah!  Well, it certainly tastes right.  Unfortunately, I should probably have another cupful.  The full moon will affect me for the maximum time possible this month."

Reluctantly he held the steaming goblet out to her for a refill.  Which she complied with quickly, watching carefully as he contorted his pleasant features and downed the second cupful as fast as the first.

A shiver ran through him as he put the cup down on the table.  "Yuk.  Well, I'm glad that's over with.  I'll let you know how it works."

She nodded.  "Can you stay to dinner, Remus?  The full moon won't rise for hours yet."

The werewolf gazed at her and so longed to say yes, but he simply didn't dare.  He couldn't be anywhere near her when the moon lit up the sky.  Time had a habit of disappearing for him when he was in her company, and he simply couldn't ever take the slightest chance with her safety.  Violent impulses were beginning to stir the blood beneath his calm demeanor, and he knew that he had to be miles away from her when they took hold, even while under the influence of the Wolfsbane Potion.  He'd rather throw himself from the cliff outside her door than ever harm a hair on her head.

"I really need to get back, Angel.  I'm expected for dinner in the Great Hall.  Then moonrise will be along before I know it."

With a sad smile, she put her arm around his waist, and he slid his about her shoulders as they slowly walked back to the door of the cottage together.  "I understand.  Be sure and let me know how this works for you, okay?"

He smiled down at her as they stood in the open doorway, and he gave her a big hug.  "I will.  I'm sure it will work just fine, though.  Believe me, it was just as hideous as ever."

His comment provoked a laugh and his heart turned over at the sound.  "Okay."

They stared fondly at each other for a moment, then on impulse Remus bent and kissed her softly.  Caught unaware by his action she hesitated as his lips met hers, and Remus could feel a tremor shoot through her whole body as he held her gently in his arms.  Tentatively she returned his kiss but broke it off quickly.  Even though the kiss lasted for only a moment, for Remus it might as well have been a lifetime.  That brief contact had sent fireworks crackling through his mind.

Evangeline smiled an embarrassed smile, ducked her head, and stepped back as they pulled apart.  "I hope to see you again soon, Remus."  She said almost shyly, suddenly feeling a trifle awkward in his presence.

Remus knew better than to push, although it wasn't easy.  With a brisk nod, he stepped back from the doorway and smiled a goodbye as he vanished quickly from her sight, leaving her standing in the doorway of her cottage with her heart racing madly, hoping that she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life.

                       ****************************************************************************************************

A few days later, as Evangeline was just finishing up with her breakfast, an owl came tapping at her window with a note clutched in its claws.  When she retrieved and opened it, she found that it was from Remus.  Anxious to find out if her potion had worked or not, she sank back down into her chair at the table and avidly read the letter.

Dear Evangeline,

     I know you've probably been wondering whether or not your potion was a success, but let me assure you that it was.  Everything felt just the same as it was supposed to.  I was able to keep myself in complete control for the entire length of the transformation.  I can't thank you enough, Angel.  It's such a relief to know that I won't accidentally harm anyone while I'm in my wolf form.  Severus would be proud of your accomplishment, I'm sure.  He always said it was a difficult potion to make, but you did it perfectly.

     I'll be back at the next full moon, and thank you again.  It means more to me than I can say that you're willing to do this for me.  I'll be in touch soon.

                                                                                                             All My Love,

                                                                                                                             Remus

As she perused the contents a pleased smile spread over her face.  It was a relief to know that the potion had worked correctly, and that she hadn't accidentally poisoned him.  With a sigh, she laid the letter down on the table.  A single line jumped out at her and tugged at her heart.  "Severus would be proud of your accomplishment…".  Her throat tightened slightly at the thought.  She certainly would like to believe that he'd have been proud of her.  With a shiver a sudden pang of grief hit her again, and she closed her eyes against the tears that threatened once more to spring into being.  Would she ever stop missing him?  Would a time ever come when the mention of his name wouldn't lead to a stab of pain in her heart?

Abruptly she got up from the table and went over to gaze out the window at the woods behind her cottage.  Somehow she had to find a way to make it happen.  Severus had been gone for a whole year now.  No matter how much she might wish it otherwise, he wasn't coming back.  Clinging to his memory…his love…wasn't doing her any good.  He was lost to her forever.  She had to find some way to let him go. 

Making this potion for Remus was the first step toward possibly letting him into her life.  She knew she needed to move forward, and the road forward seemed to be leading inexorably towards Remus Lupin.  Whether that was a good thing or not, she hadn't quite decided, but it did seem to be inevitable.  Despite what he said, Evangeline had a feeling that he'd never truly accept anything else, and the thought of spending more time with Remus certainly wasn't an unpleasant one.  There really didn't seem to be any good reason to resist it, unless she wanted to spend the rest of her life alone.  She lifted a hand and delicately traced the shape of her lips as she remembered their parting kiss.  Was letting Remus into her life the right thing to do?  She wished that she could be sure.

With a sigh, she turned away from the window and began to clear away her breakfast dishes in preparation for starting her day.  She'd simply have to take it one day at a time.  If each one brought her closer to Remus, then it did. There was no need to rush into anything, though.  They had all the time in the world, after all.  Maybe with more time, she could even come to care for him the way he deserved.

Autumn followed the path they'd laid out with this first success with the Wolfsbane Potion.  Remus returned each month for more of the potion, and they continued to grow infinitesimally closer as fall drifted slowly into winter.  Evangeline kept moving nearer and nearer and finally, Remus was confident that he could see his heart's desire on the horizon.  Winter came shining with possibilities this year, and he was more than ready to make the most of them.

                       ****************************************************************************************************

The prisoner sat in the corner of his cell and listened very hard to the absolute silence.  He'd heard no sounds at all for the entire day, or was it longer?  Time tended to blur when you sat in a featureless stone cell with no set pattern to your life.  One day blended seamlessly into another and existence flowed on like water in a stream. It was almost like existing in a featureless void with no connection to the world revolving around outside. The light never varied, which didn't help, always remaining the same flickering light cast by the never changing torches that glowed in the hallway outside his cell.  He could see them through the bars that prevented him from leaving this place.  Had everyone gone away and left him here alone?

Usually he could hear faint sounds of movement, the occasional scream, but now even the rats seemed silent.  The last food and water he'd received was some time ago.  Perhaps they were finally through with him.  There was a time when he'd longed for peace.  To be left alone to die.  Now that the time had apparently come upon him, he found that he didn't like it after all.  

A stray thought flickered through his mind. "Be careful what you wish for.  You just might get it."  How odd.  Where had that come from?  He was quite sure that he'd emptied his mind of everything it contained.  Yet that thought had sprung from the depths fully formed.  Perhaps his mind wasn't empty after all.  Perhaps his thoughts and knowledge were merely buried under layers and layers of pain.  Maybe he could dig them out again if he worked at it.  But did he dare?  If they returned and caught him excavating among the ruins of his mind, they might learn something, and then all this pain and agony would have been for nothing.  No.  He couldn't take the chance.  If this was another ploy to get to him it wasn't going to work.  He danced to no one's tune.

Danced…suddenly another stray thought flashed through his mind. The intensity of the vision caught him by surprise.  Suddenly he was no longer in his little stone cell, instead he found himself in a large hall filled with costume clad people.  The colors and bright lights hurt his eyes with their brilliance after so long with nothing but drabness in his life. There was music playing, and he was dancing with a woman wearing a black mask made of feathers.  She wore a soft black and orange gown that clung to her in a most attractive manner.  Her body felt so warm and inviting in his arms, so right, as if that was where she belonged.  Her hair smelled marvelously of the warm sweet scent of roses, and her radiant smile, which focused solely on him, warmed his frozen heart.  It was she; he knew it…the Angel from the last image in his mind.  Once he'd held her in his arms and danced.  How wonderful!  He contented himself with leaning back against the rough wall and letting the image play over and over in his echoing mind, losing himself in its beauty and comfort.  If this was his time to die, at least he wouldn't die alone.

Suddenly he was pulled from his mesmerizing reverie by a sharp sound.  Perhaps he wasn't alone after all.  Painfully he hauled himself up out of his corner and limped stiffly over to the cell door. Reacquainting himself with the concept of moving as he went.  Sounds were definitely drifting down the corridor.  Not the usual sounds of movement and torture, though.  This sounded more like…war.  

Desperately he grabbed onto the bars of his cage as a tremor shook the entire room.  Dust and smoke began to swirl about in the corridor.  Then came the screams…not the sounds of torture though…it was more like anger and fighting and painful injury.  Something was happening, something that his captors were not enjoying.  Good.  His lips drew back into a nasty smile.  Let's spread the pain around, shall we.  They were so good at dishing it out; perhaps they weren't quite as good at taking it.  He hoped not at any rate.  If anyone deserved a little pain it was the demons in charge of this rat-infested hellhole.

The noises got closer, the explosions louder.  Abruptly he was thrown roughly to the ground as a blast of red energy tore a hole in the wall next to the door.  Noises continued loudly in the corridor for a few minutes as he curled up and covered his head protectively with his trembling hands.  Once it quieted a bit, he pulled himself slowly to his feet and climbed awkwardly out of the cell into the corridor.  The first thing he saw was a body lying in a pile of rubble.  He bent down to touch him, but it was clear the man was dead.  The figure wore a black cloak and some sort of mask on his face.  How strange.  He felt that he should know what that meant…but he didn't.

He looked around him for any sign of anyone else, but for the moment at least the corridor was empty, although there were sounds of fighting coming from not very far away.  The wall across the corridor from his cell also had a hole blasted in it.  It exposed not another cell though, but a dark tunnel that went off into who knows where.

The prisoner considered his options.  He could simply wait here and see who, if anyone, showed up.  Probably not a wise move since he had no clue as to what was going on.  Whoever was attacking might be every bit as bad as his captors here.  Why hang around to face who knows what new horror?  He was free.  He should take advantage of that fact.  This tunnel might lead somewhere safe.  At the very least it led away from the sounds of fighting.  He started to enter the tunnel, then hesitated, looking down at the ratty gray pants and shirt he wore.  He turned back to the body on the floor.  Quickly he bent and stripped the body of his clothes and boots and exchanged them for his own as fast as he could in the dim flickering torch light.

The fit wasn't perfect, but he certainly wasn't going to complain.  Wrapping himself in the blackness of the cloak he vanished down the tunnel into the darkness as fast as it was safe for him to go.  Keeping a hand on the tunnel wall and extending a torch in front of him that he'd ripped off the wall back by his cell, he moved resolutely into the freedom of the unknown, eager to put as much space between himself and this pit of hell spawn as was humanly possible.

The sounds of conflict quieted after a time.  Then there were only the moans of the victims, and the sounds of the victors moving around securing the complex.  Two figures came around the corner and into the corridor from which our prisoner had so recently made his escape.

They walked over to the man in gray rags lying in the corridor on a pile of rubble.  The first man felt for a pulse on the corpse, but found none.  He straightened up and shook his head.

"He's dead.  This must've been his cell.  Do you recognize him?"  He turned to the tall, slender, dark haired man by his side.  

"No.  He doesn't look familiar."  He sighed and looked back at his companion.  "Well, if he's the only one we lost, I suppose that's not too bad.  How many prisoners were there supposed to be here anyway, Remus?"

Remus Lupin shrugged his shoulders as he gazed sadly at the dead man at his feet.  "I'm not sure.  Dumbledore didn't seem to know.  The information he had was a little sketchy.  Inside information isn't as reliable and detailed as it was back when Severus was alive, you know."

Black nodded in response.  "Yeah…I guess the slimy git was good for something, after all."  His voice held a faint tinge of affection and sadness despite the harshness of his words.

Lupin sighed.  "Well, let's get back and help get the prisoners to medical treatment, then I need to make another stop before we go to make our report to Albus.  I had a funny feeling when I was talking to him about this mission that he hoped we'd accomplish something special here, but for the life of me I don't know what that might be.  This place seems just like so many other centers of dark side torture and perversion that we've seen throughout the course of this war."

Black agreed with his friend, and the two of them turned and walked back up the corridor to return to work.

                       ***************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  I'm going on vacation starting this weekend.  I won't have access to my computer files, so the next chapter won't be up until I return…probably on the 21st or 22nd.  Please, leave me your reviews, so I'll have some interesting reading to return to. :)  Thank you all for sticking with me.  I hope you're enjoying the story.  The prisoner is finally free…for what that's worth to him without his memories.

Mysterious-backpacker:  I only wait as long as necessary to update.  While the basic story is written, each chapter needs a lot of work before it's ready to post.  I suppose I am being rather mean to Evangeline and Severus, but as you pointed out…they're only fictional characters…they'll get over it. :)

Arachne's Child:  Thank you for your kind words.  I'm glad you find Evangeline's grieving process to be realistic.  Severus is indeed a very strong person, he's not one to just fold up and die.  Sometimes it's good to be stubborn…sometimes not.

Jtyw:  No, problem.  If Evangeline sets her mind to something…she usually succeeds.

Jezebel:  Yes, Severus deserves to have something go his way.  He's free now. :)  I'm afraid that's as good as it gets for awhile, though.

Sage and Snape:  Yes, I'm still not completely happy with the first conversation between Remus and Evangeline, but I had to get it all out there in order to move things forward.  The prisoner is now free, but as you'll see "Severus" is nowhere to be found.

SevyHero:  Thank you.  I have enough material to finish the story.  Anything else is nothing more than amorphous thoughts at the moment.

Lina Lupin:  As you can see, Snape has help with the escape.  Walking is indeed a rather foreign skill for him at the moment…still, he manages.  He's a very determined man.

Elbereth94:  I'm glad you find my arguments persuasive.  We got a glimpse of Sirius in this chapter, but there's more to come later…closer to Christmas.  Things really begin to move along for Remus and Evangeline from now on.

AlphaWolf:  Thank you so much.  The chapters will keep coming as long as I have story to tell.


	9. Steps in the Dark

                                                                                                  Chapter Nine: Steps in the Dark

The prisoner was a prisoner no more, but what was he?  Who was he?  He didn't know.  After what had felt like hours of stumbling along in the darkness of the uneven tunnel, he'd finally come out of it into the dim light of early twilight, to find himself standing on the rocky shore of the ocean, high above the pounding waves.  The air was crisp and cold and very damp with the sea so close.  The surroundings that he could see from his limited vantage point looked quite wild and deserted.  He supposed that made sense.  It was a lot easier to hide an unauthorized prison in the emptiness of the open countryside than it would be where there were lots of people around to ask too many embarrassing questions.

After thinking it over he decided that it would be better to stay where he was for the night than to wander around in the coming darkness with no idea where he was going.  He really wasn't at all sure just what his next move should be, and he found himself quite exhausted after all that walking, to which he was no longer accustomed.  His limbs were actually shaking with fatigue as he retreated into the interior of the tunnel to get out of the cold night air.  

Now that he was free, he was going to have to decide on a course of action.  The problem was that he had absolutely no idea just what that course should be.  How could he make any decisions if he didn't know who he was or where he was or where he belonged?  He'd never thought beyond the cell that had become his whole world.  If he was honest with himself, he knew that he never expected to leave that cell alive.  There'd been no reason to ever assume that he'd be able to live some sort of life again, but here he was…free.

Exhaustion suddenly overwhelmed him, and he realized that he wasn't capable of rationally considering the problem at the moment.  His abused body wasn't used to exercise of any sort and walking all that way through the rough tunnel had used up what limited reserves of energy he had.  He'd have to wait until he'd had some rest before he made any decisions about the future.  So he made himself as comfortable as possible on the floor of the cave, wrapped up in the warmth of the cloak, and fell instantly to sleep next to the glow of the enchanted torch.

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Remus Lupin appeared at the door to Evangeline's cottage just before nightfall.  He knocked at the door and was surprised when it was flung open quickly, and she threw herself on him, hugging him tightly.

"There you are.  I've been worried about you.  What took you so long?  I expected you hours ago. Your message said you'd be here by mid-afternoon."  Her voice was chiding with a touch of anxiety in it.

It warmed Remus' heart to think that she might be concerned about him.  "I'm sorry, Angel.  I didn't have a stray moment until now.  Something unexpected came up, and I didn't get a chance to send you a note.  I really should drink the potion quickly.  It needs time to work, and even though moonrise isn't for several hours yet, the sooner I take it the better."

She drew him into the cottage and into the kitchen, where she filled a goblet from the cauldron over the fire.  Without a word she handed it to him and watched as he drained it dry.  "Do you need another cupful?"

Reluctantly he nodded.  "It probably would be wise."

While he downed the second drink, Evangeline said, "I'm so glad this potion is working for you, Remus."

Placing the smoking cup down on the table with a sense of relief, Remus smiled at her.  "It's working fine, Evangeline.  I'm so grateful that you're able to do this for me.  It's really been a big help.  I feel so much better knowing that I won't completely lose control over myself when I become a wolf.  The fear of hurting someone when I'm in my wolf form is always in the front of my mind.  Not having to worry about that gives me the only peace of mind I can have as long as I'm a werewolf.  Which, unfortunately, will be as long as I live."

She nodded sadly at him and ran a comforting hand down his arm to squeeze his forearm gently.

He watched her carefully as he asked.  "Does that bother you at all, Angel?"

A look of confusion crossed her features as she asked, "Does what bother me, Remus?"

"That I'm a werewolf?  Does it ever make you afraid of me?"  His voice was soft as he asked this question that had become more and more of a concern to him as he'd grown closer to this woman who owned his heart.

Immediately she shook her head, anxious to reassure him.  "No.  That's simply who you are.  I've always known you were a werewolf.  That's never been a factor in how I felt about you.  I know you.  The real you…in here."  She laid a hand gently on his chest.  "How could I ever be afraid of the wonderful kind man you are?  I know you'd never intentionally hurt me.  I'm not afraid of you, Remus."

He smiled in relief.  "Good.  Because I'd never want to see fear in those lovely eyes when you looked at me.  Which is why I should get back.  Sirius is waiting for me…impatiently, I'm sure.  We have a meeting to get to."

"What were you up to this afternoon that delayed you getting here to take the potion, anyway?"  She asked curiously.

Damn!  He hesitated before answering.  That was a subject that he really hadn't intended to get into with her, but he didn't see any way out of it now.  Lying to her was simply something he refused to do under any circumstances.  Although, perhaps he could minimize the danger involved when talking about it.  The last thing he wanted to do was upset her.  If only Dumbledore hadn't insisted on his presence at this raid.  There didn't seem to have been any particular need for him to be there, but the headmaster had clearly wanted him there, so he'd gone, worrying all the while that he'd end up having to explain things to Evangeline, since he had to see her today for the potion.  Unfortunate timing, but nothing he could do about it now.

"Sirius and I, along with a few others, raided a Death Eater compound not too far from here actually.  We rescued several prisoners and captured a couple of Death Eaters.  No one of any particular importance, though."  He explained reluctantly.

The color drained from her face as she looked at him.  "Were you hurt?  Was anyone hurt?"

Hurriedly he shook his head.  "No. They were completely surprised.  We took them over very easily, although one of the prisoners was killed and a couple of Death Eaters escaped in the commotion."

She turned away from him and clenched her fists at her side.  "But you could've been hurt…or killed, couldn't you?  This was another one of Dumbledore's little missions, wasn't it?"

Not sure what he could say that would ease her fears, he simply stood there and looked at her.

When he didn't answer immediately, she whirled around to face him again.  Two angry spots of red stood out on her cheeks as she spat.  "Wasn't it?"

Reluctant to further upset her, he nevertheless nodded and spoke quietly.  "Yes, it was on Dumbledore's orders and information that we moved on this particular place.  I work for him, Angel…not only as a teacher."

She looked slightly stunned to be so baldly confronted with this unpleasant truth that she'd allowed herself to forget, and she took a step back away from Remus.  "Yes.  Yes, you do don't you.  I'd forgotten about that."  Her voice sounded distant and pained.  "I didn't want to think about it, but I can't let myself forget.  It wouldn't be wise.  I could lose you, too.  Just like Severus…just as suddenly…on Dumbledore's word."

She turned around and walked back toward the front door of the cottage.  Feeling like he was suddenly losing something precious, Remus followed after her and grasped her gently by the arm, turning her to face him once more.

Tears glistened in her eyes and began to coat her eyelashes with sparkling tokens of her distress.  Her throat tightened as she whispered in a pain filled tone. "We live on a giant chessboard, Remus.  Dumbledore and Voldemort play with our lives.  We never know from day to day when one or the other of them will decide that he has no more use for us.  Or that if he sacrifices us, another more important piece gets to survive a little bit longer.  They'll play and they'll play…until they're the only two pieces left in the game.  Two kings circling each other endlessly in this ceaseless game of power and death."

Desperate to comfort her, Remus put his arms around her and held her gently against his chest.  "Oh, Angel.  Please, don't look at it like that.  Dumbledore and Voldemort aren't alike.  Voldemort cares for nothing and no one but himself and the power he can obtain and the horror he can create.  Albus merely seeks to stop him…as I do…as countless others do…as I thought you did, as well."

Angrily she nodded, her cheek rubbing forcefully up and down against the front of his robe.  "Of course, I want to stop him.  How can you doubt that?  Voldemort is evil incarnate.  He desperately needs to be stopped, but at what cost?  You venerate Dumbledore as the great leader who'll lead the forces of good to victory, but in war, choices have to be made.  People are sacrificed…for the supposedly greater good of the many.  That's an awful lot of power to give to any one person, Remus.  Even someone as wise as Albus Dumbledore is supposed to be.  He's not infallible, after all.  He's made horrible mistakes.  I'm living proof of that.  I just don't know if I could live through another one of his mistakes."

Remus hugged her even tighter.  He really should go, time was his enemy here, but this was a horrible way for him to be leaving her.  "Angel, look at me…please."

Reluctantly she turned her face up to his.

"Nothing is going to happen to me.  Please, don't worry.  I'll be very careful.  I promise.  I have to live my life, though.  So do you.  We can't stop living just because we're afraid.  We only get one life, and we have no choice but to play the cards that fate deals to us."  

God, he hated to ask this, but he had to.  "Do you want me to stop coming to see you, Evangeline?  I don't want to, but if it would ease your mind not to have to worry about me, I'm willing to stop coming to visit."

He held his breath as she stared at him, thoughts running rampant across her features as her mind raced to consider all the possibilities.  Slowly she shook her head.

"No, Remus.  That wouldn't help.  Even if I never saw you again, I'd always worry about you, and wonder what awful things might be happening to you.  It's better to know the truth than to let my imagination run wildly through my mind digging up horrible possibilities for me to obsess over.  Besides I've come to care far too much about you to ever be content with the thought of never seeing you again." 

Relief showed through his warm eyes as he smiled down at her.  "I'm so glad to hear you say that, Angel."

Together they turned towards the door, arms around each other.  As they got there and opened it, Evangeline turned and spoke once more.  "Actually I wanted to ask you something before you go, Remus."

He smiled down at her as he turned to hold her loosely within the circle of his arms.  "Anything."

"Would you consider coming and spending Christmas with me this year?  I'd really like to have a longer visit with you again.  I miss spending more time with you.  We never have much time when you come to get the Wolfsbane Potion."

His heart began to pound joyfully at this unexpected invitation.  "I'd love to, Angel.  Nothing would make me happier.  I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend the holidays with."

She smiled.  "Christmas was always one of my favorite holidays when I was younger.  The last two haven't been very pleasant, though.  Perhaps this year can be better."

He caressed her cheek gently as he slipped his hand into her hair and drew her closer to kiss her goodbye, murmuring.  "I'll do my very best to see that it's the most wonderful one you've ever had, Angel.  I promise."

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After the noise of the meeting, the silence of the now all but empty office was smothering to the weary wizard sitting behind the desk.  Once Black, Lupin and the others had left after giving their reports, Albus Dumbledore had dropped his head into his hands and sighed deeply.  It had been very hard to hide his disappointment from the triumphant wizards and witches who, after all, hadn't known of the hopes that had been riding on their actions.  Vain hopes that had been nothing more than much desired illusion, as it turned out.  The rescuers had been overjoyed that their mission had gone so well…so smoothly.  It wasn't their fault that he didn't totally agree with them.  As far as they knew, the mission had indeed been a success, and it had, to a point…a very important point.

The Headmaster rose from his chair and went to stare out of the blank window into the dark cloudy night beyond.  The ashes of intense disappointment tasted bitter in his mouth.  He hadn't wanted to admit, even to himself how much he'd needed to believe that Severus Snape wasn't dead, after all.  The information he'd managed to glean from his sources had seemed genuine, but apparently, despite appearances, it had been in error.

According to everything he'd been told, if Snape had survived all this time in the Dark Lord's hands, he would have been found in the prison that they'd liberated tonight, and he hadn't been.  That was the main reason he'd been careful to include Lupin and Black in the rescue party.  They wouldn't have failed to recognize Snape, no matter what his condition had been after more than a year in captivity.

Dumbledore closed his eyes and leaned resignedly against the window frame, the very picture of a defeated old man.  If Voldemort could but see him now, he'd be absolutely sure of his ultimate victory.  Guilt is such a soul killing emotion.  It eats its victims up from the inside out. 

He'd sent Severus into the arms of his enemies with barely a thought.  So sure was he that nothing could possibly happen.   So much for the image of being all-knowing.  Now he was without his friend and also without that which he'd sent him to retrieve.  Both had ended up in Voldemort's clutches, and an innocent child and her heartbroken mother had paid the ultimate price for his miscalculation.

Thank goodness, he hadn't told Evangeline that he had reason to believe that her husband was still alive.  He'd been as wrong now as he'd been then.  Perhaps his own need to believe that Severus hadn't been killed had deluded him this time.  Yes indeed, guilt plays tricks on us all, none worse than on those with the guilt of the death of a close friend on their conscience.  

As Dumbledore continued to lean wearily against the window, Fawkes dropped down from his perch and alighted on the wizard's thin shoulder, rubbing his bright head against that of his friend in sympathy.  The elder wizard treasured the presence of the magnificent Phoenix, but even Fawkes's warm sympathy and healing touch couldn't take the deep pain of disappointment and guilt from his overburdened heart.

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Author's Notes: To make up for his long absence the next chapter is entirely Snape, as he tries to decide how to survive and recover his memory.

Arachne's Child:  Yes, there's definitely some heartbreak ahead.

Enfleurage:  I'm sorry that the story is moving too slowly for you.  I'm not trying to stretch things out unmercifully honest.  I simply need for some things to happen before everyone knows that Snape is still alive, and if I rush it…no one will believe it.

Jtyw:  Let's not worry about the end of the story just yet.

Sage and Snape:  Thanks.  I'm glad that I can still surprise you.  You find out exactly what Snape decides to do with himself next chapter.

Elbereth94:  Yes, if Remus and Evangeline make love, technically she will have committed adultery, but if that happened, I would hope that most people wouldn't hold it against her since there's absolutely no way she could know that her husband is still alive.  

Me:  Severus wants to be back where he belongs too…if he could just figure out where that is!

Savy:  Thanks.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Dark-angel12003:  Thank you.  It's a tremendous compliment to be told that your work is compelling enough to keep a reader from other things. :)  I wish I did have a cure for writer's block.  I've been suffering some myself in regard to another story I've been working on…actually trying to work on would be more accurate.  The only thing I can suggest is…don't force it.  If left to its own devices the mind will sometimes make really interesting connections all on its own.  I hope it gets better for you soon.

Werecat99:  Everyone seems to want that portrait of Severus, but it's already lurking in the back of my closet.  Sorry. :)  As for dinner…it's a good thing the potion worked, isn't it?  Yes, everyone is in for a huge surprise a few chapters down the road.

Nataly Ravenlock:  I'm glad that you're enjoying the story, and that the darker tone of this one doesn't put you off.  Thank you for taking the time to plow through all three of the stories.  I know that takes a lot of time, and I'm pleased that they could hold your interest.  Thanks again for your kind words.


	10. A Light in the Darkness

                                                                                             Chapter Ten:  A Light in the Darkness

The former prisoner was beginning to feel desperate.  He'd been wandering around for a day and a half with no idea where to go or who it would be safe to approach.  If he approached the wrong person, after all, he could end up back in the hands of those who wished him harm, he couldn't afford to lose sight of that fact.  On the other hand, he couldn't wander forever hiding from everyone he came across.  He'd managed to get some water from a well on a small farm, but he hadn't had food in a couple of days, at least.  If he didn't get some help soon he knew he wouldn't be able to survive much longer in his already weakened condition.

In the late afternoon, he came to the outskirts of a small town.  As he debated his situation yet again, he finally decided that he was going to have to take a chance and actually talk to someone.  His only other alternative seemed to be to lay down and die.  Something he'd tried very hard to avoid for a long time now.

As he walked down the quiet main street of the town, trying to ignore the curious and disapproving stares of those he passed, he came to a small gift shop in the front of a clapboard house.  There was a hand-lettered sign in the window that said: HELP WANTED.  That was promising.  Although the way he looked at the moment certainly wouldn't work in his favor.  If he approached the shopkeeper in his current condition, he'd probably be taken for a vagrant and immediately be thrown out without being given a chance to plead his case.  Still, if he didn't try, he couldn't survive.  So with nothing left to lose, he opened the door and entered the shop.

Crowded didn't begin to describe the place he stepped into.  The shop was full to bursting with small figurines, books, cards, and culch of all sorts.  Tables were placed end to end filling the whole room with masses of widely varying merchandise.  The aisles between the tables were so narrow that anyone of any girth at all would be hard pressed to navigate them safely.  As he stared at the dizzying array of stuff he wondered how anyone could ever hope to actually find anything of value in all the clutter.  The phrase looking for a needle in a haystack came to mind unbidden, from where he hadn't a clue, but the analogy seemed apt. 

Then there were the paintings.  The walls were absolutely covered with paintings of every conceivable size and subject.  In places it was actually difficult to tell if the wall continued to exist or if the paintings were being held up by magic…how absurd.  The sheer busyness of the shop made his stomach lurch painfully.  How could anyone spend time in such claustrophobic disorder?  His first inclination was to turn right around and run back outside as fast as he could, but he stopped in time, giving himself a stern lecture on the need to survive and his lack of other options at the moment.

A short spry elderly woman with iron-gray hair and sharp sparkling brown eyes sat on a padded stool behind the counter looking very bored.  She glanced up warily as he approached her.  Her expression was very hard to read.  He knew he must look a horrid sight with his long matted hair and beard, not to mention the ill-fitting clothing that looked, quite accurately, as if he'd been sleeping in the open in them for some time.

Still…nothing ventured, nothing gained, and he needed to gain something rather soon or all he'd gone through in the recent past would be for naught.  So taking himself firmly in hand, he walked boldly up to the lady behind the counter and attempted a smile, although he wasn't even sure that she could see it through the beard.  "Good afternoon, Madam.  I see by the sign in your window that you have a job opening.  As I am in need of employment, I would like to apply."

The incongruity of that silky cultured voice that spouted those well-mannered comments coming from the mouth of one of the most disgusting tramps she'd seen in quite some time surprised the shopkeeper immensely.  Her eyes narrowed in speculation, and she examined this strange vision much more closely.  He looked about ready to collapse if the truth be told.  Still there was something…appealing…about him.  Some innate dignity and strength shown out of his rather beautiful dark eyes.  As she gazed at those eyes the woman decided in an instant to give him a chance to explain himself rather than to simply throw him back out onto the sidewalk.  His appearance, after all, was the most interesting thing to happen to her in hours, and she was tired of maintaining her lonely vigil behind the counter.  Customers had been a bit thin on the ground today.

"Frankly, young man, you don't look like you've worked in some time.  A good stiff breeze would likely blow you away!  I need someone to lift and carry for me…to clean up and sort things out.  Do you feel capable of a job like that?"  She stared at him appraisingly.

He hesitated, but decided to be truthful…at least as truthful as seemed prudent.  "To be honest, I don't know when I last held a job or what it might have been.  I believe I was in some sort of…accident a while ago, and I've lost most of my memory.  I'm in rather desperate need of some food and a place to rest, but I'm sure that I'm capable of handling the tasks you'd set for me.  I really do need the job, and I'd work hard for you."

Intrigued in spite of herself, she sighed and inquired.  "What's your name?  Or don't you remember?"

His name?  No…actually, he didn't remember.  He rattled his empty brain a bit to see if anything would fall out.  S…Sev…Stev…Steve…n.  "Steven."  He glanced around the room at all the paintings on the walls.   "Yes…it's Steven…Steven Frame."

She nodded slowly as she shrewdly sized him up.  No one had come along looking to take her up on her job offer in quite some time, and truthfully, she was getting rather desperate.  She really needed the help. The physical labor necessary to keep the shop running was getting to be a bit too much for her now a days.  Reluctantly she admitted that she wasn't as young as she used to be.  A couple of strong arms attached to a strong back would help her out immensely.  She just had her doubts if this Steven was strong enough to manage the work.  He really looked awfully thin and tired. 

Still if he didn't work out long term, perhaps she could get a bit of work out of him in the short term, and anything would be a help.  It actually might be worth keeping him around for awhile simply to hear him speak.  He really did have the loveliest voice, so deep and mesmerizing.  It was a real pleasure to listen to him. Perhaps he'd be willing to read to her in the evenings.  Her eyes weren't what they used to be either, and she did miss having a peek at her stories after supper.  Wonder what Barbara Cartland or Victoria Holt would sound like coming from his mouth?   

Making up her mind, she said.  "Well, Steven, I'll give you a chance, if you promise to shave that brush off your face so I can get a good look at you."

He raised an eyebrow.  "I'd be happy to, Madam, but I don't have a razor in my possession at the moment.  In fact, I am currently in possession of nothing more than the clothes on my back."

Pleased to be able to solve that problem easily, she smiled up at him.  "Don't worry, I can take care of that.  I have some clothes that I think would fit you a darn sight better than what you're wearing, too.  You look to be about the same build as my son, Robert, and he left some things here when he went into the service.  I have a room over the barn out back that you can stay in.  It's got everything you should need to clean yourself up a bit.  The job is fetch and carry and whatever needs doing around here, and it pays 4 pounds 25 pence an hour, plus the room, and I'll feed you, too.  Speaking of food…I think we should take care of that little detail first thing, don't you?  Forgive my saying so, but you look ready to collapse at any moment, and I don't need any dead bodies in here.  Bad for business."

Immensely relieved at the thought of getting some food and a place to stay for awhile, he nodded gratefully.  "Thank you, Madam.  I am indeed, extremely hungry and tired.  It has been quite some time since I've had any food to eat."

Briskly she bustled out from behind the counter and began to shepherd him through a passageway at the back of the shop and into a warm cozy kitchen at the rear of the building.  "You can drop the Madam, right now.  I'm Mrs. Trevalleyn…Dorothy Trevalleyn, Steven.  Now, let me get you something to eat, and then we'll get you cleaned up and see what you can do around here.  Lord knows, I need the help."

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Steven opened the door to his new quarters and looked around the Spartan room.   Two small windows opposite each other on the whitewashed walls kept the room from feeling too claustrophobic, but it was quite small and lightly furnished.  There was a narrow bed in one corner.  A small table with one chair occupied the center of the room under a naked lightbulb dangling from a cord, and a battered dresser stood against the wall by the door.  A faded rag rug in varying shades of green provided the only color in the room.  All in all, it was a lost and lonely looking place.  "How fitting", he thought sarcastically.

Another door that sagged slightly on its hinges led to a small bathroom with a shower stall, a toilet, and a pedestal sink with a rectangular mirror over it.  The linoleum on the floor was cracked and broken and the faded curtains hung limply from their rod.  Yes, indeed, this was clearly the prime vacation spot of Cornwall, and depressingly, he knew he was lucky to have it.

He shrugged his shoulders resignedly.  Oh well, it was better than being on his own in the bone-chilling cold.  Two nights in the open in the middle of December were quite enough for him.  Carelessly he tossed the pile of warm clothes that he held onto the bed and removed his cloak.  There was a hook on the wall behind the door so he hung it there while he decided what to do next.  Regaining some semblance of humanity seemed to be the first order of business.  That meant removing all the "brush" on his face, as Mrs. Trevalleyn wanted.

So he walked into the small bathroom and took a good long look in the mirror.  The face that looked back at him was a total stranger.  The long matted black hair and the equally long wiry black beard, with just a hint of gray on one side, were both wild and unkempt.  It was a wonder that Mrs. Trevalleyn had ever allowed him in the door.  He certainly wouldn't have if he'd been an elderly woman living alone.  His eyes looked like two pieces of burned coal and his thin face, what he could see of it anyway, was the color of milk.  He found himself wondering if that was his usual color or if the lengthy imprisonment had simply leeched his skin of all pigment.  Regardless, he looked a fright, so he'd better get to it.

The first thing he did was check the shelf over the sink for the razor and cream that Mrs. Trevalleyn told him would be there.  Sure enough there they stood just waiting to be put to use.  He removed the razor and replaced its current blade with one from the open package lying next to it.  Then he put it down and began to unbutton the filthy shirt that was much too wide in the body and long in the arms.  He walked back into the bedroom and tossed the shirt onto the chair then he returned to the bathroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

With a horrified gesture, he moved the beard aside and took a long close look at his thin chest in the mirror.  It was absolutely covered with an intricate pattern of scars, which extended down his arms and into the top of the pants he wore.  By awkwardly twisting around he could determine that his back was equally scarred with narrow tracery interspersed with wider slashes in various hues of red and pink and white and purple depending on their age.  My god!  There wasn't an inch of unscarred flesh to be seen anywhere on his body.  You'd think he'd at least remember this having been done to him.  This wasn't something that was done overnight.  This was the work of days…or weeks…or… months.  Just how long had he been a prisoner anyway?

A shiver coursed through him as he contemplated what he was seeing.  He'd known he had some scarring, of course.  His movements were often stiff and constricted by the scars on his back and shoulders, and some movements caused his skin to burn with irritation under his rough clothing.  However, never did he dream that the damage was so extensive.

Then something else caught his eye…something equally horrifying.  Fascinated and repelled at the same time he held up his left forearm and stared at the monstrous grayish black tattoo of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth.  With a trembling hand, he ran his fingers delicately over the image and the skin felt hot and painful to the touch.  What in hell was it?  Hell, indeed, seemed like the appropriate word here.  What kind of person was he to let someone put a thing like that onto his skin?  Did he truly want to know the answer?

Feeling a bit dazed by these discoveries, he decided to shave off his beard and try to tackle his hair before contemplating any more unanswerable questions.  He reached for the pair of scissors that also lay on the shelf over the sink and began to try to tame the hairy beast in the mirror.

Once he'd removed the beard and hacked off the hair to about shoulder length, he once more contemplated his reflection.  Lank black hair, deep set black eyes, a large protruding nose set in a weary and painfully thin face.  He was certainly no prize to look at, but at the very least he looked more human now.  Still, there was nothing of familiarity in his reflection as he'd hoped there might be once he was finally able to get a good look.  While he certainly didn't recognize himself, he wondered if anyone else would.  Could he possibly walk down the street and be recognized as someone's long lost relative…or preferably their recently lost relative?  Was there somewhere out there where he belonged?  Someone he belonged to?  No matter how long he stared at his reflection, no answers were forthcoming.  With a snort of disgust he wondered why he ever thought there would be?

Turning away from the frustration of the mirror, he returned to the bedroom to strip off the rest of his clothes in preparation for taking the first shower he'd had in who knows how long and was appalled, but not particularly surprised, to find more of the thick and thin tracery of scar tissue on his lower torso and down his legs.  There were even ugly scars along the sides of his penis, the build up of tissue constricting it slightly.  He shuddered painfully as he thought about someone inflicting these injuries on him.  Suddenly lack of memory didn't seem like such an unfortunate thing, after all.

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Author's Notes:

Lina Lupin:  I'm glad to know that Minerva is now on the character list for fanfiction.  My story about her isn't going very well, though.  It's humor, and I'm finding that to be a lot harder to write than drama.  Life hasn't seemed all that humorous lately, I guess.  It could be awhile before it sees the light of day.  Yes, Snape ends up fairly close to Evangeline's cottage, but it will still be a few more chapters before they cross paths.

SevyHero:  Evangeline hasn't changed her mind.  She'll never love anyone else the way that she loves Severus.  However, she is trying to move forward with her life without him, and she's very lonely.  As far as she knows, Severus is dead, and she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life alone, wishing for him.  She cares about Remus a lot, and he loves her and is trying very hard to earn a more intimate place in her life.  As long as Remus is willing to take what she can give him and not demand more…she's willing to try to be with him.  That doesn't mean that she's stopped loving Severus, and she's very open about telling Remus that she doesn't love him the way he'd like her to. 

Manic:  It's not really Sirius' or Remus' fault that they didn't find Snape, but you're right…if Evangeline knew about it, she wouldn't be too pleased.  I've been taking some short leaps forward in time, but from now on things move pretty much day to day through the rest of December.  After the raid on the prison, Remus went straight to Evangeline's cottage for the Wolfsbane Potion, then on to the meeting with Dumbledore.  I'm really pleased that you're reading and enjoying the story.  I've really enjoyed your work.

Elbereth94:  Sigh.  I guess I've done my job too well.  I wanted to make Remus/Evangeline believable…not preferable.  Severus was not at all happy to hear this. :) 

Sage and Snape:  Yes, I'm sure in lots of ways, Dumbledore carries the "weight of the world" with him.  He certainly does in the books.  He feels horribly guilty over losing Snape and considering her current feelings, he couldn't bear to raise Evangeline's hopes only to have to hurt her again.  So he kept his information to himself.  One of the hardest things about being responsible is that you usually have no one to share the burdens with, which of course, makes them heavier.

Arwen2002:  Please don't hate Remus.  He has enough problems already.

Jezebel:  As I tried to explain to an earlier reviewer, Evangeline hasn't forgotten Severus, but she's tired of being alone and in pain.  He's been gone and presumed dead for more than a year now.  Remus is offering her comfort and love with no strings attached.  She needs to try to move forward, and Remus wants to be part of that, and although she still feels guilty about it, Evangeline has decided to let him.

Arachne's Child:  Yes, Dumbledore definitely suffers the "loneliness of command".  I'm glad you liked the scene.  It was the hardest part of the chapter to write.  Lupin is fairly used to dealing with poor hands in the card game of life, I imagine.  Don't worry, he'll get some really spectacular ones before the truly killer ones show up.


	11. Enough

                                                                                                         Chapter Eleven: Enough

Remus Lupin was a happy man.  The time had finally come!  The time he'd been waiting for, for over a year.  The time he'd been dreaming about for far longer than that, if he was honest. This visit to Cornwall would be the answer to all his dreams.  He just knew it.  Evangeline was finally ready to let him into her life in a more intimate way.  She hadn't exactly said so in so many words, but he could tell.  She'd never invited him to come and stay with her before.  He'd always been the one to initiate their visits.  That she'd done so this time had to mean something, and what else could it mean?  They'd been heading inexorably in this direction for a long time now.  Inch by inch they'd been feeling their way towards each other until at last they were ready to connect.  

No longer did the touch of his lips on hers cause her to jump like a nervous animal.  Her kisses were more definite, more loving, as if she wanted to kiss him almost as much as he wanted her to.  She'd let him kiss her, and embrace her lovingly, and now she'd invited him to come and spend the holidays with her. Yes, this had to mean that she was finally ready to fully open her arms to him, and he was so much more than ready to respond.  This was going to be the best Christmas that he'd ever had.  No doubt about it.

Humming happily to himself, Remus was busily packing clothes into a bag when suddenly he was distracted by a knock on the door.

He raised his head from his folding and called out for whoever was knocking to come in as he walked out of the bedroom and back into his classroom with a shirt still in his hands.

The door opened to reveal Sirius Black standing there with a big grin on his face.  "Hi, Remus.  I'm glad I caught you before you left.  I wanted to wish you good luck and a Merry Christmas, of course."

Remus smiled at his friend.  "Well, this is a switch…you bothering to knock.  It's good to see you, Sirius.  Are you here to spend Christmas with Harry?"

Sirius nodded as he casually wandered around the room looking at anything that caught his fancy.  "Yeah.  I really need a break after the activity of the last few months.  I haven't been able to spend as much time with Harry as I've wanted to.  So I'm really looking forward to this visit.  He's growing up so fast, and I've missed so much of it.  I'm sorry that you aren't going to be around, though.  I was looking forward to spending a little time with you, too."   

He paused in his wanderings and focused more seriously on his friend.  "Are you sure this is the right move?  Going to spend Christmas with Evangeline, I mean."

Caught by surprise at his question, Remus scowled at his friend as if he'd said something incredibly stupid.  "Of course I'm sure.  Why would you even ask that?"

Sirius hesitated and shrugged his shoulders.  "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Remus turned away with a snort and strode briskly back into the bedroom.  His friend's doubts were fast taking the edge off his happiness.  "Evangeline isn't going to hurt me, Sirius.  Why would you even suggest that?"

Sirius followed him into the bedroom and stood in the doorway.  "No, of course not…not intentionally, but …".  He paused, unsure just how to phrase what he wanted to say.

Remus flung his last shirt into his bag as he found himself getting annoyed and turned back to his friend with his hands firmly planted on his hips.  "But what?"  He exclaimed with a scowl.

Sirius sighed.  "I never could see what she saw in Snape, but regardless of what it was…it was the real thing for her.  I can still vividly remember the expressions on their faces at their wedding.  I can honestly say that I've never seen anyone look happier or more in love not even James and Lily, and they were pretty mushy."  He grinned at Remus, but the werewolf didn't return the grin.  

In the face of Remus' obvious annoyance, Sirius dropped the grin and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.  He was a bit sorry now that he'd ever started this conversation, but his concerns forced him to continue.  

"Look…what I'm trying to say is that Evangeline loved Snape with a depth of feeling that I've rarely seen in anyone.  I know it's been more than a year, but I can't help thinking that one year…five years…ten years…aren't going to matter.  She'll always love him, Remus, and where does that leave you?"

His happy mood dimmed by his friend's concerns, Remus sighed.  "You're right, Sirius.  She will always love him, more than she could ever love me, but ultimately that doesn't matter.  He's dead.  Severus is dead, and he's not coming back.  He can't hold her in his arms anymore.  He can't make love to her.  He can't keep her warm at night, and she needs that.  I know damn well she does.  Sooner or later she'll accept it from somebody else, and I want to make damn sure it's me!"

With determination etched strongly on his features, he exclaimed.  "She's going to be mine, Sirius!  If that means accepting the fact that she'll never love me the way that she loved him, then so be it.  I'm at the point where I don't care any more.  I'll take whatever I can get.  I have no choice.  I'll wait until hell freezes over if I have to, but Evangeline is going to be mine."  

Sirius looked sadly at his friend.  "And that will really be enough for you?  Playing second fiddle to a dead man?"

"It's certainly not ideal, but it's the only option I've got, and it's infinitely preferable to not having her in my life at all.  I spent a long time trying to get over her Sirius, but I never seemed to be able to do it.  I love her.  I think that finally… I can have her.  If she doesn't love me the way that I love her…well, that's just the way it is. As long as I'm the man in her arms, then yeah…whatever I get will be enough for me.  It'll have to be."

"I hope so, Remus.  I really do."

                        ***************************************************************************************************

Evangeline stood before her dressing table and contemplated her reflection in the mirror.  She looked very pale.  The scoop necked green gown may have helped bring out the red highlights in her hair, but it made her look as transparent as a ghost.  Damn it!  What should she wear?  Why was she so nervous?  It was just Remus, after all.  He wouldn't care what she wore.  He'd probably be happier if she wore nothing at all.

A shiver ran through her at the thought.  "Oh, god…am I making a horrible mistake?  I've come to care for Remus an awful lot…much more than I'd have ever thought possible once, but I don't really love him…not the way I should if I'm contemplating making love to him…letting him make love to me."  

She closed her eyes.  "I miss a warm touch on my skin more than I ever thought I would.  I miss being close to someone, being held and caressed…and kissed.  Is it wrong to reach out for that again…from someone who wants to give it?  He says he doesn't care that I don't love him the way I loved Severus. The way I'll always love Severus.  Is it possible that he's telling the truth, or is changing the parameters of our relationship merely going to ruin it?"

Evangeline found herself thinking back to the conversation she'd had with Minerva earlier in the week when she'd told her that she'd invited Remus to spend Christmas with her.

Minerva had smiled at her and said.  "Remus must be very happy that you asked him, Evangeline.  Does this mean a change in your relationship is in the offing?"

Evangeline had nodded hesitantly.  "That's what I intended when I asked him, but I still feel a bit unsure about it.  What's wrong with me, Minerva?  Remus is a wonderful man.  I care so much about him, but I just can't make myself love him like he wants me to.  He swears that that doesn't matter to him, but how can it not?"

"Remus is a grown man, Evangeline.  You've been totally honest with him. He knows how you feel, and he's willing to accept whatever you can give him in a relationship.  What you need to concern yourself with is how you feel.  Are you ready to move on with your life?  Are you over Severus?"

That blunt question had cut into her heart like a knife.  There was only one answer, and she'd given it without hesitation.  "No.  Minerva, I'll never be over Severus.  I know without a doubt, that I'll never love anyone else the way that I loved him, but he's dead…dead."  Her voice had trailed off with a tightening of her throat, and it took her a moment before she could continue.  "I have to find a way to move on…to move forward.  I can't ever have Severus with me again.  Does that mean I have to be alone for the rest of my life?"

Minerva had smiled sadly at her.  "Only you can make that decision, Evangeline."

Slowly she opened her eyes once more.  She'd made her decision; at least she thought she had.  Why was she second guessing herself now?  Her reflection had no answers for her.  Impulsively she reached out and opened the lid on a crystal music box that stood on the surface of the dressing table.  It was the only thing she'd kept that had belonged to her mother.  The haunting strains of Fur Elise filled the room and transported Evangeline back to her childhood as she remembered listening to this tune whenever her mother was getting dressed for some evening affair of one sort or another.  The music washed over her like a pleasant breeze, calming, soothing, quieting her tumultuous thoughts.  Comforted she smiled fondly at the source of the music then the smile froze on her face as her eyes caught sight of what rested within the music box.  How could she have forgotten it was there?

With a trembling hand she reached out and plucked the necklace from its crystal nest.  It sat in the middle of her palm and winked at her in the late afternoon light.  The most beautiful thing she owned…the heart shaped ruby necklace that Severus had given to her.  The one and only Christmas gift she'd ever received from him.  With a shock, she realized that she'd been without him now for longer than she'd known him.  How is it possible to have loved someone so much and yet to have known them for so short a time?  She'd known him barely more than a year, without a doubt the most important year of her life.  The only time in her life that she'd known absolute happiness and love despite all the difficulties they'd gone through together.  Together…had been all that mattered.

Clutching the necklace in her fist, she brought it to her chest as tears sprang from nowhere and her legs suddenly refused to support her.  She sank down to the floor and leaned back against the bed.  Grief and loneliness overwhelmed her once more as she saw his image swim in front of her blurry eyes.  Why did this have to happen to her?  Damn it!  Why now?  She was so sure that she'd gotten past all this pain.  That she'd put Severus away in a part of her heart that she'd locked up forever.  Why was he continuing to escape at odd moments?

With a ragged breath, she opened her hand and ran a delicate finger over the heart she held in her palm.  She stared at it for a long moment then got determinedly to her feet.  She dropped the necklace back into its prison and slammed the lid shut.

No!  She wasn't going to do this.  Not again…never again.  Severus was dead!  He's dead!   Somehow she had to accept it and move on. There was no other choice!  That meant Remus Lupin.  This time she was going to accept his love.  She'd already decided that.  It was too late to turn back now.  He'd be here soon, and he was going to be expecting her to tell him she was ready to accept him…into her life…into her arms…into her bed.

Determined to ignore the worries that continued to gnaw at the back of her brain, she wiped her face angrily with her fingers.  Damn it…she was ready.  She was!  She needed Remus, and he wanted to be needed.  He loved her.  That would be enough…it just had to be. 

                        ***************************************************************************************************

Steven shifted boxes around in the barn that sat out behind Mrs. Trevalleyn's shop.  Where could that box of picture frames be?  She'd said it would be right on top of the workbench in the corner.  Well, this was the only workbench he could see, and there were clearly no picture frames here.  He glanced around in disgust.  How could anyone find anything in all this mess, anyway?  Obviously this place hadn't been given a good cleaning in years.  As he shifted boxes and poked into corners, it ran through his mind that there was an easier way to do this.

He paused and straightened up stiffly trying to ease the burning ache in his shoulders.  Hesitantly he held his right hand out in front of him.  An image of himself holding a stick in it and moving it around kept flashing through his mind.  A stick?  Why the hell should he be waving a bloody stick around in his hand?  What earthly use would that be?   Was he conducting music perhaps?  No, that didn't seem quite right.  He didn't seem the musical type.  

If he was reading the image correctly, he was trying to do something with the stick…but what?  It made no sense.  Still the image was clear and vivid.  As strange as it seemed, it was another memory.  He was sure of that.  The memory eruptions were coming through more clearly and more often now.  Although most of it still didn't make the least bit of sense, like waving sticks about and flying on brooms instead of sweeping with them.  Whoever he'd been in his former life, he must've been a very odd person.   Maybe he was a writer.  Maybe that was why all these strange and fanciful things kept coming to him.  They could be nothing more than the vivid after effects of an overly active imagination.

But what about her?  The green-eyed Angel who smiled at him and danced with him in his mind.  Was she merely a product of his imagination, too?  A strong wave of sadness washed over him at the thought.  No.  She had to be real.  No imaginary image could be so strong and vital.  He didn't merely see her in his mind, he felt her warmth, he smelled her scent; he had to have known her, cared for her…possibly loved her.  There had to be a way to remember.  Why couldn't he remember?  

Somehow he felt he'd done this to himself…that he needed to forget for some unfathomable reason, but whatever it was, the danger was over now, wasn't it?  He snorted to himself in disgust.  How was he to know?  He was free now, but without his memories, it felt as if he was still in a cage.  How could he go on if he didn't know why he'd been a prisoner?  Once he'd escaped he hadn't known where to go, what to do. He didn't even know who to trust.  Perhaps Mrs. Trevalleyn only seemed to be a kindly old lady.  Maybe she was really one of those devils in black robes who'd tortured him daily for months on end.  

Whoa!  Where had that memory come from?  He'd been tortured?  Well, considering all the scars he'd found on his body once he'd had a chance to look closely, that really wasn't much of a stretch.  But daily?   My, god, could anyone survive being tortured daily?  For how long?  Months?  Years?  Gods…could it possibly be years?  Why?  Damn it, this was so frustrating!  Not remembering might have served its purpose once, but now it merely made his life more difficult.  He needed answers.  Who was he? What was his real name?  Steven didn't feel quite right.  Why had he been in prison?  Had he done something wrong?  Committed some crime?  No.  That didn't seem quite right either.  No legally sanctioned prison went in for the kind of torture that he'd apparently been subjected to.  Someone had obviously hated him with a viciousness that was breathtaking to contemplate, but why?  What had he possibly done to provoke such horrible treatment?

Wearily he closed his eyes and sighed.  Speculating and wondering was an exercise in futility!  If he recognized anything in himself, it was impatience. He needed to know…now!  Drifting along, waiting for the answers to come to him, wasn't any good.  It simply didn't seem to be in his nature to be willing to do that without complaint.  Danger could still be lurking out there for him, and he couldn't even recognize it if he saw it.  Someone wanted him to suffer…possibly die; yet if they knocked on his door tomorrow, he wouldn't know them for who they were.  That couldn't be allowed to continue.  For his own safety and peace of mind, he had to figure out who he was and who hated him so much and why.  Somehow he had to find a way to remember. Simply waiting around for the answers to find him wasn't enough.  It never would be.

                   *******************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  If anyone is interested in getting an e-mail notification when I post a new chapter of this story, just leave your e-mail address in a review or e-mail me directly and let me know.  I'll be happy to send you one. :)  Apparently I'm not getting notices of all my reviews again, so if I've missed responding to anyone, I apologize.

SevyHero: At the moment this story looks to be 30 or 31 chapters in length.  That could change, although I doubt if it will very much.

Sage and Snape:  I'm glad you liked the chapter.  Evangeline is quite close to where Severus is physically, but I promise they are not going to just miss each other all over the place over and over again.  That sort of maneuvering drives me crazy.  There'll be one close encounter and then the truth comes out. You're right…Steven doesn't fit him, and he knows it isn't right.

Elbereth94:  I'm glad you find the characters to be real.  In real life there aren't always neat answers to problems.  Things do end up emotionally messy sometimes.  No offense taken.  To be honest, I've never read a story, that I can recall anyway, with a male protagonist who's lost his memory.  So if I've stumbled into a major cliché, I hope you'll forgive me.  I had to come up with some reason that she'd have something on hand for him to wear.

Weasleyweasle:  I'm sorry that you so dislike the idea of Remus and Evangeline being together.  Feeling as you do, I'm a bit surprised that you've stayed with me through three stories, although I'm always happy to have people reading.  In the long run it's just as useful to have people tell me what they dislike about what I'm doing as well as what they like about it…as long as they explain their objections.  I hope you don't think that Evangeline views her husband's death as an easy excuse to go have fun with someone else.  That was certainly not my intention and if it reads like that then I need to rethink things.  While I understand the impulse to want Severus to find someone as well to balance things out and get back at his wife for cheating on him…that doesn't really fit with the reality of the current situation.  Severus knows that he can't afford to trust just anyone.  Until he knows a lot more about what happened to him and why, he's not going to get close to anyone, even if the chance presents itself.  He's not a naturally trusting person, after all.  Thanks for your comments.  I hope you'll keep reading.

Koolcaz:  Everyone will be very shocked to see Snape alive, believe me. :)


	12. Taking a Chance

                                                                                               Chapter Twelve:  Taking a Chance

Evangeline stood in the sitting room of her cottage smoothing her light blue gown uneasily.  She'd changed her clothes and her mind half a dozen times in the last hour.  Remus would be here any moment.  What was she going to do?  Perhaps she'd know when the time came.  Instead of planning everything out, perhaps she should simply go with what felt right when he was here.  He wouldn't pressure her into anything, after all.  Patience had been an overwhelmingly outstanding quality in the way he'd dealt with her over the last year.  No other man would have been half so patient.  She snorted to herself.  Severus certainly wouldn't have been.

She made an abrupt gesture and mentally yelled at herself.  "Stop it! Don't go comparing Remus to Severus!  They're very different people.  That way only leads to pain.  If I can't appreciate Remus for who he is, then I have no right to be with him.  No right at all."

Evangeline threw herself down on the couch and stared into the fire, picturing Remus' smiling face in her mind.  He's a wonderful man…kind, thoughtful, loving…every woman's dream in so many ways.  There was no doubt that she was lucky to have him in her life, and she knew it.  She couldn't help but feel so guilty about not loving him the way he deserved to be loved, though.  No matter what he said…how could he not resent that eventually?  How could he not want more from her?

A smile crossed her face as she stared into the fire and thought about Remus.  She really was looking forward to seeing him again.  It always made her happy to spend time with him.  They'd been together very briefly a couple of weeks ago when he'd come for the Wolfsbane Potion, but they never had time to visit then.  Remus was always so nervous…so scared to stay anywhere near her when he'd be transforming so soon.  He was always so solicitous of her welfare.  That was probably what bothered her the most.  Remus was one of the most wonderful people she'd ever known.  He deserved to have the best woman to love him, and sadly she knew that that wasn't her.  If he settled for her perhaps he'd be missing out on meeting someone who'd be better for him and could love him the way he deserved.

With a sigh she ran a hand through her hair and leaned back against the cushions.  Perhaps with time she'd be able to give him more.  She really did love him after all, just…not quite the way he wanted. The more time she'd spent with him, the more he'd come to mean to her.  Every time they were together she was happier to be with him.  Being with him helped so much to fill the empty void in her life.  Yes, inviting Remus here…being with him was the right move.  It was!

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.  She jumped nervously, jarred from her dizzy thoughts and doubts.  Standing determinedly, she headed toward the door placing a firm resolute smile on her face.  One step at a time, she told herself.  Just take it one step at a time.  Things will work out the way they're meant to.

With that comforting thought she swung open the door to find a shivering wizard rubbing his hands up and down his arms and smiling a charming smile at her.

"Hi, there pretty lady.  I was hoping you might have a cup of something warm to offer a cold werewolf on a rather chilly evening."

The sight of him immediately made her feel better.  She laughed and pulled him inside the warm cottage, closing the door firmly behind him.

"I'm sure I can find something to warm you up."  She said with a smile.

"This will do for a start."  He murmured as he drew her into his embrace and placed a tender kiss on her lips.

For an instant, she froze, then slowly she relaxed against him.  Sliding her arms around his neck and burying her hands in his hair, she responded warmly to his kiss, which gradually deepened as they lingered with each other, mingling their breath and tentatively tasting each other's mouths.  It was a kiss of exploration.  As each one of them was trying to discover just what the other wanted to take and was willing to give.

Finally with a deep sigh of satisfaction, Remus pulled back and smiled down at Evangeline.  "That was certainly a wonderful greeting, Angel.  I feel much warmer now."

A tentative smile flashed across her pleasantly flushed features.  "I'm glad.  Let's see if I can get you something that will warm you up even more."

Taking his hand in hers, she led him into the kitchen, redolent with the wonderful smells of dinner cooking.  Remus was surprised to see a house elf wearing a Hogwarts tea towel standing by the stove busily preparing a meal.  Evangeline addressed the elf.  "Rooty would you bring us some tea please?  Professor Lupin needs something to warm him up a bit after his trip."

Rooty turned from the stove and nodded agreeably.  "Yes, Missy Evangeline.  Right away."

Smiling her thanks she led Remus back out of the kitchen and over to the couch in front of the fire.  She took his cloak and went and hung it from the hook by the door then returned to Remus' side.  When they sat down he turned to her and asked.  "Where did the house elf come from, Angel?  I thought you sent the ones you had back to school."

"I did.  Rooty is a temporary Christmas gift from Minerva.  She knew you were coming for the holidays, and she didn't want us to have to try to get our own dinner.  I think she's convinced that I can't possibly be able to cook anything.  She's always telling me that I need to put on a little weight. So she sent me Rooty for a few days.  He'll be leaving the day after Christmas."

Remus smiled.  "That was a thoughtful gift.  Do you think Minerva might have felt she needed to provide us with a chaperone?"

Evangeline felt her cheeks warm.  "Don't be silly, Remus.  You've come to stay before, and Minerva hasn't felt we needed any company.  We're grown adults for heavens sake, not children."

"I'm not always convinced Minerva sees us that way.  I know she still sees me as a student at times."

"Probably because you caused her so much trouble when you were a student, Remus." Evangeline grinned wickedly at him.

He shook his head adamantly and raised his right hand.  "Not true!  I swear! I never caused Minerva any trouble.  She always thought I was charming.  I was a prefect after all.  There were standards I had to uphold.  I wouldn't have wanted to embarrass Gryffindor house in her eyes."  He paused and a twinkle came into his eyes.   "Not that I was a perfect angel at school, of course. I can't really say that I never caused Filch any trouble.  It's a wonder the man will still speak to me.  I'll admit that when I returned as a professor, I was a little apprehensive about facing him for the first time, but it all worked out okay…after a few awkward moments."

Evangeline laughed.  At this point Rooty appeared with the tea service and laid it on a side table saying that dinner would be ready in half an hour.  Then with a bow, he returned to the kitchen.

Evangeline poured Remus a cup of the hot tea and fixed it to his order.  Then she sat back into the corner of the couch, slipped off her shoes, and drew up her legs wrapping her arms around them.  As he looked at her, Remus couldn't help but think of someone armoring themselves and getting into a defensible position.  She was obviously a bit nervous.  Well, so was he.   This visit could turn out to be a tremendously important one for both of them.  Taking things slowly seemed like the best move he could make, so he sat back and relaxed with his tea as he stretched his legs out toward the fire.

"This is wonderful, Angel.  Thank you.  I feel much warmer now.  I've been so busy with the end of term that it feels incredibly nice to just relax for a while.  So what have you been up to lately?"

As Evangeline began to unbend a bit while she recounted all the things that had been occupying her days, Remus watched and listened and simply enjoyed being with her again.  Drinking in the sight of her and the sound of her and the smell of her along with his tea in front of the warming fire.

Time passed pleasantly and, as usual, far too quickly for Remus.  When dinner was ready they went to the kitchen to find that Rooty had set the table for royalty.  Fine china and glassware twinkled in the warm candlelight on a snow white tablecloth.  Soft soothing music was coming from somewhere, and the meal was cooked to perfection.  It all looked rather romantic in fact.  Suddenly Rooty was looking less like a chaperone and more like an ally to Remus.  Perhaps Minerva was on his side after all he thought with a happy grin.

Once they began their meal and Rooty had made sure that they lacked for nothing, he made himself scarce.  It was useless to suggest that he join them.  House elves were quite adamant in general about not dining with witches and wizards.  Remus hoped he'd taken a plate of food with him, though, because the meal was delicious.

After dinner was over, they returned to the sitting room fire with goblets of wine and pleasantly full stomachs.  The two of them sat on the floor in front of the crackling fire and rested their backs comfortably against the couch.  For awhile they sat there in companionable silence sipping their wine and listening to Rooty clean up in the kitchen as the soft music continued to flow through the air around them setting a comfortable mood.

When things were finally quiet in the kitchen and Rooty seemed to have gone wherever house elves go when they're on their own time, Remus set his wine glass aside and slipped his arm gently around Evangeline's shoulders, drawing her in closer to him.  Savoring the feel of her warm body against his.  Being here with her like this felt so much like a beautiful dream that he'd had over and over again.  Reality was even more breathtaking in its wonder and anticipation, though.

"It's wonderful to be here with you again, Angel.  Thank you for inviting me to come and stay.  I've missed you so much."  He murmured quietly against her soft hair, which was shining in the reflected light of the fire.

She turned her face up to his and smiled softly at him.  "I've missed you too, Remus.  It's always nice to have you here.  I'm glad you decided to come."

"All you ever had to do was ask me.  There's nothing I'd rather do than spend time with you, I hope you know that."  He smiled down into her eyes and brought his other hand up to gently stroke her hair and caress her cheek softly.  They stared at each other, hardly daring to breathe, hearts pumping madly.  Cupping her face with his hand, and slowly, so as to give her time to pull away if she wanted to, he brought his lips down to kiss her once again.  He could feel her trembling against him as his lips glided gently over hers.

The kiss was soft and tentative.  Her response to him was uncertain, as if she was still of two minds about just how she should react to his advances.  With a pang of fear, he pulled back slowly, relinquishing her lips with reluctance.  "Am I moving too fast for you, Angel?  I don't want to push you into anything you aren't ready for," he said quietly.

Tears glittered in her eyes, and she shook her head.  "I thought I was ready, Remus.  I'm just still so afraid I'll hurt you.  You're such a wonderful person.  You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally.  Not damaged goods like me."

With a sigh of understanding, he stroked her hair and hugged her against him.  "Don't worry about hurting me.  You let me worry about what I deserve, okay?  All I want is you, Angel.  I know how you feel about me.  I told you I'd be happy with whatever you could give me.  That hasn't changed.  I love you…no one else.  I don't see you as damaged goods, Evangeline.  You're simply the most wonderful person I know.  Being with you…loving you…that's all I want.  That's all I'll ever want.  I promise."

She lifted her head from his chest and smiled up at him as her moist eyes glistened in the firelight. "Oh, Remus." She whispered as she caressed his cheek softly with her hand.  "You've been so patient with me.  I know it's been frustrating dealing with my doubts.  I don't deserve anyone as wonderful as you, but I'm really glad you're here."

With hope filling his heart, Remus smiled down at her.  "May I make love to you, Evangeline?"  He whispered wistfully.

Staring deeply into his warm eyes seemed to settle her doubts once and for all, and she found herself nodding slowly, suddenly quite sure of what her answer should be.  "Yes." She whispered back softly as she slid her arms up his chest to entwine them around his neck.  "Oh, yes."  

With a sense of wonder, he took her gently into his arms once more and kissed her softly then more passionately as they slipped down to lay in each others arms in front of the warm comfortable fire.  Tenderly he kissed her eyelids and her cheeks then continued down the slender column of her throat with soft butterfly kisses as she sighed in contentment at the wonderful feeling building inside of her.  It had been so long since she'd felt like this, so long since she'd been held and touched.  So very, very long.

Slowly they undressed each other in the golden glow of the firelight.  Pausing after the removal of each item of clothing to explore whatever new expanse of warm flesh was now exposed for viewing and touching and kissing.  Before long they were both completely naked on the soft rug.  Although this wasn't the first time he'd seen Evangeline without clothes, Remus didn't want to dwell on the pain of the last time they were together intimately.  This was a new beginning for them, and he only wanted to think of the future and make her happy.  To his eyes, she was even more beautiful than he remembered and finally she was in his arms, willingly and hopefully forever.  He intended to make the most of it.

When they finally came together it was every bit as wonderful as he'd ever imagined it would be. As far as he was concerned, the stars stood still in the heavens to watch.  Nothing could make this moment more perfect for Remus.  Here in front of this fire in this lonely cottage on the coast, Remus Lupin had achieved his heart's desire at last.  Evangeline Winthrop-Snape was finally his.

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Author's Notes:

Elbereth94:  True, last chapter was pretty much setting things up for this chapter.  I do think that Sirius has enough intelligence not to say, "I told you so" to Remus.  At least I think he does…well, I'm pretty sure anyway. :)

Weasleyweasle:  Sigh.  Well, as you can see, your worst fears have come to pass.  When I started this incredibly lengthy storyline, I had no intention of matching up Remus and Evangeline.  But their relationship evolved gradually until it became more than I ever intended.  Once that happened, I felt the situation needed some resolution…hence this story.  If you can't stand to watch, you might want to skip the next few chapters and drop back in on Chapter 16.  Things really begin to move forward quickly from that point. :)

SevyHero:  Everyone will be affected by Snape's return.  After all this build up, surely you don't think there won't be consequences for what's happened on all sides?

Lina Lupin:  There is a lot of difficulty ahead for everyone.  I haven't given up on the Snape/McGonagall story…exactly, but I am having major difficulties with it.  As I mentioned, it's a humorous piece, and life hasn't been all that humorous this year, so I've had trouble getting in the mood to work on it.

Elaine Lahey:  Thanks for your kind words.  I had forgotten about Inspector Monk!  I did read two or three of those books years ago now.  They were very good, although Anne Perry's crimes were always so gut-wrenching that it got to me at times.  I think I stopped reading the series for the very silly reason that I preferred  the Barrister (Oliver someone?) to Monk as a match for the woman involved, and it was obvious that things weren't going to go that way. :)  Did he ever recover his memory?

P. Veronica Tyler:  I do believe I said that Remus would get to experience some happiness in his life in this story, and as you can see, the man is blissfully happy at the moment.  I never promised "happily ever after".

Dv:  Hey, no problem.  No one is forcing you to read this.  Thanks for your comments; sorry you don't like the story.

Jtyw:  He doesn't want to…but he's willing to accept reality.  Oh, and it's not IF…it's WHEN Severus comes back, I assure you.

Brittany:  Thank you.  I'm so glad you like my Snape.


	13. Reflections in the Dark of Night

                                                                                     Chapter Thirteen: Reflections in the Dark of Night

Steven lugged the heavy box of picture frames back into the house through the back door and on into the front of the shop where his boss waited for them.

Mrs. Trevalleyn turned at his entrance and smiled at him.  "Goodness, Steven.  I thought I was going to have to send out a search party for you.  You've been gone such a long time.  Weren't they where I thought they were?  That barn is a dreadful mess, I know.  I keep meaning to get in there and clean it out, but it's hard to find the time and the energy."

Steven found himself biting back a sharp retort.  Unkind comments did seem to fly easily to his tongue, but it wouldn't do to insult this woman who'd been so good to him.  At least not before he was better prepared to manage on his own.

Deciding to be diplomatic, he gave her a small smile and stated.  "The box was rather well hidden.  It turned up under the workbench in a dark corner covered by a length of canvas."

She nodded.  "Oh well, I knew they were somewhere near the workbench.  Put them down on the counter there."  She waved a hand vaguely at the counter next to her cash register.

Obediently he complied with her request, happy to be rid of them.  As he set the box down on the counter, he offered.  "I'd be more than willing to reorganize the barn for you.  There are a lot of useful things in there.  If it was better organized, you'd be able to find whatever you needed much more easily." 

And I wouldn't have to waste so much time when you send me on yet another fruitless search for something, he thought sardonically.

The shopkeeper crossed the room to where he was standing, on her way to look in the box, and smiled happily at him.  "I'd really appreciate you're help with that, Steven.  Thank you.  The mess in that barn has simply gotten too overwhelming for an old lady like me.  That's why I need someone young and strong like you to help me manage things.  Now, let's see what's in this box, eh?"

Once he'd relinquished the box she started to paw through it pulling out one or two frames to consider them critically.  "These might do."  She mused.

Turning to him with another warm smile she said, "Come tell me what you think of these."  

She led him across the room through the maze of stuff to a small table in a corner, which contained two paintings.  Both of them seascapes of uncommon beauty and liveliness.  A strange feeling came over him as he gazed down at the paintings.  There was a sense of familiarity about them, although he couldn't ever remember seeing them before.  Not exactly a surprise.

"What do you think of them?"  His boss turned to him avidly seeking his opinion.  It was apparent from her manner that she liked them very much.

"They're wonderful.  Did you paint them?"  He turned to consider her quizzically. 

Mrs. Trevalleyn laughed a pleasant laugh.  "Good heavens no!  The very idea.  These were done by a local girl who's been letting me sell them for her on commission.  I can hardly keep her work in stock.  These are the last two I have.  I hope she'll have some more for me after Christmas.  Every piece she's given to me is as lovely as these two.  They sell like hotcakes!  I wish I had 10 artists like her letting me sell their wares.  I could retire a happy woman, believe me."

Steven's eyes fell on the initials in the corner of the painting.  E. W. S.  Slowly he extended a finger and delicately caressed the letters.  "What's her name?"  He whispered not knowing why it should matter, but suddenly it did…very much.

"Evelyn Severe."  She shot him a sharp look.  "Does it sound familiar to you?  Do you think you know her?"

Regretfully he shook his head.  "No.  The name doesn't sound familiar."  That didn't have to mean anything really, considering the current state of his memory.  He found it hard to take his eyes off the paintings.  Something about them drew him in and gave him a comfortable settled feeling.  There was one thing that seemed odd about them, though.  Why on earth did he expect the waves to move and the ships to sail?

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Remus Lupin gazed down at the naked woman sleeping peacefully in his arms and smiled happily.  He thought his heart might burst from the sheer joy of everything.  Never in his life had he felt so completely happy and content.  Here he was lying in a comfortable bed listening to the wind blow cold rain against the side of the cottage while the woman of his dreams slept comfortably in his arms.  If he wasn't fully occupied with holding her against him he'd pinch himself to be sure this wasn't just one more wonderful dream.

He looked around the room in the soft candlelight and his eyes alighted on the painting at the foot of the bed.  A very nice, unanimated painting of a house elf hung there on the wall looking inoffensively back at him.  Another smile lit his face, this one with just the tiniest touch of malice in it.

Thank goodness, she'd gotten rid of the portrait of Snape.  A small part of him might have felt a bit smug to be the one in Evangeline's arms while the painting stared down at them, but the greater part of him would have felt as uncomfortable as hell.  It would have been like having a disapproving Severus in bed with them frowning at his every move.  Making cutting remarks about his sexual technique.  Oh, yes, that would have been loads of fun.

Wherever she'd put that painting, it was infinitely preferable to having it here in the bedroom.  He was here now, and he intended to stay.  She didn't need any more reminders of past loves.  If he was ever to have even the tiniest chance of making her forget about Severus, he needed to be the only image in her eyes here in the intimacy of her bedroom.  His eyes drifted down to look at her once more.  He could feel his intense desire for her rising up inside of him again, making him hard, and impatient to love her once more.  Now that he finally had the opportunity, all he wanted to do was make love to her…over and over again.

Slowly he began to caress her smooth skin gently with his hand.  First he delicately stroked her face, then her shoulders then he dropped his hand to softly trace a line down her chest to slowly circle her full ripe breast, which he then clasped gently and began to stroke with slightly more insistence, brushing his thumb against the hardening nipple.  She moaned softly and moved her head against his shoulder, caressing him with her hair, and slid a leg intimately over his own as she cuddled closer to him, driving him to further heights of desire.

Remus bent and kissed her softly on the lips murmuring her name like a benediction.  As she moaned again, he moved down to suckle at her breast as his hands moved lower stroking gently over her stomach and back, fondling her firm derriere, trailing up along her soft inner thigh, and then dipping between her legs to caress her more intimately as her body began to respond to his touch.  She gasped as his attentions brought her back to consciousness, grabbing at him with her hands and stiffening slightly in his arms.

He raised his head from her breast to stare down into her eyes.  Hers held a frightened slightly vacant look for a moment, then they seemed to focus on his, and she relaxed in his embrace as her mind grasped the reality of what was happening to her.

She sighed softly.  "Oh, Remus.  You really know how to get someone's attention."

That brought a gentle smile to his face.  "I'm sorry.  I know I probably shouldn't have awakened you, but the sight of you in my arms was simply too difficult to ignore any longer.  I've longed for this for so long that to finally have it become reality is overwhelming to me."  He stroked her face softly with gentle fingertips.  "I really love you so much, Angel."

She smiled quietly back and murmured.  "I know."

He held her tightly against him, rejoicing in the feeling of her naked body pressed warmly up against his own, and buried his face in her soft hair as she sighed and tears glistened briefly in her eyes before she closed them tightly and tried very hard to lose herself in his loving embrace.

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Steven tossed and turned in his narrow bed in the small apartment over the barn.  He finally gave up in disgust and threw his long legs over the side of the bed as he sat up and sighed deeply.  Sleep was eluding him yet again.  What a surprise!  He paused and listened to the cold rain as it lashed with vigor against the side of the building, tapping at the window, and skittering across the roof like an army of rats.

The frustrated man got to his feet and crossed the dark room to his dresser.  By the faint gleam that was reflecting in the window from the light outside in the yard, he could see the glass tumbler and the bottle of whisky that sat forlornly on its surface.  He grasped the bottle firmly, twisted off the cap, and poured a generous dram into the glass.  Then he closed the bottle and took the glass up in his hand.  Contemplating it for a moment, he then brought it to his lips took a long slow drink and let the strong malt liquor burn a warm path down the inside of his cold throat.  With a deep sigh he wandered over to the window and idly watched the water trail down the glass in entwining rivulets that twisted and changed with each passing moment.

Question after ceaseless question hammered through his tired brain.  He was so overwhelmingly sick of the whole thing.  Who the hell was he?  Why couldn't he remember?  Why had he been a prisoner?  Who wanted to torture him?  Why? Why? Why? How could he ever find the answers?  God, he just wanted the questions to shut up and go away!

Then there was the most pressing and all consuming question of all. The one that drove him from his bed to drink and ponder the unknown so intensely.  Who was she, this Angel that haunted his dreams and his waking moments with equal clarity?  Every time he closed his eyes all he saw was her face.  Why?  More and more memories of her were finding their way to the surface of his mind.  They'd definitely been intimately involved in some manner.  With startling clarity, he could feel her soft smooth skin beneath his touch.  His fingers twitched and his palms itched with the memory.  He could feel the softness of her thick hair as he'd run his hands through it, smell its clean fragrance like warm roses as he'd buried his face in it.  Memories of the warmth of her body warmed his own as he lay in his lonely bed.

Her image came to him in his dreams and teased him with her smile and her kisses and her lovely body and a gentle laugh that rang through his mind like the low whisper of music, but when she spoke to him, murmured his name, the sound vanished into the ether like smoke.  He couldn't hear her voice or understand her words no matter how he tried.  Always he awakened from these maddening dreams frustrated and in pain so deep that it almost burned his soul.

Who was she?  Where was she?  Was she out there somewhere looking out of a window as he was and wondering about him?  Did she miss him?  Was he possibly as important to her as he believed that she had been to him?  Would he ever know?  

Not tonight.  He shook his head in disgust.

Slowly he downed the last of the whisky and setting the glass back down on the dresser with a thump of annoyance, he re-crossed the room, and dropped down onto the bed.  Once there he threw his arm carelessly over his eyes, and uselessly wished once more for sleep and enlightenment.

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Author's Notes:  Once again, most of the reviews of this chapter seem to have vanished into the ether so if I've missed responding to any of you, I'm sorry. I really wish fanfiction could get its act together concerning its reviews!

SevyHero:  The fur will fly when Snape returns.

P. Veronica Tyler:  Remus is blissfully happy for the next few chapters…let's just let the man enjoy it, shall we? :)  I'm glad you got the e-mail.

AlphaWolf:  Well, yes…I'd say that Snape's return will be angsty and full of difficult questions.  Thanks for your kind comments.  I'm glad you are enjoying the story.

Jezebel:  I'm sorry that you find it hard to read about Remus and Evangeline being together, but I'm glad you intend to continue reading.  Don't feel too sorry that Severus has lost his memory.  His real ordeal begins when he gets it back.  

Sage and Snape:  Oh, yes…Evangeline has no difficulty recognizing Severus when she sees him again…believing that he's alive, though, well that's something else again. :)

Elbereth94:  Hmm…maybe. Certainly another no win situation that one.  However, Guenevere's true love was Lancelot, the lover, not her husband Arthur, no matter how much she wanted to love him.  I'm glad to know you got the e-mail.  I'm such a techno-idiot I'm always a bit amazed when it works the way it's supposed to. :)

Kazza:  Hello there!  I'm pleased to see you're still reading.  I thought you might've been one of those who preferred to stick with the happily ever after scenario and decided to give this one a pass. :)  I'm glad to hear that you think the story flows well.  Sometimes that's a lot easier to tell if you read several chapters consecutively.  There's definitely some major angst to come for all.  Just a couple more chapters before the fireworks begin.

Jtyw:  My dialogue does tend to be a bit formal…sorry it bothers you.

Becca:  Yes, that chapter will be full of fireworks. :)

Snapefan51:  How nice to hear from you again. :) Thanks so much for your kind words.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.  Sadly devastation is probably a good word for what lies ahead.

Lina Lupin:  Try not to worry about the future.  These few chapters are my "be kind to Remus" chapters.  Let's let the man enjoy himself for once!  I can ask Minerva, but there are only so many house elves to hand out, and I made her promise that I could have the next one. :)


	14. Preparing for Christmas

                                                                                  Chapter Fourteen: Preparing for Christmas  
  


When Remus awoke rather late on the morning of Christmas Eve, he was slightly disappointed to discover that he was alone in the bed.  After the pleasurable activity of the night before, he wasn't really surprised that he slept a bit later than usual, but he rather hoped that Evangeline would have too, and that they could awaken together and pick up where sleep had finally caught up to them last night.

Happily he relaxed into the comfort of the bed for a moment and replayed the lovemaking of the previous night in his mind.  This was already the most wonderful Christmas he'd ever had, and he anticipated that the wonders would continue.  No longer did he have to sit aside and envy Severus his wife.  Now she was his, and he had every intention of keeping her.

Eager to see his new lover again, he got out of the bed and dressed for the day with a big smile on his face.  He couldn't help but feel that the smile would be a permanent feature from now on.  Totally happy with the world, he opened the door to the wonderful smell of coffee and well cooked food, and made his way downstairs to find Evangeline and wish her a special good morning.

Once downstairs, he crossed through the sitting room and entered the kitchen to find her sitting at the kitchen table with her nose in a book as she ate her breakfast.  He stole up behind her and slipping a hand beneath her hair, he lifted the fragrant mass from her neck so he could nuzzle and kiss the tender flesh beneath with his starving lips.  "Good morning, Angel."  He murmured softly as he bent down and encircled her with his arms.  "Did you sleep well?"

She jumped slightly in surprise, then accepted his greeting warmly.  "Yes, I did sleep quite well, actually…once my companion stopped kissing me awake."

He chuckled and took a seat by her at the end of the table.  "Oh…but that was the best part of last night.  Actually, there was no bad part of last night.  Being with you was absolutely wonderful.  I hope it was for you, too."

She smiled reassuringly at him as she poured him a cup of coffee.  "Yes.  Last night really was wonderful.  Thank you."

As he began to dish some of Rooty's appetizing cooking onto his plate, he returned her smile and asked.  "So, what would you like to do today?"

She closed her book and leaned toward him eagerly.  "Well, since tomorrow is Christmas, I rather hoped we could get a small tree and decorate it.  There are quite a few right here on the property that I think would work.  I was hoping you'd help me select one and get it in here.  What do you think?"

Remus grinned happily at her.  How domestic.  "That sounds great, Angel.  I haven't put up a Christmas tree in years.  Hagrid and Flitwick usually handle that at Hogwarts, and when I was alone, it never seemed to be worth the effort."

"Great.  We'll go after breakfast.  I have a small box of ornaments that I went and retrieved from my shop.  Then I bought some more in some of the shops around here when I decided to try to have a tree this year.  I'm not especially good with magical decorating, although I think I could probably conjure up some garland.  How about you?"

"Well, when I was a boy, my mother showed us how to make these iridescent bubble ornaments."  

He considered thoughtfully.   "I haven't thought about making them for years.  They were kind of nice, though, at least the ones my Mom made were.  I was never as good at it as she and my sister were, it seemed kind of sissy to a 7 year old boy, but I could give it a try, I suppose.  Nothing to lose by trying."

"Absolutely.  Family traditions are nice.  You've never told me anything about your family.  Do you see much of them?  Where do they live?"  She regarded him with interest over the rim of her coffee cup.

He sighed and put down his fork.  "There's really not much to tell.  My parents are dead.  My sister decided a long time ago that she didn't want anything to do with a werewolf.  I haven't seen her in years.  I'm not even sure if she's still alive.  If she is, I'm afraid I wouldn't have a clue as to where to find her…not that she'd want me to anyway."

"I'm sorry to hear that.  My parents are both dead, too.  I never had any brothers or sisters.  I always wanted some.  I can remember thinking how much fun it must be to be part of a big family.  I always planned to have at least a dozen children to make up for being an only child."   As she realized what she'd said, Evangeline's eyes widened and her face paled.  Her cup rattled severely as she hastily replaced it in her saucer and put a shaking hand over her mouth and glanced away from her table companion.

Remus reached out a comforting hand and slipped it over the trembling one that sat gently on the tabletop.  "I'm sorry, Angel.  I didn't mean to bring up any unpleasant memories."

She turned sparkling eyes back to his and lowered the hand from her mouth. Her tremulous lips formed a tentative smile.  "It's not your fault.  I'm the foolish one.  I've just got to start thinking before I speak that's all.  I really should know better."

Throwing caution to the winds, Remus offered.  "You know…you have a long life ahead of you, Evangeline.  You may yet have that large family…who knows."

She stiffened in her chair and her eyes glittered like frozen ice chips.  "I told you how I felt about that Remus, and that hasn't changed."  Her jaw clenched stiffly and she dropped her eyes from his to peruse the table intently.  "I think it would be better if we dropped the subject of having children, okay?"

Reluctantly he realized that he'd overstepped his bounds…he'd been so happy to have her in his life that he was letting himself forget that while he might be her lover that was a long way from being her husband or the father of her children.  He'd let himself get lost in a pleasant daydream…and that could spell disaster if he wasn't careful.  Don't push!  He told himself sternly.  So he took a deep breath and nodded.  "Of course, Angel…whatever you want.  What were some of the good things about being an only child?  I was always fighting with my sister about something, and we had quite a few cousins close by when I was growing up, too.  I always wished that I had more privacy."

She nodded.  "Yes, being an only child did have some advantages, I suppose.  Privacy was certainly never an issue.  I got to spend as much time as I wanted with my mother and father…although both of them were busy people, they always seemed willing to make time for me.  I used to love spending time in my Dad's potions lab watching him work.  Both of my parents loved me and tried to make my life happy.  I guess I had a pretty good childhood over all…no regrets."

Evangeline fell silent realizing that Remus didn't know about her heritage and what her mother had truly been.  Would it matter to him that she wasn't fully human?  It hadn't to Severus, and with his background she'd have expected that it might.  Should she tell Remus the truth?  After some consideration, she decided to wait, there wasn't any rush after all.  It was probably enough that he knew about her abilities.  There'd be time enough later for more intimate confidences…if their relationship continued.

                  *********************************************************************************************************

After breakfast, Evangeline and Remus put on cloaks and went out into the brilliant day and scouted around for the perfect Christmas tree.  The weather was a bit milder than it had been.  The storm of the night before had washed the air clean, and there was a hint of freshness in its scent that mixed delicately with the smell of the trees and the nearby sea.  Remus felt reborn.  The sky was blue, the fir trees were green, and life was perfect.

It took all morning for them to select a tree, cut it down and move it into the cottage.  Then they had to decide just where to put it.  That took longer than he'd have ever imagined, too.  But it didn't matter.  There was certainly no rush.  Never before had he taken such joy in the process.  Where they ended up didn't matter to him as much as the journey.  He was savoring every moment, every look, every word, every touch.  Storing it all up.  When he realized that he was doing this, it gave him pause.  Why was he reacting this way?  Was he still afraid that being with Evangeline was too good to be true?  What could happen to change things now?   Nothing!  She was his, and if he wanted to savor every moment, well then he would.  It didn't mean that anything bad was going to happen, he told himself.  Determinedly he plunged back into the moment and refused to worry any longer about how many of them they'd have together.

After lunch, they tackled decorating the tree.  Evangeline produced her ornaments, and they hung them up, admiring each of them as they hung them from the fragrant boughs.  Once the ornaments were properly arranged, Evangeline took her wand and produced yards of golden garland to encircle the tree with gilt.  Then it was Remus' turn.

The curious witch watched closely as Remus took his wand in his hand and hesitated.  "Do you remember how to make them?"  She asked.

He nodded doubtfully.  "I think so."  Taking a moment to call the procedure back to mind, he bit his lip in concentration then he muttered a soft incantation and the tip of his wand began to glow with a golden sparkle.  The sparkle spit gold dust and grew to the size of a Galleon.  Then Remus muttered something else and twisted his wand abruptly and the sparkle of gold flipped over and was suddenly encased in what looked, for all the world, like a soap bubble.  Remus reached out and caught it before it could fall to the floor and presented it to Evangeline with a flourish.

"For you, my lovely lady."  He said with a triumphant and slightly relieved grin.

Very impressed she reached out and took the delicate bubble and held it carefully in her hand.  The glimmer of gold inside continued to spit and sparkle as the outer surface shown with an iridescent sheen.  "Oh, Remus, it's beautiful!  Can you teach me how to make one?"  Her eyes glowed with excitement.

Remus' heart swelled as he looked at the delight on her face and knew that he'd put it there.  "Of course.  It's not difficult.  It just takes a bit of practice."

The rest of the afternoon passed in the enjoyable practice of ornament creation, amidst lots of laughter at frequently popped bubbles.

                   *********************************************************************************************************

Steven stood back and rubbed his aching back as he surveyed the contents of the barn.  His scar tissue ached and burned a bit, but it was worth it.  Everything was neatly organized and stored into easily managed and well-labeled containers.  He felt a deep sense of satisfaction at the order that he'd brought to all the chaos that had been the contents of the barn.  This felt right to him.  A place for everything and everything in its place.  He had the feeling that he was used to things being well ordered.  Being able to find exactly what he wanted in a room full of objects without any problem at all, seemed like the natural order of things for him.

Smiling contentedly to himself he turned around, and his eyes fell on a small box of nails that rested on the floor behind him.  The smile on his face was immediately replaced by a frown of exasperation.  How had he missed this?  He bent down and picked up the small box and turned back to the neatly organized shelves to see just where it belonged.  The large box labeled nails was naturally sitting on the highest shelf just out of easy reach.  With a sigh of annoyance, he turned to get the stepladder so he could return the box to where it belonged.

Then he paused and looked at the box as it rested inoffensively in his palm.  Turning back to the shelf, he eyed the large box above his head.  Perhaps he didn't need the ladder.  Taking aim at the large open box, he tossed the smaller box up towards the opening with an easy motion of his hand.  As the small box flipped upward and grazed the edge of the larger box as it dropped over its rim, he realized that he should have taken the time to get the ladder after all.  The large box had been more carefully balanced than he'd thought and the additional weight so close to the front end was now threatening to bring the entire square container full of nails down on his head!

With a reflexive yelp of…"No!"  He threw up his hand towards the box and ducked his head.  For an instant, he felt a tingling surge in the tips of his fingers as he cringed and tried to cover his head with his other hand to protect himself from the onslaught of sharp metal objects that would be landing on him momentarily.  When nothing happened, he cautiously raised his head and looked up at the box that a moment before had been tilted precariously on the edge of the shelf.  It now sat firmly settled back in its place in absolutely no danger of falling.

He frowned ominously.  What was going on?  He'd been certain that the small box of nails had unbalanced the whole container.  Why didn't it fall?  Everything looked okay now.  Had he just imagined that he'd been in danger of getting pelted by nails?  Apparently so.  He shook his head and snorted in disgust.  He was getting far too jumpy!  Trying to relax once more, he stepped back and surveyed his hard day's work as he rubbed his strangely tingling fingertips with his thumb.

While staring up at the well-ordered shelves in satisfaction, he suddenly had a sharp memory flash of a large stone walled room filled to bursting with amazing objects.  Not simply boxes and cartons, but flasks and vials and large bottles with formerly living things floating around in them, and books…hundreds of what seemed like very old books.   And cauldrons?  Could those huge kettles actually be cauldrons?  It was like a mad scientist's laboratory, and it was lit with…candles and lanterns of all things.  What could it mean?

Hesitantly he shook his head and the image faded.  The flashes that kept coming to him didn't make any sense.  It was as if he was remembering some fantasy novel as opposed to his life.

At this point the barn door opened and his employer came in.  "My goodness, Steven.  What a lot of work you've done!  The barn has never been this clean and neat.  I'm surprised some sweet young thing hasn't snatched you up and put you to work for her.  This is marvelous."

Slowly he pulled himself back from contemplating his strange vision and focused on his employer.  "Thank you, Mrs. Trevalleyn.  I'm glad you approve."

"Oh my, yes.  It's going to be a big help to be able to find things in here again."  Her satisfied smile faded a bit as she noticed the strange expression on his face.  "What's the matter, Steven?  Are you feeling all right?  You didn't strain yourself doing all this work, did you?  You know you shouldn't overdo it.  I know you're still a bit weak from whatever happened to you."

He shook his head and regarded her seriously.  "No.  I'm fine…I just had a flash of memory.  At least, I think that's what it was.  It's all so frustrating!"  He jammed his fists into his pockets and scowled darkly down at the floor beyond the tip of his boots.

She considered him thoughtfully.  "What sort of memory was it that would upset you like this?  I'd think that anything you remembered would be a good thing."

"It would be if any of it made the least bit of sense.  But the things I keep seeing are…fanciful…strange…   They don't seem real.  Like this one, it was a huge room in what looked like a very old building with heavy masonry walls and a vaulted ceiling, and the room was full of old books and bottles of…stuff…herbs or chemicals maybe.  The room was lit with candles and there were cauldrons.  Cauldrons!  Who the hell uses cauldrons for anything other than playacting?"

She shrugged.  "Maybe that's what it was…a play.  Maybe you're an actor."  Another idea struck her.  "Or maybe you worked in a laboratory in an old building at a University.  Some of those old places might have walls and ceilings like the ones you described and bottles of chemicals, too."

He shot her a sharp glance.  "Maybe, but…how would that explain the cauldrons?"

"Maybe they weren't really cauldrons.  How clear was this memory anyway?  Did it last very long?"

"No.  Not really."  He admitted with a sigh.  "I suppose you're right.  I may be misinterpreting what I'm remembering.  It's all still a bit foggy and vague.  I just wish it would all come together and make sense.  I really hate not knowing who I am and where I belong…and if there's anyone out there who's looking for me."  For good or ill.  He thought silently.

She patted his arm comfortingly.  "It'll all come back to you eventually, Steven.  Don't try to force it.  Now, are you sure that you don't want to come with me to my Katie's house tomorrow?  I hate the thought of leaving you here all by yourself on Christmas.  You'd be welcome, you know."

He tried not to grimace.  The thought of Mrs. Trevalleyn's happy family gathering made his stomach churn.  A whole crowd of strangers!  Nothing could interest him less, of that he was very sure.  "No thank you, Mrs. Trevalleyn.  I'll be perfectly content here alone.  Thank you for the invitation, though.  It's very kind."

She nodded.  "Not at all.  If you change your mind, just let me know.  Now go get washed up and come into the house and have your supper.  Gosh, but it's nice to have someone to cook for again."  With a warm smile, she turned away and left the barn as he stood and watched and wondered.

                    *******************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:

SevyHero:  Sorry about the computer problems.  Thanks for the kind words.

Snapefan51:  Thank you!  I'm so glad you're enjoying things.  Snape, or I should say Steven, is trying very hard to keep his quick tongue under control.  He feels that he's found a safe spot to hide and lick his wounds until he can figure out what in the world he should do.  He doesn't want to rock the boat by chewing out his benefactress! :)

Arachne's Child:  You've hit the nail on the head, I'm afraid.  Evangeline's betrayed Severus and hurt Remus…and devastated herself.

Jezebel:  I prefer Evangeline with Severus, too…so does she.  Severus has extreme reservations about your use of the word "cute", though. :)

Werecat99:  Everyone's wondering how Snape's going to get his memory back.  The reality will probably disappoint.  Glad you liked the picture. :)

Manic:  The painting that currently hangs in Evangeline's bedroom is the portrait of a house elf that Evangeline painted during Minerva's visit.  The painting that Remus was glad she'd put away was the life-sized animated version of Snape.  The concert painting is currently boxed up at Hogwarts along with the Alchemist's portrait because Evangeline couldn't bear to look at them any more; they reminded her too much of Severus.

Lina Lupin:  Snape hung his sanity on this one image of Evangeline through all he experienced for this whole past year.  Her face is the strongest image in his mind, and not knowing who she is and why he can't stop seeing her face is driving him insane.  No, Evangeline would never sell her paintings of Severus.  I do enjoy reading everyone's thoughts on how they are going to come face to face again, though. :)

Bookwitch:  Thank you so much for your very kind reviews.

Jtyw:  Certainly Evangeline wouldn't use her real name…she's in hiding, too.  Not from Muggles, though. :)


	15. Christmas Angel

                                                                                                 Chapter Fifteen: Christmas Angel

On Christmas morning, Evangeline awoke to find Remus staring down at her much as Severus had often done in the past.  When that stray thought scampered tauntingly through her mind, she squashed it firmly with a small pang of sorrow and smiled determinedly up at her new lover.  "Good morning, Remus.  Happy Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas, Angel."  He murmured and bent to kiss her lovingly.  Now that she was finally awake, and it had been very hard not to wake her himself, he wanted to show her just how wonderful a Christmas he wished her to have.  The somewhat overeager werewolf rolled over onto his lover and pinned her warm body beneath his own as he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her slowly and thoroughly.  His questing fingers pulled free of her soft curls and began exploring gently down the expanse of her smooth skin as she began to respond agreeably to his greeting.  Happily his warm lips began following his fingers in a very thorough examination of her desirable body. The morning was off to a great start.

Once they finally made it downstairs, Rooty had a wonderful breakfast waiting for them as usual.  It was one of the house elves' greatest talents to always have everything ready whenever it was needed, even if "when" differed greatly from day to day.

After breakfast, they retreated to the Christmas tree in the sitting room as eager as small children to get to what lay underneath it.  Beneath the tree's lush sparkling branches were two presents.  A relatively small one with Evangeline's name on it, and a large one for Remus.

Remus looked at the presents in their colorful paper and said dryly.  "Well, I guess someone loves me more."

She laughed in amusement.  "Oh, I don't know about that.  I've always heard that good things can come in small packages."

Remus smiled slyly.  "I think people just say that to make those who only get small packages feel better."

She shoved him playfully, and they sat down together and pulled their respective presents from under the tree.  

"You go first, Remus."  Said Evangeline with a grin.

Quite willing to start off the festivities, the werewolf eagerly ripped the wrapping paper off his gift to find himself holding the painting that he'd watched Evangeline paint on the cliff top such a long time ago now.  She'd animated it, and the sailboat glided serenely back and forth on the horizon as the sunshine glinted off the softly rolling swells.  Looking down at it evoked happy memories of the day when he first began to really think that he had a chance of having a future with Evangeline.  Yes, this painting was the perfect present; it represented the beginning of the most wonderful relationship he'd ever had in his life.

He raised his eyes to hers and smiled happily.  "I've always wanted one of your paintings, and since I watched you work on this one, that makes it even more special.  That was a marvelous day, and now I have the perfect reminder.  I'll treasure this always.  Thank you, Angel."

She smiled happily at him, glad that her offering found favor.  "You're welcome, Remus.  I'm so glad you like it.  Whenever I looked at it, that painting always made me think of you, so I thought you should have it."

He nodded at her gift.  "Now it's your turn, Angel.  Open it and tell me what you think."

She turned her attention to the much smaller package she held in her hand.  With an eager grin for Lupin, she tore off the paper and found herself holding a rectangular jewelry case.  When she opened it and peeked inside, she found a delicate oval moonstone suspended from a sparkling gold chain.  "Oh, Remus, it's lovely.  Thank you."

"You're welcome.  I've always been partial to moonstones, and the stone in that necklace seemed like a particularly lovely specimen.  I can't wait to see it against your skin.  May I?"  He gestured for her to hand him the necklace.  She did and then held her hair up off her neck as he clasped the necklace around her slim throat.  She put up a hand to touch it, and they both admired it.

"It's beautiful.  Thank you, Remus."  Her eyes sparkled happily as she smiled up at him.

Setting the painting carefully aside, he leaned over and gently pulling her against him, he kissed her warmly.  "You're very welcome," he murmured happily, as he deepened the kiss and brought up a hand to the fasteners of her gown.  When she didn't seem to object to his actions, he guided her down to the rug under the glittering tree and began to unwrap the present he truly treasured. 

Once he'd completed this welcome task, he found himself just caressing and kissing every inch of tender skin that he could touch in a gentle unhurried manner.  She sighed contentedly and gazed into his warm eyes, which caressed her as lovingly as his passionate lips and his eager fingers.

Remus smiled happily and murmured between kisses, "The painting is wonderful, Angel, but the real gift is just being here with you.  Being allowed the honor of holding you in my arms and making love to you.  That makes this the most wonderful Christmas I've ever had.  Even if we're somehow lucky enough to spend every Christmas together for the rest of our lives, I can't imagine that any of them will be as wonderful and magical as this one has been.  Thank you for letting me into your life.  It means so much to me."

His sincere words and the love that glowed from his eyes, was like a knife through her heart as she gazed back at him.  She felt a wealth of guilt and shame wash over her as she mourned the fact that she couldn't bring herself to return his love in full measure as he so rightly deserved.

She reached up and caressed his face gently as her eyes sparkled in her distress.  "Oh, Remus, you're such a wonderful man.  I'm the lucky one here to have you give me so much.  I don't deserve your love.  You should be with someone who can truly appreciate it and return it fully and without reservations."  

He leaned down and kissed her lips firmly to stop her protests.  When he drew away, he said.  "I told you to let me worry about what I deserved, and I meant it.  I love you and only you.  I have no illusions about our relationship and no regrets, Angel.  Let's not worry about it any longer and simply enjoy being together, okay?  You are enjoying being with me, aren't you?"

She nodded and smiled gently at him as he began once more to caress her softly and kiss her neck on his way down her body. "Oh yes.  I'm very much enjoying being with you, Remus."

He smiled and lifted his head once more.  "Then there's nothing else worth worrying about is there?  Happy Christmas, Angel."

She slipped her arms tightly around his neck and pulled his face back to hers.  "Happy Christmas, Remus."

               ************************************************************************************************************

Steven looked out the window of Mrs. Trevalleyn's kitchen and sipped a cup of tepid tea.  She'd left an hour of so ago still trying to persuade him to join her at her daughter's house for the day.  He shuddered faintly at his narrow escape.  Fortunately, he'd been successful in convincing her that he truly would prefer to remain here alone.  

He'd rather be alone for the rest of his life than be forced to mix with a room full of talkative strangers. There wasn't a doubt in his mind about that. It would take something truly extraordinary to convince him to willingly go into such a situation.  Somehow he felt that he'd always been this way, a rather solitary soul.  Did that mean that he'd spent his life alone?  A slightly depressing notion, and how did that idea square with all the visions he kept having of Angel?  He'd decided that that must have been her name.  If not, it would do for now, until he could remember what it really was…if he ever did.  God he was getting melancholy…self-pity was hardly a becoming trait.  He needed to get over this gloomy mood and find something more useful to occupy his thoughts with.

As he took another sip of his tea, he grimaced slightly at the cool temperature, he found himself wishing that he hadn't let it cool down so much before he drank it. Hot tea is much more comforting on a cold morning.  Suddenly he could feel a surge of warmth in his hands as they held the cup.  Steam began to rise from the liquid as he stared at it in astonishment.  Cautiously he took a sip.  The tea was hot!  What the hell happened?  Unnerved by this bizarre occurrence, he quickly poured the remains of the tea into the sink and set the teacup down on the counter with a clatter.  He shook his head in bewilderment.  What was happening to him…was he going mad?  Trembling slightly he backed away from the cup in front of him.  He had to have imagined it…that was it, all these strange thoughts and memory flashes were simply getting to him, and now he was imagining things.  Time to find something else to focus on for awhile.

Determinedly, he turned away from the counter, and his eyes fell on the open package on the kitchen table.  Mrs. Trevalleyn had insisted on giving him a Christmas gift before she left.  He walked over and fingered the soft new shirt.  It was a deep burgundy color, which she'd insisted would look lovely with his dark hair and eyes.  It had been kind of her to give it to him, and goodness knows he needed clothes, but somehow he sensed that burgundy wasn't the right color for him.  Though he had no idea why he should feel that way.  With a shrug, he turned and walked out of the kitchen and into the sitting room next to it feeling rather at loose ends.  

This was where Mrs. Trevalleyn spent most of her free time apparently.  The pictures on the wall were all snapshots of her family, and the decorative touches around the room were more homey and personal, too.  In one corner there was a bookcase next to a very comfortable looking and well-worn easy chair.  The books it contained were of little interest to him, though, as he'd already discovered when he'd been in here once before.  They were mostly romance novels.  He snorted to himself.  Perhaps that was where Mrs. Trevalleyn got her decidedly romantic notions about amnesia.  Any number of these insipid novels might have a tragic hero or heroine wandering the wilderness not knowing who they were until the love of their life shows up and lifts the veil from their eyes.  What a load of foolishness!  A wry smile played with the corners of his lips. The very idea of himself as the hero of a romantic story was rather amusing, though.  He'd looked at himself in a mirror, after all.  The idea that he could play prince charming was laughable.

Still searching for occupation, he wandered over to his boss's desk in the far corner and glanced at her computer.  This contraption was totally foreign to him.  With most things he seemed to have an immediate, if detached, sense of familiarity, but this was completely alien.  He'd watched Mrs. Trevalleyn using it and been thoroughly amazed at it.  It seemed like magic.  Yet she said they were very common.  Everyone had one.  Children used them to play games and find information.  Adults obviously used them to access information, too.  He frowned.  Perhaps he could find something out about his past by using this one.  Not that he had even the vaguest idea how he might go about it.  He doubted that he could even manage to turn the darn thing on.  What kind of person could he have been to never have used one of these devices himself?  His life wasn't simply blank…it was a puzzle.  Whatever the pieces were, they didn't seem to fit together in the same manner as everyone else's did. 

With a frustrated sigh, he left the sitting room and wandered into the shop at the front of the little house.  Once there he found himself contemplating the walls full of paintings.  There were actually quite a few fairly good pieces of artwork here.  None were as compelling as the two marvelous seascapes by E. W. S., though.  He walked over to study them as they hung on the wall in their new frames.  The colors were lovely and vivid.  The paintings were full of restless motion, yet he felt calmer and more content when he stared at them.

Once more he brushed a delicate touch over her initials in the corner of the painting.  Evelyn Severe.  The name meant nothing; he was quite sure.  Yet the paintings drew him in like iron filings to a magnet. 

He began to feel ridiculous standing there staring at paintings as if they could talk to him.  With a sigh, he realized that he needed to keep himself occupied, to stop dwelling on this foolishness.  Idleness didn't sit well with him.  He needed to be busy.  So with a renewed sense of purpose he whirled around abruptly and stalked back down the little corridor into the house.  There he opened the door that led down to the cellar.  Mrs. Trevalleyn had said that she had a fairly new shipment of curios down there that she hadn't had a chance to unpack and check for damage.  That job should keep him occupied for awhile, and if he was diligent, perhaps it would stop his mind from wandering down fruitless pathways in search of answers that simply didn't seem to be coming.

With determination in his footsteps, he flicked on the light switch and descended into the cellar, feeling quite at home in the lower depths of the house.

                  *********************************************************************************************************

Remus and Evangeline sat cozily together on the couch and talked to Minerva's head in the fireplace.

"Did you have a nice Christmas, Minerva?  Thank you so much for the loan of Rooty.  He's been a wonderful help.  I'm a little sorry to see him go tomorrow."  Evangeline smiled at her friend.

Minerva smiled back.  "You're welcome, Evangeline, dear.  If you want Rooty to stay for awhile longer simply ask him.  There's really no rush to send him back you know.  Thank you for the painting you sent to me.  It's the loveliest Christmas present I've ever received.  I usually get a lot of socks and scarves and such."

"You're welcome, Minerva.  I'm so glad you liked it.  Remus seemed to like the one I gave him, too."  She turned and smiled at Remus, who slid his arm around her and gave her a little squeeze, leaving his arm draped possessively around her shoulders.

"I certainly did.  It's beautiful, just like you."  He exclaimed happily, dropping a quick kiss on her upturned cheek.

Evangeline blushed and turned back to Minerva.  "We did rather miss having snow for Christmas.  Do you have any there, Minerva?"

"Oh, my, yes.  A couple of feet at least.  It snowed lightly all day.  The usual snowball fight was a big success.  The Gryffindors had the largest force and carried the day easily.  Sirius has quite an arm, as does Mr. Potter.  I'm afraid the Slytherins, with the next largest team, couldn't keep up.  They could've used your help, Evangeline."

Evangeline didn't want to be reminded about being a Slytherin, it brought up too many memories of Severus.  "I'm not particularly good at making or throwing snowballs, Minerva.  I wouldn't have really been much help to them."  She said stiffly.

"Hmm.  Well, I'm not sure you'd have wanted to partner Mr. Malfoy in any case."

Evangeline frowned.  "Why is Draco Malfoy there for Christmas?  I thought he'd be at home with his mother."

Minerva sighed.  "With Lucius in prison, apparently Narcissa has decided to take advantage of the situation and has gone on an extended vacation…with a younger man, apparently.  I'm afraid a teenage son wouldn't have helped her image any, so Draco was left with us."

Evangeline sighed.  "Oh dear, I can almost feel sorry for him."

Remus snorted.  "Well, he doesn't get any of my sympathy.  That little beast was responsible for your almost ending up in Voldemort's hands.  He did manage to get you captured by his father.  I wish a lot more misery on him than simply having to spend his Christmas in an enchanted castle with house elves to wait on him."

Evangeline smiled.  "Not exactly a fate worse than death, I suppose."

Remus smiled in return and turned back to Minerva.  "Be sure and wish Sirius and Harry a Happy Christmas from us, Minerva.  Tell Sirius that everything is wonderful here, but we miss him."

Minerva nodded.  "I will.  I'm glad you're having a nice visit together.  I hope I'll have a chance to see you before long, Evangeline, dear.  Take care now.  I should get going.  I'll call again soon."

Both Remus and Evangeline wished her a good night and Minerva's head vanished from the fireplace.

                    ******************************************************************************************************

Minerva McGonagall sat back in her chair and smiled to herself.  It certainly looked as if things were working out for Remus and Evangeline.  She couldn't remember when she'd seen Remus look so happy and relaxed, and Evangeline also looked much happier than any of the last few times that Minerva had talked to her.  Maybe this time, Albus was wrong, and they would be happy together.  She fervently hoped so.  Both of them deserved a little happiness, something that had been in short supply in both of their lives for a long time.

                    ******************************************************************************************************

Steven stood at his window with a glass of whisky in his hand and watched the stars come out in the cold night sky.  He raised his glass to the heavens and wished himself a Happy Christmas.  Soon it would be a brand new year.  He hoped it would be a better one than the one he'd just lived through.  May he recover his memory and regain the life he'd lost.

Then he paused with the glass halfway to his lips and considered his horribly scarred body.  On the other hand, why was he in such a hurry to remember what had no doubt been a very painful time?  Perhaps he'd be better off to try to forget about his mysterious past and simply try to make a new future for himself as a new person.  Maybe he should simply become Steven Frame instead of wondering who he'd been in the past.  A new life for a new year.  He took a thoughtful sip of his whisky.  It was certainly worth considering, but could he ever be content if he didn't find out the truth about his past?  Not to mention the danger of simply going on with his life without knowing who wanted to kill or hurt him so badly.  No…that would be foolish, indeed, and whatever else he turned out to be, he had a feeling that he wasn't usually a foolish man.

Then there were those vivid images of her face that came to him unbidden every time he closed his eyes.  Would he ever truly be happy if he never found out who Angel was and what she'd meant to him?  He snorted softly to himself.  Perhaps he'd be better off not knowing.  For all he knew, she was some two-bit prostitute or his former boss's wife with whom he'd had some sordid affair.  Just because she was beautiful, didn't mean she was good or loving or even his in any way.  Why would a woman who looked the way she did want anything to do with someone like him anyway?  

The likelihood that she was intimately involved with him in his former life seemed remote despite the vivid images that his mind conjured up with such regularity.  Probably, she wasn't even real he thought sadly.  That was far more likely, wasn't it?  She was simply some sort of fantasy image conjured up by his tired mind while he was being abused in that horrid prison, some sort of comfort mechanism.  He should simply forget about her and move forward with his new life.

He sighed.  It all made excellent sense, but he didn't believe for a minute that he'd go along with it.  No, he'd slowly go insane if he couldn't discover his true identity.  Not knowing gnawed at his soul.  There had to be a way.   He took another sip of his whisky and thought back to the foreign contraption he'd been considering earlier.  The computer might be the answer.  Mrs. Trevalleyn had told him that it could access all sorts of information…including public records.  Perhaps he could make use of it to try to look into his past.  Birth records…death records…missing persons reports.  Maybe something could give him a clue.  He nodded his head.  It was worth a try.  He'd ask Mrs. Trevalleyn what she thought of the idea tomorrow perhaps she could help.  

He shook his head.  Oh, well, it was getting quite late; in actuality, Christmas had come and gone, and he was too tired to keep letting his thoughts run in circles in his brain any longer tonight.  He swallowed the remaining whisky in one gulp, and replacing the empty glass on the dresser, he crossed the room to throw himself down on the bed to try to sleep.  There was nothing he could do about any of it tonight; he'd just have to worry about the rest of his life tomorrow.

               ************************************************************************************************************

Author's Note:  Next Chapter…Answers.

Werecat99:  They didn't strike me as the fake Christmas tree type. Sorry.  Yes, a shock can indeed return one's memory.

Melissa Jooty:  Remus isn't really reveling in Snape's death, but he is getting a little carried away with being with Evangeline.  He's letting himself get a bit lost in the dream and is forgetting his promise not to push for more than she feels comfortable with.  Yes, his days of bliss are numbered…on one hand with fingers left over.

Jezebel:  Snape recovers his memory next chapter…it's a bit longer before he recovers his wife.

Elbereth94:  Evangeline isn't having second thoughts exactly, she just went into the relationship with some definite parameters.  She told Remus that she's not interested in getting re-married or in having any children, and although he heard her at the time, he's ignoring what his heart doesn't want to accept.

Manic:  Thank you for the wonderful review.  It's so nice to hear that I'm really getting my points across.  It's so hard to be sure sometimes.

Persephone:  Good to hear from you!  I had wondered if you were still reading.  Twisty and dramatic, huh?  I like that…I sound like a fancy pretzel! :)  You want Remus and Eleanor?  You do realize that she's not too happy with him right now, since he dumped her to pursue her friend.  Eleanor does pop her head in before the story is done, but I really have no plot line in mind that would work for the two of them.  I can't write a story without an idea, and at the moment, I really don't have one.  I wish I did. Sorry.

Snapefan51:  I'm shocked!  Do you really think that Remus Lupin…noble Gryffindor…would attempt to keep Severus and Evangeline apart?  Well…I suppose he might, if given the chance. :)  He'd have to know it wouldn't work in the long run, though…and he'd come to regret it big time.

Lina Lupin:  You're giving me more credit than I deserve, I think, but they are getting close to coming face to face.  I'm glad you noticed the unconscious use of magic.  You're the only one to mention it so I wondered if perhaps I was a bit too subtle.  I don't know what might happen if Steven got his hands on a wand.  If it was a particularly compatible one, it would probably trigger something strong in him.  That alone might bring back his memory.

Jtyw:  Yes, Steven and Evangeline are very close geographically.


	16. Answers

                                                                                                        Chapter Sixteen: Answers

Moving carefully so as not to damage his precious cargo, Remus carried an armload of canvases out of the cottage and around to the back for Evangeline.  When he found her pawing around in the back of an old blue truck, he asked.  "Where do you want these, Angel?"

She lifted her head from whatever she was doing and pulled back to look over at him.  "Over here, Remus."  She motioned for him to join her at the back of the truck.  Inside, sitting on the truck bed was a wooden box with slatted compartments.  Eyeing the box with interest, Remus carefully set down the pile of paintings on the open tailgate, and Evangeline took them one by one and slid them easily into the box.

Once she was finished, she swung the gate up and slammed it tightly shut.  Then she stepped back and dusted her hands off on the sides of her jeans.  "Okay.  That's all of them.  Thanks for bringing the rest of them out for me.  Would you like to take a ride?"  Her eyes gleamed as she addressed her companion.

Remus eyed the truck uncertainly.  "In that?  It looks like it's ready for the junkyard.  Can you really drive that thing, Angel?"

She raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips.  "Of course I can drive it.  What good would it do me if I couldn't?  The truck's fine, Remus.  It's in better shape than it looks, and we aren't going very far anyway.  The shop is just a few miles down the road.  We could walk if we didn't have to take all the paintings, but since they're the reason we're going it makes more sense to drive."

He still looked doubtful.

"If you don't trust me.  You can stay here.  I won't be gone for very long."  She crossed her arms and smirked teasingly at him.

He looked sheepish and attempted to rescue the situation.  "It's not a matter of trust…honest.  Actually I have some work that I brought with me that I really should do.  I foolishly had my 5th year class turn in an essay right before the holidays, which means that I have to grade them over the holidays.  You'd think I'd have a better hang of this teaching business than that by now wouldn't you? Anyway, I really do need to grade the papers.  Would you mind terribly if I waited here for you?"

She laughed and slipped her arms around him.  "No, of course not.  You don't have to come with me, and you don't need to make excuses, either. You take care of your work, and I'll take care of mine.   I won't be long."

Glad that his reluctance to accompany her hadn't offended her, he bent down and kissed her passionately, letting his tongue explore the inside of her mouth as his lips moved possessively over her own.    Without realizing it he pulled her in closer to him and began to run his hands down her body ending up caressing her derriere suggestively.  

Reluctantly she pulled back away from him with a laugh sparkling in her voice. "That's going to have to wait.  I want to get these to Mrs. Trevalleyn before she closes up for the day.  I'll be back soon.  Wait for me by the fire.  I'm sure I'll need some warming up when I get back."

Smiling in happy anticipation, he leaned in and gave her one more quick kiss.  "I will.  Hurry back."

With a bright smile, she assured him once again that it wouldn't take very long.   Then she climbed into the cab of the truck and with a slam of the door and a toot of the horn, she took off down the gravel driveway, heading for town.  Remus stood there and watched her drive away and missed her already.  Life was infinitely more lonely when she wasn't there next to him.  In just a short couple of days, he'd gotten so used to her being with him all the time, that he felt bereft when she left his side.  How had he ever gotten through all the endless days of his past without her?  Being with her certainly made the future look brighter.  The only good thing about being away from her was being able to look forward to her return to his arms.  With a final look down the road at the speck in the distance, he turned around with a smile on his face and went back into the cottage to await her return.

                     ******************************************************************************************************

With a fluid motion, Evangeline shouldered open the door to the crowded gift shop and lugged her box of paintings inside.  As she set them down on the floor with a sigh of relief, Mrs. Trevalleyn came out from behind the counter and bustled over to her.  "Mrs. Severe, it's so nice to see you again.  Do you have more paintings for me then?"

Evangeline straightened up and smiled at the energetic shopkeeper.  "Yes, I do, Mrs. Trevalleyn.  Where would you like me to put them?"

The woman waved a dismissing hand.  "Oh, leave them there, Miss.  You shouldn't have to go lugging them all over creation.  I'll get Steven to move them later."

"Steven?  Have you finally hired yourself some help?"  Evangeline inquired with mild interest.

Mrs. Trevalleyn nodded happily, eager to impart her recent good fortune.  "Oh my, yes.  Steven.  A lovely man.  Wandered in here a couple of weeks ago looking for work.  He's been a tremendous help to me.  I'd introduce you, but he seems to have disappeared at the moment.  He's probably out in back fixing something or cleaning up.  Things haven't been so well organized around here in years.  He really likes your paintings.  Quite taken with them, indeed."

Evangeline smiled again.  "That's always nice to hear."

"Well, everyone seems to love them.  I've only got two left from the last batch you left with me, and Anna Lukey from the other side of town has been in eyeing one of those so I imagine I'll be down to one pretty fast.  These new ones come just in time.  Come over to the counter, and I'll settle up what I owe you.  I hope you've brought me plenty.  I get calls about them almost everyday.  You're really leaving a mark around here, let me tell you."

As she chattered on, Mrs. Trevalleyn took Evangeline by the arm and drew her over to the counter so they could finish up their business.

                      *****************************************************************************************************

Steven stood in his room and buttoned up his shirt.  His nimble fingers slipped easily from one button to the next as he momentarily lost himself in the soothing rhythm of the simple and familiar task. A slightly annoyed expression flickered across his face.  How could he have been so careless as to rip a hole in his shirt?  He didn't exactly have an unlimited supply of clothing.  He needed to be more careful.  At least it hadn't been the new shirt that Mrs. Trevalleyn had given him for Christmas.  It wouldn't do to upset her unnecessarily by not taking good care of her present.  

As he was buttoning the last button, his eyes strayed to the window, and he froze with his fingers at his throat.  The woman standing next to the truck and talking to his employer…it was her…the face from his dreams.  Angel.  Mesmerized by this vision yet not sure if he was hallucinating or not, he moved closer to the window to stare openly down at her.  As he avidly watched, unsure just what to do, she smiled and waved goodbye to Mrs. Trevalleyn.  Then she flipped her lovely hair over her shoulder and got into the truck.  With a toot of her horn, she drove out of the yard and off down the street.

Anxious not to let her escape from him now that he'd actually seen her and knew her to be real, he turned abruptly away from the window intending to run down the stairs and catch up to her, when he was overcome with a wave of pain.  A headache of blinding intensity hit him like a sledgehammer.  Unable to handle the severity and suddenness of the pain, he fell to his knees and remained on all fours until the overwhelming pain began to pass.  As if her appearance had been the trigger his blocked mind had needed, sharp strong memories seemed to burst from everywhere at once and jumble up on each other in his mind until he thought it would explode.  Suddenly it all seemed to be too much…his mind appeared to reach the limits of sensory overload, and it simply shut down, leaving him unconscious on the floor of his room.

                       *****************************************************************************************************

When Steven awoke it was dark outside.  He sat up in confusion.  What happened?  Why was he on the floor?  He got stiffly to his feet, pulled on the light cord, and sat heavily down in the chair at his small table and tried to remember what had happened to him.  What was the last thing he could remember doing?  He'd been changing his shirt because he'd torn his other one.  He'd looked out the window and…and…that was it!  He'd seen her, and he'd remembered.  Why couldn't he remember now?  His head still ached faintly.  Everything seemed fuzzy.  The memories…the memories that had all been there such a short while ago were now gone once more.  Frustration flooded through him.  Damn it!  He'd known it all…he'd understood it all, and now he was right back where he'd started!

Anxious to get some answers, he got up from the table and left the room in search of Mrs. Trevalleyn.  Maybe she could tell him something.  She obviously knew this woman…his Angel.  Maybe talking to her would help him to remember again.  At the very least, she could tell him who Angel was…her name…how she knew her…and most importantly, where to find her.

As quickly as he could, he ran down the stairs from his room and crossed the yard to the house.  When he entered the warm fragrant kitchen, Mrs. Trevalleyn was just dishing up dinner and putting it on the table.

"Well, there you are, Steven.  I'd been wondering where you'd gotten to.  It's time to eat."  She straightened up, really looked at him, and frowned in concern at what she saw.   "Are you all right?  You look like you've seen a ghost."

He licked his dry lips and frowned back at her.  "I might have.  You were talking to a young woman earlier…beside a blue truck in the yard.  She drove off in the truck.  Who was she?"

Startled by the intensity in his voice, Mrs. Trevalleyn motioned for him to sit as she did herself.  "That was Evelyn Severe, the artist who painted those wonderful seascapes that you like so much.  She just dropped off another box of paintings.  As a matter of fact, I'll need you to move them into the back for me after dinner.  Why do you ask?  Did you recognize her?"  She watched him sharply.

He sank into his chair at the table and continued to look blankly at her.  "I think so."  He clutched his head and hissed in frustration.  "When I saw her, just for a moment I seemed to remember everything, but now it's all gone again.  I do know that she is the woman whose face I've been seeing, though.  I have no doubt about that.  Somehow I know her…very well.  I just can't remember how."

Mrs. Trevalleyn watched him speculatively.  "She told me that she was a widow.  That her husband died suddenly last year…think that perhaps you could be that husband, and maybe some sort of mistake was made?"

He swallowed hard and stared down at his plate.  Could he possibly be her husband…that lovely woman?  Hard to believe.

Painfully he shook his head.  "I don't know.  It's all gone again.  Where does she live?"  He asked as he picked up his fork.

"A couple miles outside of town on the cliff road.  Overlook Cottage, I think the place is called.  A rather lonely spot.  Good for a painter, though.  Lovely scenery up there.  Perhaps what you need to do is go to see her tomorrow.  Maybe talking to her would bring things back.  Maybe she'll recognize you."

As he began to eat, he mulled over her words.  They made a lot of sense.  "Maybe you're right.  It couldn't hurt after all.  The worst that could happen would be that I was wrong, and we don't know each other after all."

                         **************************************************************************************************

Steven tossed and turned all night.  His nightmares were more vivid and disturbing than ever.  Over and over in his mind, images of his past played themselves out, one after the other.  Painful images, happy images, terrifying and contented images.  People's faces appeared and spoke to him, but this time it was different.  This time he could hear them and understand.  When she came to him this time and whispered his name, he heard her and remembered.  Severus, she said.  Severus.  I love you, Severus.  Please, come back to me, Severus.

He awoke with a start with her name on his lips.  Evangeline!  Gods.  He remembered, finally he remembered!  He was Severus Snape; Potions Master at Hogwarts School and Evangeline Winthrop-Snape was his wife.  His wife!

Filled with determination and energy, he threw off the covers and leaped out of bed.  It was barely light outside, but he could hardly contain himself.  He had to see her, right away.  He couldn't wait.  They'd been apart for so long.  His fingers were clumsy on the buttons as he tried to dress hurriedly.

Once he'd finally finished, he grabbed up his cloak and ran out of the apartment.  Swiftly he crossed the yard and knocked on Mrs. Trevalleyn's back door.  Hopefully she was awake and up.  He'd hate to leave her without saying good-bye, but now that he finally knew the truth he knew that he couldn't stay here any longer.

Impatiently he knocked again.  Finally the door opened and Mrs. Trevalleyn stood there in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers blinking sleep from her eyes.  "Good heavens, Steven.  It's barely six o'clock.  I was hoping for a bit of a lie in, it is Saturday after all.  What's wrong?"

He smiled down at her full of suppressed excitement.  "I'm sorry, Mrs. Trevalleyn, but I need to say good-bye."

Her eyebrows shot up.  "Good-bye?"  She studied his face.  It was different somehow…more confident, happier…stronger in a way.  She nodded in satisfaction.  "You remembered, didn't you?"

His black eyes sparkled as he nodded.  "Yes."

She held open the door.  "Come in."

He walked inside and let her close the door behind him.  "Are you Evelyn Severe's husband?"  She asked curiously.

He nodded confidently.  "Yes, I am."

"What happened to you?  Do you remember that?"

Once again he nodded.  "Yes, I…"  He hesitated.  What should he tell her?  He could hardly explain about Voldemort, after all.  She'd think him mad.  Knowing too much could put her in danger, too.  She'd been so kind to him, he couldn't chance anything happening to her because of him.

"I received a beating that resulted in some fairly severe injuries and my memory loss.  But, it's all come back to me now, and I need to go home.  I really can't go into details.  There are some very bad people who are probably still after me, and they could possibly hurt you if you know too much about me.  I need to leave as soon as possible…to stay here could put you in danger, and I wouldn't want to do that.  I want to thank you for your kindness to me.  I don't think I'd still be alive if you hadn't taken me in and let me stay here.  I owe you my life."

Tears sparkled in her eyes.  "Oh, I didn't do anything special.  I'm glad I could help you.  You've been a big help to me, you know.  I certainly got my money's worth out of you.  Oh, land's sake, I almost forgot.  I owe you your wages."  She turned to go into the next room, but he put out a hand and stopped her.

"There's no need.  I don't need to take any money from you.  I've…enjoyed… the time I spent here.  I'm glad that I was able to help you, in payment for your helping me."

She stared up into the piercing dark eyes and nodded.  "If you're sure.  I'll miss your help around here, Steven.  You'll be tough to replace."  She smiled in realization.  "Steven isn't your name, is it?  What should I call you?"

A faint smile tugged at his lips.  "Apparently, my name is Severe.  Actually, it's probably best if you don't know my real name.  Just continue to think of me as Steven Severe.  You won't be far wrong."

She nodded again and sniffled back some tears.  "Okay, Steven.  Good luck with Evelyn.  I hope everything works out for you both."  Impulsively she threw her arms around him and gave him a big hug.  Surprised, he stiffened at first then unbent enough to embrace her back.

"Thank you, Mrs. Trevalleyn.  I hope so, too."  He murmured fervently.

Then he opened the door and walked out, heading up the road toward Evangeline and home.

                *********************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  Next chapter is the big one folks…"Be Careful What You Wish For"…hang on tight.

Lina Lupin:  Well, he's got his memory back now.  What did you think of how he got it back?  Was it a disappointment?

P. Veronica Tyler:  Thanks.  Magic is a natural and important part of Severus so it's going to have to find its way to the surface somehow.  They're all face to face next chapter. :)  I must say that I am incredibly impressed with your English.  If you are this good picking it up on your own, you'd be fantastic with a very little study.  Please, don't apologize.  I never have any trouble understanding what you're trying to say. :)

SevyHero:  Fireworks next chapter! 

Spookycat:  Yes, he has his memory back as you can see, but not his wife…not yet.  Evangeline was the click. :)

Persephone:  Thanks.  I'm sorry, but if you sent an e-mail to me it never arrived.

Elbereth94:  Remus has waited a long time to have an intimate relationship with Evangeline…so yes, he's a bit obsessed. :)  The stories can certainly blur together after awhile, especially in the details.  No, in this story Sirius is still being hunted.  He's doing most of his work for Dumbledore undercover and in disguise.

Sage and Snape:  Remus is in love.  His mind remembers his promises, but his heart and his libido want more.  I'm glad you think "Steven" has maintained Severus' character.  That's been really tough to show with no one for him to interact with but himself and a kind old lady whom he doesn't want to offend.  Well, now they've almost run into each other…next chapter, face to face. :)  
  
  



	17. Be Careful What You Wish For

                                                                                   Chapter Seventeen:  Be Careful What You Wish For

Snape strode along impatiently.  For the first time in his life, he longed for a broom.  He couldn't apparate without his wand and a clear idea of where he was going, so he had no choice but to walk, but he begrudged every moment it took.  One more moment he had to spend away from her.  He couldn't wait to hold her again, to kiss her, to tell her how much he loved her.  It had been so long since they were together…too long.  

As he walked along he found himself remembering every detail of that last morning together…waking up and making love.  The way she'd looked when she'd jumped out of their bed and wrapped her arms around him.   Her fragrant hair…her beautiful smile…her ripening body…

Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks, frozen in stunned realization.  The baby!  My god…she must've had the baby.  He was a father! The thought struck him like a bucket of icy water.  He'd been a father for sometime now, and he didn't even know it.  Is it a boy or a girl?  He tried to picture his child in his mind, but he couldn't.  He'd just have to wait and see.  Hopefully whether it was a boy or a girl, it would take more after Evangeline than him.  He snorted shortly.  The poor thing would probably never forgive him if it ended up with his nose…especially if it was a girl.  

A bemused smile spread gently over his face.  He was a father.  The thought made him feel warm inside.  Suddenly he was more eager than ever to get to Evangeline's cottage.

Anxiously he began to walk again, quickening his pace.  All this time wasted.  Time they should have had together! Time they could never get back.  Damn it.  It was so unfair.  He hadn't been there for her.  His steps faltered again, but this time it was fear that stopped him.  All this time…too much time?  What if she'd moved on with her life without him?  He hadn't been there for her…what if she didn't want him to be anymore?  Could she possibly have replaced him with another man?  Could his child be calling some other man, Daddy?  A shiver ripped through him at the thought.

How long had it been anyway?  It seemed like just yesterday that they were together…but it wasn't, was it?  It's really been more than a year!  A year of pain.  That's a long time to be alone?  If she is alone.  She should be safely at Hogwarts. Why is she in Cornwall, anyway?  Mrs. Trevalleyn didn't know.  She never said how long Evangeline had been here either.  Nor whether or not she lived alone.  Fear began to build inside, but he forced it back angrily.

He shook his head sharply.  No!  Evangeline would never betray me with another man.  I wasted a lot of time worrying about that with Remus Lupin before we got married…and that's all it was, a colossal waste of time.  

A treacherous little voice began to gnaw at the back of his mind.  Yes, but what if she thinks you're dead?  Mrs. Trevalleyn said she told her that her husband was dead.  As far as Evangeline knows, you ran out on her…abandoned her or something happened to you.  It would make sense for her to think you dead. 

It wouldn't matter, she loves me, he assured himself.  She trusts me…she'd wait for me.  She'd know I'd find a way to return to her!  She wouldn't take up with anyone else so quickly.  

She might…remember it's been longer than you think, whispered the voice.  A whole year.  She's been without you for as long as you were together, and don't forget she has a child to think of…a child who needs a father.  That can change things. Perhaps Remus Lupin has made another try for her…he loved her!  He wouldn't have ever tried to come between you and Evangeline before…not the noble Gryffindor, but remember…if you're dead there's nothing to stop either of them now, is there?  You're not coming back, after all.

Suddenly anxious to quiet the suspicious niggling voice in the back of his brain, he increased his pace.  Evangeline wouldn't betray me, wouldn't replace me…she wouldn't, he told himself firmly, but his heart felt a little colder than it had as he hurried up the road towards her cottage.

              *************************************************************************************************************

Evangeline and Remus made their way downstairs together and started for the kitchen.  Before they'd gotten very far, he grabbed her hand and spun her back into his eager arms.  Brushing his face against her soft hair, he nuzzled her neck and began to kiss her throat enthusiastically.

She laughed as he then moved on to nibble at her earlobe.  Placing her hands on his bare chest, she pushed back halfheartedly.  "Remus, I'm not on the breakfast menu.  We came down here for food, remember?"

"You're much more delectable than food, Evangeline."  The besotted werewolf murmured as he pushed her silken bathrobe off her shoulders and began to work his way across her shoulder and down towards her breast, which was lurking under a thin layer of silk negligee.

Tendrils of desire tickled through her and she clutched at him and threw her head back as he slipped the strap of her gown down her arm and took her nipple into his mouth.  "Ohhh…you're insatiable, you know that."  She moaned in a tolerant tone.

He grinned wickedly.  "That's me, all right.  I can never get enough of you.

Before he could continue to match thought with actions, there came a firm knock on the door of the cottage.  The two lovers looked at each other in surprise.

"Who could that be?  Especially this early."  Wondered Remus.

Evangeline shrugged her shoulders.  "I have no idea.  I'm not expecting anyone."

She pulled her gown and robe back into place and went to answer the door while Remus stood and watched curiously.

A second knock was just hitting the wooden panel when she turned the knob and pulled the door open to find Severus Snape standing in the doorway.

He smiled warmly at her, drinking in her appearance.  She looked just the way he'd last seen her, with her hair tousled and her skin slightly flushed…as if she'd been making love.  When this thought crossed his mind, the smile faded slightly on his face.

She froze in the doorway and simply stared at this vision of her husband numbly.  All blood drained from her head, and a faint buzzing suddenly began in her ears.  "Severus."  She whispered faintly.  Her body flushed hot then cold and began to tremble.  "Severus?"  She whispered again as if her shocked mind was playing tricks on her.

With warm sparkling eyes and a smile still on his lips, her husband nodded and murmured lovingly, longingly.  "Hello, Evangeline."  He took a step towards her, lifted a hand, wanting to touch her, and it seemed to shock her into motion.

She stumbled back away from his outstretched hand and shook her head dazedly with every word.  Her eyes were huge and filled rapidly with tears.  "No…it can't be you…you're dead…you're dead!  This can't be true…it can't be."  Tears moistened her voice until it sounded strangled in pain.

Anxiously he shook his head and took another step forward, further extending his entreating hand to reassure her.  "Please don't be afraid, Evangeline.  I'm not dead.  I'm right here…I'm alive."

Her body's trembling increased with her agitation, and she raked her hands viciously through her hair.  She felt as if she were drowning; she couldn't get a real breath because of the heavy weight that had suddenly settled on her chest.  The buzzing in her ears had increased to a roar and although she knew she spoke, she couldn't hear her own words.  "Oh, my god…oh, my god…how can this be?  You're dead…everyone was positive you were dead…I believed them…Oh, my god… how could I believe them…how??"

With an agonized moan, she whirled around and her wild eyes found Remus' stunned ones, then abruptly it all became too much to bear, her eyelids dropped, and she began to sag towards the floor.  Snape stepped forward to catch her, but Lupin was faster.  In one fluid motion, he swooped in and lifted the unconscious woman up in his arms.  Then he stood there, holding her limp body clutched tightly against his naked chest, and stared in stunned fascination at her supposedly dead husband.

All of Snape's worst worries and fears crashed down on him full force as he found himself confronted with a half naked Remus Lupin holding his wife in his arms.  Evangeline was wearing a nightgown and light robe, her feet were bare…so were Lupin's.  He wore only loose fitting pants of some kind.  Obviously they'd just gotten out of bed…it didn't stretch the imagination to decide that they'd both probably just gotten out of the same bed.

Unthinking red fury seized possession of Snape, and he stepped inside and slammed the door angrily in his wake.  He aimed a nasty snarl at the stunned wizard standing in front of him.  "Well, it didn't take you long to find a way into her bed, did it, Lupin?"

Lupin clutched Evangeline protectively against him and gaped at Snape.  His mind still felt a little numb to actually see the man standing there…alive.  Alive!  "Long, Severus?"  He somehow managed to choke out.  "You've been gone for well over a year.  We all thought you were dead, for god sakes!"

"A convenient excuse."  The incensed wizard sneered bitterly.  "There's little doubt what's been happening here, though.  As soon as you thought me out of the picture…you moved in for the kill, didn't you?"

A dazed Lupin shook his head.  "No.  It wasn't like that, at all.  You've got to listen to me."

"Listen to you?  Listen to your lies, you mean.  Don't play the innocent with me you sorry excuse for a wizard!  You've been lusting after Evangeline since before I married her!  Did you pretend to be her sympathetic friend?  Hold her hand as she cried?  Did you worm your way into her life, into her heart…into her bed and then crawl up between her thighs?  Is that what happened, Lupin?"   Snape was practically livid with rage by this point. His eyes snapped with fury as he stared hatefully at the man who held his whole life in his arms and yelled.  "Have you been fucking my wife, you bastard?  Have you?!"

Lupin had backed away from the irate wizard. Overwhelmed by the sheer hatred and rage that radiated from Snape's every pore.  Now, he moved over to the couch and laid Evangeline gently down on it while Snape continued to yell at him.  Then he stood up and did a little yelling back.

"Yes, damn it, I have been, but I didn't know she was still your wife, Severus!  I thought she was your widow!  We both thought she was a widow!"

Snape's eyes burned with rancor, but his voice dropped to a harsh whisper.  "Well, you were wrong."

Lupin stepped away from the couch and walked toward Snape with his hands spread wide in supplication.  "There was no way for us to know that, Severus.  Be reasonable."

"Reasonable?"  He growled angrily in a low menacing tone.  "And what would you consider to be reasonable, werewolf?  Not cutting off your private parts and stuffing them down your miserable throat?"

Lupin went pale and stopped dead in his tracks.  "That's a good start."  He swallowed hard.  "Look, we all need to step back a minute here and talk about this.   You have no idea what Evangeline's gone through, thinking that you were dead.  Do you know how she found out you were dead?"

Snape crossed his arms and stared at Lupin as if he was a lunatic.  "I'm not dead, you idiot!  You must have all been pretty eager to believe in my demise if you accepted it without any proof."

"Oh, we had plenty of proof.  At dinner the day you left Hogwarts, a huge vulture delivered a box to Evangeline.  The box contained your wand, your wedding ring, and your severed head!"

Snape dropped his arms abruptly and gaped at Lupin.  "What?"

Lupin nodded angrily.  "That's right.  Evangeline got your head in a box, Severus.  Do you have the slightest idea what that did to her?"

Snape's face went paler than usual, and he stared down at his unconscious wife.

Lupin was just getting warmed up, though.  "Have you happened to notice that there's someone missing, Severus?"

Dazedly Snape tore his attention away from his wife and frowned darkly at Lupin once again.  "What do you mean?"

"Shouldn't there be someone else here, other than the three of us?  After all, the last time you saw her, Evangeline was pregnant, wasn't she?  Wouldn't you be expecting to meet your son or daughter by now?"  There was a slightly mocking edge to the werewolf's tone.

Horrified understanding came suddenly to Snape and a massive shiver went through him like the slash of a knife.  NO…oh gods no.

Lupin nodded coldly as he could see his shot hit home and crossed his arms over his slender chest.  "That's right…no baby.  When she opened the box, she went into convulsions.  She lost your baby, and we almost lost her.  She was in a coma for days.  It took her months to even begin to come out of her depression.  She didn't want to live without you, Severus."

Shaken to his core by this painful news, he instinctively tried to retaliate and lashed back at Lupin wanting to hurt the man however he could.  "Well, obviously she got over that.  The two of you seemed to be having a pretty good time "living" when I arrived.  Malfoy did you a favor when he "forced" you to have sex with Evangeline on the eve of our wedding, didn't he?  I imagine he didn't have to force you very hard.  It was the answer to your prayers, wasn't it?  You were probably only too glad to have the opportunity, and now…here was the same golden opportunity once again, and you didn't even have to get your hands dirty this time.  Voldemort and his Death Eaters have been very supportive of your love life haven't they, werewolf?"

Before Lupin could even begin to answer this appalling charge, Evangeline came back to consciousness with a soft moan.  Both men broke off their argument and turned to focus on her.  She opened her eyes and stared up at her husband.  Snape stood there straight and tall and obviously very angry.  He seemed painfully thin to her as if whatever ordeal he'd suffered through for the last year had been difficult on him, indeed.  His hair was a little ragged, and he was wearing Muggle clothing under a threadbare black cloak.  She'd never seen Severus in Muggle clothes before, but the burgundy shirt and slim straight jeans that he wore actually suited him fairly well.  But all of that was irrelevant.  The only truly important thing here was that he was really alive.  It was a miracle.  A miracle!

Ignoring the cold expression on his face, she sat up slowly and slid off the couch.  Never taking her eyes from his, she crossed the room to his side and reached up a shaking hand to touch his cheek gently.  He trembled involuntarily at her touch, but his expression never wavered.  It remained cold and hard as if covered with armor.

"Severus."  She whispered in a tender yearning tone, and her eyes filled up with tears.  Her voice was breathless with loving emotion. "Oh…oh, Severus…it's so good to see you…to touch you."  She slid her other hand up his chest to cup the other side of his face.  Then she moved it hesitantly to touch his hair and let its familiar sleekness slip softly through her fingers as she smiled and gasped wonderingly.  "How can it be you?  Where have you been all this time?"

For a moment his anger faded.  His expression softened and his eyes caressed her face longingly and then fell on the livid purple bruise on the side of her neck.  No doubt freshly put there by her lover.  Her lover!  Abruptly, fresh anger blossomed, and he stepped swiftly back away from her, jerking his face roughly from her grasp.   His voice was ice cold.  "Where do you think I've been, Evangeline?  I've been in one of Voldemort's prisons.  Whiling away my time thinking about you, while you've been busy making love with other men.  Has Lupin been the only one or is he merely the latest in a string of replacement lovers?"

She flinched as his cruel words cut deeply into her soul.  The sparkling tears that filled her emerald eyes began to course down her cheeks like rain.  Her protests burst from her like water through a broken dike.  Somehow she had to make him understand…make him listen. "No!  I believed you were dead!  Everyone was certain that you were dead!  If I'd known that that wasn't true, I'd never have gotten close to anyone else.  Never!  Never!  Please, you have to believe me!  I love you, Severus!  I've always loved you, Severus…only you!"

Lupin winced at her heartfelt words, true as he knew them to be, but Snape merely raised a mocking eyebrow.  "Oh, so you don't feel that you need to be in love with someone in order to go to bed with them, Evangeline?  I thought better of you than that…obviously I was sadly mistaken as to your character."

Horrified that he'd reject her like this, Evangeline threw herself bodily at her husband with a sob in her voice as she tried to embrace him and pleaded desperately.  "Please, Severus…don't do this.  This should be a happy time for us.  I'm so glad you're alive!  I love you so much!  Please, don't turn your back on me…on us!  Please!"

Abruptly he caught her arms in his hands as she lunged for him and with a sharp motion pushed her roughly away from him so that she fell back against the couch.  "I'm not the one who broke our marriage vows, Evangeline.  It appears there is no more "us"."  His voice was harsh and cold, but he couldn't quite keep it from trembling.  Her touch had unnerved him, he could feel the tears he despised rising up to the surface. All of a sudden the pain of this situation threatened to overwhelm him, and he knew that if he didn't get away from her as quickly as possible he'd break down and lose all control of himself.

As she looked back at him in horror, he turned swiftly away from her with a flurry of his black cloak and headed rapidly for the door, desperate to end this torture. 

Unable to simply let him walk out on her, Evangeline drew herself up and called out to his stiff back.  "Severus wait!  Before you go, I have something of yours that you're likely to need."  She held her breath.

Reluctantly, he halted, his fists balled tightly at his side hidden under his cloak.  Ever so slowly he turned around and just stared at her expressionlessly.  Holding onto the iron control he was forcing over his feelings was getting harder and harder the longer he remained in her presence.

Evangeline was also trying desperately to keep her emotions in check as she took a step towards her husband and stared earnestly back at him.  "Where are you going to go?"  She choked out in a strained voice.

Not having thought that far ahead, he frowned and stated the only destination he could think of.  "Hogwarts."

She nodded.  "How were you planning on getting there?  Flag down a passing broom?  Without a wand you couldn't even summon the Knight Bus, much less apparate."

A shiver ran through him.  She was right.  Why hadn't he thought of that?  How was he to get back to Hogwarts?  Without magic, it would be a very long walk.

"I have your wand in a box in the basement, Severus.  If you'll wait a moment, I'll get it for you."

He crossed his arms, holding his feelings inside by sheer force of will, and glared coldly down his nose at her.  "Very well."

With a dazed nod, she turned around a bit unsteadily and headed for a door in the wall.  She opened it and started down a flight of stairs to the basement.

As she disappeared through the doorway, Lupin, mired in his own pain, glared at Snape in frustration and tried once more to defend her.  "You're not being fair, Severus.  Evangeline has gone through hell thinking you were dead for this last year.  Doesn't that matter to you at all?"

Snape pounced on Lupin again, eager to unleash more venom on the werewolf.  "Don't you dare talk to me about hell, Lupin.  It's where I've spent the last year of my life!"

Undaunted, Remus snarled back. "Well, Evangeline's been there, too!  She lost her husband and her child, and she almost died.  Have some understanding!  You weren't the one who had to sit at her bedside after she lost your baby and plead with her not to give in to her desire to die."

Unable to let himself contemplate the pain of what might have been, Snape kept his focus on his anger, which he kept tightly aimed at Lupin.  "You must have been pleased when she lost the baby, Lupin.  It's much easier to seduce a woman without a child clinging to her skirts.  Then you don't have to play Daddy to someone else's brat, huh?"  

Lupin was stunned at the hatred in Snape's tone.  "Do you even want to know whether you lost a son or a daughter, Severus?"

Another agonizing piece of knowledge that he didn't feel capable of receiving at the moment, not from this source at least, Snape stiffened sharply as if Lupin had slapped him and stared blankly at his tormentor.  "No."  He whispered harshly.  "That part of my past is dead.  Let's leave it buried in the past…with my marriage."

Finding himself at the limit of his endurance, he turned away from Lupin to see a very pale Evangeline standing at the head of the cellar stairs watching him sadly.  As her eyes met his, she slowly crossed the room and handed him a set of his robes and his wand.  He accepted them from her without comment, stared down at her with those bottomless eyes of his for a moment, and then turned sharply on his heel and left the cottage without another word, slamming the door viciously behind him.

As soon as the door closed, Evangeline lost the tight control she'd been asserting over her emotions and with a horrified gasp she collapsed bonelessly to the floor and began to sob uncontrollably.  Remus immediately ran over to try to offer comfort and sank down next to her attempting to take the devastated woman into his arms, but she refused to be held by him. Instead she roughly pushed him away from her and curled into a tight ball, trying desperately to block out the misery of her reality by crawling inside herself.   The crushed wizard stroked her hair helplessly and felt his happy world crumble into ashes with each tear that she shed.  As her life was once more cruelly pulled from her grasp, Evangeline's delicately mended heart shattered into a million pieces.

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Author's Notes:  This was a rough chapter to write.  I know it was probably rough to read, too.  I'm anxious to know what you think about it. (Many, many thanks to gotsnape for all her help and advice with it!  You're the best, lady!)

Manic:  As you can see Severus selected choice number two!  Although now he may be a little sorry.  :)

Werecat99:  Shame on you!  Nothing was implied about the gifts.  Remus was making a joke.  Besides, he's seen the portrait of Snape in all its glory, remember?   That's not a remark he'd make to Evangeline. :)  Oh yeah…Lucius.  Yeah, I remember him. :)

Elbereth94:  Oh sweetie, I'm sorry.  I felt so bad when I read your review and realized that I was going to have to burst your happy bubble.  Severus, Remus, and Evangeline have some rough road to travel before the end of the story I'm afraid.  I will tell you that there's no climactic battle with the Dark Lord in this story.  The story plays out in just a few days of story time and wraps up before the next school term begins.

Jezebel:  Yup.  Sorry.  It'd be too easy and not very believable considering the personalities involved.

Brittany:  Glad you're enjoying the story.  I'd say tense and awkward is a bit mild myself.

Arsinoe:  I did contemplate letting her keep both of them, but I couldn't find a way to quite make it work. :)  Lovely idea, though!

Sage and Snape:  Sorry to make you worry, but as you can see, you had good reason.

Lina Lupin:  No, Snape does most of the attacking even without his wand.  He was also the one who wasn't interested in explanations.

ProphetDreams:  Thanks.  That's a big responsibility. :)  I'd keep the Kleenex handy if I were you.

Carpathiaa:  Thank you.  I hope you liked it.

Jtyw: Trouble indeed.

BookWitch:  Thanks, I'm glad "Steven" seemed in character.  Yes, it was definitely a surprise for the three of them to meet at the cottage.  You're the second person who wants Severus to meet his portrait.  I'll have to think about it, but at the moment I don't see how it could work.  Severus doesn't return to the cottage in this story, and the portrait isn't particularly mobile.


	18. Return from the Dead

                                                                                            Chapter Eighteen: Return from the Dead

Severus Snape appeared in the cold embrace of early morning in the Forbidden Forest.  He immediately dropped the bundle of clothing he held in his arms, and his weary body tried desperately to heave the minimal contents of his stomach onto the snow and leaf covered forest floor as he sank to his hands and knees.  His head throbbed with blinding pain, and he felt dizzy and nauseous.  

Once his spasm wracked body was through vomiting up what little was within him, he collapsed with a despairing sob and rolled onto his back, covering his eyes with his hands.  How had he let that get so out of hand?  Damn his temper! After all this time apart all he'd wanted was to be with his wife…that was all.  Why was this happening?  On top of everything else that he'd already endured…why this?

No matter how hard he tried to block out the horrific images, they managed to worm their way insidiously into his exhausted brain.  Over and over, all he could see was Remus Lupin holding Evangeline against his naked chest.  His mind took that painful image and ran with it, converting it to images of Lupin kissing her, caressing her, tearing the nightgown from her body and impaling her with his own.

"NO!"  He howled in rage and pain, as he beat fruitlessly against the frozen ground with his fists.  Then having spent what little remaining energy he had left in his abused body, he lay exhausted on the ground and stared up at the canopy above him, feeling deeper agony than he ever had during all those months of constant torture.

"No…" He breathed faintly as he closed his tired eyes feeling the long suppressed tears squeeze their way out from under his closed lids and make frozen tracks down the sides of his pale face.  Utterly lost and spent, he lay there empty and trembling for long moments as the freezing cold seeped stealthily into his thin form numbing his pain as it numbed his body, then he slowly opened his eyes once more to gaze unseeingly up into the swaying trees above his head.

This couldn't be allowed to continue; somehow he needed to regain control of himself and his life.  Clamping his iron will down on his soul, he sat up stiffly, then stood and began to roughly strip his clothes from his body, heedless of the frigid temperature.  Quickly he exchanged Steven's clothes for Severus' clothes.  Putting on the costume of the cold impervious Potions Master helped him to once more feel the part.  The clothes hung loosely on his overly thin frame.  He'd lost so much weight.  Nevertheless, as he put on each layer, he began to feel a cold emptiness descending on him, helping to push the intense pain in his heart aside…to ignore it …at least for now.

Before long Steven Severe, the Muggle handyman, had disappeared forever and Severus Snape, Potions Master, stood once more on the grounds of Hogwarts.  Almost as an after thought he shrank his Muggle clothes down to doll's size and stuffed them into a pocket.  Then he slid his wand into his sleeve, squared his shoulders, and strode out of the forest and onto the snow-covered grounds heading for his ultimate destination…Hogwarts castle and Albus Dumbledore.

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As Snape approached the front doors to the castle he felt overcome with a wave of uncertainty.   What sort of welcome would he receive when he walked in and announced to all and sundry that he was alive?  Would anyone be happy to see him?  Things had gone so shockingly badly with Evangeline and Lupin.  Why think things will be any better here?

He'd never been popular with his colleagues and students, after all.  Everyone had probably been overjoyed at the idea that he'd died.  There'd probably been a big celebration complete with noisemakers and stupid hats.  Yet, if he didn't come back here, where could he go?  What alternative did he have?  Voldemort and his Death Eaters would still want to get their hands on him.  His wife had taken up with another man.  His family was all gone.  No doubt his job was, as well.  How ironic that recovering his memory had left him with fewer options than not recovering it would have.

Indecision held him frozen with his hand on the door to the castle.  Should he open it or not?

As he was trying to make up his mind on what action to take, fate intervened and opened the door for him.  Suddenly he found himself looking down into the shocked green eyes of Harry Potter as he stood in the open doorway and stared goggle-eyed at his former Potions Master.

"Professor Snape!  You're alive!"  The young man whispered in awe.

Snape swallowed nervously and stiffly nodded his head.  "Obviously, Mr. Potter.  The observational powers of you Gryffindors have always astounded me."

If Harry had held any doubt as to the identity of the black clad figure in the doorway, the familiar dry delivery of this partisan comment banished it from his mind in an instant.  A quick amused smile flitted briefly across the young man's face.  The smile vanished immediately, though, to be replaced with a non-committal expression as he stepped back and held the door open for Snape to enter the castle.

Finding his decision made for him, Snape took a deep breath, stepped inside, and looked around at the silent entryway.  Nothing had changed it seemed since he'd been gone.  Then things rarely changed at Hogwarts in any significant superficial way.

"It's good to see you, Professor.  Everyone thought you were dead.  I'm glad to see that's not true."  Harry said sincerely.

Snape stared down his formidable nose at the young man and lifted a skeptical eyebrow.  "Are you, Mr. Potter?  I must admit, I find that highly unlikely."

Harry stared earnestly back and shrugged.  "Believe what you want, Professor.  But no one was happy to hear that you'd died.  Does Professor Dumbledore know that you're back?"

Snape shook his head and gazed up the stairs towards the Headmaster's office.  "No.  I'm on my way to see him now."

Harry nodded.  "The password's "cream puff" at the moment."

Snape sighed and nodded in mild disgust.  "I expected it to be sweet and fattening.  It would have taken me quite a while to hit on that one, however."  

Without another word, Snape swept across the entrance hall heading for the stairs.  Harry called after him.  "Welcome back, Professor."

Snape halted with his hand on the stair rail and turned around slowly.  He stared at Harry with an unreadable expression on his face.  Stiffly he nodded once.  "Thank you, Mr. Potter."  He stated quietly, then he turned and ascended the staircase, his robes billowing out around him.

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Snape hesitated once more as he stood outside Albus Dumbledore's office, but as he'd been seen entering the castle, he could hardly back out now.  So he raised his hand abruptly and knocked firmly on the door.

The familiar sound of Dumbledore's voice called out for him to enter, so he opened the door and stepped into the room.  Nothing had changed here either.  The same assortment of former Headmasters stared down at him from the walls of the large airy room.  It still smelled comfortingly of book dust and sweets, and the magnificent Phoenix sat on his perch by the desk and slept as a cheery fire burned in the grate.  Then there was the most familiar and oddly comforting sight of all…the Headmaster himself sat easily at his desk writing busily with a feather quill on a roll of parchment.  How often had he come into this office and found his friend in exactly this position?  More times than he could count.  For the first time since he'd regained his memory…he felt as if he'd come home.

Dumbledore raised his head from the writing he'd been doing and froze, staring in amazement at Snape.  With trembling hands he put down his quill and got to his feet.  Slowly he walked around his desk and crossed the room to stand before the younger wizard.  "Severus?"  He said in a slightly choked and whispery voice.

Snape nodded stiffly, his throat tightening, unsure of what to say.

Overcome with emotion, a shaking Dumbledore embraced Snape warmly and hugged him hard.  "Oh, my boy, I'm so glad to see you.  So very glad."  His voice held a hint of tears in it and trailed off faintly.

Snape closed his eyes as he returned the embrace but was careful to keep his emotions tightly in check.

Finally, Dumbledore drew back and slid his arms up Snape's arms to rest his hands on his shoulders as he stared earnestly into his former professor's eyes.  "How has this miracle occurred, Severus?  We all thought you dead and gone for more than a year now?"

Snape smiled faintly at his friend and cocked an eyebrow.  "It's rather a long story, Albus."

The Headmaster smiled happily.  "Since it has such a happy ending, I have all the time in the world to listen, Severus.  All the time in the world."

As he was ushered to a seat in front of the Headmaster's desk, Snape thought to himself that happy was certainly not the word that he would have picked to describe the ending of his ordeal.  No…not happy at all.

As he returned to his seat, Dumbledore asked Snape if he wanted anything to eat or drink.  "You look painfully thin, Severus.  It appears that we have our work cut out for us in restoring you to fit condition again."

Snape nodded.  "Yes, I do need to replace some of the weight I lost, but not at the moment.  I'm really not hungry right now.  I'd prefer simply to talk, if you don't mind."

Dumbledore nodded.  "Whatever, you wish, my boy.  Tell me what happened to you.  Were you captured by Voldemort?  That is, of course, what we all feared had happened."

Snape sighed and nodded his head.  "Yes, Malfoy's home was under surveillance it seems.  Once I'd retrieved the book from where Lucius had hidden it, I found myself surrounded by Death Eaters.  I did my best, but the odds were simply too great for me to escape.  I'm not certain why I wasn't killed on the spot…or even later, but Voldemort seemed to have a greater desire to interrogate me for information and abuse me for sport than to simply eliminate me.  I was held in a prison in Cornwall for a little more than a year.  I was tortured… but I never gave them any information, Albus.  I swear it.  They learned nothing of value from me."

Dumbledore's face had gone extremely pale at Snape's words, and he nodded in understanding.  "I'm sure that's true, Severus.  How did you escape from them?"

"There was a raid.  My cell was broken open in the ensuing chaos, and I was able to escape unnoticed by either my captors or the liberators."

Dumbledore sighed.  "I had information that led me to believe that you might be alive, Severus.  I sent those people to liberate the prisoners there in the hopes that you were one of them.  If you hadn't left on your own, we might have found you then.  Both Black and Lupin were involved in that raid.  I had such hopes that they'd find you.  I was so disappointed when they didn't.  But that was weeks ago now.  Where have you been since then?  Why didn't you come home before now?"

Snape looked down at his hands in his lap.  "Because I didn't know where "home" was."  He confessed in a low voice.

He forced his eyes back up to meet those of his former Headmaster, his expression shuttered.  "In order to keep from being able to tell anyone anything during the…interrogation…sessions, I gave myself amnesia.  I forced myself to forget everything I knew…including who I was.  When I escaped, I didn't know my name or anything else about my life.  I wandered for a short while, then I took a job as a handyman for a shopkeeper in a small village shop.  I remained there until I regained my memory."

Dumbledore regarded Snape sadly.  "I see.  That must have been very hard for you."  

Suddenly as he stared at the familiar black clad form of his friend another thought occurred to the elder wizard.  "How did you obtain your clothes, Severus?  How were you able to get back here to Hogwarts without your wand?"

Suddenly tense, Snape got to his feet and began to pace the room.  Reluctantly he answered in little more than a whisper.  "I have my wand, Albus."

As he watched Snape's restless pacing, Dumbledore's heart began to sink.  "Then you must have seen Evangeline, Severus, for I know she took your wand with her when she left Hogwarts."

Snape nodded stiffly, his face a stony mask.  "Oh yes, I saw her…and her lover."  His voice held a world of bitterness as he forced those last hateful words from his lips.  Once more the cruel picture of that smug werewolf holding his Evangeline possessively in his arms flashed before the weary wizard's eyes cutting yet another swath of pain through his heart.

"Severus…"  Dumbledore began, but Snape cut him off abruptly before he could finish his thought.

"I don't wish to discuss Evangeline, Albus.  She's made her choice.  She's with that damnable werewolf now…of all the people to choose.  Our marriage is obviously over.  There's nothing more to talk about."

"How much of a choice did you give her, Severus?  Evangeline loves you…not Remus."  

Snape turned his head sharply, impaling the Headmaster with the intensity of his stare and stated in a firm cold voice.  "I told you that I don't wish to discuss it, and I meant it."

Dumbledore nodded sadly.  "Very well, Severus."

As the awkward moment lengthened, Snape sat down once again, and they stared at each other in silence for a time, then Snape ventured a question.  "Since Voldemort was able to get his hands on that book that Malfoy got for him, has there been any indication that he's also tried to get his hands on Ernias Winthrop's research?"

Dumbledore nodded.  "Yes, I believe so.  To my knowledge, Evangeline's family home has been searched several times, by Voldemort's people and mine.  However, I don't believe that anything belonging to Ernias has come to light."

Snape nodded and looked away.  "Have you asked Evangeline where her father kept his research?"

Dumbledore sighed.  "I had intended to, but she hasn't spoken to me since your "death"…and the death of your daughter."

Snape flinched slightly and shivered involuntarily, momentarily closing his eyes and turning his head away against the rush of fresh pain that stabbed at his heart.   When he'd regained his control, he turned a pale face back to Dumbledore.  "The baby was a girl?"  He whispered hoarsely.

Dumbledore nodded with compassion shining in his eyes.  "Yes, I'd have thought that Evangeline would have told you that at least."

Snape released a shaking breath and dropped his eyes to the floor again, inquiring quietly.  "Did Evangeline give her a name, Albus?"

"No, Severus, to my knowledge she didn't.  Evangeline was still in a coma when the child was buried.  We almost lost her too, you know.  It was a very near thing."

Just the thought of the wife he loved so much lying dead in her grave because of his actions chilled him to the bone.  Could he never stop hurting her?  He found he had to work rather hard to hide all these painful feelings, and the strain was beginning to show on his face.  "Where is the baby buried?"  He choked out.

"In the small graveyard to the north of the castle near the Forbidden Forest.  The headstone has your name on it since we buried what we thought was your head in the same grave.  We were obviously badly deceived there."

Snape nodded shortly.  "Yes, to say the least.  Voldemort apparently out did himself there."  He paused and redirected the conversation.  "Why haven't you spoken to Evangeline about her father's research, Albus?  She could still be in danger if the Dark Lord manages to get his hands on it, and why is she living in a cottage in Cornwall instead of within the safety of Hogwarts?"

With a heavy sigh, Dumbledore stated sadly, "Evangeline blamed me for your loss and the loss of your child.  She's refused to have anything to do with me or with Hogwarts.  She's a very determined woman when she's made up her mind about something, you know that, Severus.  Your loss was completely devastating to her, she couldn't forgive me for destroying her life.  I really couldn't blame her…I felt very much the same way.  Ultimately I was the one responsible for the destruction of both your lives.  You'd be perfectly justified in blaming me as well."

Snape shook his head solemnly.  "It was my decision to go after that book, Albus, not yours.  You didn't force me to do it.  What happened wasn't your fault.  I should've taken greater precautions.  I, of all people, should have known that Malfoy's home was likely to be closely watched no matter whether he was there or not.  I was unforgivably careless…the fault was mine.   The consequences were mine to bear…unfortunately, I wasn't the only one to bear them."  He bowed his head and sat silently for a moment before raising it again and asking in a quiet voice.   "The question is what do I do now?  I assume I no longer have a job here?"

Dumbledore smiled comfortingly.  "In the short term, no.  Professor Carstairs has a one-year contract to teach Potions.  I really do have to honor it.  However, I do not have to renew it.  As of fall term, you certainly may return as Potions Master.  In fact, I insist on it.  The students deserve the best, Severus.  That will always be you.  In the meantime, your quarters are still there waiting for you.  Your things are in storage here and can easily be returned to you.  I'll have Filch see to that immediately.  You might want to use your unexpected free time to recover from your ordeal and perhaps work on some of your own private research."

Snape nodded.  "Perhaps.  I'm just grateful that I have a place to go at the moment.  Frankly, I was beginning to think that I might need to return to my job as a handyman."

Dumbledore smiled.  "Well, if you're so inclined, Severus, I'm sure that Mr. Filch would appreciate the help."

Snape snorted shortly.  "Oh yes, I'm sure the student body would just love to see me scrubbing the floors of the castle."

Snape stood up to leave.  "I should go and begin unpacking everything, I suppose.  Thank you for letting me come back, Albus."

Dumbledore stood as well and stared earnestly at Snape.  "You're always welcome here, Severus."

Snape nodded stiffly, uncomfortable with displaying too much of his inner feelings, even to this man who knew him so well.  Then he turned and headed for the door.  Reluctantly he turned back when Dumbledore addressed him once more.  

"Severus, please don't give up so easily on Evangeline.  She does not love Remus Lupin the way that she loves you.  I am absolutely certain of this."

Snape's features hardened again against the tide of pain that rose immediately within him at the mention of her name.  "How can you be so certain of that, Albus?  She had no difficulty taking him to her bed.  Replacing me in her life doesn't seem to have been too difficult for her at all."

Dumbledore sighed.  "Actually, I'm sure that decision was very difficult for her. I'm sure that Evangeline cares about Remus.  She may have even deluded herself into believing that she loves him.  Life has been hard and lonely for Evangeline without you, and Remus has been kind and persistent, but to my knowledge they have only been together since Christmas…a couple of days is all.  Any love she feels for him will never be the same sort of love that she feels for you, Severus…that she will always feel for you.  I've called up the binding magic for many couples in my lifetime, but it's never burned as brightly for anyone else as it did for the two of you.  That sort of bond can never be completely dissolved, no matter what dark magic was used to remove your wedding ring without ending your life.  Evangeline is your life-partner, Severus.  That will never truly change.  Don't let wounded pride stand in your way."

Snape stared silently at Dumbledore for a moment then he said, "Thank you for the use of my quarters again, Albus.  I'll go find Filch and see about retrieving my possessions."  With that simple pronouncement he turned on his heel and with a familiar flurry of black robes, left the Headmaster's office behind him.

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Author's Notes:  I have a feeling that I could revise and revise and revise and this chapter would never quite get to where I want it, so I posted it and will now leave the judgment up to you.

Werecat99:  I figured if Snape went ahead with the neutering threat that Gingerhead could help.  It would be a sort of bonding experience for the two of them. :)  Snape WAS too quick to accuse her and he knows that.  There's a part of his mind that was standing outside himself being absolutely appalled with every word out of his mouth, but he just couldn't help himself at the time.  He was so overwhelmingly hurt, and his natural reaction to being hurt is to lash back.  Thanks.

Snapefan51:  Snape isn't in the best physical shape at the moment, even if he wanted to attack Lupin physically, the werewolf would win, and Snape is uncomfortably aware of this fact.   Besides Snape's natural weapon is his tongue. :)  I'm sorry that your last review disappeared into the black hole of computerdom, but this one came through just fine.  Thanks! 

Melissa Jooty:  Thank you.  Severus does come to regret his harshness with Evangeline fairly quickly, but it takes him some time to get past the pain and anger.  He has a lot to consider and adjust to.  What did you think of Dumbledore's reaction to his return?  We see Black next chapter.

RaveneX1:  Thank you for letting me know you're reading.  I'm glad you like the story.  People do seem to want Snape to meet his portrait.  I'll give it some thought, but I doubt it's going to happen.  

Ballistic:  You certainly have a computer with personality.  It must be frustrating.  Thanks for your support.  I'm glad you approve of how I've handled things so far.

Manic:  Wow!  Reading your review was like running down my own checklist of things that everyone was feeling and all the things that I wanted the characters to get across to the readers.  Apparently, for you at least, I nailed it.  :)  That just makes my day!  Thank you so much.

Lina Lupin:  I'm glad you liked the chapter even though it's not what you expected.  McGonagall and Dumbledore do try…

Sage and Snape:  Oh, yes, one by one everyone at Hogwarts will throw their two cents in, never fear.  I suppose Remus was a bit more aggressive than he sometimes is, but I've never seen him as someone who'd let anyone walk all over him…especially not Snape.  Also, he loves Evangeline.  He couldn't just stand there and let her husband attack her without trying to defend her to the best of his ability.

Elbereth94:  Thank you.  I'm glad you aren't upset.  As you say, Snape's not going to meekly accept the fact that his wife has taken Lupin as a lover.  

SevyHero:  Give Severus a chance to calm down.  Define soon.

Arachne's Child:  Welcome back!  Life always comes first; there's really no point if it doesn't. :)  I'm glad you felt everyone reacted in character.  It was hard balancing everything out.  Don't worry, everyone gives Snape their opinions on what he should do about his wife…and I do mean everyone. :)

Jezebel:  Things do get better.  You need to give poor Remus a break.  He thought Severus was dead, too.


	19. Sifting Through the Ashes

                                                                                          Chapter Nineteen:  Sifting Through the Ashes

As Snape left Dumbledore's gargoyle behind and headed down the hall in search of Argus Filch, he suddenly found himself face to face with Sirius Black.  Not his favorite person under any circumstances, but at the moment, running into him of all people, just added the topping to what had been, all and all, an appalling day so far. 

As Snape attempted to bypass the inevitable confrontation, Black stepped in front of him to block his path and shook his head in amazement.  "Harry said you were back, Snape, but I confess I didn't really believe him.  Geez, you look like hell."

Snape snorted shortly.  "Nice to see you too, Black.  I see your manners are as good as ever."

Black grinned sheepishly and ran a hand through his hair.  "Sorry, that just sort of slipped out.  Where have you been all this time?  You know, everyone thought you were dead."

Snape sneered.  "Yes, I've heard that.  Sorry to disappoint you."

Black shrugged carelessly.  "Actually, I didn't really care one way or the other…except for Evangeline's sake.  Have you seen her, Snape?  She must be glad you're back."

Snape brushed roughly past the animagus and began walking rapidly away down the hall, tossing his comments back over his shoulder.  "Whether I've seen Evangeline or not is none of your business, Black.  Why don't you just put your tail between your legs and slink back to whatever kennel you crawled out of?  I have better things to do with my time than exchange inanities with the likes of you."

Stiffly he continued along the hallway to the stairs and started down without a backward glance, leaving Black standing there staring speculatively after him and wondering whether he'd seen Remus and Evangeline or not.  The Potions Master certainly didn't seem very happy.  That probably wasn't a good sign.  If Snape walked in on the two of them while they were making love, the fallout must have been horrendous.  So where did Snape's return leave everyone now?

                        ***************************************************************************************************

Evangeline lay huddled on the couch in front of the fireplace and breathed in and out slowly.  The gentle rise and fall of her chest was the only way that Remus knew for sure that she was still alive.  She'd been virtually motionless ever since she'd run out of tears and now simply lay there limply like a dead thing.  He'd picked her up from the floor and had laid her gently on the couch.  Then he'd tried to get her to respond to him, but no matter what he said or did, she just lay there and stared into the fire with empty eyes.  The whole day had passed in agonizing slowness as he'd tried desperately to get through to her to no avail.

The word helpless didn't begin to cover how he felt, the worried wizard simply had no idea what to do for her, so he sat and watched, and cursed the fates that had lured them into this wretched trap.

"How in the world could Snape still be alive?  Why wouldn't any of us have known about that? I'd have sworn on my mother's grave that that head we examined so carefully was his.  Everyone else thought so too.  I know they did!  How could we all have been so bloody wrong about that?  Could I have possibly overlooked something…perhaps because I wanted him to be dead?"  

He recoiled sharply from that unwelcome thought.  "No. Damn it!  No.  I wasn't the only one who thought that head was genuine.  Everyone who examined it believed it was Snape's.  Everyone did!  Besides, I wouldn't have wanted Evangeline to suffer through all that pain.  If there'd been even the slightest indication that that head hadn't been Snape's we'd have found it."  

"What the hell is going to happen now?  If Snape refuses to see reason and actually ends his marriage to Evangeline, could she recover from that?  Could she live with knowing that he was still alive and simply no longer wanted her?  Would he really be that big a fool?"

Remus shook his head in frustration, got up, and began to pace the room as his thoughts continued to tumble around in his brain mercilessly.  "It's certainly the only way that Evangeline and I would ever have a chance, though.  There's no point in deluding myself.  She doesn't love me.  If Snape comes to his senses and wants her back, she'll go in a heartbeat.  She made that painfully clear when he was here.   I don't really matter to her…not the way he does." 

Restless unfocused anger surged through Remus as he fought to keep himself from putting a fist through the window when he paused to stare at his blurry reflection in the darkening glass.  

"Damn the man!  How could he treat her like this after everything that she's gone through?  Surely he's not so inhuman that he can't understand how she came to turn to me after thinking he was dead for more than a year.  It's simply his stiff-necked pride getting in the way…and maybe some left over hatred for me, too."  

He sighed and raked the fingers of both hands through his shaggy hair.  "Perhaps if she'd been with someone else, he would've been more reasonable, more understanding."  A wry mocking smile flitted briefly across his tired face before sobering once more.  "Well…not if it had been Sirius."

The werewolf's eyes drifted back to the unmoving figure on the couch.  With an agonized frown of worry engraved deeply in his face, he stopped his useless pacing and returned to her side.  His heart lurched painfully as he stared down at her still form. God, he loved her so much…he couldn't stand to see her like this…in so much pain!   This unresponsiveness scared him more than he wanted to admit.  It felt as if they were right back where all this started over a year ago with the delivery of that cursed box!

Not knowing what else to do, the deeply concerned wizard knelt down beside the motionless woman and gently caressed her hair.  He wanted so desperately to take her into his arms and hold her, but he didn't dare try.  He wasn't sure his heart could stand it if she pushed him away again.  "Evangeline…sweetheart, this isn't going to help you.  You need to talk to me.  Are you hungry?  It's been hours, and you haven't had anything to eat.  I could fix you something.  Please, talk to me, Angel.  Please.  Let me help you!"

Her eyelids flickered and her eyes darted over to stare somewhat blankly into his.  Remus caught his breath.  Had he finally gotten through to her?  Was she ready to come back out of hiding and face the world again?  He petted her hair once more and spoke in a very gentle voice.  "Angel?  Can I help you?"

Evangeline continued to stare at him with eyes that flickered through an array of emotions seeming to find it hard to settle on any one.  She licked her dry lips and took a breath.  "Remus…" She whispered.  "I've worried you, haven't I?  I'm sorry."

Stiffly she moved to sit up and Remus immediately put a hand under her shoulder to assist her into a sitting position.  Then he momentarily forgot himself in his profound relief at her return and slid his arms around her, drawing her slight body in against his own.  He realized his mistake though when she stiffened in his arms and just sat there, refusing to return his embrace.  He swallowed hard and pulled back and looked at her.

With a guilty look on her face Evangeline dropped her eyes from his and sat quietly looking at her upturned hands in her lap.  Uncomfortable silence stretched between the erstwhile lovers.  Remus tried again.  "Are you hungry, Angel?  I'd be glad to get you something to eat.  You've been lying here for hours; it would do you a world of good to have something.  Even a cup of tea."  His soft voice pleaded anxiously with her to let him help.

She shook her head and brought her eyes up to meet his once more.  "No, I couldn't keep anything down at the moment.  I feel rather nauseous actually.  I just think I'll go up to bed.  I'm very tired…some sleep would probably help me the most."

Remus reluctantly nodded and helped her to her feet.  He kept his arm around her shoulders and walked across the room to the staircase with her, but when they got there, she turned, shrugged his arm off her body, and laid a restraining hand on his chest.  "I need to go up to bed alone, Remus.  This changes everything…I need to be alone…I'm sorry…I just can't talk about it now."

A cold shiver ran through the werewolf…he'd known in his heart that this moment was coming…the one where she'd reject his company, but now that it'd finally arrived, it was turning out to be even more painful than he'd thought it would be.  A tiny ray of hope fought its way to the surface of his heart not quite ready to give up.  "Are you sure, Angel?  I won't push you to talk about anything.  I'd just feel better if you weren't alone right now.  I'm worried about you."

With a melancholy smile on her face, she touched his cheek with a gentle hand.  "I know you are, but I need to be alone right now.  I have a lot to sort out.  I'm sorry…so very sorry."  They stared wordlessly at one another for a long moment.  There was so much to say and nowhere to begin.  At the same time, there was nothing to say because they both knew all the words by heart.  Evangeline turned sadly away from him and ascended the staircase slowly, whispering a goodnight over her shoulder.  Remus stood there with pain filled eyes and watched her move away from him until she'd turned into her bedroom and closed the door quietly behind her, leaving him all alone once more.

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Snape stood in the softly falling snow and stared with pain filled eyes at the hard gray stone that marked the grave of his daughter.  The words SEVERUS SNAPE stared back at him in sharp black letters incised in granite.  How strange to stand before your own grave, like a chilling glimpse into the future.  This would have to be changed, of course.  He wasn't buried here…but his daughter…their daughter…was.  The daughter he'd never get the chance to know…the daughter he'd murdered with his recklessness.  He'd lost so much over this last year, but this…this was the hardest loss to bear…next to that of her mother.

Slowly he bent down and placed the small bouquet of English Daisies that he held in his hand on top of the snow-covered ground in front of the stone, which bore his name.  His mother had once told him that the delicate white and yellow flower was appropriate for the newly born.  His little one had never made it that far, but he hoped she'd appreciate them anyway.  He had nothing else to give her except his grief and remorse. 

Straightening up once more, he sighed deeply and bowed his head.  She deserved her own marker…and her own name.  A sudden surge of impotent anger coursed through him.  His innocent little girl deserved so much more than that!  She deserved a life, but thanks to Voldemort and his own stupidity…his own carelessness, she'd been cheated out of the life that should've been hers.  Instead, all she'd ever have was a lonely plot of ground and the profound regret of her parents.  

As the anger fled to be replaced once more with sorrow, tears that he refused to shed prickled at the back of his eyes.  As much as he'd been afraid to become a father, at the moment, he wished with all his heart that he'd gotten the chance to try, but that chance was gone forever. His throat tightened, and he swallowed reflexively over the huge lump in it.  There'd be no family for him.  He stood alone…as he no doubt deserved.

Slowly he drew his wand out of his sleeve and aimed it at the headstone, then paused and reconsidered.  No.  This was wrong.  This wasn't a decision that he had the right to make alone.  As much as he wanted to avoid it, he needed to talk to Evangeline before giving their child a name.  It was the only thing they could do for her now…and they owed it to her to be in agreement.  It had waited this long, it could wait a bit longer, until he could stand to face her mother again.

He turned his dark eyes to the heavens and scanned the lowering clouds as they dropped their white tears onto his face, coating his lashes and sliding down his cheeks, mixing with those he could no longer keep locked up in his heart.  As he directed his gaze earthward once again, he found himself whispering words into the softly sighing wind.

"I'm so sorry little one, I turned out to be an even poorer excuse for a father than I feared I'd be.  I managed to fail both you and your mother in every possible way.  This should never have happened to you.   You should be here with us now…laughing, learning to talk…playing in the snow, instead of lying buried beneath it in the cold empty darkness.  I have found it more difficult to change the habits of a lifetime than I thought it would be, but that's no excuse.  There is no excuse for what I did to you…both of you.  Despite marrying your mother and anticipating your birth, I continued to act as if my actions only affected myself.  In my arrogance, the thought that anything might happen to prevent my swift return to you never occurred to me.  Leaving as I did without a word or thought for your welfare was wrong…and unforgivable.  I deserve all the pain that my ill-considered actions caused me…but you and your mother do not.  So here I stand at your graveside and foolishly wish to change the past…because facing the future without the two of you will be the most difficult thing I've ever done."

With a ragged sigh, he slipped the wand, which dangled uselessly in his hand, back into his sleeve and murmured a final good-bye to his child.  The only child he was ever likely to have.  Then he turned quietly and retraced his steps back into the cold empty halls of Hogwarts castle.  Where he intended to lose himself in the chore of putting the pieces of his life back into some semblance of order, a very difficult task with the most important pieces missing…forever.

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Snape's confident footsteps echoed firmly through the dungeon corridors announcing his return to all who listened.  The long dim halls had been missing that sound for far too long with the Potions Master's absence from the school.  The reassuring noise brought a rush of familiarity to the tall wizard as he struggled to return to a life that he thought he'd left behind forever.  Perhaps if he cloaked himself in all the familiar trappings he could forget for a time how much had been lost and simply concentrate on bringing back as much of the outer image of the man he'd once been as possible.  Maybe if he did a good enough job of it, no one would ever realize that the wizard who'd returned to take up his position within the castle wasn't the same wizard who'd left.  A triumph of image over substance…it wouldn't be the first time.

As he rounded a corner in the shadowed corridor a blast of cold air whipped up out of nowhere and caught at his robes chilling him to the bone.  He whirled around to try to discern just where the frigid wind had come from and found himself face to face with a small silver serpent charm in the middle of the wall beside him.  The snake gleamed brightly in the flickering light of the wall sconces as if it was trying to attract his attention.

As he stared mesmerized at the tiny charm, his mind wandered unbidden back to the last time he'd seen it, deep within the fireplace in the Slytherin common room.  His treacherous thoughts dragged up heartbreakingly strong images of Evangeline as she'd lain soft and warm within his eager embrace while they'd whiled away their time making love on their honeymoon.  This little symbol had led the way to a beautiful room where they'd had the most magical afternoon of what had overall been the most wonderful period of time he'd ever experienced in his entire life.

Angrily he shook his head and tried to banish such painful memories.  The very last thing he wanted to be reminded of at the moment was how much he loved his wife, now that it appeared he could no longer have her.  He glared at the little reptile.  Why was it here?  What would happen if he touched it?  Would the tunnel open up here in the corridor and lead him back to Slytherin's study once again?  Did he want to go back there?  He shivered at the thought.  No.  Most definitely not.

Resolutely he turned away from the snake on the wall and tried to continue down the corridor towards his quarters.  Why add even more pain to what had so far been the most emotionally painful day he'd ever experienced?

As he took a step away from the snake, the icy wind blew up out of nowhere once again and forced him back up against the wall.  If he stood still the wind would die down, but if he tried to move away he was blown strongly back until he was once more forced to the wall next to the serpent charm.  Obviously someone wasn't going to take no for an answer.  There simply didn't seem to be any way out of it.

So with ill grace he turned to face the wall and raised his hand to touch the silver snake with his finger.  With a soft whoosh of air the wall disappeared behind his back to reveal the long black tunnel that led toward the serpent door that stood as entrance to Slytherin's study.  Determined to get whatever ordeal awaited him over with as soon as possible, he lit his wand and stalked down the pitch black passageway, quickly grasping the crystal doorknob at the other end.  With a deft twist of his wrist, he swung open the door and stepped swiftly through the entrance into the study, shivering as he passed through the invisible barrier that protected the contents of the room.

Once inside he looked around carefully.  Warm sunlight more indicative of spring or summer than the usual pallid light of winter streamed through the twinkling panes of glass set in the full length windows.  The room looked essentially the same…yet it had a very warm and welcoming feel to it, almost as if it was glad to see him again.  For a moment a sense of peace descended on him and for a brief time, he felt that finally he'd come home again and everything would be all right.  But apparently…home…had issues to resolve with him.

The large black couch where he and Evangeline had enjoyed such a wonderfully loving interlude was turned away from the fireplace and now faced him boldly…almost seeming to taunt him to remember what had happened there the last time he'd been in this room.  As if it would ever be possible for him to forget it!

On the seat of the couch resting up against the soft comfortable pillows was a single perfect long stemmed red rose.  Snape stared at it and his throat tightened uncomfortably.  Without even realizing that he was moving, he glided slowly across the room to stand next to the couch and stare down at the beautiful flower.  Against his will his hand snaked out and plucked the rose from the cushions, holding its fragrant softness close to his nose.

The warm sweet scent of the rose evoked incredibly vivid images of Evangeline in his mind's eye.  It was almost as if she was standing here next to him.  He could feel her warm touch on his skin, smell the delicate rose fragrance of her hair.  Her emerald eyes sparkled into his, and she leaned against him running her fingers through his hair and pressing her soft lips against his own.  Unbidden his arms came up to embrace her, sliding up the smooth naked curve of her back to hold her tightly against him.  His body thrummed with desire and yearning as the welcome weight of her naked flesh pressed heatedly against his own. 

For a few moments he was totally lost in the mesmerizing vision of his warm loving wife as she once more resided in his arms.  He allowed himself to kiss her, to caress her, to begin to make love to her, when suddenly a hand fell heavily on his shoulder.  With immense difficulty he pulled back from Evangeline and reluctantly turned to face a semi-naked Remus Lupin who grinned nastily at him and sneered.

"Sorry, Snape…you had your chance.  Evangeline's mine now.  Why would she want a damaged wreck of a man like you when she can have me in her arms?  You didn't take proper care of her, but I will."

With a confident smirk on his face, Lupin roughly brushed Snape aside and took his place within Evangeline's waiting arms.  As they fell into a passionate embrace before his horrified gaze, Snape wrenched his thoughts back to reality and stared down once more at the rose within his grasp.

With a burst of intense fury and pain, he crushed the rose mercilessly between his long fingers and let the ragged pieces fall to the floor where he ground them viciously into the carpet.  He raised his eyes to the ceiling of the room and snarled.

"Whoever you are that governs this place, do not think that you can dictate to me what I should do with my life.  While I thank you for welcoming me back, I will not tolerate meddling in my personal affairs.  If I won't take it from Dumbledore to whom I owe so much, I certainly won't accept it from some long dead magical personage with no particular hold over me."

With that said, Snape whirled around and stalked angrily back down the dark tunnel without a backward glance.

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Author's Notes:  I want to extend my deepest appreciation to gotsnape for once more giving me her advice and help with this chapter.  Thanks so much!

Werecat99:  Thanks.  I'm sure you're right.  Send Snape back and as soon as he saw Lupin with Evangeline again he'd probably react exactly the same way.

Snapefan51:  Oh, yes, Snape has feelings.  He'll even admit most of them to himself…not to others, though…not yet.  Oh, and I am immune to puppy eyes…I have cats. :)

Cloudshape:  I love your name.  It reminds me of a favorite book from years ago.  I'm glad you liked the chapter.  

ProphetDreams:  Thanks.  Don't count on Snape meeting his portrait.

Ultrahotpink:  Thank you.  That's a lot of reading.  Thanks for taking the time.  I'm glad you like it.

Jtyw:  Interesting idea, but Snape doesn't feel very lucky at the moment.

Jezebel:  Okay.  I'll write 'em the way I see it; you read 'em the way you want. :)

RaveneX1:  Too dramatic?  Well, if I drop the drama, I might as well drop the story.

Bookwitch:  No, pride is a big stumbling block for Severus…so are guilt and fear.  Yes, everyone has a lot more talking to do.  Don't worry about the safety of the cottage.  If the Death Eaters didn't know they were there before, this doesn't change anything.

Lina Lupin:  Oh, Severus feels quite a bit of remorse about a lot of things.

Manic:  Do you think this'll be a case of "this school isn't big enough for the both of us"?  Thanks for explaining how you happened to start reading this storyline. I'm always curious what makes people read one story but not another.  I really enjoyed hearing your views on things, and I'll be looking forward to the next chapter of "Fugue State". :)

Ballistic:  Don't worry.  This story will get finished.  I don't post a story if I don't have an ending.  I'm glad you liked Harry's little scene.  He pops up once more.  The painting shows up once more as well, but it's not Snape who's talking to it.

Whale of the World:  Yes, people can't seem to decide whether to feel sorry for Remus or smack him.  Filch is up again next chapter.  No more bowling, sorry.

P. Veronica Tyler:  Sorry that Steven got on your nerves.  Evangeline will try to change Severus' mind…but not forever.  One can only bang one's head against a brick wall for so long before the damage done exceeds any value gained.

Carpathia:  Thank you so much.  Keeping everyone in character is the greatest challenge.

Mother:  Thank you.  I'm pleased you're enjoying it.  Yes, Severus is indeed his own worst enemy a lot of the time.

Rickfan37:  I'm so very glad that you've enjoyed this story.  Now you know how I always felt reading your wonderful tale and having to wait for the next update. :)  I'm afraid you'll have to keep reading to find out exactly what's in store for everyone, but things will work out…one way or the other. :)


	20. Selfinflicted Wounds

                                                                                            Chapter Twenty: Self-inflicted Wounds

Snape entered his old familiar quarters to see Filch putting down the last of a series of large wooden crates that no doubt held the contents of his past life waiting to be used again to help carve out a future.  A very different future than the one he'd once hoped for it appeared.  As Filch stood up straight and wiped his sweaty brow, Snape acknowledged his help.

"Thank you, Filch.  That was very quick of you.  I appreciate you tending to this right away."

Filch nodded agreeably.  "No problem, Professor.   I'm pleased I could be of help.  I'm really glad that you aren't dead, after all.  Things haven't been the same around here without you.  No one can keep those cheeky brats in line like you can.  Your presence has been sorely missed, let me tell you…and that of your lady, too."

Snape smiled faintly at the caretaker, inwardly pleased to discover that someone, other than Albus, had truly missed him, although the mention of Evangeline stabbed at him sharply.  Wanting to avoid having to discuss her, he sought other topics, and his glance fell on the boxes that now filled up much of the sitting room.  

He frowned thoughtfully.  "Is this all that was in storage, Filch?  I'd have thought that there'd be more."

Filch looked appraisingly at the boxes.  "No, this should be all of it, professor.  There are a few other boxes in the bedroom, and then Miss Evangeline did take some things with her when she left.  That might account for any difference.  I imagine that she'll be bringing everything she took along with her when she joins you here.  Will she be coming soon?"

Snape stiffened at Filch's comment, and his jaw clenched painfully.  Well, so much for steering the conversation away from Evangeline.  "Evangeline won't be joining me here, Filch."  He stated in a firm authoritative tone.

Startled, the caretaker's mouth dropped open.  "What?  Why not?  Did something happen to her that I don't know about?"  Concern tinged his voice as a worried frown creased his forehead.

"Evangeline was perfectly fine the last time I saw her.  She's simply decided that being my wife is something that she no longer desires.  She's spending her time with Remus Lupin now."  Snape's tone was sharp, hoping to forestall more questions.  It didn't have the desired effect on the confused caretaker, though.

Filch stared at him goggle-eyed.  Surprise and shock replacing concern.  "Begging your pardon, Professor, but that's got to be wrong.  Miss Evangeline loves you, not Professor Lupin.  If she knew you were alive, she'd leave him in a minute.  I know she would."

Not happy to be contradicted in this matter, Snape glowered ominously at the man.  Thunderclouds hovered around his expression and lightning snapped in his eyes. "She's well aware that I'm alive, Filch.  She and Lupin were intimately involved when I spoke to them earlier.  I'm sure they simply returned to each other once I left them."

However, Filch refused to leave well enough alone.  If Snape was intending to intimidate the man, he was failing abysmally, but then he was out of practice.  The caretaker shook his head stubbornly.  "Miss Evangeline wouldn't do that.  She loves you, Professor.  I don't care what you saw or thought you saw, but if you gave her half a chance, she'd be right here with you.  I know she would.  You're all she ever talked about…all she ever thought about.  She went through hell when she thought you'd died."

Snape's expression darkened even further, could he never escape from this painful subject?  "Yes, as everyone keeps telling me.  Not that it's any of your business, but I have no intention of giving Evangeline another chance, Filch.  She's with Remus Lupin now, and no doubt that's how it will remain.  My relationship with Evangeline Winthrop is over."

Stubbornly Filch shook his head in disgust.  "Well, forgive me for saying so, Professor, but if you let that happen, then you're a much bigger fool than I'd have ever believed possible."

Shocked beyond measure, Snape raised his eyebrows in astonishment.  In all the years he'd known him, Filch had never spoken to him in this sort of disrespectful manner before.  How had Evangeline acquired all of these champions, anyway?

"This is none of your business, Filch.  Kindly refrain from sticking your nose into my private affairs."  Snape retorted angrily.

Filch sighed and shook his head.  "That's just your pride talking, Professor Snape.  If you let that lady slip away from you because your pride has been hurt because she turned to someone else for comfort when she thought you were dead, you'll end up regretting it, you just see if you don't.  Pride is far too expensive an emotion, I've never been able to afford it myself."

With that final comment, Filch turned around and left the room leaving Snape to stare after him with a black scowl on his face.

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Now that he was finally alone for a while, Snape took a long look around his quarters.  It seemed strange to see them so barren.  Seeing the rooms this way took him back in time.  The chambers looked much the same as they had when they'd first been given to him so many years ago now.  All those empty bookshelves waiting to be filled, a large empty fireplace, a completely clear desk.  He'd forgotten how big the desk was.  So much of its surface was always filled up with clutter of one sort or another.  It looked so odd with nothing on top of it.  He crossed the room to lay a hand on its polished surface and mused that under the present circumstances, it could be quite a while before he had anything to use to cover it up again.  A rather depressing thought.

Feeling a little lost, he wandered out of the sitting room and into the bedroom, weaving his way through the maze of crates, and looked around there, too.  The empty walls were so bare looking; his eyes drifted to the boxes on the floor.  His paintings must be in one of them.  Reluctance stayed his hand, though, as he was contemplating seeking them out and hanging them up again.  They'd become so entwined with Evangeline in his thoughts.  Every time he'd look at them all he'd see would be her face.  No, too many memories there.  The paintings could wait for another time…perhaps quite a long time.  Not to mention that the last thing he needed at the moment was for his alchemist to join the Hogwarts' chorus and start to give him grief about Evangeline as well.  Everyone in the castle seemed determined to give him his or her opinions about something that's no one's business but his own!  Typical!

Darkly he scowled at the empty walls and turned away to glance at the wardrobe that stood with open doors awaiting his clothes…where theirs had once hung, and then there was the bed…Damn.  This wasn't going to be easy.  Why did he ever give in to his desires so long ago now and let Evangeline into his life…into his heart?  He really should've known better. No matter how desirable she'd been, no matter how much he'd wanted to kiss her and make love to her, no matter how much he'd wanted to get to know her…he should have been stronger and resisted the temptation.  Now images of her were everywhere he looked, especially in this bed.  Slowly he reached out a hand and fingered the green bed curtains sadly. Could he really sleep there alone again without her ghost haunting him?

Did he have to?  Perhaps Filch and Albus were right.  Perhaps Evangeline would come back to him if he wanted her to. Even after he'd rejected her so harshly. He loved her deeply…he always would…but could he get past the pain of seeing her with Remus Lupin?  Every time he closed his eyes, it was all he saw.  His sadistic mind kept replaying the image of her clasped in his arms…against his half naked body…his relatively unscarred half naked body, he realized with a sharp pang.  Lupin's love bite stood out starkly against the pale flesh of her throat.  It was painfully obvious what they'd been doing when he arrived at her door.  He could vividly see Lupin kissing her, touching her, removing her clothes and…  Damn!  It was as if he'd been watching through the window!

His expression hardened again.  Damn them both to hell!  How could he ever get those agonizing images out of his mind?  How could she betray him like that?  With that Gryffindor werewolf of all people!  No.  It appeared the past was a closed book to him now…thinking about it would only make the pain worse.

Full of frustration and so confused by all his conflicted feelings that he could hardly think straight, he whirled around and drew his wand from his sleeve.  With a vicious wave of his extended arm, the tops flew off all the boxes to clatter loudly to the bare stone floor in a satisfying expression of his inner pain and anger.

Before he could do anything else, though, there was a loud knock at the door.  Trembling with suppressed emotion, he closed his eyes and tried to get a hold of his temper again.  Now what?  Couldn't he get even a moment's peace to try to sort out his life, as pitiful as it was at the moment?  The very last thing he needed was to have to deal with more well meaning idiots and their infernal nosiness! 

Impatiently he strode briskly across the room to the door, kicking boxes and lids from his path, and wrenched it open sharply to glare at the latest unwanted intruder.  "What the hell is it now?"  He yelled rather more forcefully than he'd intended.

Minerva McGonagall stood there framed in the doorway with a shocked look on her face, staring at him in awe.

Snape sighed heavily and rolled his eyes to the heavens.  Oh god…he could just hear another lecture coming.  Could this day possibly get any worse?

She surprised him though, by throwing her arms around him and giving him a rather fierce hug.  "Oh my goodness, Severus.  I can't believe it's really you!"  She exclaimed in a broken and sniffly voice.

Stunned by this show of affection from his usually so reserved colleague, he hugged her back rather stiffly disengaging himself as quickly as possible.  "Yes, Minerva, it's really me."

A trifle embarrassed, she pulled back and cleared her throat roughly, blinking back tears.  "How is this possible?  Where have you been all this time?"

Snape frowned in surprise at her ignorance of the facts.  "Didn't Albus tell you?"

"I haven't talked to Albus.  Harry Potter told me that you were back, Severus."

Snape snorted abruptly.  "Potter's certainly turned into the little town crier.  Apparently he's taken it upon himself to be sure that the entire castle has been informed of my return."  

Reluctantly he stepped back from the doorway to allow McGonagall to enter his rooms, resigning himself to going through the whole dreary mess one more time.  Closing the door firmly behind the curious witch, he turned to confront her a bit unwillingly, yet he figured he might as well just get on with it.  The sooner he told her what happened to him, the sooner she'd go away and leave him alone.  Solitude was something he craved rather desperately at the moment, but it seemed to be more than usually elusive.

"I was captured by Voldemort's Death Eaters, Minerva.  I've spent the last year in one of his more uncomfortable prisons simply trying to survive."  He stated shortly.

Thoughtfully she nodded as her sharp eyes appraised him and took note of the extra lines in his face and how painfully thin he'd become.  "Yes, the house elves will have their work cut out for them to fatten you up a bit, Severus.  Has Poppy looked you over, yet?"

Her question caused him to hesitate, thinking about all the horrible intricate scars hidden under his clothes.  The idea of showing them to anyone, even Poppy, made him intensely uncomfortable.  With a sudden shiver, he admitted to himself that perhaps it was just as well that he wasn't going to be with Evangeline any more.  He'd resisted thinking about it, but it would be foolish to pretend that this wasn't a huge part of his reluctance to face his wife again.  How could he ever bear to let her see what had happened to him?  His body would probably horrify her now, and she'd turn away from him in disgust.  Pain lanced through him once more as he pictured the shocked expression on her lovely face as she looked at the depressing ruin he'd become.  Making love to him would probably just sicken her. He shivered once more.  If he even could make love to her anymore.  A painful thought his horrified mind didn't wish to pursue.

"I'm perfectly fine, Minerva.  I have no need to be poked at by Poppy." He said stiffly, avoiding her shrewd eyes.

She frowned at him and glared over the top of her spectacles.  "Now Severus, I can't believe that they simply stuck you in a cell and forgot about you.  I'm sure that you must have been subjected to far too much physical abuse during such a lengthy incarceration. After an ordeal like that, you should be checked over just to be sure.  There could be problems that you aren't even aware of.  It's far better to be safe than sorry after all."

Oh, he was quite aware of what "problems" his ordeal had left him with.   He didn't need anyone else pointing them out to him in excruciating detail.  Raising his glance to hers once more, he frowned darkly at her and spoke rather sharply, hoping to intimidate her into dropping the subject.  "The word is torture, Minerva, and whether I was subjected to any or not is none of your business. It's my body and my life.  I have no need for anyone to meddle with either.  I am perfectly fine.  Let's leave this topic, shall we?"

Although annoyed at his tone, she had to admit that he wasn't one of her students.  She couldn't force him to see Poppy if he didn't want to after all.  So she tightened her lips in disapproval and nodded shortly.  "All right, Severus.  If you say so.  I won't pressure you to go get examined, but I still think it would be a good idea for you to do so."

Before he could snap at her again, she changed the topic and asked the question that was uppermost in her mind.  "Have you seen Evangeline, yet?  She must be so happy to find out that you're still alive.  She was absolutely devastated to lose you, you know.  When will she be moving back in here with you?"

Here it comes again.  He should have known that he wasn't getting out of this conversation without having to confront the question of Evangeline one more time. Why can't everyone find something else to talk about?  Drawing himself up to his full height, he dusted off his best sneer, plastered it onto his face, and directed its full force at the Transfigurations teacher.

"Evangeline is with that flea bitten Gryffindor werewolf, as you are no doubt aware, Minerva.  You Gryffindors tend to stick together.  It wouldn't surprise me to discover that you had quite a hand in their getting involved in the first place.  Were you playing matchmaker in my absence?  Pairing her up with someone you'd consider to be more suitable, perhaps?  Is that what happened?  Perhaps I have you to thank for the destruction of my marriage."

Appalled at this unexpected attack, Minerva's jaw dropped.  "What are you talking about, Severus?  Evangeline loves you with all her heart.  She'd never choose to stay with Remus if she knows that you're alive."

"Why is everyone so quick to assume that Evangeline doesn't love Lupin?  You don't do her any honor to assume that she'd take anyone into her bed if she didn't love him.  And let me assure you it was painfully obvious to me when I saw her that that was indeed where she'd taken him!"

Agony dug its bitter claws into his heart once more. He clenched his jaw tightly and glanced away from his appalled colleague, his expression dark and full of anger. A sudden tic jumped tensely next to his left eye.  "My "wife" is quite aware that I am alive, as I am aware of her intimate involvement with Lupin.  She's apparently moved on with her life, and I'm leaving her to it.  Our marriage is over.  She will not be coming back here to Hogwarts unless she accompanies him.  Is that clear enough for you, Minerva?"

Totally flummoxed by his outrageous attitude, Minerva simply stood there and gaped at him, finding her voice took real effort on her part so astonished and dismayed was she.  "You simply can't be serious, Severus."  She finally choked out in a cracked whisper.  "Evangeline loves you…not Remus…you.  Though at the moment I can't think of a single reason why she should."

Snape turned back and scowled furiously at the stunned witch, dropping his voice to a deadly quiet tone.  "Every person I've talked to today has made it a point to stick their nose into my private business, and I won't tolerate it any longer.  My life is my own.  If Evangeline wishes to make love to some mangy animal masquerading as a man, then that is her choice.  She is no longer my concern.  As soon as it's possible, I intend to rectify one of the biggest mistakes I ever made and legally dissolve our marriage.  There is nothing left to talk about, Minerva.  Now, if you will please leave, I have a lot of work to do if I'm to make this place livable again."

Still stunned by his attitude, Minerva nodded shortly.  "Very well.  I'll leave you to your work, then.  You're making a big mistake, Severus.  I hope you don't come to regret it."  With that she turned sharply on her heel and swept out the door, leaving the Potions Master alone.  As he seemed to want it.

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Author's Notes:  It seems as if I have to say this every other chapter, but once again fanfiction isn't sending me notifications of all my reviews, so if I've missed responding to anyone, I do apologize.

Werecat99:  Thank you.  Slytherin just wants what's best for his Head of House.

Ishie:  It's nice to hear from you.  No one has finished suffering just yet, sorry.

Leeloojinn:  I'm glad you liked the scene at the graveside.  It was the hardest scene to get right, I think, but it was my favorite. :)

Melissa Jooty:  Remus sees the handwriting on the wall…though he doesn't like it.  Severus is only now beginning to truly realize the implications of the torture he endured and how it's going to affect the rest of his life.

Whale of the World:  No one is on firm ground at the moment.  As Yoda would say, "Always in motion is the future."

Snapefan51:  Severus' belief that he'll never have another child has nothing to do with his age, I'm afraid.  He's much more concerned with his lingering physical injuries and his estrangement from his wife.  Slytherin's study has a mind of it's own.  Dumbledore and McGonagall, as Gryffindors, probably wouldn't be allowed in the door.

Elbereth94:  Poetic indeed and telling.  You're probably right about Black and Snape. :)

Rickfan37:  Wow.  High praise indeed from someone whose work is full of moving passages.  Thank you.

Ultrahotpink:  Thanks. :)

Jezebel:  Thank you.  That is a very sad moment for him.

Cloudshape:  YES…yes, yes!  I almost asked you if you were to-Ennien, but I thought, no, what are the odds… :)  Higher than I thought I guess!  That's one of my very favorite Star Trek novels even after all these years.  I re-read it every few years.  Lovely story!  Now for a slightly sadder story…Snape comes to his senses.  The problem is that once he gets over the anger at finding Evangeline with Remus, he begins to think of all the reasons why she'd be better off.

Lina Lupin:  Thank you.  The study will show up one more time, I think.  I haven't worked out all the details yet. :)

Zagzagael:  Goodness, even your reviews are more eloquently written than any I've ever read before.  When they coined the phrase "waxing poetic"  they were talking about you. :)  You're the one who should be writing professionally, dear, not me, but I'm glad that you like what I've come up with so far.  Thank you so very much…your opinion means a lot.

.  


	21. Against the Dying of the Light

                                                                                    Chapter Twenty-One: Against the Dying of the Light

Evangeline Winthrop-Snape stood at the window of her room and stared unseeingly out into the darkness.  She'd told Remus that she needed to go to bed and get some sleep, but the truth was that she doubted if she'd sleep at all tonight.  The pain in her former lover's eyes when she'd told him that she needed to go to bed alone had been heartbreaking, but what else could she say…what else could she do?  They simply couldn't be lovers anymore.  Not now…not ever.  He had to know that…as hard as it might be for him to accept. Being with Remus had turned out to be the biggest mistake she'd ever made in her life.  She'd been afraid that it wasn't the right thing to do, but never in her wildest dreams did she ever think it would turn out to be this big a disaster!  She wasn't a widow after all, she was still a wife, but for how much longer?  

Severus.  For such an unbearably long time she'd had to bury his name in the deepest region of her mind because to bring it to the surface, to think it openly, caused her such heartache that it made her ill.  She smiled joyfully and blinked back tears.  Now that was no longer true.  Now she could think it as often as she wanted!  Her mind luxuriated in the feel of his name as it slipped easily through her thoughts once more.  Severus.  She could say it aloud…in a whisper or a shout, enjoying the ineffable pleasure of hearing those wonderful tantalizing syllables echoing in her ears and bringing warmth to her numbed heart once more.  Because Severus is alive!  After all this time…he's alive!  He's alive!  He's alive!  He's alive!  Her heart sang the refrain over and over again.  Tears of exquisite pain flowed freely down her cheeks as she relived the absolute wonder of the simple fact that her husband wasn't dead.

That fact alone should be enough!  She should just be happy about that.  She should simply rejoice in this miracle.  Even if he never wanted her again…he's alive.  It was the answer to her most fervent prayer.  It wasn't fate's fault after all that she hadn't also prayed for them to be together.  She'd simply assumed that if he lived…they would be.  Well, that'll teach her, won't it?  Never assume…never.

The smile of joy faded from her lips as her abused mind, not content to dwell on these happy thoughts, dragged up the image of her beloved husband for her to examine in minute detail. He'd looked so thin, so pale…so hurt.  The pain in his eyes had been overwhelming.  It had been like a cold knife driven straight into her heart and then twisted cruelly.  Most people found Snape's eyes to be unreadable and empty because they were so dark, and he was so good at keeping his facial expressions blank.  But she'd learned to read him well, and all she'd seen in his eyes was pain.  When he'd first looked at her there'd been love, she was sure of it, she'd seen the warmth, the desire, but once he'd seen such painful proof of how she'd betrayed him, that had all vanished in an instant to be replaced with the unending soul killing pain…which he'd tried to bury under wave after wave of molten anger.  But he hadn't fooled her; she knew how much she'd hurt him.  He didn't deserve to be treated so badly.  He deserved her love and loyalty…her fidelity, and she'd failed him…utterly.

How could she do that to him on top of what he'd already suffered?  To spend over a year in Voldemort's hands had to mean torture…unceasing and cruel beyond belief, probably.  To have endured that for so long only to fight his way back to her and find her in the arms of another man…no wonder he didn't want her any more.  She could hardly blame him.  If their roles had been reversed, it would have made her sick to her stomach to find him making love to some other woman. To have seen his hands on another's body, to have seen evidence of his kiss on another's throat, she couldn't bear the very thought, how could she expect him to bear the reality when she'd thrust it so cruelly into his face.  

Shaking with horror and desolation, she covered her eyes with her hands to try uselessly to block out the image of those beautiful dark eyes looking at her with so much pain in their depths.  Gods!  How stupid she'd been to think that she could ever replace him in any way with someone else!  She should have listened to the little voice inside her that told her that taking Remus as a lover was a mistake.  Here she was, going on with her life, finding solace in the arms of another man when the only one she truly loved was suffering the tortures of the damned over and over again.  Could he ever forgive her?  Could she ever forgive herself?

Lowering her hands she smiled bitterly into the velvet night.  What was she thinking?  This was Severus Snape…forgiveness isn't something he does.  Goodness knows she should have learned that lesson by now.  She'd had her chance…more than once. She was unlikely to get another one. How many could he possibly be expected to give her, after all?  How many could she ever deserve?

In the cold lonely darkness her thoughts plunged deeply into her gloomy feelings of guilt.  As long as he stayed in pain, he was never going to forgive her.  There really wasn't any point in begging him to reconsider.  He wouldn't listen, and why should he?  Her conduct had been abysmal.  She didn't deserve another chance, and he'd never give her one.  He was too angry…too proud…and too hurt.

She wrapped her empty arms around herself and swayed back and forth to the beat of her heart.  She couldn't just give up, though!  Not now that she knew him to be alive!  Perhaps given time he could be made to listen to her pleas…her apologies.  Oh, she couldn't let it all end this way.  She couldn't!

As her inner eye stared at his beloved visage within her thoughts, she found herself begging, "I love you, Severus!  I'll always love you…I can't help myself.  I've spent the last year trying to persuade my heart that I can live without you…go on without you…care for someone else, but simply seeing you again has given lie to those thoughts forever.  All it took was one look at your face, and I knew how deluded I'd been.  I can't be with Remus again.  It wouldn't be fair to him.  I'll never love anyone else but you Severus.  That's crystal clear to my heart now.  I don't know why it took so much to make me realize it for the truth, but I know without question that it's so.  Whether you ever want me again or not, I can't ever be with anyone else.  Making love to another man…any other man…would be pointless and wrong.  You're the only man in the world for me, Severus.  Somehow I have to find a way to make you understand that.  Please, give me another chance.  Don't dissolve our marriage.  I can't face that.  I just got you back.  I can't lose you again…I can't!  If you truly leave me forever…I don't think I'll have the strength to pick myself up and go on again, and if that happened what would be the point in going on anyway?  What would be the point?"

             *************************************************************************************************************

An emotionally exhausted Remus Lupin sat on the couch in the sitting room of Evangeline's cottage and stared at the head of Minerva McGonagall in the fireplace in front of him.

"She's gone up to bed, Minerva, but I'd be amazed if she's asleep.  All day long, all she'd do is lie here and stare into the fire.  It was just like she was after he'd died, I mean after we thought he'd died, all over again.  I can't help her.  She won't let me in.  I feel so useless."

"I'm sure just your being there has been very helpful to her, Remus.  It means that she's not alone.  Probably there's nothing else anyone can do for her at the moment.  She needs to talk to Severus."

Remus sighed and slumped down in his seat.  "Well, unless he's calmed down an awful lot, I don't see that happening anytime soon.  You should have seen him this morning, Minerva.  God, he was so enraged!  He was so hard on her.  He wouldn't listen to her…to either of us.  He wouldn't let her touch him.  He was the cold, sneering, miserable bastard he used to be.  I didn't realize how much he'd changed when he'd married Evangeline, but his behavior today brought that home very clearly.  Even the slightest hint that he could understand what she'd suffered since he was gone was absent.  It was awful…absolutely awful."

Minerva nodded sympathetically.  "I can imagine.  When I spoke to him earlier, it was obvious that he was still very angry…and also deeply hurt.  Severus has never been able to handle being hurt.  Oh, physical pain, yes.  I can only imagine the sort of horrible physical torture that the man has suffered through for the last year.  Just the thought of it makes me ill, but emotional pain is another matter all together.  Evangeline is the very first person that I'm aware of that Severus has ever allowed to get close enough to truly hurt him.  Finding her with you, was simply more than he could take after being denied her company for so long.  It's such an unfortunate situation."

Remus snorted and shook his head.  "That's putting it mildly.  You have a talent for understatement, Minerva."

Minerva regarded him sympathetically.  "How are you, Remus?  This must be devastating for you, too."

He rubbed his hand wearily across his face and sighed.  "Devastating… To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how I feel…I'm still a bit numb over the whole thing. Let's just say I'm hanging in there, Minerva, but frankly I don't know what to do next.  As hard as it is for me to admit it, I always knew that I was simply a placeholder in her life.  She doesn't love me, although, I know she was trying to, but now that she knows that Severus is alive, I'm sure that's finished.  Even if he continues to act like a fool and reject her, she's not going to come back to me.  I'm just kidding myself if I believe anything else.  She's too honorable for that.  She'd consider it dishonest."

Knowing he was probably right, Minerva nodded sadly.  "I'm sorry, Remus.  I know how much you love, Evangeline."

"Yeah…well…that's the way it goes sometimes."  He stared down at the floor.

"What are you going to do now?"

He leaned back against the couch and shrugged his shoulders.  "I'll stand by Evangeline for as long as she wants me, I guess.  What else can I do?  She's in shock.  She shouldn't be alone at the moment."

Minerva nodded.  "She's lucky to have you, Remus.  Well, I should go and let you get some rest if you can.  Please, keep in touch, all right?  I'm worried about both of you."

"Don't worry about me, Minerva.  I'll be fine, and I'll take as good care of Evangeline as she'll let me, I promise."

"Good night, Remus."

"Good night, Minerva."

After Minerva's head had vanished from the fireplace, Remus Lupin continued to sit there dazedly and stare into the flames.  How the hell did he feel anyway?  Angry…frustrated…devastated…all good words, but none of them quite seemed to cover the wealth of conflicted feelings that surged within him.

He turned his eyes up to the ceiling wishing that he could see her…know what she was doing…how she was feeling…wanting so desperately to go to her, to be with her, to offer comfort…and love.  He sighed and sat forward resting his head in his hands.  If he did offer love and comfort, she wouldn't accept it.  She'd made it clear when she went upstairs that she didn't want anything from him right now…probably never would again.  When she said she wanted to go to bed…alone, he knew it was over…and his heart wept.

Suddenly he couldn't sit there another moment.  He leaped to his feet and grabbed up his cloak as he opened the door and practically threw himself out into the night to prowl restlessly along the cliff path on his way to the summit, which overlooked the dark churning ocean.

When he reached the cliff top where he'd watched Evangeline paint his wonderful Christmas present such a long time ago now, he dropped down onto the same convenient rock and stared out at the seething water as it sparkled restlessly in the light from the waxing moon.

"Oh, Angel…It's been so wonderful being with you.  We were beginning to be so happy together.  You were starting to really care for me.  I know you were.  If we'd only had more time, I know I could've made you love me the way I love you…if there'd only been more time.  Damn it!   How the hell did this happen?  Why couldn't that bastard you married have stayed dead?"  He thought miserably.

Jumping to his feet, he scooped up some small rocks from the ground and began to cast them as hard as he could into nothingness.  "You hear me Snape, you lousy bastard!"  He yelled in fury.  "Why aren't you dead?  Huh?  You're supposed to be dead!  Why did you have to come back?   Just to cause her pain, is that it?  Leaving in the first place wasn't good enough for you?  That didn't hurt her enough?  Now you have to come back and sneer at her and reject her…just to twist the knife a bit more!  Or maybe it was my life you wanted to destroy, huh?  Payback for the wrongs you always held to my account?  Did you get a thrill from screwing with my life today, Snape?  Did it make you happy? God damn you to hell!!"

As he threw the last stone he stood there breathing hard and trying to get himself under control.  Anger twisted through his guts, and he could feel the wolf inside clawing at his soul.  If Snape had been standing in front of him at this moment, he'd have attacked him without a moments hesitation, pushed him over the edge of the cliff, and taken great pleasure in watching his body get crushed and broken on the razor sharp rocks below in the restless sea.

Teeth bared and hackles raised, Lupin stared down into the mesmerizing ocean as it churned and lurched and swelled…and beckoned.  The ocean suddenly seemed to call to him.  An insidious thought squirmed through his mind; he could end it all…all the anger, all the frustration…all the pain.  It would be so easy…  Suddenly scared of the tumult of confusing feelings that surged through him, he backed quickly away from the edge of the cliff, banging once more into the large rock he'd perched on before and sat down on top of it abruptly.

Desperately he covered his face with his trembling hands as he tried to make sense out of the jumble of feelings coursing through him.  How could he even think of killing himself…or anyone else?  That wasn't him.  He couldn't do that…not ever.  He could feel the intense anger of a moment ago draining out of him, taming the wolf and leaving him empty and spent.  

Slowly he lowered his hands and stared once more at the river of shimmering moonlight as it undulated on the dark ocean.  Could he really blame Severus for not being dead?  Was that fair?  No.  Could he even blame him for being upset at finding his wife literally in the arms of another man?  No…not really.  He'd probably have felt the same way in his place.  Given time…Snape'll probably get over his anger…and want her back.

Perhaps that was what was upsetting him the most, if he was honest.  Snape was still alive, and Evangeline was still in love with him.  Sooner or later, they're going to find their way back to each other…and he'll have to watch it happen.  Once more he'll be shunted to the side and expected to take up the mantle of supportive friend.  But could he really do it again?  Having held her in his arms and made love to her…could he really go back to being nothing more than her friend?

He sighed deeply.  Did he have any other choice?  She needed his help, and he couldn't imagine abandoning her now.  He loved her…and you don't abandon those you love, especially when they need your support so badly.  Somehow…he was going to have to put his feelings aside and be there for her…for as long as she needed him.

Resolutely, he pushed his feelings back down deep inside and got to his feet.  With one last slightly longing look at the sanctuary of the ocean, he turned and doggedly retraced his steps back toward the cottage and the woman he loved so desperately; the woman who so needed the help and support that he was determined to give her even if it killed him.  Because if after all she'd gone through, he couldn't help her now…then what would be the point?

                **********************************************************************************************************

Severus Snape sat by his sitting room fire in his shirtsleeves and drank.  He was on his third or was it his fourth glass of brandy.  What did it matter anyway?  He had every intention of emptying the bottle, then maybe another one or two.  Whatever it took to stop the pain and the visions of Evangeline that haunted every place he turned his glance.

His confrontation with Lupin and Evangeline replayed over and over in his mind until he thought he might scream.  The pain in her eyes when he'd rejected her cut into him like a knife.  Damn his temper, anyway!   It really wasn't her fault that she'd turned to someone else for comfort.  She thought he was dead, after all.  He hadn't been there for her when she'd needed him.  Damn it!  His actions had led to her losing their child.  Almost losing her life.  How would he have felt to have come back only to find her buried next to their daughter?  Coming back to one grave was painful enough…but two?  Hers?  No!

He passed a trembling hand over his eyes.  That thought was too horrible to contemplate.  Yet the first chance he'd gotten, he'd hurt her once more.  Perhaps Filch was right.  Perhaps pride was too expensive an emotion to have.  Yet, being the person he was, could he possibly get past seeing Evangeline making love to Remus Lupin?  Just thinking about it made his blood boil all over again.  Anger and jealousy spun their web through his mind in an instant, ensnaring his thoughts.  She was his wife, damn it!  His!  Not Lupin's!  The werewolf had no right to touch her!  No right at all!!

Suddenly he brought his closed fist down angrily on the arm of his chair, where he stared at it in mute frustration.  Expending a shaky breath, he forced himself to relax and open his clenched fist.  He gazed at the pale empty palm of his hand as it lay there trembling slightly, then he raised it to his head and raked his long slender fingers through his ragged hair trying to calm himself and let him think rationally once more.

If he was honest, and there really wasn't any point in lying to himself now was there, Evangeline was probably better off with Lupin than she ever had been with him, as much as it pained him to admit it.  The Gryffindor wizard couldn't help but take better care of her than he had.  Lupin was nothing if not insufferably kind and thoughtful.  He loved her too…had for a very long time.  He'd treat her the way she deserved to be treated like something precious and valued.  After spending time with Lupin why on earth would she want to return to him…and his temper and his moods and his abuse?  He knew he didn't deserve her.  Over and over again he'd tried to protect her only to fail to live up to his promises.  She'd suffered so much pain since she'd been involved with him.  If he wasn't letting someone else hurt her, he was doing it himself.  No, he didn't deserve her love, and she didn't deserve the pain he was always causing her. Today was just the latest in a long string of shameful incidents.

Throwing back his head, he downed the rest of his liquor and got up to get more from the open bottle on the desk.  Grasping its slender neck in his hand, he upended it over the glass…the liquid inside dribbled out and pooled halfway up the inside.  He made a noise of disgust, set the empty bottle down carelessly on the desktop, and bent down to retrieve a fresh one from the open box that lay the closest to hand.  He really didn't have the heart to unpack anything else tonight.  What was the rush anyway?  There were nothing but empty hours to try to fill for the foreseeable future.  Long, lonely, empty days…and nights.  Oh, yes, the future looked bright indeed.  So much joy to look forward to!

Suddenly restless, he began to prowl the confines of his room like a caged animal.  Having spent so much time in a cell over this last year, he now found it difficult to sit still in contemplation as he used to do so easily.  The walls felt like they were closing in.  Yet if he left his rooms and prowled the castle corridors as he'd done in the past when sleep eluded him, he'd run the risk of coming face to face with some other well-meaning busybody who'd just have to stick their nose into his business one more time.  No…it wasn't worth the risk.  Once more he was a prisoner…this time within his own rooms.  

He smiled ironically, "Well, at least the heating works and the rats have taken up residence elsewhere.  Small things to be thankful for." 

Griping his glass tightly, heedless of sloshing liquor, he wandered into the bedroom and on into the bathroom where he looked into his mirror and stared at his haggard reflection in disgust.  What a mess.  Thank the gods that he'd always insisted on having a mirror that wasn't enchanted.  The last thing he needed at the moment was some uppity piece of glass commenting on his appearance.  He swallowed more of the brandy and then put the glass down on the countertop.  Slowly and deliberately he began to unbutton his shirt.  Once it was undone, he spread the two halves apart and stared at the scars that twined across his chest in unending horrific patterns.  Thick, thin, red, pink, white, purple…there wasn't an inch of unmarked skin to be seen anywhere. 

He shivered at the sight, remembering in excruciating detail just how each mark had been made…how it had felt…the pain…the blood…the emptiness.  He closed his eyes and tried to push the horrific images away.  Wishing with all his strength that when his memories had returned…that these particular little horrors had somehow been left behind to dwell forever in oblivion.  But of course, that would be asking far too much.  He never got that lucky.  Instead, next to the vision of Evangeline's face…these images were the clearest things his abused mind possessed.  With the slightest provocation, they'd begin to flash through his mind like a set of animated pictures that one might take of one's holiday and project in the Great Hall for the enjoyment of all.  The only thing that made it bearable was that he was the only one to see them…the only one to know.

Reluctantly he confronted the question that burned deepest in his troubled mind.  What would Evangeline think if she ever saw what was left of him now that Voldemort's pet torturer was through with him?  Probably she'd run away in horror at the sight. Thank god he'd come to his senses before she saw him like this. It would have to sicken her…it sickened him.  Though, it completed his personal portrait in some ways…damaged inside and out, nothing left worth keeping anymore…if there ever had been.  No, his Angel deserved so much better.  He couldn't face the pity…the rejection in her eyes if she ever saw what was hidden under his robes now.  The current situation was painful for her at the moment and he was sorry about that, but in the long run dissolving the marriage was the right thing to do.  How had he ever been so arrogant as to think that he could have a normal life anyway?  A wife…a child.  No…that sort of life wasn't for such as he, especially not now.  He could offer her nothing of value any more…absolutely nothing.  Dread prickled at his mind.  Was that really as true as he feared?

He had to know the truth. Resolutely, he reached out with his thoughts and brought up the face and form of his beloved wife in his mind's eye.  He let his inner vision linger yearningly on her beauty, her warm smile, her glowing hair, her full breasts, her soft lips, the enticing smell of her, the delicious taste of her…as he concentrated deliberately on these physical qualities, a vivid and intense wave of desire washed across his mind.  This wave brought with it an answering pull deep within him and a physical swell of sexual need coursed through his loins bringing the long familiar hardening sensation to his most intimate parts.  A sharp extremely uncomfortable pulling and a deep twinge of pain now accompanied the intimate and once greatly enjoyable feeling.  The pain elongated into a burning sensation as muscles strained to move into positions no longer allowed them.  Abruptly he gasped and pulled his thoughts sharply back away from Evangeline, rubbing a hand across his groin to try to sooth the pulsing ache that now was all that remained of his pitiful attempt at arousal.  With a shaky sigh he damped the pain down and forced himself to face his deepest fear.  He couldn't deny it any longer.  There was no way he could ever make love to her now.  Not in his present physical condition.  Just one more unshakable fact to add to the growing pile that proved she was better off with Lupin than with him.

He clutched at the edge of the counter with his hands and bowed his head letting his dark hair curtain his face as he finally admitted his inadequacy to himself.  Trembling, he reached out and picked up his glass and downed the remaining brandy in one desperate gulp.  As the liquor burned a path down the inside of his constricted throat he suddenly was overwhelmed with a burst of frustrated anger at the unfairness, the cruelty, the bitter shame of his current situation.  Tightening his grip on the glass he flung it savagely across the room to hear it shatter loudly against the wall, the pieces falling like glittering stars into the porcelain tub that he'd once shared so pleasantly with Evangeline.  As images of her came once more to mind, he gasped and turned away from the bathtub, only to again catch sight of his mutilated body in the unforgiving mirror above the sink.

Suddenly horrified and overwhelmed by it all, he abruptly backed up hard against the wall and slid down its smooth surface to sit on the cold tiled floor running his hands deeply through his hair, tearing at it viciously as tears that he simply couldn't hold back any longer flowed hotly down his cheeks.  No longer caring to contain his pain he let his head drop between his knees and began to cry in hard wrenching sobs that shook his thin frame unmercifully.  Abandoning himself to the depth of his grief, he wept, as he'd never done before in his entire life until there was nothing left within him but emptiness.  All other feelings had been washed away in the purging of his soul.  He sat huddled on the floor of his bathroom for a long time until conscious thought returned to his mind and reclaimed it's rightful dominance over baser emotion.  

Feeling weak and washed out as if recovering from illness…or torture…he pulled himself to his feet once more and staggered out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom again.  Fate always has a way of balancing the scales.  In a foolish moment of hubris he'd thought that he could escape his past and have some happiness with her, but life managed to once more put him in his proper place.  This time he wouldn't fight it.  Why should he?  It would only mean more pain.  In a lethargic haze he made his way back into the sitting room and with some effort managed to unearth another glass from amongst his belongings, which he wasted no time filling almost to overflowing.  When he was fortified once more with his own brand of pain medication, he resumed his seat by the fire.  Dazedly he stared into the snapping mesmerizing flames as they jumped and flickered in hypnotic patterns while the wood within crumbled to ash and spit red sparks into the air.  His eyes were blind to what they stared at; his vision was turned mercilessly inward as his exhausted mind, despite all he'd done to deaden it, sped with lightning swiftness from painful image to painful thought, over and over again.  How unbearably ironic that he'd spent such a long time wishing desperately to be able to remember when now all he wanted to do was forget.

Lethe's peace wasn't possible for him, though.  There were some things that were too important to be forgotten.  He simply couldn't allow himself to forget that once more he'd failed miserably, and he needed to do something about it…as soon as possible.  Now that Voldemort had gotten his hands on that book that Malfoy had obtained for him, he was obviously getting more interested than ever in Ernias Winthrop's research.  If that monster got his hands on information about Evangeline's mother's creation, then he'd be even more eager to get his hands on Evangeline herself.  To dissect her or to use her as a guinea pig as he sought to build his own army of people capable of moving through the painted realm.  

Just the thought of what Evangeline would suffer if the Dark Lord ever got his hands on her caused his pulse to race with fear.  If that ever happened…if he ever…let…that happen, he wouldn't deserve to live.  No…he'd done her enough harm…caused her enough pain.  

Then there was the horrible chance that there might be something in Winthrop's research that would help move the Dark Lord closer to his ultimate goal of immortality.  If there was another soul on this earth who deserved less to be immortal, he couldn't think of who that would be.

Snape shivered despite the warm fire and all the liquor he'd consumed.  He had to talk to Albus in the morning; find out what he'd discovered when he'd had Evangeline's house searched.  They needed to get their hands on that research before Voldemort did.  It was the only way to foil that creature and to keep Evangeline safe.  And that would always be his number one concern…no matter what!  For if he couldn't keep her safe…then what would be the point?

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Author's Notes:  Thank you Ballisticgirl for reminding me of that wonderfully poetic line! :)  And thank you all so much for responding and caring about the story!

Elbereth94:  I'm sorry that you think that Snape is overreacting.  He's been tortured and imprisoned for more than a year.  When he returns to his wife he finds her in the arms of someone whom he hated for years.  I think it'll take a little time for that not to hurt.  Remember too that although it's been 4 chapters and an equivalent number of weeks for us, all this has happened in the same day for Snape.  I think he's actually coming around quite quickly for someone who can hold grudges as well as he can. :)

Milee:  I'm sorry.  This story is a tearjerker.  I'd keep the Kleenex handy.

Troy08:  Welcome back!  I'm glad to know that you're still reading.  This one is rather angsty, but things will resolve…you'll see.  I'm sorry to hear that you had computer problems, but I'm glad they're in the past.

Sage and Snape:  No, there won't be a terribly quick and easy solution.  Snape has too many mental roadblocks…Remus, his guilt over his daughter's death and Evangeline's suffering, his physical disabilities, and his fear of Evangeline's rejection if she finds out about them.  He's going to need something to remind him what's really important.  I'm glad you liked the bit with Harry.  He shows up one more time.

ProphetDreams:  Thank you.  I'm really pleased that you can picture things so well.

Snapefan51:  They might indeed.  Snape has reached the end of his rope as far as well meaning meddling is concerned.  He is indeed a tortured soul…in far too many ways.

Gracelynn:  No, Snape's had too much practice sneering.  It's like riding a bicycle.  It comes right back to you as soon as you try it again. :)

Rickfan37:  Snape's feelings are rather confused at the moment.  He tries to sort them out in this chapter, but no matter how he considers things, he always comes back to the conclusion that Evangeline will be better off without him.

Manic:  I do not believe that Remus is a danger outside the period of the full moon.  If more casual contact with werewolves could pass on the taint then wizarding society would be even harsher on them.  Ah, but you see Evangeline did take Remus into her bed with only the hope of loving him…a mistake that she now realizes was a huge one.  The others aren't really guilty of anymore than wanting Evangeline to be happy and believing that Severus was dead.  Albus didn't force Severus to go after that book, although it was his idea and he should share the guilt for the result.  Snape has hit rock bottom emotionally now, but he's still hanging in there.  If there's one thing he's good at, it's burying his pain and soldiering on.

Lina Lupin:  Good point.  They don't know that Evangeline hasn't come to love Remus.  Minerva is a bit more up on the status of their relationship, though, because both Remus and Evangeline have confided in her.   Dumbledore and Filch only know how deeply she loved Severus and can't imagine that that has changed.

Zagzagael:  Thank you.  The scales need to tip a tiny bit more before they begin to balance.  There's usually a lot of back and forth before true balance is achieved. 

Whale of the World:  Snape is a stubborn man.  If he's pushed he'll push back.  Unfortunately he'll sometimes do it as an automatic reaction without stopping to think about it.

Jasara:  Thanks.  It certainly can feel strange to see something familiar look so different.

Arachne's Child:  Thank you.  You're right, of course.  Poor Severus has had no time to let it all sink in…until now.  If you found last chapter heartbreaking, this one must have been worse now that he's had a chance to test out his fears as best he can and found them to be bitter reality.  Sorry.

Werecat99:  Always nice to have Gingerhead's approval, I certainly wouldn't want to get on his bad side…uh, he does have a good side, doesn't he?  :)  It may be insulting to think that Evangeline made love to Remus to get over Snape, but it's basically true.  She was desperate to get past her pain and try to move on with her life.  Don't forget that Remus knew this and didn't care.  He wanted her any way he could get her, and he wasn't going to take no for an answer.  He wore her down, and she gave in.  Now of course she's desperately sorry, and Remus is left worse off than before.  The way out is for Evangeline and Severus to get their heads out of their guilt and pain and focus on what's really important, and for Remus to finally let go and truly begin to look forward…not back.

P. Veronica Tyler:  I'm sorry that the story is getting too sad for you.  I am pleased that I've made you really care about the characters, though.  You'll just have to trust me for a little bit longer. :)


	22. The Book of Long Life

                                                                                      Chapter Twenty-Two: The Book of Long Life

In the early morning light Remus Lupin was jarred out of a restless sleep by a sharp tapping sound.  Momentarily confused, he sat up bleary-eyed and tried to get his sleep-fuzzed brain to cooperate in locating the source of the sound.  Intelligent thought seemed to be taking its own sweet time appearing, though.  Belatedly, after the sound repeated itself impatiently at least three times, he realized it was being made by a rather large barn owl with a message in its claws that was pecking determinedly at the sitting room window.

Still mired in physical and emotional exhaustion he dragged himself up off the couch and staggered over to the window trying unsuccessfully to work the kinks out of his back as he went.  He was much too old to enjoy sleeping on couches.  When he reached the window, he took a moment to flip the latch then he shoved up the glass and retrieved the message, receiving a sharp peck on the knuckles for being so slow about it.  Messenger owls could be a rather surly and bad tempered lot.  The heavy cream envelope now speckled with his blood was addressed to Evangeline in what looked like Albus Dumbledore's narrow looping handwriting.   Remus frowned doubtfully down at the missive. Should he open it and inform her of the contents, perhaps shield her if it was more bad news; or should he try to get her to open it herself and stand by to catch her if it contained yet another emotional blow?

After weighing all the pros and cons as best he could, he reluctantly shook his head.  No, it was addressed to her alone.  He was going to have to let her open it.  Hoping intensely that it wasn't more bad news; he raised his eyes up towards her refuge with a sigh and headed up the stairs to the bedroom.

When he reached the upper floor and stood outside her room, he paused and laid his ear to the door, but there wasn't any sound within that he could hear no matter how hard he listened.  He knocked softly, his knuckles barely grazing the wood, and called her name in a gentle voice as he did so.  There was no response.  So he carefully eased open the door and poked his head inside.

Evangeline lay sprawled on the top of the bed in the nightgown and robe that she'd worn all day yesterday.  To his concerned eye she appeared to be sleeping.  He hated to wake her; goodness knows how much rest she'd actually gotten.  For all he knew she'd only just fallen asleep a short while ago, and she desperately needed whatever respite she could get.

Quietly, he entered the room and crossed over to the bed, a bed he'd felt so very fortunate to have been able to share with her over the last few days, sat down, and simply stared at her.  She looked so beautiful lying there even with the marks of sorrow on her face.  More than anything, he wanted to reach out and run his fingers through her hair, to kiss her awake, to hold her in his arms and make love to her again.  A sharp pang of regret zinged through him as he realized that he was unlikely to ever have the chance to do any of that again.  With Severus' return from the dead, his hopes for a future with Evangeline were nothing but empty dreams.  Even if Snape continued to act the fool, Evangeline would always want the Slytherin…not him.  Never him.

With a sad sigh he put out a hand and caressed her hair gently.  "Angel?"  He called in a soft voice.  "Sweetheart.  Wake up, please.  I have something for you."

Her eyes snapped open, and she raised her head and looked up at him with confusion in her expression, murmuring.  "Remus?  Is it morning, all ready?"

He nodded.  "Yes, it is.  A letter just came for you.  Do you want to read it?"

Still a bit awkward with sleepiness, she fumbled to sit up and her gaze fastened fearfully on the envelope that he held in his hand.  Her voice was slightly gravelly with apprehension as she raised her eyes warily to his and asked, "Who's it from, Remus?  Is it from Severus?"

"I don't think so.  The handwriting looks more like Albus' writing to me."  He held it out to her.

With trembling fingers, she took the letter from his hand and sitting up straighter she opened it carefully.  Her eyes quickly scanned the contents and a frown crinkled her forehead.  "It is from Albus. He wants us to come to Hogwarts to talk to him.  He says it's very important, but he doesn't explain why."

She looked up at him anxiously with a touch of fear in her voice.  "He doesn't mention Severus at all, but what else could it be about?  I haven't had any contact with Albus in months.  Oh, Remus, if it's about dissolving my marriage, I don't think I can face that, yet.  I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to face that."  Distress marred her features.

Remus took the note from her shaking grasp and read it over thoughtfully.  He shook his head.  "If it had anything to do with your marriage, I'm sure Albus would've mentioned it, Angel.  He'd want you to be prepared.  I'm sure it's something else."

Grasping at this reassurance she sighed.  "Oh, I hope you're right."

"Do you want to go?"  He watched her closely.

A faint smile crossed her face at the absurdity of the question.  "No…I have no desire to go back to Hogwarts…or to see Albus ever again, but whatever he wants might have something to do with Severus, so I suppose I should go.  He wants you there, too.  Will you go with me?"   Anxious eyes searched his face.

He smiled reassuringly and nodded at her.  "Of course, Evangeline.  I'll be with you every step of the way, if you want me to be."

She swallowed hard; unshed tears sparkling in her eyes.  "Thank you.  I don't deserve someone as kind as you are in my life.  I really do appreciate the support you've given me through all this mess.  I know this has been hard on you, too.  I'm so very sorry that…"

Hoping to stop her before they got mired in a conversation that he didn't feel like having at the moment, he reached out and placed a finger to her lips to forestall what she'd started to say.  It was over between them, and he knew it.  Talking about it would just make it more painful.  "Sh…Please don't worry about me, Angel.  You don't need to apologize for anything.  None of this mess is your fault.   I'll do anything to make things easier on you; you can always count on me.  I hope you know that."

She nodded gratefully.  "I do, Remus.  Thank you."

Comfortingly he smiled and slid off the bed before he gave in to the huge temptation to embrace her.  He knew that if he took her back into his arms again, he'd never want to let her go…might not be able to let her go.  "You get dressed, and I'll start making some breakfast.  We've got some time before Albus expects us, so we might as well get ourselves ready to face the world."

With that he turned and left the bedroom as Evangeline got up off the bed and began to get dressed.

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When Evangeline and Remus entered Albus Dumbledore's office together, they found the old wizard seated comfortably behind his desk.  On the other side of the desk and off to one side sat a rather stiff Severus Snape who watched their entrance with an expressionless face and glittering eyes.

As her glance fell on her husband's face, her heart soared free, and Evangeline tried to catch his eye with hers, but he pointedly looked away from her, raising his chin a notch, and focusing his attention on the Headmaster.  Swallowing a pang of bitter disappointment at this snub, Evangeline took a shaky breath, walked forward boldly, and stood before Dumbledore with Lupin close at her back, ever on guard.  Trembling with the effort it took to keep her eyes from once more seeking out the dark form of her beloved, she addressed the wizard behind the desk.

"You wanted to see me, Albus," she stated flatly staring at the powerful wizard with cold eyes.

Saddened by the enmity that he still sensed strongly from the unhappy witch as she stood stiffly before him, Dumbledore stood and gestured both Evangeline and Remus to seats.  "Yes, my dear.  There's something important that Severus and I need to discuss with you." He sat back down and watched her steadily.

Shivering slightly in fearful anticipation, she nodded and she and Remus took the indicated chairs next to Snape, with Evangeline in the middle and a wizard on either side of her.  Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest.  She was still so afraid that somehow this meeting had something to do with Severus' apparently strong desire to quickly rid himself of her and their marriage.  But Dumbledore's words surprised her.

"When Severus went missing all those months ago now, it was because I sent him to the Malfoy mansion to retrieve a book that Lucius Malfoy had somehow obtained for Lord Voldemort."

Snape interrupted at this point.  "You didn't send me, Albus.  I volunteered to go and retrieve the book.  I felt it was too important to have it fall into Voldemort's hands."

Evangeline turned to look at him in surprise, but he was still studiously avoiding her eyes.  So she turned her gaze back to Dumbledore as the most readily available source of answers.

"What was this book that was so very important that it was worth the destruction of our lives and the death of our child?"  She asked coldly, a hard edge of pain flickered in her voice and Snape winced at the sound and turned away from her, his hands clenched tightly in his lap.  She was right; after all, no book was worth what they'd gone through.  Their child's death was his fault…all of her suffering was his fault.  Being this close to her and not being able to touch her was agony itself, but it was for the best.  Maybe if he told himself that often enough, he'd come to believe it to be true, but what else could he do?  She'd suffered too much already.

Dumbledore glanced at Snape as his former Potions Master sat there so rigid and still, refusing to meet anyone's eyes, and then sighed heavily as he turned once more to face a rather stricken and stony-faced Evangeline. "The Liber Vitae Diuturnae.  The Book of Long Life.  An innocuous title indeed, for such a possibly troublesome tome."

Evangeline's eyebrows rose in surprise as she recognized the title.  "The Liber Vitae Diuturnae?  That book was one that my father considered extremely valuable to his research.  There was only one copy known to still exist.  I think it used to be in some obscure library in Romania or some such place.  It disappeared years ago as far as I know.  I'm pretty sure it was already missing the last time my father wanted to consult it.  What in the world would Voldemort want with it, and how could it possibly be a danger that was worth all this grief?"

Dumbledore looked rather grim.  "Voldemort is on a quest for immortality.  This book contains a lot of powerful magic lore on this subject.  Your father based a lot of his work on the concepts and information found in this book.  Although he hasn't been specific because of what he believes are your wishes, Evangeline, Severus has told me that your father had a lot more research that he never published, research that would possibly be of great interest to Voldemort.  He seemed to feel that Voldemort might be following the path of your father's more private research."

With widened eyes Evangeline glanced at Severus again, this time she was successful in catching his eye, but his expression as he stared back at her was shuttered and unrevealing as stone.   Still…to be able to look into his eyes even for a moment, the fact that he didn't immediately turn away, sent a shiver of hope running through her.  Just being this close to him made her tremble with her need for him…for his touch…for his love.  Had she really lost it forever?  "I suppose that's true."  She whispered slowly as she stared at her enigmatic husband for a few more moments before reluctantly forcing her eyes away from his and back to Dumbledore.  "There are definite aspects of my father's work that could be helpful in the quest for immortality."

Dumbledore nodded at her agreement.  "Your family home has been searched rather thoroughly by both the Death Eaters and people answering to me, all in search of your father's research.  I asked you to come here today to tell me more about the nature of your father's more private research, if you're willing to do so, and also to tell us where it can be found.  I have a feeling that we need to safeguard it or possibly destroy it before Voldemort gets his hands on it." 

Evangeline's throat tightened and her face went rather pale.  She hugged herself tightly as if suddenly feeling very cold. "My father's private research is actually connected to one of my deepest secrets, Albus.  It concerns my mother, and how I came to inherit the ability to move through the painted realm."

Dumbledore nodded grimly, his suppositions confirmed.  "I was afraid that that was the case, Evangeline.  That makes it even more important that this research not fall into the wrong hands."

Stiltedly she nodded and glanced warily at Remus sitting so patiently beside her.  Apparently he was going to find out about her heritage after all.  What would he think?  

As he noticed her looking at him, warmth coursed through the werewolf, and he smiled at her to try to give her the courage to talk about something that was obviously very personal.  She smiled back hesitantly.  Snape's sharp eye didn't miss this little exchange.  Taking it as one more painful example of her distance from him and her closeness to the Gryffindor.

Taking a deep breath, she began to speak in a low whispery voice, gradually increasing in volume as she committed to telling her life's secret.  "Very well.  I'll tell you.  I hope you won't be too shocked by the information.  As you know, my father was a brilliant potions researcher.  He'd concentrated on life enhancing and extending potions in his work.  He met my mother in a rather unusual way."  She paused feeling a little helpless.  There was simply no way to ease into this.  How could they possibly understand and not view her as some sort of inhuman freak?  After all…it's what she was.

As her hesitation lengthened and her pain shown from her eyes, Remus reached over and took her hand in his, giving it a little squeeze for reassurance.  "Just tell us, Angel.  Whatever it is…we'll understand."

Snape felt like they'd slipped a knife into his heart all over again with this comfortable exchange between his wife and her lover.  His heart raged within him.  He should be the one touching her in reassurance.  He should be the one to offer her comfort.  He should be the one…but he couldn't be.  He no longer held that privileged place in her life…didn't deserve that place.  Painfully he turned away from them to try to regain the iron control he felt beginning to slip from his face.

Evangeline smiled faintly at Remus, grateful for his warm support, and squeezed his hand in return before releasing it and turning back to Dumbledore.  "My mother was an animated image in a painting when my father "met" her.  He spent years working on something that would free her from the canvas and allow her to move openly among real living human beings.  He was eventually successful, but he kept the details of his success a secret.  He never wanted the world to know what she was and to possibly turn away from her or treat her cruelly or as a curiosity.  She had to take various potions that he concocted for her in order to be able to maintain her connection here in this world.  Although, I was conceived as humans are and born, I inherited this connection to the painted realm from my mother.  I'm not completely human…I'm really only an imitation person."

Both Dumbledore and Lupin stared at her in shock for a moment as she knew they would.  It's not everyday that someone tells you her mother was a painting, after all.  She turned her suddenly tear-filled eyes away from them and found her gaze caught by Snape who was watching her with eyes filled with compassion for her pain.  As she stared deeply into his dark eyes, she started to lift her hand from her lap and reach out to him, but suddenly their momentary connection was broken when Dumbledore spoke, and he turned away from her again.  The brief moment of understanding…gone. 

With a shiver of disappointment she briefly closed her eyes in painful frustration then determinedly she forced her attention back to the Headmaster.

"Evangeline, my dear.  You're as real as the rest of us.  Don't think any less of yourself because of your heritage.  Instead you should think of your abilities as a wonderful gift from your parents.  One only they could have ever given to anyone."

Remus smiled at her.  "Albus is right, Angel."

She nodded, grateful for their understanding.  "An unfortunate gift, as it turns out, Albus.  Too useful to the unscrupulous."

Dumbledore sighed sadly.  "Unfortunately that appears to be true.  Would the details of your mother's "birth" if you will, be found in your father's private papers?"

She nodded.  "I imagine so.  I've never examined them.  I was still rather young when my father died in an accident.  I had no reason to go through his things.  I presume that my mother would have at some point, but we never talked about it.  She'd have had to make the potions herself after he died, and as far as I know she did.  She and I were together for almost three years after he died, before the Death Eaters murdered her."

Snape spoke for the first time since they'd begun this conversation.  "Evangeline, where is your father's research kept?"

So happy to hear him speak to her, she turned to him.  "My father had a private laboratory within the confines of the house.  It could only be entered through the painted realm…at least that's the only entrance that I know about."

The dark wizard frowned thoughtfully.  "That would explain why no one could find it, but it doesn't really make sense for that to be the only entrance, unless your father was somehow able to move through the painted realm himself, without the guidance of either you or your mother."

She shook her head.  "No, he couldn't go by himself any more than you could."

Snape nodded. "So it's likely that there is another entrance, it's simply extremely well hidden.  So far it's remained hidden from everyone, but that may not continue."  He turned to Dumbledore.

"We need to go to his lab as soon as possible and either destroy or remove his research before Voldemort tries again to obtain either the research or Evangeline herself.  Her life could be in more danger now that she's not living within the protection of Hogwarts."

Bristling slightly at the implied rebuke, she turned intense eyes on her husband. "I've managed to live quite safely in obscurity for this entire past year, Severus.  I have no reason to believe that I'm in any immediate danger from Voldemort or anyone else."  She interjected strongly.

Snape raised an eyebrow as he directed a reproachful look her way, his voice cold and chiding.  "Perhaps, but that could change at any time.  You shouldn't have left the safety of Hogwarts, Evangeline.  It was a foolish thing to do."

His words struck her with the force of a bludger, and buried feelings surged unbidden to the surface as she turned on him angrily.  "Foolish!  You dare to call me foolish!  You're a fine one to talk about leaving the safety of Hogwarts.  If you hadn't done that yourself, then none of the grief that we've both suffered over the last year would have happened!  You wouldn't have suffered so much at Voldemort's hands, and our daughter would still be alive!  I did what I needed to do for my own sanity.  Under the same circumstances, I'd do it again.  You're the one who no longer wishes to be part of my life, Severus.  So kindly do not attempt to dictate what I can do, and where I can go.  I fully intend to live apart from this pile of magical rocks, whether you approve or not!"   Outrage coursed through her veins like fire, swift and strong and oh, so sudden.

Snape simply stared back her with a rigid countenance and glistening eyes, absorbing her anger without outward comment.

Unceremoniously, she turned back to Dumbledore and stated harshly.  "I'm willing to cooperate with you on retrieving my father's research.  I can take two people with me into my father's laboratory anytime you wish, Albus."  

She stood up abruptly.  Suddenly Snape's nearness was becoming too much for her.  The emotions he brought raging to the surface by his mere presence confused and frightened her.  Her sudden burst of anger scared her with its vehemence.  Why was she angry at him? Why was she sitting here screaming at him like a harpy when all she truly wanted to do was get down on her knees and beg him to love her again?  She needed to escape now or she was going to throw herself at him and make an even more unfortunate scene, not completely sure whether she wanted to embrace or attack him at the moment. 

Visibly shaking with the effort to control her emotions, she added, "I'm going to go now and visit with Minerva for awhile before I head back to Cornwall.  Let me know what you want me to do, and I'll do it…at least about the research.  I agree that it's probably too dangerous to be left around for Voldemort to obtain and make use of."

With a final painful glance at Snape, she whirled around and fled the office as fast as she could, fumbling slightly with the doorknob as it resisted her trembling hands.  

Remus Lupin stood up and turned to Dumbledore.  "I want to be sure that she's okay, Albus.  I think she's had about all the pain she can take at the moment.  If you're looking for people to accompany Evangeline on this little mission, I'm in.  Just let me know the details.  I'll talk to you later."  He turned to Snape and nodded coolly, his contempt for the dark wizard clearly visible in his usually warm amber eyes.  "Severus."  Then he too, turned and left the office heading after Evangeline.

                        **************************************************************************************************

Authors Notes:

Dark Jezebel:  Yes, they do deserve some happiness…absolutely.

Werecat99:  You're right.  I smiled when I read that part of your review.  Malfoy would be laughing himself sick to see Severus reduced to the impotence that Malfoy's been living with for quite awhile now.  He'd see it as poetic justice.  No doubt about it.

Rickfan37:  Thank you so much.  I'm not sure that I'm worthy of such praise.  I do believe that Snape is a very passionate man, but he's become far too comfortable with masks…to the point of dependence perhaps.  Being open with others about his feelings is almost impossible; he's having a hard enough time admitting them to himself.

Elbereth94:  His fleeting suicidal thoughts scared the hell out of Remus, too.  Of the three of them, I actually think Remus would be the least likely to ever commit suicide.

Snapefan51:  Why do you think that Poppy isn't the one to treat Severus?  I've always thought her highly competent myself.

Whale of the World:  Sorry to make you run through your stock of Kleenex. :)  Snape does need a jolt to see what's really important.  His stubbornness has kept him alive, but it's not serving him well at the moment.

Prophet Dreams:  Tears do speak louder than words.  Pain is unfortunately universal.  I hope the ending of the story will satisfy and not disappoint.

Ishie:  Evangeline's anger reared its head in this chapter much to her confusion.  Snape has been severely injured over a long time.  No treatment will banish the marks in an instant.  As with anything else, healing, both emotional and physical, takes time.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Lina Lupin:  So, your boyfriend is willing to share you with a sweet and "too noble for his own good" werewolf, huh?  Very understanding of him.  No one is seeing very clearly at the moment.  Actually a little common danger might wake everyone up.

Lady Tamarisk:  Then where would be the story?  Life will get to it eventually.

Bookwitch:  It continually amazes me that people are taking this story so much to heart.  Removing scars is very tricky and isn't usually all that successful in Muggle medicine, at least on such a large scale.  Hopefully magical healing is more advanced.  The real trick will be to get Severus to seek help.

Zagzagael:  Thank you for your kind words.  It was a long night for everyone…emotions ran hot and fast and deep.

Jasara: Thank you.  Remus isn't one to lie to himself, I think.

Arachne's Child:  Don't tell anyone, but I use house elves to churn out the chapters.  Saves time…you should try it. :)  Yes, poor Severus thinks he's being logical and rational.  He's ignoring his feelings and Evangeline's too in an effort to do what's "best" for her.  He's not doing either of them any favors with his stab at being noble.  Remus is a nice guy, but he's no saint.  I'm glad you think I'm making him seem human…that's a nice compliment indeed.  Thank you.

Manic:  Thank you.  Evangeline really appreciates Remus' support at the moment…needs it, to go on.  She knows that it's not fair of her to hang on to it, but he makes it so easy for her and she's just moving along the path of least resistance at the moment.  Not the most admirable thing to do perhaps, but it is very human.  She doesn't want to hurt him even more by rejecting him further even though in the long run it would be a kindness.  Remember also that neither Evangeline nor Remus know about Severus' physical mutilation.  No one does.  Yes, his pain multiplied 10 fold when he finally realized as fact that he could no longer make love to Evangeline as Remus can.  Albus regrets a lot of things.

Ballisticgirl:  I'm sorry that you feel I'm repeating myself.  I'm not sure that I agree.  Last chapter was the first time that we heard Evangeline's thoughts since Severus returned.  This was also the first time that Remus has really let go and gotten out his anger and frustration over the situation…not to mention decided how he had to proceed.  Although Severus has expressed some of his thoughts before, he's still trying to understand all of his conflicted feelings.  This is the first time he's truly faced up to his physical mutilation and all its implications for his life…including his impotence.

Sinti:  Why thank you.  You're right.  Considering the thousands of stories on fanfiction, that's no easy task.  How fortunate for me that you've read every one of them and are thus so uniquely qualified to judge.  Why are you bothering to read this story anyway?


	23. Truths and Consequences

                                                                                    Chapter Twenty-Three:  Truths and Consequences

When Lupin stepped out from behind the gargoyle and looked around for Evangeline, he saw her partway down the corridor that led to the closest staircase, bent over leaning against the cold stonewall.

When he caught up to her, he could see that she was crying.  Her trembling hands were pressed tightly to her mouth to silence her sobs and her tears were coating her fingers and dripping down to make a wet spot on the skirt of her gown.  Her whole body was shaking violently as she strove to muffle the agony that coursed through her.  Wanting so much to ease her pain, he slipped his warm arms around her, and she melted into his embrace like water filling a glass.  "Oh, Remus," she whispered brokenly.  "I shouldn't have said that.  I shouldn't have tried to make Severus think that the pain of this past year was all his fault.  I know that he'd never have willingly gotten himself into that situation.  It wasn't his fault…it wasn't.  It was just bad luck.  Why did I say it?  Gods, why?"  She began to sob even harder.

Remus stroked her hair and tried to comfort her while squeezing her shoulders reassuringly.  "Shhh…Angel, please don't cry.  It's okay. You were simply lashing out in frustration and pain.   It's a normal reaction to what you've been through.  Don't beat yourself up over it.  You have a right to be upset.   Much of what we've all said over the past two days has been said in anger and pain.  No one's thinking clearly at the moment. I'm sure a lot of what's been said hasn't been meant as it's ended up sounding.  We're all guilty of it.  You, me…and Severus too, I'm sure.  Time will make things better.  We're all much too tense at the moment.  Give yourself a break…and give yourself some time.  It'll be all right.  You'll see."

With effort she calmed her ragged breathing and dashed the tears from her eyes then looked hopefully up at him.  Grasping at the comforting straws underlying his words.  "I suppose you're right."

With a reassuring smile, he squeezed her shoulders once more. "Of course, I'm right.  Now, dry those tears and lets go find Minerva, okay?"

She nodded automatically and sniffled loudly like a small child who's been promised a treat if she minds and stops her crying.  Then she mopped at her cheeks with her fingers, and he left one arm draped securely around her shoulders while the two of them headed slowly off down the hall then down the stairs together and out of the line of sight of Snape who'd stood by the gargoyle and watched their embrace from a distance.  

How was he ever to be able to stand watching the two of them together?  It was like having coarsely ground glass rubbed into a wound every time he saw them touch each other.  If she returned to Hogwarts to be with Lupin, he'd have to leave.  There was no way he could handle the agony it would give him every single day.  Knowing that she was better off with Lupin and living with it were two entirely different things.  He sighed deeply and turned and walked off in the opposite direction, desperately needing to put as much distance between himself and the two of them, as possible.  

                          *************************************************************************************************

Remus and Evangeline found Minerva McGonagall sitting at her desk in her classroom working on some papers.  Just the familiar sight of her friend caused Evangeline to feel comforted.  Suddenly she realized how much she'd missed talking to Minerva, and how much she'd needed to discuss this painful and frustrating situation with her.  Remus gave Evangeline a quick kiss on the cheek and told her to enjoy her visit, but that he needed to go and find Sirius and speak to him.  He told her to come find him when she was ready to leave, and she promised that she would.

Evangeline turned to look at Minerva, who'd seen them standing in the corridor and was halfway to the doorway by the time Remus left.

Minerva immediately held out her arms.  "Evangeline, dear.  I'm so glad you came to see me.  I've been hoping you would ever since Severus returned."

Evangeline threw herself headlong into the embrace of the older woman.  "Oh, Minerva, it's so good to see you."

They simply stood there and held each other for a moment, Minerva offering comfort and Evangeline drinking it in and seeking a moment to compose herself.  When they broke apart, they smiled at each other and turned and headed for the desk where Minerva had been working.

"How are you, Evangeline?  Truly?"  Minerva asked with concern.

Evangeline sighed.  "I honestly don't know how to answer that question.  I'm happy and miserable all at the same time.  Severus is alive, Minerva!  He's alive…it's the answer to all of my prayers, but at the same time, he no longer wants me.  And that makes me absolutely miserable."  She bowed her head and took a shaky breath.  "How can I ever get used to seeing him, but no longer being with him?  I love him so much.  I always will…can he really have stopped loving me?"

Minerva squeezed Evangeline's shoulders as she guided her into a chair by her desk and sat down in another beside her.  "No, Evangeline.  I simply cannot believe that Severus doesn't love you anymore.  But you know how he is.  Finding that you'd turned to someone else in his absence has hurt his pride and his feelings.  If you give him enough time, and you assure him that you still love him, he'll come around eventually."

Evangeline looked down at her hands as they lay quietly in her lap.  "I hope you're right, but Severus can be unbelievably stubborn at times.  He's not just hurt…he's angry, and he's not a very forgiving person at the best of times.  With Severus, sometimes giving him time to stew about something only allows him to harden his opinions and get so emotionally attached to a particular position that to change his mind is almost impossible.   I'm afraid if this goes on too long, he'll convince himself that I never loved him very much at all and that I always preferred to be with Remus, but was with him only out of pity or some such foolishness.  If he'd only let me talk to him…explain…but he won't listen to me.  I don't know what to do."

Her haunted eyes recalled the pale cold image of her husband as he'd sat before her, apparently unmoved by her outburst of anger and pain.  "I just saw him at this meeting we had with Albus.  He was so stiff and cold.  He looked so angry and hurt, and I wanted to throw myself at him and tell him how much I loved him and how much I needed him, and instead…I…I yelled at him, Minerva!  He told me I was foolish to leave the safety of Hogwarts, and suddenly there I was screaming at him that he was the foolish one and blaming him for all the pain we'd gone through.  Oh, gods, Minerva, I even blamed him for the death of our baby!  How could I do that?"

She began to rock back and forth rubbing her hands up and down on her arms as she relived the pain and confusion of the recent past with bewilderment etched on her tired features.  "I don't know what came over me.  It wasn't his fault that those creatures captured him…tortured him.  It wasn't his fault that our baby died.  None of this is his fault…if anyone is to blame it's me!  I believed everyone when they told me he was dead.  I never doubted his loss.  I wasn't strong enough to save our child…to keep her safe.  She depended on me, and I abandoned her to wallow in my grief.  I wasn't faithful to him.  I betrayed his love and trust.  Yet here I was hurting him again.  Screaming at him like a mad woman.  All I seem to be able to do is cause him pain."

Minerva shook her head firmly and spoke in an authoritative tone, "No, Evangeline.  I don't want to hear you talking like this. This isn't your fault anymore than it's Severus' fault.  There was no way you could have possibly known that he was still alive…none of us did.  Whatever that thing was in that horrid box, it was crafted by powerful dark magic, probably using a dark form of transfiguration.  It fooled me…it fooled Albus, and we have much more knowledge of this type of magic than you do.  There's absolutely no way you could have known the truth.  You simply can't blame yourself for that.  I won't allow it.  Nor can you blame yourself for the loss of your child.  You did all you could.  There was nothing anyone could do to save her life.  Poppy tried as hard as she could; if anyone was capable of saving your baby it would've been her, but it just wasn't meant to be.  You have to let it go dear, please, don't take this unwarranted guilt onto your shoulders."

Evangeline stared at the earnest face of her friend, wanting to believe her, but remaining unconvinced.  Everywhere she turned her thoughts there were more mistakes, more actions that she never should have taken, more pain that she'd caused.  With a stricken countenance and a shaky sigh she continued her litany of guilt as if Minerva had never even spoken.  "Oh, gods, I wish I could believe that, Minerva, but no matter what I do it turns out to be the wrong thing!  And then there's Remus.  He's been so unbelievably kind and supportive, through all this horrid mess, but I know it's hurt him terribly.  Letting him into my life was such a mistake!  I was afraid it would be, but I didn't listen to my heart.  I was too busy trying to satisfy my physical needs.  How pitiful is that?"

With a sudden burst of restlessness, she got up and began to pace the room wringing her hands in her agitation.  "I don't love Remus.  I never have and now, I know, I never will.  He swore he understood how I felt, that he didn't need me to love him, the fact that I cared about him was enough for him, but I know he hoped that over time my feelings would turn into love.  Now he's had his hopes raised high and then dashed to bits on the rocks of reality.  I've hurt him so badly, Minerva.  I can't ever make up for that.  Even now, when he knows there's no hope for us, he continues to be so kind and understanding and supportive, and I don't deserve his love and support.  It's wrong of me to continue to take it, but whenever I look into his eyes, I don't have the heart to send him away.  I don't want to hurt him anymore.  I don't know what to do…where to turn…how to feel.  Gods, I've made such a mess out of everything!"

Minerva frowned in concern at her young friend as she roamed the classroom in her misery.  "Don't take responsibility for Remus' feelings onto your shoulders.  This situation wasn't your doing.  He pursued you knowing full well that you didn't love him and probably never would…at least not the way he hoped.  He went into this relationship with his eyes wide open.  He took a chance, and he lost.  It happens that way sometimes.  He supports you now because he cares about you, and because he'll always help those he cares about.  If it gets to be more than he can handle, he'll back away, you'll see.  Remus is stronger than you think.  He'll find a way to survive…probably a lot better than you and Severus will, if you don't find some way to deal honestly with your feelings for each other.  Remus will come to accept reality, but Severus will die by inches every day because he feels more comfortable living in pain than taking a chance that could hurt even more.  Both you and Severus are carrying around guilt and pain that neither of you deserves.  You need to find a way to talk to him, Evangeline.   It's really the only answer.  The only thing that will truly help either of you."

                           ************************************************************************************************

Remus opened the big front door of the castle and went out into the snowy world outside.  As he wandered down the drive, through the front courtyard, and out across the snow covered lawn he watched the two boys, young men really, frolicking with the large black dog in the snow.  They seemed to be having such a good time, that he didn't have the heart to interrupt and cast a gloomy pall over everything.  So he stood there on the edge of things and tried to keep his mind from dwelling too forcefully on the god-awful mess he'd found himself mired in.

Eventually his presence was noticed and the young men headed over to greet him, laughing merrily and tossing snow at each other as they came.  The dog transformed into a man, who followed them a bit more slowly, and whose face was a bit more subdued as well.

"Hi, Professor Lupin!  Would you like to join us?  With you here we'd have even teams for a snowball fight."  Harry grinned up at his professor, his eyes sparkling with mischief and his cheeks red from the cold.

Taking a deep breath first, Lupin smiled his best smile at Harry and his partner in most things, Ron Weasley, and said.  "Not right now, Harry.  I'm afraid I'm not really up for a snowball fight at the moment.  Perhaps, another time.  I just wanted to speak to Sirius for a few minutes."

Harry and Ron looked at each other.  Professor Lupin did look a bit upset, so they decided not to beg, as they might otherwise have done.

Sirius joined them and put a hand on Harry's shoulder.  "I really should speak to Remus for a bit right now.  We can pick this up a little later, can't we?"

Harry nodded as he looked at his godfather and noted the serious tone of his voice.  "Sure, Sirius.  We'll go see what Hagrid's up to at the moment.  He said he was hoping we'd stop in for a visit."

Sirius nodded and smiled at the young man as he squeezed his shoulder affectionately.  "That sounds like a good idea, Harry.  I'll see you guys, later."

With that Black and Lupin turned around and headed back up toward the castle.  Harry and Ron watched them go thoughtfully.

"What do you suppose has got Professor Lupin so down?"  Asked Ron curiously, turning to his friend to seek his opinion.

Harry sighed.  "Professor Snape's back, of course."

Ron eyed him curiously.  "Why should Professor Lupin care one way or the other?  I mean, I know they aren't friends or anything, but Lupin's not the type to wish bad stuff on anyone.  I can't imagine he's sorry that the greasy old git is still alive."

"He may not wish he was dead, but I'm sure he's not happy he's alive."

"Why not?"

Harry turned to Ron seriously.  "You can't say anything because Sirius told me this in confidence, okay?"

Ron nodded eagerly, intensely curious now.

"Apparently Professor Lupin's in love with Angel.  He went to stay with her over Christmas.  That's why he hasn't been around."

Ron's jaw dropped.  "Oh my god…and Snape's her husband.  No wonder Professor Lupin's upset."

"Yeah, no wonder."

"Think Snape knows?  'Cause if he knows that Professor Lupin's been fooling around with his wife, he's going to kill him."

Harry nodded gloomily.  "Yeah…or the other way around."

Ron's eyes opened wide.  "Wow!  Yeah!  This could be the shortest return from the dead ever."

                            ***********************************************************************************************

Sirius and Remus headed off through the snow, when they were out of earshot of Harry and Ron, Sirius turned to his friend and said.  "Well, what's going on?  I've been dying to talk to you ever since I saw Snape show up yesterday, but I've been a little afraid to try to contact you.  Did he really walk in on you and Evangeline while you were making love?"

Remus sighed and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.  "Just about.  We'd just gotten out of bed and come downstairs looking for food when he showed up at the door.  It was pretty obvious what we'd been doing.  Neither one of us was dressed.  God, it was awful, Sirius.  He was so angry, and now he won't even talk to her, and she's so hurt and upset.  It's a nightmare."

Sirius sighed, too.  "Yeah.  It sounds like it.  It might work out in your favor in the long run, though.  If Snape's going to be a big enough idiot to reject Evangeline, then she'll still be available.  If you continue to stand by her, eventually she'll end up in your arms again."

The brown haired wizard shook his head and glanced wistfully at his friend.  "I really wish it was that simple, Sirius, but that's not going to happen.  Evangeline loves Severus.  You were right about her.  One year…five years…forever, it won't matter.  As long as he's alive, she won't be with anyone else whether he takes her back or not.  She doesn't love me.  Given more time, with him gone, she might've been able to love me…at least a little, but now?  No way.  She won't pretend, and she won't want to hurt me any more, so whatever we had is over.  Trying to hang on to her will only end up causing us both more pain."

Sirius nodded sadly.  "I'm really sorry, Remus.  What are you going to do now?"

The bedraggled werewolf hunched his shoulders painfully.  "Support her for as long as she needs me, I guess.  At the moment, she needs someone to just be with her.  This has really knocked her for a loop.  She doesn't know what to do.  Until she can really talk to Severus and find out where they stand, she's in limbo, and I don't want her to be there alone."  

He kicked at the snow as they walked along.  "In the long term, I guess I'm going to have to pick myself up and just go on, like I did before.  It's going to be a lot harder now, though.  Now that I truly know what I'm missing."

The two wizards left the snowy lawn behind and started up the roadway into the inner courtyard containing the impressive front door into the school.  As they continued to walk shoulder to shoulder, Sirius smiled sympathetically.  "Things were good while you were together?"

Remus threw back his head and smiled longingly.  "God, yes!  Things were amazing.  Being with Evangeline was the best experience of my life.  Everything we did together was wonderful.  I felt like I had a huge smile on my face all the time.  I kept pinching myself because I couldn't believe it was real…that I could be that lucky.  I guess I should've listened to that little inner voice that warned me it was too good to be true.  She's the most wonderful person I've ever known.  If Severus throws her away, he truly is the biggest fool I've ever met.  If I was in his place, I wouldn't care how many men she'd been with…if I was the one she wanted, then that would be that, and I'd count myself lucky."

With a sudden surge of frustration, Remus leaned over and picked up a small rock from the cobbled surface of the inner courtyard and flung it as hard as he could toward the imposing façade of the castle.  It impacted solidly with the ancient stones leaving a small gray nick to mark his burst of temper.

Remus sighed heavily and looked away from his friend and out over the frozen landscape as he attempted to sooth his feelings of the unfairness of it all.  How could Snape just spit on something that Remus would give his whole life to have?  How could he not see the value of what was right in front of him, what he'd once cared so much about?  It simply made no sense.

Sirius regarded him soberly.  "You know it's all right to be angry over all this."

Remus heaved yet another deep sigh and lifted his eyes to restlessly scan the overcast skies above his head.  "Just who am I supposed to be angry at, Sirius?  Tell me that?  Who do I blame?  I could blame myself for being such a fool and falling in love with a woman who doesn't love me back, I suppose.  For not being willing to take no for an answer…for forging ahead and practically forcing myself on her.  Maybe I could blame myself for not being able to see into the future and somehow know that Snape was still alive and would reappear in our lives at just the worst possible moment?" 

Suddenly he smacked himself in the middle of the forehead and stared with a look of studied incredulity at his bemused friend.  "Why didn't I consult the renowned Sybil Trelawny on that one, huh?  Or I suppose I could just twist it around and say it's all her fault for not coming out and warning people that she'd looked into the bottom of her teacup one morning and divined that Severus hadn't made the trip into the great beyond, after all.  That's the kind of garbage she gets paid to spout isn't it?  Well, she's obviously not earning her pay at the moment!  Off with her head then…"

The werewolf began to pace the courtyard fitfully as he warmed to his theme.  "Maybe I should blame Evangeline for not falling in love with me.  God knows I gave her every opportunity whether she wanted it or not.  Yeah that's it, right?  Foolish woman.  It's all her fault because she persisted in still loving her husband more than me.  Everything'd be just fine if she'd just turn up her nose at him and love me the way I want her to.  Or even better, I could just blame it all on Snape!  That's the one you'd pick, huh, Sirius.  You know you would.  Admit it."

Black just stood there and stared sympathetically at his friend in silence as he worked through his frustration with the bitter mess he found himself in.  For once having the fortitude and intelligence to keep his mouth shut and simply let Remus rant on and get all his feelings out into the open.  Pleased also to see that Remus seemed to still have a grip on his sense of the ridiculous.

Remus threw his hands up into the air and continued his pacing.  "Hell, yes…it's all Snape's fault.  That lousy Slytherin bastard! How dare the man have the audacity to not be dead!  He should be dead…we all believed it…acted accordingly.  How dare he show up now after all this time and screw up all our lives?  What gives him the right?  If he had an ounce of human feeling he'd go throw himself off the Astronomy tower right now just to make amends!  Greasy git!"  

With a sigh he stopped his pacing and focused his gaze on the cobbles beneath his feet.  A change in demeanor enveloped him as he studied the ground thoughtfully then slowly he continued in a more sober and measured tone. "Severus is acting like an idiot at the moment, and there's nothing I'd like better than to shake some sense into him.  I hate all the pain he's causing Evangeline by his refusal to talk to her, but I have to believe that given a bit more time, he'll come around.  Whether he'll admit it or not he obviously still cares about her welfare or he wouldn't be so concerned about us getting our hands on her father's research before Voldemort does.   And let's be fair.  It can't have been easy for him to have found Evangeline in my arms when he finally found his way back to her after all that time in captivity.  Who knows what he's gone through over the past year?  Whatever it was…it couldn't have been pleasant.  So we're right back where we started, aren't we?  I can't really blame any of us for this mess…so who's left?  Any easy scapegoats I'm overlooking here?  I'll take anything I can get at the moment, I assure you."  He turned a wry smile up to his friend and jammed his hands back into his pockets.

Sirius sighed and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder.  "No.  You're right.  There really isn't anyone to blame for this mess, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a right to be angry over the way life has treated you yet again."

Remus snorted shortly.  "Right…life strikes again.  Let's lay the blame on Fate.   Fate I can blame…Fate I can curse…but anyone else…no.  I wish I could."  He glanced sideways.  "You know you've shown remarkable restraint.  You'd have every right to say I told you so…'cause you did.  I should've listened to you then."

Black shook his head with a sad little smile on his face.  "Naw…I've never been right about stuff like that before, what were the odds I'd be right this time?  You were right to ignore me.  I'm just sorry that all this has happened to you, Remus.  You deserve a lot better, you know."

Remus smiled, grateful for his friend's support.  "Thanks.  Personally I think the one who deserves better is Evangeline.  She's been through hell once…she shouldn't have to go through it again."

                             **********************************************************************************************

A worried Minerva McGonagall knocked on Albus Dumbledore's office door and waited anxiously for admittance.   The voice that called out to her sounded incredibly weary and didn't make her heart any easier as she opened the door and entered the office.  She glanced across the empty cluttered room to see the Headmaster standing beside Fawkes and rhythmically stroking the impressive bird's plumage with a gentle hand as his eyes turned to appraise his newest visitor.

His tired face creased in an encouraging smile as he recognized his favorite faculty member standing in the doorway.  The two of them had known each other for many more years than either of them wanted to admit, and that passage of time had forged a warm comforting bond that each of them automatically turned to in times of worry and pain.  It only took a moment's glimpse of each other's eyes for them to both realize that now was one of those times when their need for comfort in each other was necessary.  

With a nod of his head, Dumbledore bid McGonagall to enter his office. "Hello, Minerva.  Did you have a nice visit with Evangeline?"

Minerva closed the door quietly behind her and crossed the room to stand by the large polished desk before she answered his question with a sigh.  "I'm sure that you can surmise the answer to that question yourself without my input, Albus."

He nodded sadly and moved away from the Phoenix with a final comforting pat to resume his place behind the desk.  He slumped down and folded his gnarled hands before his face while he considered his colleague as she sat down in the chair that had been recently vacated by Evangeline.  Then he spoke in a weary voice. "They are all in such pain at the moment, and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.  Except try to encourage them to talk honestly with each other.  Something that Severus at least seems determined to avoid for reasons that escape me."

"It's completely obvious to me that Severus still loves Evangeline very deeply, but for the life of me I can not figure out why he is so adamant about pushing her into the arms of Remus Lupin.  He won't listen to anything I say to him…he cuts me off angrily if I so much as mention her name to him.  Yet he was banging on my office door this morning before it was even light outside all upset at the thought that Voldemort might get his hands on Ernias Winthrop's research and thus might endanger her life and safety.  He insisted that we discover the whereabouts of that research immediately and would brook no delay in our doing so.  He hovered over me most impatiently while I wrote a letter to Evangeline and Remus and set up this meeting.  His agitation didn't dissipate until I received Remus' affirmative answer an hour later.  Even then he seemed to be only partially mollified obviously chaffing at the delay.  His only concern is Evangeline's safety.  Clearly she's all he's thinking about at the moment.  Yet once she and Remus arrived here, Severus became taciturn and unresponsive.  He refused to even look at her throughout most of our meeting.  When he did speak to her he was cold and almost accusing in his manner.  It's very frustrating to watch."

Minerva nodded in understanding.  "I know.  Evangeline can't figure out what's going on with Severus either, and it's tearing her up inside.  Not that she's a whole lot better in some ways.  She's full of guilt that she doesn't deserve to feel and anger that she doesn't understand.  I tried to encourage her to talk to Severus…even sent her off to do just that, but I'm not sure that it's going to do any good.  Severus Snape is and has always been the most stubborn man I've ever known.  If he doesn't want to change his mind…he won't.  There's simply no reasoning with him when he gets like this.  Even as a child he could hold a grudge for a hurt or a slight better and longer than anyone else.  It's unfortunately a talent that he's nurtured to ever greater heights.  He'd be better served to have spent that time learning some forgiveness and compassion…especially for himself."

Dumbledore sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his hand before leaning back and staring up at the vaulted ceiling two floors above his head.  "I can't help thinking that I could've prevented all this…twice over."

"Now, Albus, I thought we'd agreed that you weren't going to blame yourself for Severus getting taken by Voldemort's people.  You had to try to obtain that book once you'd learned about it, and Severus was the logical person to send.  He went voluntarily after all.  There's nothing that you could've done differently, and no sense in brooding about it now."

"I could've instructed Severus to be more careful…perhaps I should have accompanied him to Malfoy's or sent someone else along as back up.  We were too careless, Minerva…much too careless."

"If you'd gone with Severus you've have likely ended up imprisoned along side him, and frankly I doubt if you'd have come out of the experience alive.  I'm sure that Severus took every precaution in the first place.  He is not a careless man.  He never has been.  It's all over and done with.  There is absolutely no sense in blaming yourself now.  That solves nothing and is unworthy of you, Albus."

The Headmaster smiled faintly at the chiding tone in his friend's voice.  "I suppose you're right, Minerva, but that wasn't the only time that I could possibly have done something that would make our current problems easier."

Minerva's eyebrows rose to her hairline in surprise and she peered at the guilty face of her friend as he stared back reluctantly.  "Oh?  What else could you have done?"

"Earlier this fall I came into some information that led me to believe that Severus might still be alive.  Because I was afraid of the reliability of the information and didn't want to play unnecessarily on Evangeline's emotions, I said nothing about it to anyone.  Perhaps that was a mistake.  She'd begun to get past her grief at Severus' death, but she hadn't yet moved on to get involved with anyone else.  Maybe if I'd told her what I knew, she would've resisted Remus' advances then when Severus returned they wouldn't have become embroiled in this emotional quagmire.  It would've saved them all a lot of pain."

A chill swept through Minerva as she thought about this.  "Oh, Albus…you actually suspected that Severus was still alive?"

He nodded grimly.  "I wasn't able to get independent confirmation of the information though and the source has often proved not to be very truthful in the past.  Still it raised my hopes and led me to plan a raid on the prison that did in fact contain Severus as it turned out."

"You never told me any of this Albus.  What happened?  Did the raid ever take place?"

"Yes.  It did.  In fact, it resulted in Severus' freedom, but we didn't know that at the time.  He wasn't sure what was happening or who to trust at that point and so when the opportunity to escape unnoticed appeared, he took it.  Those I'd sent found no trace of him there because he'd already escaped in the confusion.  They didn't search specifically for Severus though because once more I kept my information to myself and didn't tell my people why they were really there.  I thought I was sparing everyone from more pain and disappointment if I turned out to be wrong, but what if all I did was cause them to miss an opportunity?  Perhaps if I'd told Black and Lupin who they should really be looking for they would have searched a bit harder and actually found Severus then…before Lupin got intimately involved with Evangeline."

Minerva considered her somber friend thoughtfully.  "Perhaps…but once more you couldn't have known what would happen.  Just think how cruel it would've been to have raised Evangeline's hopes just when she was finally coming out of her depression only to have dashed them again when you didn't find Severus.  No, Albus, you did the right thing.  That would likely have destroyed her completely.  As hard as it may be for all of them to face their current problems, you don't know that anything you might have done in the past would have changed things for the better.  For better or worse what happened happened.  We're all simply going to have to find a way to deal with it.  Especially Evangeline and Severus."

                              **********************************************************************************************

Evangeline walked slowly down the cold shadowy hallway in the dungeons heading for the quarters she used to share with Severus.  She shivered in the dim quiet and hoped that this time, he'd listen to her…that this time, he'd understand.  They had to talk, face to face, just the two of them.  They couldn't go on like this.  She couldn't go on like this.

When she stood in front of the familiar door, she extended her hand and caressed the wood lightly.  With her heart pulsing nervously in her chest, she raised her fist and knocked firmly.  Then she held her breath and waited and waited…and finally she knocked again.  Was he in there?  Desperately she pressed her ear to the wooden surface and strained to hear any possible sound but all was silent.

"Severus?"  She called anxiously.  "Severus?  If you're in there, please open the door so we can talk.  Please, Severus.  Let me talk to you.  Please!  I'm so sorry I hurt you.  Please, let me speak to you…apologize to you.  Please!"  She leaned against the door and continued to plead and knock although she was getting no response from inside.

From the dark shadows of a hallway behind her, a conflicted Snape watched her pound on his door and clenched his fists, cording the muscles in his arms and digging his nails into his palms until they bled.  Listening to her plead for him was agonizing.  There was nothing he wanted more than to go to her, to take her into his arms once more, to wipe the pain from her voice, but he just couldn't make himself move.  His fear kept him frozen in misery.

Emotionally and physically exhausted, Evangeline suddenly gave up.  If he was in there, it was obvious that he wasn't going to answer her no matter how she begged.  The agony of her situation overwhelmed her again, and she slid slowly down the door to her knees and rested her cheek against the smooth wood as her tears began to flow once more, tapping into what seemed to be a vast endless reservoir.   In one final burst of futility she banged both fists once more against the unyielding surface of the door.  "Damn it, Severus…why are you doing this?"  She sobbed pitifully to the closed door as her body began to shake with her sorrow and pain.  "I love you so much…I need you so much…I'm so sorry for hurting you…don't leave me again…please…please, talk to me."

Snape couldn't stand to watch her suffer any longer, but as he took a step forward to go to her, he heard another set of footsteps rushing down the corridor towards his door, so he withdrew further back into the shadows once more to watch and ache.

Remus Lupin came forward and crouched down beside Evangeline and put his arms around her shuddering form.  

Seeking understanding she leaned in against his shoulder and sobbed harder.  "Why won't he talk to me, Remus?  Why?"

The werewolf helped her to her feet and stood there holding her gently and rubbing her back in a soothing manner.  He found himself silently damning Snape to any deity he could think of for being such a stiff necked idiot as he tried to comfort the heartbroken woman in his arms. 

"He's probably not even in there, Angel.  He'll talk to you eventually.  He'll have to.  Now, come on.  Let me take you home.  It's been another hard day for you.  You need something to eat.  You haven't had anything since breakfast and it's mid afternoon now.  Then I'm going to put you to bed and see that you stay there if I have to sit by your side and keep watch.  You hardly closed your eyes last night.  You need some rest.  Let's go."

She nodded sadly, still sniffling back tears.  He slid his arm around her shoulder and guided her back up the hallway and out of the gloom of the dungeon.

Once they'd left his sight and their footsteps no longer echoed painfully in his ears, Snape left the sheltering shadows, crossed the now empty corridor, and opened the door to his quarters.  He entered the silent room, closing the door quietly behind him and leaned his head against its hard surface for a moment.  Then taking a deep shuddering breath, he walked unsteadily over to his desk, and poured himself a large glass of whisky with a shaking hand.

                             **********************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  For those of you who might be interested, I've done a drawing of Evangeline's Portrait of Severus from Chapter 5.  I can't put it up here on fanfiction.  Even if I had the more expensive services, a full frontal nude isn't really appropriate in this setting. :)  However, I have uploaded it to my art folder in the Photos section of three different Yahoo groups.  It's in shadowycat's Photos folder on the yahoo groups: Veresnas_Veneries_Too , SnapesSubtleSeduction , and gotsnapesdarkcoil.  Fanfiction wouldn't let me put up the correct URLs.  I hope you can find it if you want to.   If you take a look at it, let me know what you think.   Thanks. :)

Dark Jezebel:  Because happiness…like everything else, takes time.

Rickfan37:  Thanks for the kind words.  Remus is in a hard spot at the moment.  He needs to back off, but he's reluctant and afraid to leave her alone.  He's a smart man, though.  He'll figure it out.

Whale of the World:  What did you think of Minerva's advice?

Zagzagael:  Thank you very much. :)

ProphetDreams:  You're welcome.  Thank you.  Remus recognizes that he's in a harder place than before he had Evangeline in his arms.  He's just going to have to find a way to deal with it.

Lina Lupin:  No, accusations don't solve anything, but getting out some of her buried hurt and anger was good for Evangeline.

Mysterious-backpacker:  Please don't dislike poor Remus.  He's in a lot of pain at the moment.  He's a nice guy and could use the support.

Jasara:  Yes, she did. :)

Arachne's Child:  If you thought that meeting was awkward, just wait until poor Evangeline finds herself sandwiched between the two men while going to her father's lab.

CrisisKris:  Evangeline notices Severus' anger and pain, but she doesn't fully understand the reasons for it because he hasn't explained.  She doesn't know about his amnesia or the extent of his physical injuries…no one does.  They both need to be honest and talk to each other.  There is indeed some stubbornness on both sides…but not stupidity.  I'm glad that the story has made you care. :)

Snapefan51:  Severus won't raise any objections to Remus' presence no matter how he feels about it.  He's decided that he doesn't merit an intimate spot in her life anymore, and that she'd be better off with Remus than with him. 

Werecat99:  Yes, poor Remus is having trouble keeping his hands off even though he knows he needs to.  Actually Snape is glad that Lupin is with Evangeline because he worries about her safety if she's alone.  He knows that no matter how he feels about him personally, Remus will protect and take care of her.

Gracelynn:  Evangeline knows that she should cut Remus loose, but she's afraid of hurting him even more.  She's focused on getting through to Severus, but it really hasn't occurred to her that Remus' presence could be a problem.  She's not thinking clearly at the moment.  As much as he hates seeing Remus with Evangeline, Snape has convinced himself that she's better off with the werewolf.  He's also convinced that it's not safe for her to be alone outside Hogwarts, so Remus' presence is reassuring to him.  Eventually Severus will have no choice but to tell Evangeline exactly what has happened to him.  You'll see. 


	24. Final Mission

                                                                                                Chapter Twenty-Four: Final Mission

The next morning, while Evangeline and Remus were eating a silent breakfast at the cottage, another owl came pecking at the window with yet another message.  Once more Remus retrieved it and handed it over to Evangeline, this time he managed to obtain it without pain or injury.  Apparently he moved swiftly enough to satisfy the messenger.  She took it from his hand and stared down at Albus Dumbledore's handwriting with a sigh of resignation.

"Albus has more to say to us, Remus.  The fun just never stops, it seems.  What do you suppose it is this time?"

Remus shrugged.  "Maybe he wants us to go get your father's research, Angel.  That is what we talked about yesterday."

She dropped her head into her hand and sighed.  "Was that really only yesterday?  This nightmare feels like it's gone on forever.  I do hope that's what this is all about.  I want to sever all my connections with Hogwarts as soon as possible.  This will definitely be the final mission I undertake for Albus Dumbledore, I assure you."

She tore open the letter and read it, then she flipped it across the table to Remus so he could read it, too.   Their instincts were correct.  Dumbledore wanted them in his office at three o'clock.  They were to attempt to retrieve Ernias Winthrop's research this afternoon.

Remus lifted his head and looked at Evangeline.  "Well, it'll be good to get it out of the way, I suppose.  If he wants the research destroyed, will you be willing to do it?"

"I'd hate to, but I know that my father didn't intend for the research to ever be used again.  I'm also sure that he'd never want to aid Voldemort in any way, especially as his monsters were responsible for my mother's death.  If we don't destroy the research, then we'd need to be sure that it was hidden in a place that he couldn't ever get to.  I'm not sure if such a place exists.  So, I guess, we really should destroy it."

Remus nodded.  "Perhaps you could hide it in the painted realm somewhere.  No one but you could get to it then."

"For now, but if Voldemort ever finds a way to duplicate my father's efforts, others could be created like my mother, who could move in and out of the painted realm.  It would be a nightmare.  Oh, Remus, if that monster gains access to the painted realm, then millions of paintings would be destroyed.  They're my friends.  I couldn't stand that.  Most of the wizarding world might not care, but to me, it would be nothing short of mass murder!"

She stared at him in horror, and he stared back, not knowing what to say.  She was right.  The response to Voldemort's encroachment into the painted realm would be to simply destroy all the paintings they could…animated or not.  If they didn't, it would be like opening up millions of unguarded doorways into all parts of the wizarding world, and that would never be allowed to happen.  To his shame, he knew that he'd agree to it, too.

Suddenly feeling sick to her stomach, Evangeline pushed back her chair.  "I need some air, Remus.  I'm going to go take a walk.  I'll be back in plenty of time to go to Hogwarts."

He stood up.  "Would you like some company?"

She shook her head.  "No.  I need some time alone to think about everything.  I'll see you later."

With that she hurried out of the kitchen, caught up her cloak from where she'd discarded it last night, and then flew out the front door of the cottage.  Lupin sank back down into his chair and dropped his chin into his hand.  One worry after another seemed to be falling like heavy rocks onto Evangeline's thin shoulders.  Why couldn't he help her with any of them?  Well, hopefully what they'd do this afternoon would help.  It would remove one worry at least.  Then she'd only have Snape to think about.   The heaviest rock of all.

                              *********************************************************************************************

Evangeline spread her cloak over her shoulders and clutched it close around her against the chill of the sea breeze.  Her feet took her automatically off along the cliff path ever upward away from the cottage.  Would that she could leave her burdens behind as easily as she left her home.   When she reached the summit, she stared with longing out over the sea absently noting the variegation of colors in the water as the sun appeared and disappeared behind the quickly scudding clouds.   Her head throbbed with pain and her thoughts tossed as restlessly as the water beyond her feet.

Voldemort.  That monster was the reason for all her pain.  He'd caused the death of her mother…the death of her child…the loss of her freedom…the loss of her husband, not to mention all the pain he must've suffered this past year.  Now he threatened to destroy the unique and precious gift that was the painted realm.  It couldn't be allowed to happen!  She couldn't call back the horrors of the past and change them, she didn't have the power, no matter how much she might wish it, but the future was still in flux…mold it she could…at least that part of it she could touch.  

Just the thought of having to destroy the life's work of her father was heartbreaking.  He'd worked so hard and achieved so much that he'd never shared with the world.  Even though he hadn't gotten any public credit for these particular accomplishments, they were amazing and brilliant, and didn't deserve to be destroyed in silence and fear.  Who knows what other wonders they might lead to if others could build on the work? Yet what other choice was there?  Her father had loved her mother every bit as much as she now loved Severus.  It was the one thing that anyone who ever met them would acknowledge after only a few moments of acquaintance.  Their devotion to each other had been the one constant in her life when she was growing up.  At times it'd almost been overwhelming to her, as much as she knew that they both loved her…she'd occasionally felt like an intruder in their lives because so often they seemed to have eyes for no one but each other.  

She'd longed for that type of love to enter her life some day…to be loved with that amount of passion.  She'd thought she'd found it with Severus…but apparently, she'd been wrong.   She whirled around and paced back from the edge of the cliff to plop down on a large rock and shove her fist into her chin.

The lives of her painted friends, and she knew they had lives no matter what others might think, were too important to be sacrificed at the whim of a madman.  As hard as it was to accept, her father's work would have to be destroyed.  She knew that no matter how much it might sadden him, he'd agree with her decision.  He'd even help if he could.  The painted realm meant a lot to him, after all, because it gave him his beloved wife.  Voldemort had caused the death of her mother, her father would never want to do anything that would aid that monster in any way.

With a deep breath she straightened up and stared once more out to sea.  This decision, no matter how painful, felt right to her.  She'd destroy everything they found in her father's laboratory.  It was the right choice…the only choice.  The only one everyone could live with.

Now that one decision had been made, she turned her thoughts towards the next one…the harder one…Severus.  When she'd seen him yesterday, he'd remained so cold and distant.  At one point she'd thought she glimpsed compassion in his eyes…but it was probably merely pity.  He'd felt momentarily sorry for her distress, but it hadn't lasted more than an instant, had it?  Was there really any point in continuing to beat her head uselessly against the brick wall of his feelings, as she'd beaten her fists so uselessly against his chamber door?  He didn't want her anymore.  He'd made that perfectly clear.  He didn't want to listen to her…to talk to her…to even so much as be in the same room with her. Whether he still had any feelings for her or not…it wasn't going to matter.  He wasn't going to forgive her.  Apparently his love hadn't been strong enough to overcome her betrayal.  She should simply find a way to accept that and move on.

At that sobering thought, she went cold all over.  How could she possibly do that?  Whenever she was near him all she wanted to do was to fling herself into his arms and drag his lips down to hers.  She ached at the mere sight of him.  How could she ever go on without him now that she knew he was still alive?  

Her throat tightened painfully.  Did she have a choice?  It didn't seem so.  She couldn't force him to love her…to want her, no matter how badly she wished to.  Her only option seemed to be to stay as far away from him as possible.  Continuing to see him would be more painful than she could stand.  The destruction of her father's work should sever the final tie that she had with Hogwarts.  Once that was accomplished she'd be able move on…quite literally if she wished.  She could close up her cottage and go as far away as she could…maybe overseas.  Anywhere…as long as it was far away from Severus.  That would make him happy no doubt.  Wasn't that really the only important thing here?  His happiness. 

It would make other things easier, too.  She needed to separate herself from Remus.  Her presence in his life had caused him nothing but pain.  This continuing to live under the same roof was simply prolonging the agony for him.  She'd appreciated his support…needed it desperately, but it was unforgivably selfish of her to continue to take it.  He deserved so much better.  It was simply wrong of her not to let him go and get back to his own life without her mucking things up.

She nodded her head.  Yes.  Once she'd done what she had to do today…she'd go away.  It was the right thing to do.  Yet somehow…this decision didn't feel as right as the last one had, though it was every bit as painful to make.  Still, it was the only answer she could come up with.  No, that wasn't true.  It was the only one she wanted to let herself come up with, but it wasn't the only answer…was it?

Tears welled up within her as she continued to watch the endless waves.  A ragged sigh forced its way from her lungs, and she closed her blurry eyes in misery. Who was she kidding here?  She couldn't just run away and make a life for herself somewhere else.  Somehow she'd managed to drag herself to her feet and go on before when she'd thought Severus was dead, but she knew that she didn't have the strength within her to do it again.  How could she possibly face the absolute emptiness of a future without him in it?  All she'd be able to think about was the fact that she'd hurt him so badly that he no longer wanted her love.  That he could barely stand the sight of her.  

How could she possibly stand the emptiness of spending the rest of her life alone?  Years and years with his face in her mind as her only companion…what would be the point of that anyway?  He'd just haunt her dreams again every night like he did before until it drove her insane.  Why put herself through that again? A cold detached feeling slowly descended on her, and she got up from her seat on the rock and moved as if in a daze back to the edge of the cliff.  Once there instead of contemplating the horizon, she focused her gaze on the churning foam moving constantly around the rocks at the base of the cliff.  

As much as her tortured mind recoiled at the thought…there was another course of action…one she'd never dared let herself contemplate before because it seemed too much like giving up, something she'd never been comfortable doing.   Yet, really, was giving up so horrible?  Sometimes it was simply the wisest choice you could make.  If you finally admitted to yourself that you've lost…and nothing will ever be the same again. 

Staring down from this height made her dizzy as her focus vacillated from near to far and her mind emptied of everything except one achingly desirable thought.  If she stopped beating her head against the wall maybe she could finally put an end to her pain.  Once she'd done what she could to safeguard the painted realm…there wouldn't really be any reason to go on suffering anymore.  She could give herself some peace at last…a few moments of pain, and then she'd never have to suffer again.  Severus would probably be happy to be rid of her, and Remus…hopefully he'd come to understand.  He knew how much she'd suffered this past year…he'd surely know how much she needed some respite from the pain.  With her gone…hopefully he'd finally be able to move on with his life and find someone who truly deserved his love.  Neither of them really even needed to know about it.  She could simply disappear.  There was a huge world out there where one small insignificant person could lose themselves in oblivion and never be missed.

She frowned sadly down at the glistening water.  Was this the right decision?  It still didn't feel right.  Deep in her heart she was afraid that the only thing that would ever truly feel right was to be with Severus again.  To hold his hand, to put her arms around him, to be his wife, but that just didn't seem likely anymore.  So what could she do?  Perhaps she should simply leave it up to Severus.  She'd see him today she was sure…one more time.  If she could get through to him, get him to at least listen to her once more, then she'd hang in there and keep trying, but if after making every effort to get through to him she was still hitting nothing but blank walls then she'd give up.  If he rejected her again, then once she'd done her last duty by her father and the painted realm, she'd say a final good bye to those she loved and let herself put an end to all this pain.  With a shaky sigh she raised her eyes once more to the horizon and felt the calmness of the inevitable descend on her heart.  With a wistful smile on her face, she turned her steps away from the cliff and headed back down the mountain towards her cottage.  Just one more try…if it didn't work out…then she'd go.  One way or the other…today would be the end of all this agony…one way or the other she'd trade in pain for peace.

                        ***************************************************************************************************

Severus Snape paced back and forth in Albus Dumbledore's office as they waited for Lupin and Evangeline to appear.   His ebony robes swished and hissed with every move, betraying the extreme agitation of his thoughts.  Waiting to take action always set him on edge, and waiting to see Evangeline with her werewolf lover was even more agonizing.  His mood was tense to say the least.

"Severus, my boy, you're going to wear out the carpet.  Please have a seat.  Evangeline and Remus will be along in due time.  We're still a little early."

Snape threw himself into a chair and began to drum his long fingers on its arm as he glared at his former employer.  "I simply want to get started.  This should've been done long ago.  Evangeline is in danger every minute that that research remains out there for the Dark Lord and his people to get their hands on.  At least she's not out there all alone and unprotected, but you never should have let her leave Hogwarts, Albus!"

Dumbledore sighed.  "There really wasn't any way that I could've stopped her, Severus.  She wasn't even speaking to me when she left here much less heeding my words.  It's obvious how much Evangeline's safety means to you.  You still love her very much, don't you?"

Snape slid his eyes away from the Headmaster, caught off guard by the personal question.  "Yes."  He stated in a quiet voice.

"Then why are you pushing her into the arms of Remus Lupin?  You can't still be angry with her, can you?"

Snape jumped to his feet and paced over to the window, where he stalled for a few minutes by fidgeting with the heavy draperies as he stared unseeingly out over the cold white landscape.  When he finally answered his friend's question, he spoke in a harsh yet somber tone and remained turned away so he didn't have to meet his eyes.  "No.  Not really.  I was furious…at first.  After all those months of deprivation and torture, to finally remember who I was and who she was and how much she meant to me, then to find my way back to her, only to find her in the arms of another man.  And not just any man, but Remus Lupin, a man I'd despised for years!  A man who was almost responsible for my death.  I saw red.  I simply wasn't capable of being rational at that point, I was too angry, too devastated.  All I knew was that they'd hurt me, and I wanted to hurt them back."  

Snape paused and swallowed back his remembered anger before continuing in a soft low voice.  "But once I'd had a chance to really think about it, I realized that Evangeline had a right to live her life.  She thought I was dead.  She wasn't betraying me.  If I'd truly been dead, I would've wanted her to go on with her life and be happy.  It wasn't her fault after all, that I wasn't really dead.  There was no way she could've known the truth."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and considered Snape thoughtfully.   "If you truly believe that then why are you still refusing to let Evangeline back into your life?  It's obvious to everyone that she still loves you very much.  She doesn't want to end your marriage; she wants to continue to be your wife. Your actions are causing her so much pain…and yourself as well."

"Only in the short term," he murmured.  "As I came to really think about my relationship with Evangeline, I realized how much pain she's already suffered because of me.  I'm not good for her, Albus.  I've done a horrible job of keeping her from harm.  She was brutally attacked on two separate occasions by Malfoy because I didn't keep her safe.  She suffered through my imprisonment, losing our child, and thinking me dead.  I've hurt her so much without ever meaning to.  My god, she almost died when she lost the baby…my baby.  How do you think that makes me feel?  Just the thought that she could've been lying in her grave for the last year because of me is appalling!  She'll be far better off with Lupin.  He'll take much better care of her than I have.  He can make her happy in many ways that I…can't."  As he expressed his pain verbally he clenched his fists and leaned against the casement of the window still refusing to turn and face Dumbledore directly.

Dumbledore shook his head sadly.  "But she doesn't love Remus Lupin.  She loves you.  It glows from her eyes whenever she looks at you.  No one can make her as happy as you can; surely you understand that.  She'll never truly be happy with anyone else."

Snape laughed bitterly.  "She's not likely to be happy with me any more.  I spent the last year of my life being tortured on a daily basis.  Do you really think that someone can survive something like that without consequences?"

Dumbledore's throat tightened.  "What consequences are you talking about, Severus?"  He asked quietly.

Snape looked down at the floor.  He hadn't meant to bring that up.  It had simply slipped out in a bitter moment…oh well, in for a Knut, in for a Galleon.  Perhaps if Albus understood the situation more clearly he'd stop badgering him, and he could get a little peace.  "I… bear a great many physical scars.  No one could look at me now with anything but horror and loathing, I assure you.  Evangeline deserves a husband who's whole and fit and able to be there for her in every way.  As much as I might want to, I can't be that husband anymore…she deserves better."

"You should let Poppy examine you, Severus.  She may be able to help you."  Dumbledore stated quietly.

Snape shook his head and risked a glance at his friend.  "I can't believe that anyone could do anything about what's left of me.  Not after all this time has passed.  I…can't imagine letting Poppy or anyone else see the …"  He swallowed hard.  "I can't…especially not Evangeline.  I don't know how I could've ever thought I could take her back into my arms again.  I just wasn't thinking clearly when I first recovered my memories.  I was lost in the past and not giving adequate thought to the future.  I was letting my feelings rule my actions.  Something I, of all people, should know better than to do.  It's just as well that she was with Lupin when I first saw her again.  That brought me to my senses and prevented me from making a big mistake.  She's better off without me in her life, Albus.  Much better off.  I simply have to keep rejecting her even if it causes her pain now.  In the long run she'll be happier.  Once the marriage is over, and we don't have to see each other anymore, things will improve for her.   She'll have no trouble getting over me…Lupin will see to that.  He'll make her happy and keep her safe.  That's all I want."  

His heart felt like a lump of lead in his chest at the thought of never seeing Evangeline again…of handing her over to that damn werewolf forever, but he was determined to see this course of action through to the end.  She had to be made to see that he was no longer a viable choice for a partner.  Somehow he was going to make her turn away from him, no matter how hard on her he had to be.  If anyone deserved a happy and safe future, it was her, and that was only attainable in the arms of someone else.  Someone who could fulfill all of her needs.  Once she no longer cared about him, she'd be better off.  He closed his eyes at the bleak vision of the future that stretched out blankly before him without her in it.

Before Dumbledore could respond to Snape's statements, there was a sharp knock on the door.  Slightly frustrated at the timing of the new arrivals, he nevertheless turned and called for the other members of this meeting to enter the office.

Remus opened the door and made way for Evangeline to enter the room then he followed on her heels and closed the door behind them.  Snape's eyes drank in the sight of his wife hungrily, but when Evangeline's eyes immediately flew to intercept his gaze, he looked away from her quickly and back to Dumbledore.

Dumbledore motioned everyone to the same seats that they'd occupied yesterday.  "Thank you for coming, Evangeline…Remus."

They both nodded as they took their seats, and Evangeline added.  "I just want to get this over with, Albus.  Who's going with Remus and me?"

"I am."  Snape stated flatly.

With a twinge of pain, Evangeline turned to look at her husband.  "Are you sure you want to go, Severus?  It won't be easy to do this with someone who refuses to speak to me unless forced to."

He frowned darkly.  "I'm perfectly capable of speaking to you, Evangeline.  I am the most likely of all of us to be able to evaluate your father's research if we find it.  I am well versed in his other work.  Not to mention that as a Potions Master, this falls into my area of expertise, not yours or Lupin's, and I can best determine if what we find is or is not what we are seeking.  I am going along, whether you like it or not."

She sighed in annoyance to find herself immediately at odds with him once more and turned back to Dumbledore.  "Fine.  I can take them to my home from here through the painted realm.  We will have to leave it inside the house, though.  The entrance to the lab is through a dedicated passage that only exists inside one particular painting.  My mother created it, I have no idea how, but it doesn't connect to the netherworld as every other painting I've ever seen does.  Once we enter the dedicated painting we can go directly to the lab and destroy whatever we find there."

Dumbledore frowned at her harsh words.  "Wouldn't you rather retrieve your father's work than destroy it, Evangeline?"

She nodded her head, her expression hard and set.  "Yes, I would.  My father's work deserves better, but I don't dare take the chance.  I've been thinking about that ever since I received your letter this morning.  My father's research will compromise the safety of the painted realm and the wizarding world if any of it falls into the wrong hands.  The only way to be sure is to destroy it.  As much as I hate to destroy what he spent his life creating, it's the only answer, and I think my father would agree."

Dumbledore nodded sadly.  "Very well.  Before you go, I have something for you to take with you."  He opened his desk drawer and took out three balls, each about the size of a golden snitch.  Each ball was a flat gold in color and was completely surrounded by an iridescent bubble.  They reminded Evangeline strongly of the Christmas ornaments that Remus had taught her how to make back when life was still relatively simple.

Dumbledore handed each one of them one of the balls.  "These are special Portkeys.  They'll work at any time, and you can keep them to hand for easy access…no need for a box.  If you squeeze the bubble firmly, it will pop and allow your hand to come into contact with the gold ball.  That will transport you immediately back to the edge of the Forbidden Forest near the castle."

Evangeline smiled in admiration.  "Clever.  I'll bet these were designed by a Slytherin."

Snape smiled smugly.  "As a matter of fact…they were."

She nodded and glanced up at him.  "Your idea, I take it, Severus?"

He nodded back at her with a slight smile still on his face.  It warmed her heart to see it even though he wasn't really intending it for her.  Afraid if she stared at him for too long he'd change the smile to a frown and get angry with her again she wrenched her gaze away from him and looked back to Dumbledore.  "I'm afraid they won't work within the confines of the house.  No Portkeys, no apparition.  The wards around the house are very strong."

"Nevertheless, I'd feel better if you took them along.  I wish to leave as little to chance as possible."  The Headmaster stated firmly.

Evangeline shrugged and pocketed her Portkey, "As you wish."  

They all stood with no further delay.  Evangeline approached one of the paintings on the office wall.  "We might as well go through here and get this finished.  Are you both ready?"

She glanced at Snape and Lupin who both nodded back while studiously avoiding each other's eyes.  "Okay, I'll take you in one at a time, then we'll go through the netherworld together.  Remus take my hand please, you can go first if you don't mind."

He stepped up next to her and took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze.    "I'm ready whenever you are, Angel."

She smiled warmly at him and then turned and touched the painting with her free hand.  Immediately they were gone.  A few moments later, she reappeared holding out her hand to Snape.

Her eyes glistened slightly.  "Are you ready, Severus?"  She asked softly.

Without a word, he reached out and took her hand in his trying not to react to the warmth that spread through him at her touch.  She swallowed hard as she looked at him.  It took all of her strength not to pull him to her and place a kiss on his lips, but she knew he'd pull back from her in disgust if she tried.  So instead she turned back to the painting and extended her hand.  Before she could touch it Dumbledore's voice echoed low in her ear.  

"Good luck to all of you."

With a perfunctory nod, Evangeline laid her hand on the painted surface and she and Snape were immediately sucked inside to join Remus Lupin and set off on their journey through the painted realm.

                         ************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:

Jezebel:  If I don't make any major changes, there are 9 more chapters left including this one.

Werecat99:  Action begins next chapter.

Manic:  Severus currently has no plans to reconcile with Evangeline.  He's gotten himself firmly convinced that Lupin can make her happier and keep her safer than he can.  Sirius will never really like Severus and vice versa.  Evangeline hasn't forgiven Albus, but Minerva has a different perspective.

Rickfan37:  Severus doesn't doubt that Evangeline loves him…not anymore, but he feels she needs to get over it for her own good.  He does a little talking in this chapter…just not to Evangeline.

Whale of the World:  I'm glad you liked Minerva's advice.  It can indeed be difficult to get through to someone who's so upset.

Fizzysoda:  It's nice to hear from you again.  No, there's no broom closet in Severus and Evangeline's future. :)  I have something else in mind.

Prophet Dreams:  I could put the URLs up on the profile page, I suppose.  I'm not sure that there are that many people interested in seeing all my Snape doodles, though. :)

Elbereth94:  I thought you'd like Ron's comment. :)  It is hard to remember that such a short time has passed for the characters when much more time has passed for us.  Remus probably could've sensed Severus in the connecting corridor, but his whole attention was totally focused on Evangeline.  Even werewolves can miss stuff if they're preoccupied.  No, Remus wouldn't pretend Snape wasn't there if he knew he was.

Jasara:  Severus thinks his timing is just as well.

Cloudshape:  This story seems to have made quite a few people cry.  I guess that means that I've made you care, which is good, but it makes me feel as if I'm abusing all of you. :)  I'm not surprised that most people haven't heard of "Uhura's Song".  It is a pretty old book.  I have all of the books you mentioned in my collection.  "Ishmael" is another one of my very favorites!  My copy is incredibly dog-earred.  I thought it was so clever. It makes perfect sense, but I never would have thought of it. :)   For the past 25+ years, I've bought virtually every ST novel out there.  I just swept them off the shelves and into my mind.  My interest is finally fading, though.  I no longer buy them all.  I do like Spock (your favorite?), but my favorite was always Dr. McCoy.  He got all the good lines.  Did you read "The Vulcan Academy Murders" and "Yesterday's Son"?  My first ST novel was "Spock Must Die" by Blish…60 cent paperback.  Talk about OOC and confusing!  **Sigh** I really am getting old.  If you want to talk about this some more just send me an e-mail.  I'd love to chat more, but I'm sure we're boring people silly here. :)  

P. Veronica Tyler:  Remus isn't stopping Severus from talking to Evangeline.  Severus is stopping himself.

Lina Lupin:  Thanks.  I'm glad you liked the chapter and the portrait. :)

Gracelynn:  No, you really can't hate any of them.  They're all worthy of compassion.  You're right.  Remus will have to make a choice soon.

Antya:  Thank you.  I'm very fond of "Shadow of the Moon", too.  I have my hands full of plots at the moment, but perhaps you should give writing your idea a try.  You might surprise yourself , and no one will do a better job with your ideas than you will. :)


	25. The Laboratory of Ernias Winthrop

                                                                                    Chapter Twenty-Five: The Laboratory of Ernias Winthrop

When Evangeline and Severus appeared within the landscape they took a moment to get oriented and then glanced around.  Over to one side of the painting, they saw Remus waiting patiently for them.  The expression on his face was one of misgiving as he directed his attention outside the confines of the picture.  He seemed to be contemplating the swirling fog that filled the netherworld through which they were about to travel, and his thoughts didn't look to be very pleasant judging from the tense look on his face.

Knowing how unsettling this kind of travel could be for those who didn't belong here, Evangeline glanced up at Severus and squeezed his hand in a reassuring manner.  "Are you okay with this, Severus?  I've never gotten the feeling that you're too comfortable in here."

Snape glanced coolly down at his wife.  "I'm fine, Evangeline."  

As she stared into his eyes, she saw a flicker of something deep in their depths.  Hoping it was feeling for her, she took one last try at getting through to him.  "Severus…please, can't we talk things over like rational people.  I love you so much.  My life is empty without you.  I don't want to end our marriage.  I long to spend my days at your side and my nights in your arms.  I missed you so much when you were gone."

Stiffening up at her words, he dropped her hand as if he loathed having to touch her and his features twisted up into a sneer.  "Are you regretting taking an animal as a lover, Evangeline?  Well it's too late to change things now…much too late. I no longer have any interest in being your husband, you should be grateful that Lupin wants you.  I do not.  Let's just get this over with, shall we?"  Abruptly he whirled around and strode purposely away from her heading across the painting to where Lupin stood quietly and watched them.

A strong shiver of pain coursed through the wounded witch, and she forced back the tears that sprang instantly to her eyes at the cold harsh finality of his rejection.  If he'd slapped her across the face with his hand it wouldn't have hurt her any deeper.  "Oh, yes, let's get this ordeal over with, by all means," she thought as she forced her feet to move after her retreating husband.  By the heaviness of her heart, she knew she was rapidly reaching the end of her endurance for his disdain.  He looked at her now the same way he had all those years ago when he'd opened the door at her knock and sneered down into her face for the first time.  It was as if everything that had happened to them in the time between had been nothing but a dream…an illusion…a mirage.  It appeared that her decision was the right one.  He no longer wanted her…would never want her again.

Slowly Evangeline followed Severus over to the side of the painting.  She felt lost.  Every time he spoke to her the pain got worse.  He seemed to have nothing left for her in his heart except disgust.  When she came up along side of them, both men focused their attention on her, knowing that they could make no move here without her assistance.  Remus regarded her with a gentle but sad smile on his perpetually tired face, but Severus stared at her with a stony expression with nothing but cold haughty contempt in his eyes.  She tried desperately to make her face into an impassive mask that could hide the deep suffering that swept through her sluggishly like thick cold blood but despite her best efforts the pain oozed out from every pore.

Having noticed that the unhappily married couple had exchanged words he hadn't heard, Remus frowned in concern when he took note of her pale face and sad glistening eyes realizing that the cause of her distress was most likely standing right here next to them like a stiff inky blot on the landscape.  Sick of the abuse Snape kept piling onto his wife's shoulders, he turned to the man and barked sharply at him.  "What the hell did you say to her now, Snape?  Why can't you just talk to her in a civilized manner?  She's your wife for gods sake, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It certainly meant nothing to you werewolf when you crawled eagerly into her bed.  Don't talk to me about civilized manners.  In my experience, animals like you know nothing about them," the Potions Master exclaimed waspishly.

Lupin clenched his fists and had to work extra hard not to use them on Snape's insufferably smug face. "For the last time, Snape, we all thought you were dead!  I would never have encroached on your marriage if I'd thought otherwise, but as far as either of us knew, Evangeline was a widow.  Had been a widow for well over a year!  Are you really so selfish and petty that you'd want her to be alone for the rest of her life rather than have someone be there for her…take care of her…love her?  How could you possibly wish that on her?  Didn't you ever love her at all?"

Evangeline took a sharp breath at Remus' question and stared at her husband in dread, for the first time, uncertain of the answer.  Once she'd never have doubted his love, but now?  Perhaps she had been deluding herself all along?  It's not as if he'd made a habit of saying the words.  Is it possible that Severus never loved her at all?  If it was true she never wanted to know…just the thought that the last two years of her life could be nothing but a lie was more hurtful than she could stand.

Snape stared at Evangeline's stricken face with an odd cast to his deep dark eyes.  Didn't she know how much he'd loved her?  Surely Lupin's arrogant question wouldn't make her doubt the depth of the feelings he'd had for her…still had for her, even if he could no longer admit them.  She was the only person in his whole life that he had truly loved…would ever truly love.  She alone had kept him sane and alive throughout the most horrible ordeal that he'd ever experienced.  With a tearing at his soul, he wrenched his eyes away from her face and turned away from both of them wanting to hide his thoughts from their questioning eyes.  "My feelings are my own, werewolf.  You have no right to them.  Don't we have somewhere we should be going?"  He exclaimed in a harsh and bitter tone.

Evangeline nodded in a daze.  Suddenly every moment spent standing here talking felt like a moment in hell.  Wanting to get this over with as soon as possible, she stuck out her ice-cold hands and each man grasped one of them firmly.  Both of their palms were a bit slick with nervous perspiration.

"Are you ready?"  She whispered in a choked voice.  They both nodded silently.  "Then let's go."  Suiting words to action, she strode boldly forward into the swirling mist, and they followed, clinging desperately to her hands as if their lives depended on not losing contact with her.  Which in fact, they did.

As they moved through the mist as quickly as they could, Evangeline reflected on how uncomfortable it was to be here with her estranged husband on one side and her recent lover on the other.  Seldom had she been in a more awkward position.  Once this was over, and her father's research had been destroyed, she was simply going to have to put as much space as she could between herself and both of these men as soon as possible.  She couldn't be with Remus any longer, and she couldn't stand having Severus continue to look at her like she was leftover garbage.  Whether she wanted to admit it or not, it appeared her marriage was indeed over…his cruel words left her with no doubt.  To think anything else was the most foolish self-delusion.  Only one more task to accomplish.

In a very short time, they came out of the mists into a familiar painting, familiar at least to Evangeline.  They found themselves in an elegant bedroom with a beautiful woman sitting in a chair and facing the surface of the painting.  A young girl stood by her side and leaned affectionately against her.  Both figures were frozen in place like waxwork statues, beautifully lifelike yet totally inert.

Evangeline dropped her companion's hands and walked over to gently touch the cheek of the woman in the chair.  Snape and Lupin followed her curiously, breathing more easily now that they were out of the stifling mist.

"Who are they, Angel?"  Asked Lupin.

Evangeline took a deep breath and smiled sadly at him.  "The woman is my mother, and the child is me, as I was at five years of age."

Snape had recognized Evangeline's mother and had made the assumption that the child must be his wife as a little girl.  It was strange but compelling to be able to walk around the figures and see them in this manner.  Evangeline had been an attractive little girl, with slightly curly warm brown hair and a sweet smile, but she held none of the promise of the stunning beauty of her mother.   As Snape stared at the figure of his wife as a child, he found himself wondering if their daughter would have looked like that someday if she'd lived.  He shook himself mentally, recoiling from the surprising stab of pain the thought gave him.  No, better off not thinking about it.

Galatea Winthrop had been an amazingly beautiful woman, with a classic oval face, a cupid's bow mouth, huge green eyes, and masses of strawberry blonde hair.  Her skin was like flawless alabaster, and she held herself with the confidence of one who was totally content and happy with herself and her life.  It was easy to see why she might have captivated someone so intensely.  Evangeline shared only one thing with her mother, it seemed.  Her sparkling emerald eyes, there they were identical.

Evangeline sighed as she gazed at her mother with longing.  "My mother was beautiful, but I don't look much like her, I'm afraid.  I take after my father a bit more.  Perhaps that was a good thing.  Maybe having a bit more human in me helped to anchor me in the real world.  I do miss her, though…so very much."

Lupin smiled kindly at her and rested a warm comforting hand on her shoulder.  "You're every bit as beautiful as your mother, Evangeline.  Just in a different way."

Evangeline patted his hand and smiled back in gratitude for his offer of comfort.  Seeing her mother again, after so long, was harder than she'd have thought it would be.

Snape clenched his fists at his side at having to watch yet another example of their affection for one another.  Why couldn't this simply be over with so he didn't have to put up with the pain of them sticking all these public knives into his heart over and over again?  Throwing a black glower at Lupin, he snarled desperately, "If the two of you could possibly stop drooling over each other for awhile, it would be nice to stop wasting time and get this tedious task over with some time today!"  

Evangeline's face blanched severely at his cutting words.  Was he determined to misunderstand every move she made?

Lupin frowned back at Snape.  "I'm simply trying to make Evangeline feel better.  Are you so without human feeling that you can't tell that being back here and seeing her mother again is hard for her?  Is there really a heart underneath that black shroud you wear or do you exist with nothing more than a block of ice in your chest?"

Snape stiffened and took a menacing step towards Lupin, but Evangeline stepped between them and gazed at Severus pleadingly.  "Please.  Not now."

Snape stared at her for a moment, then nodded his head and with one final glare at Lupin stepped back away from the two of them to stew silently. 

Lupin gave Evangeline an apologetic look and murmured his regrets, "I'm sorry, Evangeline."

She nodded haltingly and turned away to look once more at her mother's still form.

"Why isn't this painting animated?"  Lupin looked at her curiously.

"My father wouldn't ever have allowed another animated version of my mother to exist.  It apparently took a lot of convincing just to get him to allow this painting to be created even without the use of animating potions."

She sighed and turned away from the still figures of her past to face the living figures soon to also be of her past.  Did she really have a future?  At the moment she couldn't imagine one.  With a cold tired voice she said, "You're right, Severus, we're just wasting time.  Let's get this over with."

Briskly she strode over to the painting's surface, and the two wizards followed her still glaring at one another.  She stuck her hand out and Snape reached over quickly to take it.  "I'll go first."  He stated firmly.

"Why?" Lupin growled, still a bit disgruntled with Snape's unpleasant manner.

Snape raised a haughty eyebrow, "If there's any danger awaiting us out there, I'm likely to be better equipped to handle it than you are."

Lupin frowned in annoyance, "What makes you think so?  You didn't do particularly well at Malfoy's house now did you?"

With eyes that blazed with sudden hatred, Snape spat back, "You have no idea what I faced at Malfoy Manor.  At least, I survived which is more than you'd have done."

"I'm as good with a wand as you are!  I'm well qualified to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, you know.  I'd be happy to prove it to you if you dare to back up your sly insinuations with actions."  Lupin snarled angrily.

Snape's eyebrows both flew up to his hairline and he smirked nastily at the werewolf.  "Are you challenging me to a duel, Lupin?"

Lupin bristled with anger and menace, "Someone needs to wipe that smug expression off your ugly face.  I'm pretty sick of staring at it myself."

Snape drew his wand with a fluid motion and opened his mouth to respond when Evangeline stepped between them once more and smacked her husband smartly in the chest with her open palm.  He dropped his gaze to her in astonishment as she glared first at him then at Lupin and exclaimed, "A minute ago you were worried that we were wasting time, and now all of a sudden you want to duel??  We have a job to do here…an important job, in case the two of you have forgotten.  Let's just do it, and then we can all go our separate ways.  You can play your stupid macho games later once we're finished here, and I don't have to watch!"

Both wizards looked intensely uncomfortable at her angry words, and Snape slid his wand back up into his sleeve once more.  With a final glare of disgust for the childishness of the two wizards, Evangeline turned once more to the surface of the painting and stuck out her hand.  "I seriously doubt if there's a pack of Death Eaters lurking on the other side of this painted surface, but I can nip through and check it out in advance if the two of you can't agree on who should enter the study first."

"There's no need for that, Evangeline.  If Severus wants to go first then I see no reason to stop him."  Lupin stated quietly.

"Thank you, Remus.  Well, Severus, shall we?"  She turned her hand towards her husband.  Without a word he stepped up next to her and grasped her hand tightly, then he turned his gaze pointedly away from her and towards the surface of the painting.

She shrugged off his snub and returned her gaze to the werewolf.  "I'll be back in a moment, Remus."  

The couple then disappeared through the uneven surface.  She was indeed back in a moment's time to take Lupin with her out of the painting and into her father's study.

When Evangeline and Remus entered the study together, they found Snape examining some of Ernias' books.  The room was full of bookcases.  It was a fairly large room with a mahogany desk in one corner and a few comfortable chairs grouped in the other corners.  French doors led out of the room onto a flagstone terrace that overlooked a nice broad sloping lawn.

Remus' eyes flew to Snape as he perused the titles on the shelves with what appeared to be great interest.  "Books look threatening, do they Severus?"  He exclaimed mildly.

Snape shot his rival a withering glare but refrained from making any comment.

Evangeline tried to ignore both men and instead looked around the familiar room with sadly wistful eyes, then slowly she crossed the room to the only other painting that hung on the walls.  It was quite big and depicted an ornate wooden door with a large golden lock.  Snape and Lupin joined her as she contemplated the picture in silence.

"An odd subject for a painting."  Was Lupin's comment as he studied the large canvas hanging in front of him.

Evangeline smiled.  "I suppose so, but not so odd for a door to look like a door."

Abruptly she reached out and took Lupin's hand without waiting for their argument over who should go first to be rekindled and then disappeared inside the picture with him.  Unlike with most paintings, Snape noticed that they truly disappeared behind the door.  He couldn't see them moving around inside as he usually could when Evangeline was inside a painting.

Suddenly she appeared again for him.  As he reached for her hand he commented on his observation.  She smiled grimly.  "I told you this painting was different.  You'll see when you get inside."  With that cryptic remark, she touched the surface lightly, and the picture sucked them in.

The space behind the door consisted entirely of a long straight tunnel heading deep into the wall.  Usually paintings didn't have a great deal of true depth to them.  The space was off to the side where they gave access to the netherworld.  This was indeed different.  There was no access to the stifling mists here only the deep passageway leading to another closed door at its far end.

They swiftly walked the length of the gloomy tunnel; their footsteps sounded oddly muffled in the stifling and claustrophobic atmosphere.  They were all a trifle relieved when they came to the next door.  No one would object to leaving this uncomfortable painting…not even Evangeline.  This painted door looked just like the first one, large and ornately carved with a big golden lock on it. This too was different.  Usually the surface of a canvas was opaque from the inside with a hint of light coming through it, but this just looked like the outside surface of any painting. Apparently these particular pictures didn't really have a surface like the usual painting would.  Evangeline once more took the two wizards through the door one at a time, and they finally found themselves at their destination, Ernias Winthrop's laboratory.

The laboratory was very large and still well lit by magical lanterns on the wall, but its lack of recent use was apparent.  Dust was rather thick on the work surfaces, as well as on the large scarred wooden desk that occupied the nearest corner.  The air, too, felt rather stale and musty.

The three of them separated and began to look around. Severus headed immediately for the desk while Remus poked his head into cupboards.  Evangeline simply stood and gazed around the familiar room and remembered the father that she'd loved so very much…and still mourned, deeply.  It was a bittersweet experience for her to be here again.  She'd often accompanied her father here when he needed access and her mother wasn't available.  Coming here had been a real treat to her, and she'd always begged to stay and watch him work.  

Ernias had always let his much beloved only child stay with him if she wished, as long as she didn't touch anything.  A potions laboratory could be a dangerous place for a young child after all, and she'd always been obedient to his rules.  She'd found it fascinating to sit on a nearby stool and watch him bent over a cauldron concocting some complicated potion.  Her early attraction to Severus was probably somewhat prompted by these pleasant memories from her past.  Her father had been the great hero of her youth, and in addition to her very deep love, she had a boundless admiration for him and his accomplishments.  Spending time in a potions laboratory had always felt like home.

While exploring the far end of the room, Remus found a door in the wall and called to the others.  "Evangeline.  Where does this go?  Could it possibly lead to that other entrance to the lab that Severus seems so sure exists?"

Snape raised his head from the books and papers on the desk that he was avidly examining and frowned down the length of the room at Lupin.  Jarred from her reminiscences by his call, Evangeline walked over to join Remus.  "I don't know, Remus.  When I was small, I was told never to touch this door, so I never did.  I was a boringly obedient child, I suppose, but being here with my father was important to me.  I didn't want to do anything that might cause him to ban me from the lab."

"Well, you're not a child anymore.  Shall we see where it goes?"  He grinned at her with a mischievous sparkle in his amber eyes.

Quite curious to finally see what was behind the door after all these years, she nodded.  "I suppose so."

Snape had quietly come up behind them and the two of them watched as Remus opened the door wide so that what was behind it was revealed.  The vision that was laid open for their startled eyes was hard to make sense of.  The door had hidden what looked like a glowing ball of various colored passageways that twisted and turned and doubled back on each other.  The churning motion made them all a little queasy to watch.

Remus gaped at it in surprise.  "What the hell is it?"

"It's a Knot."  Stated Snape calmly.

Both Evangeline and Remus looked at him in surprise.  "A Knot?"

Snape nodded and raised an eyebrow at Lupin.  "Yes, a twisted labyrinth of magical passages.  This is a fixed entrance apparently, somewhat unusual I believe.  Most of the time the entrances to Knots are not fixed, and instead must be summoned with a particular incantation and a password.  Then finding your way through one requires the use of various illumination spells.  I'm surprised that you haven't heard of Knots, Lupin.  Just how good did you say you were at teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?  Your definition of "well qualified" and mine seem to differ greatly.  What a surprise."

Lupin bristled once more at Snape's scornful tone.  "I've heard of Knots, Severus.  I've just never actually run into one before.  They're fairly rare after all."

Snape shrugged and stated coolly.  "Neither have I, but I had no trouble recognizing it for what it was."

With an aggravated frown, Lupin opened his mouth to retort, but Evangeline stepped in and stopped him.  "I've heard more than enough bickering from you two.  It's juvenile, and it gives me a headache.  Please, let's try to grow up a bit and at least pretend that the two of you are adults."

Both men gaped at her, surprised at her sharp tone.  She went on.  "If this is the alternate entrance to the lab that you were so concerned about, Severus, how easy would it be to get in here if it's discovered?"

"It's not impossible to unravel a Knot, if you know that's what you're looking for.  The passwords are individual, but the summoning incantation and illuminating spells that are used to find the door and then navigate the passages are fairly standard.  I imagine the possibility simply hasn't dawned on the Dark Lord, yet.  Knots aren't particularly common, as apparently even Lupin knows.  However, the Dark Lord is well versed in protective magic.  Eventually, the possibility will occur to him.  Then, it should be relatively easy for his Death Eaters to gain access."

With a firm nod of her head Evangeline reached over and closed the door on the stomach churning Knot.  "Okay, that settles it.  If there was ever even the smallest doubt…there isn't any longer. We have to destroy whatever we find here.  There's no other choice."

Without any further words, they quickly resumed their search for answers.  It didn't take long for most of their interest to focus on the dusty desk in the corner.  The cabinets and work surfaces seemed to mostly hold equipment and ingredients that could be used in various potions.  The desk seemed to hold all of Ernias' notebooks and papers.

Snape read through many of them very quickly and looked up at the other two as they watched him silently.  "This does seem to be what we're looking for.  These books detail all the work he did to bring your mother out of her painting, Evangeline.  The recipes for the potions that kept her anchored here in the real world are in this book here."  He picked one up that was covered in green dragon hide.  "There's more preliminary work on a few other intriguing projects as well…things no doubt left undone by his death."

Evangeline nodded sadly.  "Yes, so ironic for someone who had the secrets of long life at his fingertips to die so relatively young in an accident.  Well, let's get to work then.  We need to destroy all of it.  Now."

She spun around and walked back across the room to a very large cauldron and peeked inside.  "This should be big enough.  Just fill it up and set it ablaze.  That would be easiest I guess."

Snape ran his fingertips caressingly over the books in front of him.  "I really hate to destroy these.  It seems like such a waste."

Evangeline looked over at him with cold eyes.  "A lot of precious things are wasted in this life, Severus.  Life isn't fair."

His eyes came up to meet hers for a long moment, then he dropped his gaze and began to gather up the books and papers.  "No…it's not."  He murmured softly.

While Remus and Evangeline attended to the chore of burning all of Ernias' books and papers, Snape went through the cabinets and destroyed any of the more rare potion ingredients, anything that might give a clue as to its importance in the research that no longer existed.  They wanted to be absolutely sure after all that they destroyed anything that might be of any value to their enemies.

When they were through and stood once more before the dedicated painting, Evangeline took one final look around her father's lab and felt her eyes fill up with tears.  Saying good-bye was hard, but she knew she'd never set foot here again.  "Good-bye, Daddy."  She whispered in a soft pain laced voice.  "I'm so sorry…I hope you can forgive me."

Then she took the wizards back into the long tunnel heading for the study.  When they reached the other end she took Remus into the study first and then returned for Severus.  She took his hand in hers for a final time and looked up into his dark eyes.  She'd missed those eyes so very much, looking into their depths had always warmed her heart so deeply.  No one that she'd ever met had eyes that were as deep and beautiful as his were.  It was a gift to be able to look into their depths one last time.

"I'm sure that you and Remus can report on our success to Albus, Severus.   You can use the Portkeys or simply apparate back to Hogwarts from outside the house.  I won't be joining you there.  There's no need for me to return to Hogwarts again.  I won't bother you anymore.  I'm sure that you'll be relieved not to have to see me again. It seems to be what you want more than anything."  

Saying these words was even harder than she'd feared, and she paused and took a painful breath before forcing herself to continue.  "If you're still determined to legally end our marriage, just do it. I won't fight you any longer.  I'll do whatever you want.  I don't have the energy to argue with you anymore, and I'm tired of pleading uselessly.  It just prolongs the agony for both of us.  I love you, Severus.  I'll always love you…no one else could ever take your place, but it seems you think you'll be happier without me in your life, and I'll always want you to be happy.  It's the only thing I truly care about."

His throat went dry and tight at the thought that he really might never see her again.  "I'm sure that you and Remus will be very happy together, Evangeline." He stated firmly in the best mocking tone he could muster.

She smiled sadly at him with tears once more in her eyes and caressed his hand lovingly with her own.  "You just won't listen, will you?  Despite what you seem to be determined to believe.  I don't love Remus, I never have, and he and I are not going to be together…not ever again.  I'm leaving here alone…and that's the way I expect to spend whatever is left of my life.  I'll never make the mistake of letting anyone else into my life again, I assure you.  I learned my lesson well.  There will never be a substitute for you in my heart.  There never has been, and there never could be.  You're the only man I want in my life, Severus.  The only one.  If I can't have you…I'd rather be alone."

Snape's heart constricted at the overwhelming agony in her voice, and fear suddenly clutched at his throat.  Had he somehow misread the situation between her and Lupin?  Is it possible that the only thing he'd done was to force her out into the world alone…away from all protection?  No!  She couldn't go off alone!  It wasn't safe.  "Evangeline…."  He began with fear in his voice, but before he could get any farther in his plea, she reached out and touched the painting's surface.  The next thing either of them knew they'd joined Remus in the study, but they found that they weren't the only ones.  The room was now filled with half a dozen Death Eaters in masks and robes and standing in front of them grinning maliciously, was Lucius Malfoy.

                          **************************************************************************************************** 

Author's Notes:  I've added the URLs for the yahoo groups where I've archived my artwork to my profile page if anyone is interested.

Jezebel:  I'm sorry that I'm frustrating you.  I hope that I'm entertaining you as well.

Whale of the World:  They all have a lot to think about at the moment.

Manic:  The story has a life of its own.  I just write down what it tells me.

Elaine Lahey:  Telling me that I bring the characters to life is absolutely the nicest thing you could say to me.  Thank you.  No psychology degree here…Art and Library Science only. :)

ProphetDreams:  Okay, I put the URLs on my profile page.  I have several illustrations in the folder that pertain to Evangeline and Severus in addition to the portrait from Chapter 5.  If you have suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them. :)

Snapefan51:  If Evangeline kills herself, she'd have company following quickly, no question.  Did the gremlins get another one of your reviews?  Bad gremlins!

Rickfan37:  Thank you.  You always manage to see something that everyone else misses. :)  Hope is in short supply at the moment, I'm afraid.

Jasara:  He's still got his anger.  It's rather muffled in his pain, but it's still there.  He let Remus see a bit of it this chapter.

Lisa Beattie:  A little action this chapter…lots more next chapter. :)

Werecat99:  Lucious Lucius is back!  Are you happy?  Why assume Snape would have to go to St. Mungo's?  I guess no one else has as much faith in Madam Pomfrey as I do.

Anyta:  Thank you for the very kind offer.  I'll think about it.  I'm not sure that I could send you "Snape's Christmas Carol" as one document.  I think it would be too big for a single attachment.  Could you take it in more than one and then put it together?  That's an awful lot of work.  Have you done much translating?  Are you sure that you'd want to tackle a job that big?

Lina Lupin:  The sea does play its part in the story.  I grew up on the coast, and I always found looking at the ocean to be good for an unsettled mind.


	26. History Repeats

                                                                                Chapter Twenty-Six: History Repeats

The black clad Death Eaters all had their wands in their hands and trained in the direction of the surprised couple.  They stood there unmoving behind their ghoulish masks like a terrifying army of the dead.  The first thing to fly through Evangeline's brain, as she contemplated this unwelcoming committee, was…thank goodness we destroyed my father's research instead of bringing it with us…the second thing was, how horrid to lay eyes on Lucius Malfoy again.  Life was just one joy after another lately.

Malfoy's eyes gleamed as they alighted on the newly arrived couple, and he sneered gleefully.  "Well, well, well.  If it isn't the much sought after Mr. and Mrs. Snape.  Fancy meeting you here."

Snape stiffened at the sight of his most hated enemy and immediately pulled Evangeline closer to him before she could drop his hand and possibly move away out of his reach, putting herself within Malfoy's grasp.  Then he stepped in front of her and confronted Malfoy with his best sneer on his face.  "How disappointing to see you again, Lucius.  I guess the security at Azkaban isn't what it used to be."

Malfoy raised an elegant eyebrow at his remark.  "Oh, are you perhaps under the mistaken impression that I escaped from that hellhole, Severus?  Oh my, no.  Money and connections do still count for something in this world.  It took far too long, but I've been released.  It was all a big misunderstanding, you see, all charges have been dropped.  I am a free man.   Much as you are it seems.  A pity.  It did my heart good to hear of your incarceration, traitor, a shame that you weaseled out of it before your ultimate execution.  Perhaps that little detail can be taken care of this time around.  It's certainly an event that I'd pay good money to watch, or perhaps participate in."

"How could you possibly get the murder charges dropped, Lucius?  Or the charges for the use of the Unforgivable curses, either?"  Evangeline exclaimed in horror, unable to believe her ears.  This man had viciously murdered two of her friends in cold blood, certainly this miscarriage of justice couldn't be real.

Malfoy smirked at her as he spread his arms in a gesture of innocence.  "As I said, my dear, it was just a misunderstanding.  Apparently my deluded employee, Edward Sharp, killed his poor wife and then killed himself in a fit of remorse.  It's all so very heart breaking, isn't it?  He forced me to impersonate her by using the Imperius curse on me to hide his crime.  Then he poured polyjuice potion down my throat very much against my will, but what could I do?  My will was simply not my own anymore. You see I'm the true victim here."

Unable to listen quietly to this absolute drivel any longer, Lupin took a step forward angrily as all attention and wands swiveled in his direction at his movement.  "The only one who was under the effects of the Imperius curse was me, Malfoy.  As you well know since you put it there.  And I watched you use Cruciatus on Evangeline.  How could they possibly ignore that?"

Malfoy shrugged negligently turning a smug face to the outraged wizard.  "It was my word against that of a hysterical injured woman and a werewolf.  Who do you suppose they were going to believe?  I am an upstanding citizen from one of the community's oldest…and wealthiest families, and I'd been shockingly abused by this insane young man.  No fault could possibly be laid at my door!  You aren't even human! Your position within wizarding society is questionable at best. Then there's the simple fact that you were the one who raped the lovely Mrs. Snape, not me, and obviously her horrible injuries were attributable to you as well.  I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't the one in Azkaban very shortly, werewolf.  Do ask for a cell on the north side, it tends to be quieter, if a trifle more chilly."

He turned away from the incensed Lupin to sneer nastily once more at Snape.  "I'll admit I'm rather shocked to see the company you're keeping these days.  I'd hardly associate with an animal that had made love to my wife…more than once from what I understand, but then it seems I can no longer anticipate how you think, Severus.  And to think I once thought I knew you so well."

Snape raised an eyebrow and commented dryly.  "Yes, Lucius…you thought you knew me."

Malfoy shook his head sadly and heaved a theatrical sigh.  "Yes, it appears that is indeed the case.  I've been sadly deceived by you, too.  Such a disappointment."

Malfoy allowed his eager gaze to slide away from the Potions Master and fasten on his wife. He smirked lasciviously and boldly looked her up and down.  "I must say it's wonderful to see you again, my dear.  You look as lovely as ever.  I'm sure that you'll be happy to hear that not only has my Lord seen fit to restore me to freedom, but he has also granted me a return of the potency that your husband thought he'd deprived me of forever.  So I am very much looking forward to an intimate reunion with you before I turn you over to Lord Voldemort.  Perhaps this time your husband and your werewolf lover will both enjoy watching the show. I'll show them how a real man treats a woman like you, Evangeline."

Evangeline began to tremble fearfully as she was enveloped by a wave of nausea.  Involuntarily she reached out and clutched at the back of Severus' robe blindly seeking his protection.  "No…not again.  Please…" she whispered painfully as cruel sharp visions of Malfoy's previous attentions to her flashed before her eyes.

Snape extended a protective arm behind him as his insides twisted at the thought of Malfoy touching his beloved wife again, and he began to look around him for some means of escape.  Suddenly an infuriated Remus Lupin drew his wand and fired angrily, but unfortunately not accurately, at Malfoy, whose attention had been focused entirely on Evangeline and Severus.  Once the first shot had been fired all hell broke loose as Snape and Evangeline also drew their wands and curses and hexes began to flash back and forth within the somewhat confined space of the room.

Snape grabbed Evangeline and shoved her toward the painting of her mother.

"Run, Evangeline…don't argue for once, get to that painting and get out of here!  Lupin and I will hold them off for as long as we can."  Snape ducked as a sparkling stream of red flew over his head.

Evangeline flung a curse at one of the Death Eaters who threw himself behind a chair to get out of her way.  "I can't just abandon the two of you!"

Remus reached out with a free hand, grabbed her arm, and shoved her closer to the wall where the painting hung tantalizingly promising escape.  "Yes, you can, Angel!  Severus is right.  Leave this to us.  Get out as fast as you can.  Send help if possible, but go…NOW!"  As he released her, he conjured up a shield spell to deflect two streams of colorful magic that darted their way.

Evangeline didn't want to leave them in the middle of all this, but she knew that continuing to argue was only going to get them all killed.  They couldn't afford to continue to keep splitting their concentration like this, especially while they were out numbered.  So without further argument, she extended an arm and headed for the painting that would lead her out of there to safety.  Before she could reach it, though, one of the closest Death Eaters jumped in front of her and a stream of fiery red magic cut a burning path across her left forearm, causing her to scream and pull her arm back close to her body.

No longer able to reach her sanctuary painting, she veered across the room to escape the clutches of the Death Eater as he lunged for her and headed out through the French doors that now stood wide open having given Malfoy and his army of thugs access to her family home.

Without hesitation she fled through the doors heading out towards the lawn while the sounds of battle pursued her.  Her foot caught on the uneven edge of the long neglected flagstone terrace, and she lost her wand in the rather overgrown grass as she fell, but hearing someone in close pursuit, she knew she didn't have time to look for it, so she simply picked herself up and ran blindly onward as fast as she could go, not paying much attention to the direction she took.  Getting away from Malfoy was all that possessed her thoughts.  The thought of having him touch her again horrified her beyond measure.  There was only one pair of hands that she ever wanted on her body again…only one, and if she couldn't have them, then she'd have no one else's.  No matter what she had to do to avoid it…there was no way in hell that Lucius Malfoy was ever going to touch her again!

Everyone straggled out of the house after Evangeline who was certainly the Dark Lord's more favored prize at the moment.  Malfoy was hot on her footsteps followed by three of his masked goons.  The other three aided their leader by keeping Lupin and Snape busy back on the terrace and preventing them from interfering in her capture.  The two wizards had seen Evangeline thwarted in her attempt to get away through the painting and had endeavored to give her cover for another try at escape, but had been forced to stay behind and deal with Malfoy's subordinates before they could truly go to her aid.  

Once she'd headed for the doors, both men had attempted to follow to keep Malfoy from getting his hands on her.   They'd seen Evangeline fall and were immensely relieved to see her pick herself up and run off.  However, Malfoy was right behind her, and Snape was particularly dismayed to see the direction she took out across the open lawn.   Both he and Lupin fought savagely, trying to quickly put an end to their opponents.  Knowing that Evangeline was severely outmatched with four Death Eaters on her tail was tremendous motivation for both of them.  The remaining Death Eaters fought tenaciously, though, and it took some little time to put an end to them.

Their nasty battle was actually fairly swift and quite ugly.  No one escaped unscathed, but when it was over, Snape and Lupin were both standing with relatively minor wounds, unlike their three opponents who lay scattered about the terrace like broken dolls.  The two anxious wizards turned as one to pursue Evangeline, but before they could move Lupin bent down and picked something up off the ground.  

"Severus!  It's one of the Portkeys.  Evangeline must've dropped it when she fell."  His sharp eyes fell on something else in the grass near his feet, and he bent over again with a groan of despair.  "Damn it!  Here's her wand, too.  She's trapped.  There's no way for her to get away from them without either the Portkey or her wand."

With fear striking deeply into both of them, they whirled around and took off, running as fast as they could after Evangeline and her pursuers.

Meanwhile, Evangeline was beginning to realize that she'd made a mistake…a potentially deadly mistake.  Her pursuers had herded her forward, not allowing her to change directions and suddenly her feet met solid rock instead of dirt and grass, and she found herself where her mother had been before her, on the edge of a high rocky cliff facing the unforgiving sea, which pounded heavily on the rocks below her feet.

Staring down at the churning ocean made her dizzy, and she whirled around to see if she could head in another direction, but it was too late.  Standing on the edge of the grass facing her with a monstrous smile on his cold handsome face was Lucius Malfoy.  His Death Eater companions spread out behind him like spiky black webbing, cutting off all possible avenues of escape. 

"Well, well, well, history repeats itself, doesn't it, my dear?"  Malfoy smiled maliciously and took a step towards her, his flaxen hair gleaming in reflected glory.

Backlit by the setting sun, she took a step behind her, balancing precariously on the very edge of the cliff with nothing but ocean, rocks, and sky at her back.  "That remains to be seen, Lucius.  If you keep coming forward, then yes, history will indeed repeat itself, for I will not allow you to turn me over to that monster you serve, and I'd much rather die than ever allow you to touch me again."

Malfoy's aristocratic face twisted into a phony sympathetic smile.  "Oh, I'd truly hate for that to happen, Evangeline.  Your mother was such a beautiful woman.  It was a dreadful waste to watch her kill herself instead of joining us.  You've always seemed to be such a practical creature.  Surely you can see how useless your death would be.  In the greater scheme of things it won't stop Lord Voldemort from achieving his ultimate goals.  The only loss will be to you.  Why waste your life when there's so much more you could accomplish by joining us?  Have more sense than your mother, Evangeline.  Don't kill yourself needlessly." 

Evangeline stared in horror at Malfoy and whispered hoarsely.  "You were there?  You helped to kill my mother?"

Malfoy's smile widened and his voice took on a mocking tone.  "Oh, didn't dear Severus tell you?   Yes, I was front row center at that little show, just as I am now.  Your husband was there as well, you know, bringing up the rear then.  As I suspect he is now."

Malfoy glanced quickly over his shoulder just in time to see Snape and Lupin running up behind the line of Death Eaters.  "Ah, yes.  Better late than never, I suppose.  Well, Severus.  How does it feel to see history repeat itself?  It appears that you may have a front row seat at the death of both your wife and her mother, how many loving husbands can say that, eh?"

Snape skidded to a stop in the overgrown grass as all three of the masked Death Eaters whirled around as his approach and trained their wands on he and Lupin.  Angry helplessness overwhelmed him as he realized that he couldn't possibly bring down all of them, even with Lupin's help, in time to stop Evangeline from falling by her own choice or at Malfoy's hands.  

"Get away from her, Lucius, or I swear I'll kill you as I should have the last time I had my hands around your miserable neck!"  Snape yelled in frustration.

"Empty words, I'm afraid, my old friend.  We both know it.  You had your chance, and you chose to be merciful.  How very un-Slytherin of you.  They've tamed you, Severus.  Are you Dumbledore's little pet snake now?  How sad for you.  It's all such a waste of talent and ability.  The lion will never truly trust the snake, you know."

"You're hardly the one to be talking about trust, Lucius.  I've seldom met a less trustworthy person than you."  Snape sneered; wanting nothing more than to once more have his hands around Malfoy's neck.

Malfoy nodded his head sadly and placed a well-manicured hand over his heart.  "You wound me to the quick, Severus.  I'm a very honorable man, after all.  I try very hard to keep my word in all things."

Frustrated at his inability to get his hands on Malfoy, Snape focused all his attention on the appalling sight of his wife standing on the edge of the cliff as the brisk wind tore at her hair and gown and whipped them around her while the setting sun at her back surrounded her with its fiery halo.  Cruel memories of the past mixed with the agonies of the present as he sought uselessly to find some way to prevent this horror from occurring again, even more painfully than before.   This couldn't be allowed to happen!  Somehow he had to find a way out of this dilemma.  Her life couldn't be allowed to end this way…it was too precious to be wasted by such scum as Malfoy.  He couldn't fail her again…not like this!  He couldn't!

Evangeline stared back across the lawn at her husband as he watched her with an expression of pure agony on his face.  He held his wand tightly in his hand and his body twitched with suppressed anxiety and frustration as he tried to decide how to stop this nightmare from happening.

Despite her precarious position, she felt love and happiness spread through her being like warmth from a fire.  He still loved her!  No matter what he said, no matter how much he pushed her away…he still loved her!  It was written all over his face.  She could no longer have any doubt.  No one could look like that and not care about the person they were looking at.  All the fear and desolation she'd been feeling for the last couple of days vanished in an instant.  If Severus still loved her then she could handle anything…even death, if necessary.

With a new feeling of determination, she straightened up and faced Malfoy's mocking visage once more.  "My death wouldn't be useless if it gave Voldemort even the tiniest moment of frustration, Lucius.  You've hardly worried about causing him aggravation, yourself.  The last time we were together you took great pains to cause my death.  Now suddenly you want me to live?  Forgive me for not believing you."

"My Lord understands that that was a momentary lapse on my part, brought on by my need to avenge myself on your loving husband for the damage I suffered at his hands.  Damage that Lord Voldemort, in his benevolence, has repaired.  I serve only his desires now, my dear, I assure you.  He wants you unharmed.  If you give yourself up to me, I'll personally ensure your safety.  You have my word of honor as a wizard."

"And we all know how much that's worth, don't we Lucius? And Severus and Remus?  Will you personally ensure their safety as well?"

Malfoy spread his hands reluctantly and appealed to her.  "My Lord might have a use for the werewolf if he was willing to cooperate, but I'm afraid your husband has rather tried Lord Voldemort's patience.  I will, of course, do my very best to assure his safety, but I may not be able to save him.  I believe my Lord said something about truly separating his head from his body this time.  I think he has a polished spike reserved for Severus' final resting place."  The blond wizard let his eyes flick over to the anxious form of his enemy to gauge his reaction to his words, but Snape's entire focus remained riveted on his wife as she stood on the edge of oblivion.  

With a flash of annoyance at failing to unsettle his opponent, Malfoy returned his gaze to Evangeline and a malicious smile quirked the corners of his lips.  "Frankly I'm a little surprised that his fate should matter to you.  It was my understanding that the two of you were somewhat estranged, and that you'd transferred your affections to the werewolf.  His lovemaking must've made quite the impression on you.  I'll have to remember that you like things rough."

Evangeline shivered at Malfoy's words. Draco strikes again.  Of course, he's been keeping his father up to date on the latest news from Hogwarts.  Well, Malfoy was going to be disappointed if he thought he was going to get a chance to hurt her again.  When she'd said that she'd rather die than suffer the agony of having his hands on her body once more, she'd meant every word.  Time to end this painful standoff while she still had some control over the situation.  An easy escape wasn't possible for her, it seemed, but if she could distract Malfoy, then Severus and Remus should be able to escape without too much difficulty.  It was the only thing she could do, and their survival was so much more important than hers was.

She glanced briefly at Remus who looked as agonized and frustrated as Severus, and then she locked her eyes with her husband's, drinking in the sight of him to give her the courage to give her only option a try.  Her only regret was that she wouldn't get to touch him one more time.  As she smiled lovingly at Snape, she spoke in a strong clear voice. "Severus' fate will always matter to me.  I love him.  Through all eternity I will always love him.  I can't trust you, Lucius, and I'd never help Voldemort in any way.  My mother was a very brave and intelligent woman.  She made the right choice…can I possibly do any differently?"

With a smile for Severus that rivaled the setting sun for its brilliance, she stepped behind her off the edge of the cliff and vanished from sight.  As his much sought after prize disappeared before his eyes, Malfoy ran forward and stared after her as she plummeted toward the rocks below.

His worst nightmare realized, Snape screamed, "No!" in a horrified tone of voice, and aiming his wand at the much hated Malfoy, cast a curse that hit the startled wizard in the back and sent him careening over the edge of the cliff after Evangeline.  

As the other Death Eaters came to their senses, they turned back from gaping at their leader's awkward swan dive from the cliff and aimed their wands once more at Snape, who simply stood there in a daze with his wand dangling uselessly from a limp hand …waiting for death.   Welcoming its final release from the agony that his life had become.

Realizing that Snape meant to simply let them kill him, Lupin muttered a strangled curse and leaped on top of the seemingly paralyzed wizard, bringing him crashing to the ground beneath him.  As the air filled with sizzling streams of green magic and unforgivable curses issued from three furious throats, Lupin burst the Portkey bubble he held in his hand and both he and Snape vanished abruptly from the lawn.

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Author's Notes:

Manic:  Thank you.  What did you think of Lucius?

Jezebel:  Severus knows that Evangeline loves him, he just thinks she'd be better off if she loved Remus.  He's wrong of course.

Zagzagael:  Thank you…especially about the dialogue. :)  Malfoy got himself involved when he first kidnapped Evangeline way back in "Is A Picture Worth 1000 Lives?".

Werecat99:  Thank you.  I hope you enjoyed Lucius.

Snapefan51:  Considering some of the wonderful stories out there, that's a wonderful compliment you've given me, and I thank you sincerely.  I'm so glad you've enjoyed the story.

Melissa Jooty:  As you can see, Malfoy's plans didn't quite go the way he hoped.

Cloudshape:  So tell me again how the Death Eaters will prevent Evangeline from jumping off the cliff? :)  I don't mean to be sadistic, honest.

Bookwitch:  Good.  I hoped to startle you with Malfoy.  Was there enough action in this chapter?

Arachne's Child:  One chapter a week. :)  Thanks, I'm glad that you could follow along and get some true understanding of the characters experiences.  That means I did my job well when I attempted to explain things.  I'm pleased to hear it.

Jasara:  Malfoy is quite the party crasher, isn't he?

Sonja:  Severus exposed himself as a spy a long time ago.  The Death Eaters and Malfoy know exactly where he stands and with whom.  I don't intend to stop writing when this story is over, but I won't be writing about Severus and Evangeline anymore for the first time in over a year, at least not right away.  It'll feel strange.

Rickfan37:  Thank you.  My goodness, not you too!  I seem to be keeping Kleenex in business. LOL  That still seems incomprehensible to me, but I'm glad that you found the chapter affecting.  I'm also glad you liked the Knot.  It seemed like a neat idea to me.

Lina Lupin:  Well, what do you think?  Did Severus and Remus acquit themselves adequately against the Death Eaters?

Whale of the World:  Destroying her father's work was indeed very hard on Evangeline.  She loved her father very deeply and had much admiration for his accomplishments.  I'm glad you agree that Madam Pomfrey is a skilled healer…they may need her.

Anyta:  I'm sorry that you feel that Evangeline is humiliating herself over Severus.  She does feel a sense of desperation where he's concerned.  He means the world to her.  The thought of losing him a second time is almost more than she can stand.  I hope you liked the action.


	27. Reunion

                                                                                                   Chapter Twenty-Seven:  Reunion 

Cold afternoon light slanted faintly through the heavy snow covered boughs of the trees near the outer edge of the Forbidden Forest.  A slight breeze wafted through the undergrowth accompanied by the faint noises of its denizens as they prepared for the coming of darkness and another cold winter night.

The relative silence was broken by the sudden presence of Snape and Lupin, as they appeared out of nothing to fall sprawled together in a heap on the snow and leaf covered ground.  For an agonizing moment the two wizards simply lay there stunned and appalled at having just watched the woman they both loved so much plummet to her death in front of their horrified eyes.  

Slowly Lupin dragged himself off Snape and slumped down beside him in a daze.  How could she be gone?  It wasn't fair, after all they'd gone through, after all she'd suffered…she deserved some peace and happiness, not death.

Lupin turned to look at Snape, but the other wizard simply lay there unmoving on the ground with his eyes tightly shut and every line of his face etched with pain.  His dark form was a crumpled bruise against the whiteness of the ground.  A cold white mist of breath fluttered slowly in the frigid air near his waxen face, but he gave no other outward sign that he lived.  Lupin reached out and touched him tentatively on the shoulder.

"Severus.  Are you okay?"  He asked hesitantly.  Foolish question.  How could either of them be okay after they'd failed to protect the one thing in the world that they both most cherished?

Reluctantly Snape forced his eyes to open, slowly sat up, and turned to gaze at Lupin blankly.  For a long moment they both simply sat there and stared at each other, amber to black, endless, empty, shattered, then without exchanging a word the two of them climbed painfully to their feet.

Snape felt an intense aching numbness descend on him like a pall. A lethargic stupor seemed to be replacing all intelligible thought but one.  Evangeline was gone.  She was dead.  Once again he'd failed to protect her, and this time she'd paid the ultimate price for loving him.  He'd wasted the last opportunity he'd had to be with her, instead of loving her and making her as happy as he could, all he'd done was cause her pain.  If they'd still been on the cliff top, he'd have gladly followed her over the edge.

Unstoppable tears filled his eyes, and he fought himself mightily to keep them from spilling over and making tracks down his pale stricken face.  Gods…he who never cried seemed to be doing nothing else lately.  How pitiful.

"You should've let them kill me, Lupin.  There's no point in going on now," he whispered harshly in a cold and empty voice, then he turned away and took a step towards the edge of the forest, with no clear idea of what he was going to do next.  Existence stretched on empty and meaningless into the featureless void of the future.

Suddenly a slender figure burst through the dark trees and ran towards them as fast as it could.  Two hearts leaped in two chests as both wizards realized that the figure running towards them was Evangeline.  How this miracle had occurred was a mystery at the moment, but it was enough for both men that it had occurred and she was here…alive…and safe.

For a brief moment, Lupin entertained the notion that she was running to him with her arms stretched wide, but with a pang of bitter disappointment, he quickly realized his error as she threw herself headlong into her husband's waiting arms.

Severus and Evangeline came together with a desperation that was painful to watch.  Their mouths sought each other's to kiss as if they'd invented it, leaving no part of the other untouched in their yearning hungry need.  As one they sank to their knees and kissed and caressed and murmured their love for each other over and over with searing intensity.  All thoughts for anything other than their safety, their love, their overwhelming need for each other was banished from their minds as they concentrated on finally acknowledging the deep connection of their souls.

Remus Lupin stood apart from the lovers and watched their reunion with bittersweet pain.  It felt good to see Evangeline alive and whole, and to see her attain that which she'd longed for so much.  Yet it was agonizingly hard to see her held so tightly in the arms of another man, even if that man was the husband she loved with all her heart and soul.  Unable to watch any longer, he turned away from the voracious lovers and began to limp his way back to the castle, leaving his heart behind him in pieces on the snowy forest floor.

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As soon as Severus closed the door to his quarters behind the two of them, Evangeline threw her anxious arms around him again and tried to drag his head back down to hers to take up where they'd left off in the Forbidden Forest.  But Severus stiffened at her touch and reluctantly pulled back away from her eager grasp then looked down at her sadly.

"I didn't bring you here to make love to you.  We need to talk," he stated quietly.

Suddenly fearful, she pleaded, "Severus, you aren't going to try to convince me that you don't love me any more, are you?  Because I won't be fooled again.  What just went on between us in the forest proves that you still care about me."

His gaunt face took on a tender loving expression as he reached out and stroked her hair gently, rejoicing in the familiar feel of its silky softness as it slipped through his long fingers.  "No," he murmured quietly.  "I can't pretend that I don't love you, Evangeline…not to you or to myself.  When I saw you go over that cliff, it was as if someone had cut out my heart and dashed it on those unforgiving rocks below in the sea.   I still can't believe that you're alive.  How did you survive that fall?"

She smiled, and pulled a small gold ball from her pocket.  "I used Albus' Portkey, of course, although I certainly wasn't going to let on to Malfoy that I had an escape planned.  I thought you'd remember that I had it and make your escape when I made mine.  Isn't that what happened?"

He stared dazedly at the golden ball in her hand and shook his head.  "Not exactly.  After our struggle with the Death Eaters on the terrace, Lupin found one of the Portkeys on the ground near where you fell.  Apparently, it belonged to one of us, but we assumed it was yours, and that you were without any means of escape.  Once you'd jumped, I hit Lucius with a hex that pushed him over the edge of the cliff after you.  I'd love to believe his body lies on those rocks at the bottom, but I imagine he disapparated out of there before he hit them.  Then I was stunned.  I…simply stood there and waited for the remaining Death Eaters to kill me."  

He reached out a hand and cupped her face gently, his thumb brushing lightly over her bottom lip, a yearning look on his face.  "I thought you gone forever, and I didn't want to live if you were dead."

Horrified at his answer, she gasped and raised a trembling hand to cover the one resting warmly on her cheek, thinking how badly this could've turned out.  "Then what happened?  How did you end up in the Forbidden Forest?"

Snape sighed and dropped his hand to his side. "Lupin dragged that famous Gryffindor reckless heroism out and knocked me down and used the Portkey he still had in his hand.  That saved both of us, although until we saw you alive, I doubt that either one of us felt especially fortunate to have escaped."

She smiled up at him past the lump in her throat and tenderly stroked his cheek.  "Oh, Severus, I'm sorry that I frightened you, but it's okay now.  We're both safe, and now we can be together again.  That's all I want…that's all I've dreamed of for so long."

His expression saddened as he looked down into her hopeful eyes, knowing the disillusionment that he had to bring to her…hating the necessity.   "You don't know how much I long for that to be true, but things aren't likely to be the way they were before, Evangeline.  A lot has happened to me that you don't know about."

"Then, please, tell me.  I'm your wife.  I deserve to know the truth," she pleaded earnestly.

In deep anguish he stared at her helplessly, not sure where to begin…how to tell her the truth.  She was right, of course, she did deserve to know, but the thought of her seeing the results of the torturer's art made him feel ill.  How could she possibly want him any more?  What use would she have for a husband who couldn't even make love to her?  Suddenly filled with painful doubt and shame he turned away from her and crossed the room to sink down into one of the wingchairs before the fire.  He dropped his face into his hands for a moment then raised his head and stared broodingly into the flames with a thoughtful hand pressed to his mouth.  Alarmed beyond measure she trailed after him and sat at his feet then she leaned her head against his legs, and waited.  

After a long tense silence, he dropped his hand from his mouth but continued to stare into the dancing flames instead of facing his wife when he began to speak in a low sorrowful voice. 

"I was wrong when I asked you to marry me, Evangeline.  Although I worried that my revealing myself to be a spy would make me a target for revenge and thus put you in more danger, I ignored my fears.  Because it was what I wanted to believe, I foolishly allowed myself to think that by being with you all the time I could keep you safe.  As if my constant presence in your life would somehow outweigh all the danger that surrounded both of us.  It was a stupid selfish notion.  Being with me has brought you nothing but heartache.  The more I heard about what you'd suffered when you thought me dead, the more I came to realize how wrong I am for you.  I once told you that I probably wasn't the best choice for you…you should have listened to me then and never let my attentions bring such pain to your life."

Reluctantly he forced his eyes away from the warm hearth to focus them once more on the face of this woman who meant so much to him as she stared up at him with glittering eyes.  "As impossibly hard as it's been to face, I truly believe that you'd be better off with Lupin.  He loves you, and he wouldn't hurt you the way I have…over and over again."

Her heart lurched and began to pound hard in her chest as she listened to the anguish in her husband's voice as he told her that she should abandon him for another man. Anxious to disabuse him of that notion, she cried, "No!  None of the pain I've suffered has been your fault.  You've suffered every bit as much as I have…probably much more.  Besides…that's the wrong way to look at our lives together.  For every unhappy moment I've ever had, I've had a thousand happy ones because of you.  Every moment I've ever spent with you is a precious gift. Being your lover, your friend, your wife has brought me more happiness than I ever thought it would be possible to experience.  You're the only man I want in my life.  The only one who can ever truly make me happy."  

"I can't be with Remus any more…and I won't be.  I don't love him.  Pretending anything else would only hurt him, and I've caused him enough pain.  I refuse to cause him any more.  In your absence I foolishly thought that by reaching out to someone else I could fill some of the empty spaces in my heart…but I know better now.  No matter how lonely I was, I should have known that no one but you could ever fill those spaces.  For good or ill, I know that I'll only be able to love you for the rest of my life."

He smiled sadly down at her serious face and reached out to caress her cheek softly, "When I was held captive I decided that the only way I was going to get through the experience without giving in to their demands for information was to forget all that I knew…all that I was.  I gave myself amnesia.  I'm not sure just how I managed it, but when you're desperate, your mind can do amazing things.  For most of the time I was gone, I remembered nothing of my life outside that cell with…with one exception.  I kept the image of your face in my mind throughout my ordeal.  Whenever I'd think it might be better to just give up and die, I'd focus my thoughts on your beautiful face and remind myself that there was something beyond the ugliness of my existence that was worth remembering…perhaps worth going on for.  I didn't know who you were or what you'd meant to me, but I knew you were important.  You were my Angel of hope…and my focus for survival."

"Oh, Severus…" she whispered sadly.

He sighed and glanced up at the ceiling. "You were the key to my determination to survive, and once I escaped from that cell, you were the impetus for my struggle to remember.  Fate is an odd thing.  It was pure chance that I ended up in the same corner of the world as you.  If I hadn't, I'd probably still be lost in the emptiness of my mind."

"What do you mean?"

He brought his eyes back to focus on hers, "I remembered who I am because of you.  I was working as a handyman for Mrs. Trevalleyn when you visited her.  When I saw you from my window, your face triggered the unlocking of my memories.  If I hadn't seen you, I might never have remembered…or at least not for a long time."

Understanding came sharply.  "Steven.  You were Mrs. Trevalleyn's mysterious Steven.  She wanted to introduce me, but she couldn't find you."

He nodded, "No, I'd torn my shirt in the barn and was changing when I saw you get in a truck and drive away.  I tried to catch you, but the memories coming back in a rush stopped me.  I wasn't really able to remember clearly until I'd had a night's sleep to sort everything out.  Then when I awakened the next morning my only thought was to find you…to be with you again.  Nothing else mattered."

Guilt flashed hot and strong across her features and burrowed into her heart.  She bowed her head in shame and looked away from his serious face.  "And when you found me…you discovered that I'd betrayed you.  You found that I wasn't worth the effort after all.  Oh, Severus, I'm so sorry…"

He caressed her hair gently as she lay a sorrowful cheek against his knee.  "No.  Don't apologize.  You were right to go on with your life.  As far as you knew, I was dead and gone forever.  You deserved to be happy.  I'll always want you to be happy, Evangeline.  That's why I think you'd be better off to remain with Lupin.  I'm not good for you.  I'll only cause you more grief and pain."

His continued insistence on this unwelcome notion brought her head up sharply and an automatic protest flew to her lips.  "No!  Don't say that.  You're wrong.  I love you.  I can't be happy without you.  I tried…when I thought you dead…but a huge part of my heart died when I thought you did.  I need you in my life in order to feel complete.  You aren't going to push me away any more.  I won't let you.   You're stuck with me.  You might as well accept it."

The dark wizard smiled sadly down at her.  "Don't be too sure of that.  There's more that you don't know.  You may yet turn away from me, my angel, and I wouldn't blame you if you did."

A shiver ran through her as she stared into his serious pain filled eyes.  "Please tell me what you're so afraid of.  I promise…I won't turn away," she whispered reassuringly.  Her emerald eyes held his onyx ones in silent thrall as she tried to communicate her love and need to him without words getting in the way.

Severus took a ragged breath and wrenched his gaze away from hers and turned back to the flickering flames as he continued in a low voice.

"I was held in one of the Dark Lord's prisons, and was favored by the attentions of one of his more sadistic torturers.  Blood and pain were my constant companions…indeed my life narrowed to the point where it consisted of little else.  I was physically tortured on an almost daily basis, for most of the time I was away from you.  Torture of that magnitude leaves rather severe…scars…"

His voice trailed off and he swallowed hard, not knowing how to continue.

Evangeline's face drained of all its color as she confronted the reality of what her husband had suffered while they'd been apart.  What he'd endured had been something that she'd been trying to avoid thinking too much about. The painful images she'd imagined came to her from the depths of hell and she'd prayed that the reality wasn't anywhere near as horrible, but now she realized that her fears and thoughts and worst nightmares might end up being closer to the truth than she ever wanted to believe.  "Are you telling me that they did something to you that'll prevent you from making love to me again, Severus?  Has that been what all this reluctance has really been about?"  She whispered as she embraced his legs tightly and laid her chin on his knees so she could look up into his ashen face.

With a heavy sigh, he forced himself to meet her compassionate questioning eyes once more.  "Obviously, I haven't actually made love to anyone since the last time we were together, but I…I can't…"  

He had to look away from the pain and worry in her gaze.  How could he tell her that she was no longer married to a man?  That the Dark Lord's cruelty had left him nothing but an empty broken ugly shell, which no longer retained the ability to function as she deserved to have her husband function. 

Evangeline's eyes filled to overflowing once more and she reached out a hand to gently stroke his thigh and to try to catch his eye again.  "Please, tell me, Severus…please," she pleaded in a trembling whisper. 

His burning eyes locked once more with hers and in a low halting voice he forced himself to continue…to say the words he'd only thought about before in painful shame.  "The ugly truth is that, no…I cannot make love to you anymore.  It's possible that I'll never be capable of making love to you again.  There is now more of my body that's nothing but scar tissue than there is of unmarked flesh.  Just about all of me that's currently hidden from your view is severely scarred.  I haven't wanted you to see me like this, I admit.  I wasn't sure that I could face your reaction.  I didn't want to take the chance that you'd be so horrified at the mere sight of me that you'd turn away from me forever.  I suppose it's childish, but my inclination has been to reject you before you learned the truth and rejected me instead."

Seeing the sadness in his face, hearing its echo in his voice hurt her deeply. "Oh, Severus, how could you think me so shallow?   I didn't marry you because you were a good lover.  The physical side of our relationship has always been wonderful, and I've enjoyed it more than I can say, but I married you because I love you.  The person you are.  Even if you can never do more than put your arms around me and hold me tight, I'd still rather be your wife than that of anyone else I've ever known.  I love you.  I want to be with you…no matter what.  Please, believe me."

He smiled sadly down at her.  "I truly want to, but you don't know yet what you're facing.  What you'd be stuck with for a husband.  It wouldn't be fair to you.  You deserve so much better."

"It's up to me to decide what I deserve, not you."  She stated matter of factly, willing him to believe her, willing him to understand.  "You're the only thing I care about…you.  I'll always love you…want you...only you, no matter what.  How many times must I say it?  Why can't you believe that?"  A touch of asperity crept into her tone.

Doubt shown out of his eyes as she looked at him; he still wasn't convinced.   "I believe that you believe it.  I know you're sincere in your desire to be together.  It's just that…this isn't simply a small injury easily remedied with a potion or a spell.  Our lives together would be so different than before.  You may think you'd still want to be my wife, but you don't yet truly understand how completely this could change things."

"You're right.  I don't know, but nothing is going to change the way I feel about you.  Nothing."  Resolutely she got up onto her knees and leaned against his legs then with slightly trembling fingers she reached across his lap and began to unbutton his robes.  Automatically he grabbed her hands in his to stop her, but she stared at him seriously.  "No, Severus.  You've got to let me see."

They stared into each other's eyes for long moments.  Communicating in a wealth of silence.  Finally he looked away and reluctantly nodded.  She was right.  There was no other choice.  Against his will he released her hands and assisted her in divesting him of his robe and jacket.  Then he slowly unfastened his shirt, his fingers moving stiffly from button to button, and when he was done he forced himself to remove his hands and let her gently part the fabric to run her fingers delicately over the horrid ruin of his chest.  He closed his eyes as her touch brought a tingling ache to his skin where she gently caressed him.   He'd so longed for the warm touch of her hands on his flesh again, the feeling of her body against his, but it wasn't the same anymore…with this extensive amount of damage, it could never be the same…not ever again.

It took all of Evangeline's self-control not to cry out when she saw the hideous marks that twined and twisted their way across her husband's abused flesh.  The thought of anyone doing this to him, causing him such pain, made her heart ache.  Once more she was flooded with guilt at the fact that while she was going on with her life, he'd been suffering so horribly.   Her eyes overflowed with her pain and fresh tears from her bottomless reservoir began to course slowly down her cheeks.  "Oh, Severus, I'm so sorry…." she whispered brokenly.

Abruptly, she couldn't stand it a moment longer, without another word, she began to button his shirt back up as fast as her shocked fingers could fly. The abruptness of her action caused an intense stab of fear to course through his body. He'd been right.  His injuries did sicken her.  How could it be otherwise, after all?  He couldn't really blame her for rejecting him, he'd expected it, but it still hurt all the same.  

But rejection wasn't at all what Evangeline had in mind.  Once she'd buttoned up his shirt completely, she got to her feet and took his hand gently in hers.  "Come on, Severus.  You need to come with me."

He shook his head in confusion as he looked up into her determined face.  "Come where, Evangeline?"

"To the infirmary, of course.  We need to get you seen by Poppy, right away.  There may be something she can do for you, but I'll bet you haven't been to see her have you?"

He pulled back instinctively and slid his eyes away from hers.  "No."

She nodded in disgust.  "I didn't think so.  Your initials could as easily stand for Suffer in Silence as Severus Snape.  Well, suffering silently does no one any good, and I'm not going to accept that this is permanent until I'm told it is by someone who'd know.  Whether this can be repaired or not, I'm not going to abandon you.  I'm your wife for better or worse, as the Muggles say, and if you'll let me, I'll be with you every step of the way, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up without trying to find help.  We need to see Poppy.  Are you willing to come with me or do I have to go talk to her alone?  But I assure you, one way or the other I'm going to get her opinion."

His eyebrows drew together in an exasperated frown, "Evangeline, did you take a good look at my chest?  There's nothing there but scar tissue!  That's been my reality for the last year of my life.  Magic can't cure everything.  I'm a Potions Master.  I've been creating healing potions since my student days. I know their uses…and their limitations.  Scars can be manipulated when they're new, but as they age, it becomes a different story.  There's nothing Poppy is going to be able to do about this. I assure you."

"You don't know that!  You may be a Potions Master and a damn good one, but you aren't a Healer.  No matter how much you know about healing potions, they aren't the only methods at the disposal of the Healing community.  If your potions were the only thing that were ever needed to fix the injuries that occur around here then Albus would have had no reason to employ Madam Pomfrey.  Frankly I'm pretty sure that his reasoning was sound.  I choose to believe that her expertise in this area just might be greater than yours is.  Personally I have a lot of faith in her ability.  No, she can't do everything, but she can do more than you're crediting her with.  Let her try, Severus.  You…we…might be surprised at what she can do to help.  If you don't try, nothing will improve.  So how are you better off if you don't ask?"

He lifted his eyes again to hers to continue to protest, but fell silent in the face of her resolute expression and determined logic.  Perhaps he had been foolish…perhaps Poppy could help.  He'd been so afraid to find out that there wasn't anything to be done that he'd never dared ask, but if Evangeline was going to be strong enough to stand at his side no matter what, didn't he owe it to her to make every effort possible to find out the truth?  Even if it merely turned out to be a confirmation of his worst fears, if they could face it side by side, perhaps it would be all right after all.  Somehow they'd get through it…together.  That thought alone lit a small flame of hope within him. 

"Very well.  We'll go to see Poppy," he stated softly not wanting to further challenge the fierce determination he found in her eyes.  Without another word, he got up from his chair and allowed her to pull him out of the room and up the dim corridor heading for the hospital wing.

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Author's Notes:  Thank you all for reading and for your enthusiastic support.  It's greatly appreciated. :)

Dark-angel 2003:  Don't worry, Angela, I'm not quite as cruel as everyone thinks.  As you can see, Evangeline's fine and is finally back where she belongs…in Severus' arms.  You're welcome for the help.  I'll look forward to seeing what you come up with.

Arsinoe3:  It would indeed be fascinating to be able to explore inside the paintings.  I've wanted to do just that ever since I first read about them.

Prophet Dreams:  You haven't lost her yet.  Thank you.

Werecat99:  Glad you're back online.  Yes, my most realistic cliffhanger yet, I'd say. LOL  Just for you…Lucius is back…grab him while you can.  Evangeline certainly doesn't want him.  I'm pleased that you found his release to be believable.

Elaine Lahey:  You're absolutely right…as you can see. :)  Jumping from the cliff top doesn't necessarily mean hitting the rocks in the magical world.  Thank you for the kind words about my writing.  I don't intend to stop writing stories, but I think I'll probably give Severus and Evangeline a rest.  I have thoughts about where their lives go from here, but no real plot to hang a story on at the moment.  I'm impressed that you'd take the time to re-read the first two stories.  Not many people would, I think.  That's a lot of story.  Thank you.

Dark Jezebel:  I am…aren't I.  I might as well accept it I suppose. :)

Snapefan51:  Thank you.  Yes, Remus is the true hero here.  Too bad he's not rewarded better, but he's had hold of the short end of the stick for quite awhile now, and he knows it.  I'm glad the story holds your interest so well.  I always appreciate getting your comments.

Rickfan37:  Yes, you guessed it!  The Portkey bubble on the terrace wasn't Evangeline's at all.  Time to go tie up some loose ends.

Arachne's Child:  Sorry to shock you, but yes, I'm afraid you were wrong here.  On the plus side…everyone's okay. :)  I can't think of anything more heartbreaking than having Severus and Remus having to drag Evangeline's battered body out of the ocean.  That would've done both of them in.

Whale of the World:  Yes, indeed, sometimes you need a horrible moment to wake people up to what's really important in their lives.

Sage and Snape:  Yes…tricks up my sleeve…definitely. :)

Gracelynn:  Yes, my cliffhanger.  What did you think of her survival?

Elbereth94:  Well, yes, that would be one way to resolve things, but it's not my way.

Zagzagael:  Thank you.  Yes, Snape finally reached the end of his rope.

Lisa Beattie:  Thank you.

Sonja: Thank you.  Don't be too sure that Lucius is dead.  He has more lives than a cat.

Persephone:  I do always wonder when people comment a lot and then suddenly vanish.  I'm glad you're still reading.  I like the idea of a miniature portrait as an escape device.  It's very clever; I wish I'd thought of it. :)  Instead I used misdirection.  No funeral…but a reunion instead and a sorting out and a picking up of the threads of a tattered life together.  Eleanor doesn't show up until the end of this little story.  Patience…we aren't quite there yet.

Echo:  Thank you.  I'm glad you've enjoyed the story.

Jasara:  Thank you.  You're right.  If one Snape can cheat death, why can't another? :)

Emelie:  Thank you.  Don't worry.  I'll tell you how it ends.

Bookwitch:  No, at first Severus wasn't too pleased to have been saved, but he changed his mind.  I wonder how Lupin feels about it now? :)


	28. A Mirage of Moonbeams

                                                                                  Chapter Twenty-Eight:  A Mirage of Moonbeams

Remus Lupin opened the door to Evangeline's cottage and entered the quiet and lonely sitting room.  He paused with his hand on the knob and looked sadly around the room, committing it to memory, as he knew in reality that this would be the last time he'd ever set foot here.  For one brief moment in time he'd been absolutely happy here in this place.  All his deepest dreams had come true in exactly the way he most fervently wished.  If only the ending had been as "happily ever after" as he'd dreamed, but you can't have everything in life.  The memories of his time with Evangeline were like shining gems that glistened and shown with unimaginable luster amidst all the drab stones that made up the more numerous moments of his life.  In his heart he felt that he'd never be that happy again…he'd had his chance.  Now it was over.

Quietly he closed the door behind him and crossed the room to the staircase.   With hesitant steps he mounted the stairs and stopped at the top.  His eyes turned to Evangeline's door but he resolutely turned away from it and headed into the spare room where his bag and clothes still resided.  He never did get around to moving his things into Evangeline's bedroom as he'd intended.  Maybe some weird sort of premonition on his part had kept him from it.  It was probably just as well.  There'd been a part of himself that had resisted becoming too comfortable here.  Fearing that it was all too good to be true.  Why couldn't feelings like that ever prove to be wrong?

The werewolf walked into the small room and over to the dresser and began to empty his things from the drawers and stuff them back into the bag that he'd left carelessly on the floor.  Once he was done, and it didn't take long, he picked up the bag and turned to leave the room.  Before he could make his escape, though, his eyes fell on the painting that Evangeline had given to him for Christmas, as it stood quietly propped up against the wall waiting for him to notice its presence.

His bag slipped from his suddenly nerveless fingers, and he sat down heavily on the end of the bed as he stared at the painting shining with promises that hadn't quite been fulfilled.  Abruptly he found himself back on the cliff top on that brilliantly beautiful day with Evangeline smiling happily up at him as she embraced him warmly.  In his mind's eye things unfolded rather differently than they had in reality.

The gulls called and the fresh breeze caressed him with its salty fragrance while the woman he loved more than anything in the world smiled up at him.  Eagerly he bent and claimed her lips with his own as his hands captured her lovely face and held it gently.  As their kiss deepened, he let his hands slide easily into her soft hair and drift smoothly down her back pressing her firmly against his body.  Luxuriating in the sensation of the soft curves of her torso as it melted smoothly against the hard angularity of his own.  In his aching mind he heard her breathlessly whisper the words he'd always longed to hear her say as he dropped tender kisses down along her slender throat, and his hands began to unfasten her light gown.  "Oh, Remus, I love you.  Only you. I'm so glad you're here in my life.  Make love to me, please.  I've missed you so much."

Desperately longing to do just that, he pulled her down onto the ground beneath him as the warm sun beat down on his suddenly naked back.  Her hair glinted red and gold in the bright sunshine, and her eyes sparkled lovingly into his own like the green waves of the ocean beyond the cliff top on which they rested.  Overcome with emotion he gently caressed her full breasts and bent to kiss and suckle them reverently.  God, he loved her breasts, to his eyes they were absolutely perfect.  Her most glorious feature among so many that would always symbolize perfection for him.  No other woman could ever come close.  

Aching with need he pressed his rock hard cock up against her and she opened her legs willingly for him to enter her body.  His desire overwhelmed him, and he thrust forward into her welcoming warmth and jarringly found himself on his knees on the floor of the small spare bedroom face to face with his wonderful painting.  Taking great gulps of air as he forced his abused mind to return to the blank pain of reality from the illusory bliss of the cliff top, the forlorn wizard dropped his head to his chest and sat dejectedly down on the floor slumping back against the end of the bed.  Tears filled his eyes and for the first time in too long to measure he didn't force them back, but instead let them flow gently down his cheeks, blurring his vision and easing the tight ache in his chest.

God, what a pitiful fool he'd become!  Here he was sitting on the bedroom floor in an empty cottage crying his eyes out over a painting.  Except that it really wasn't the painting, was it?  That was only the trigger.  He was really making a fool of himself over a woman who didn't love him…who never loved him!  A woman who only let him touch her out of pity and loneliness!   There was really no one to blame but himself for this whole pitiful mess.  It was his own stupid fault for pursuing someone who didn't love him…who never loved him…and told him so up front!  What kind of an idiot throws himself at someone who doesn't want him?

Lupin snorted shortly and threw his head back blinking to clear his eyes of useless tears.  An idiot like him apparently.   Well the dream was certainly over now.  No more pretending that he'll live happily ever after with Evangeline in a cute little cottage by the sea.  No.  It would take even a bigger fool than he was to cling to that fantasy after witnessing Severus and Evangeline expressing their love for each other on the snowy ground of the Forbidden Forest.   So many emotions had swirled through him as he'd stood by and watched them consume each other with the intensity of their love.  Pain and sorrow had certainly been prominent, but by far the biggest emotion had been envy.  Not just envy of Severus because Evangeline loved him so much either.  Primarily it had been envy of the two of them.  Envy of anyone who had love like that in their lives.  Would it ever happen for him?  Would anyone ever love him like that?

Irony snickered in his ear and he snorted again and began to climb to his feet.  Not if he continued to sit here and feel sorry for himself!  Self-pity was the least lovable emotion there was.  With a deep sigh he reached down and once more took up his bag and gazed at the painting that had triggered all this depressing sogginess.  He shook his head silently.  As much as he loved it, he couldn't take it with him.  Every time he looked at it his heart would begin to bleed all over again.  Hopefully Evangeline would understand if he left it behind, but even if she didn't, there really wasn't any other choice.

Resolutely he left the room and once more hesitated at the top of the stairs.  A large part of him yearned to take one more look into that bedroom where he'd been so happy with her, but he sternly told himself to let it go.  He'd done enough blubbering over something he couldn't change for one day.  So instead he turned away and walked carefully down the stairs.

Once down in the sitting room, he did let himself wander into the kitchen for a moment.  As he glanced around the open space, he spotted one of his favorite mugs sitting on the counter.  With a thoughtful frown he crossed the room and took it up in his hand.  He'd spread himself all over the cottage in the few days that he'd lived here.  Unconsciously marking his territory perhaps.  Of course the territory he truly wanted to mark as his own was always just beyond his grasp…had already been claimed by another who'd finally asserted his dominance over it once more.  As he stared with consideration down at the mug in his hand, he realized that it would probably be a good idea to check around and be sure that he wasn't leaving anything behind that he didn't want to leave…didn't have to leave.

The lonely wizard left the kitchen and crossed the sitting room again to leave his mug on top of his bag by the front door.  His eyes drifted up the stairs once more, but reluctantly he decided that if he'd left anything in Evangeline's bedroom, it was simply going to have to stay there.  Instead he walked to the back of the room and entered her studio.  He'd rarely come in here this visit.  Evangeline hadn't had the time to do much painting while he was here so there'd been no reason for him to go in.   Still there was a shirt he'd thought he'd brought with him that hadn't been up in his room.  Who knows where it might have ended up?  

Clothing had gotten strewn around rather widely while he'd been here as it was always being removed…usually…no…always at his instigation.  That should have told him something.  Although she'd never objected and had always seemed to enjoy their trysts, Evangeline had never approached him…had never been the one to begin their love making.  Bitterly he imagined that that wasn't true for Severus.  He seemed to recall that she'd always had trouble keeping her hands off the Potions Master…even in public.  No.  Don't go there…not now.

With the way they were going at each other in the Forbidden Forest just a short while ago, they were probably buried deeply within each other right this moment.  They probably moved from the discomfort of the cold snowy forest to the warmth and familiarity of Snape's quarters to get reacquainted in all senses of the word.  No one will see them for days.  Not that that was a bad thing from his perspective.  However if the past is anything to judge by, Snape will once more be swaggering around Hogwarts with an insufferably satisfied smirk on his ugly face, and he was just going to have to swallow it whole, and that wasn't going to be pleasant at all.  There was no getting away from the unfortunate truth, though, she belonged to him…she wanted him…she loved him.  The end…and they all lived happily ever after.  Right.  Suddenly he felt like the Big Bad Wolf and Snape was holding the axe.

With a weary sigh, he took a few steps into the large airy studio and began to look around when suddenly a familiar baritone voice spoke to him in an annoyed tone.  

"Are you back again?  What does it take to be rid of you?"

The startled wizard straightened up sharply and closed his eyes.  So this was where she'd put it.  Well, it was probably too much to ask that she'd actually destroyed the thing feeling the way she does about paintings, especially animated ones.  With a sigh he turned around to face the full sized portrait of Severus Snape for what he fervently hoped would be the very last time.

"Yes, I'm back, but not for long.  I'm just collecting my things."  Lupin stated with a frown.

The painted Snape cocked a mocking brow and sneered.  "Really?  Has Evangeline come to her senses then and chucked you out for good?  I told her that you were a waste of her time.  She can do much better than you."

Lupin crossed his arms.  If he wouldn't take that from the real Snape, he certainly wasn't going to take it from this pitiful painted excuse for a Potions Master.  "Oh really…and I suppose that would be you?"

Snape smirked knowingly, "I know how to make her happy."

"Do you?  Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you aren't going to get the chance to make her "happy" anymore.  She's through with you just like she's through with me."

The portrait frowned darkly.  "What do you mean?"

"Did you somehow miss the significance of that little scene that we enacted at full volume in the sitting room just a few days ago?  Evangeline's loving husband has returned from the dead.  Surprise!  She has the real thing back in her arms now.  She no longer needs lovesick werewolves and painted doubles to pass the time.  Nope.  Now she has Severus Bloody Snape himself to brighten up her life.  Isn't that just wonderful news?"

To Lupin's surprise the portrait smirked at him.  "Not for you, I suppose."

"It is for you?"

"As you've pointed out ad nauseam, I'm only a painted image.  However, I am the image of the one Evangeline loves.  If he's finally returned to take his rightful place in her life once more then yes, it's wonderful news.  I want her to be happy, something that she'd never have been with you."

Lupin gaped in shock at the painting and shook his head.  "So all Snapes stick together, huh?  Who'd have thought it?  I just don't understand what Evangeline sees in the living breathing sneering Snape.  I mean I had to help them to get together in the first place!  She used to mope around and confide in me, and I actually helped her to get him to pay attention to her.  I played matchmaker for the two of them…can you stand the irony of that one!"

A short bitter laugh escaped his soul, "Even then I couldn't figure it out, though.  That idiot had to be persuaded to be with her!  Why would anyone with an ounce of sense in his head have to be persuaded to love her?  I've never met anyone who was more deserving of love than Evangeline.  The man's a fool if he doesn't appreciate the treasure that fate has tossed into his lap."   The wizard shook his head in disbelief.  

He approached the painting with his arms crossed and demanded in an incredulous tone, "What the hell is so great about him anyway?  He's rude, arrogant, sarcastic, stubborn, and those are his better points!  He's homely as sin.  He's got a nose that only a toucan would love.  His hair is stringy and his teeth are crooked.  It's not as if he couldn't straighten them if he cared, but he doesn't care!  He's never cared what he looked like.  Never tried to improve his looks.  Why would she fall so in love with a man like that that she'd almost die when she lost him?  Huh?  Oh great Snape echo that you are?  Can you tell me that?"

Snape smirked again and examined his nails smugly.  "You should know the answer to that one.  You did see me without all these enveloping robes after all."

Lupin's face flushed at the memory of facing the naked portrait in all its glory.  He shook his shaggy head in response though as he thrust the image aside.  "Oh no.  You can't tell me that Evangeline only loves Severus because he's well endowed and the sex is great!  I'm not buying that one.  Sorry.  She loved him to the point of pining away for his attention well before the two of them ever made love.  So what's the fascination?  What's he got that I don't?"

The portrait looked at the ruffled wizard pityingly.  "Her love," he stated simply.

Lupin dropped his head and sighed, "Yes…but why?  Why does she love him?"

"You'd have to ask Evangeline herself, but I doubt if she could truly explain it.  Can anyone tell you exactly why they love one person over another who seems just as suitable?  She used to talk to me about him at night when she couldn't sleep because he'd invaded her dreams and turned them into frustrating nightmares.  Although the Potions Master is no doubt a very private person, somehow she slipped in under his guard and actually got to know the man.  Apparently far better than you know him.  She found him to be very intelligent, infinitely amusing, brave, strong, and almost too honorable for his own good.  She loved his voice and his eyes…and his soul.  He reminded her of her father and of herself, and she simply fell in love with him without even realizing it."

Without even realizing it.  Lupin paused and thought about that.  That's the way it had happened for him, too.  He'd fallen in love with Evangeline so gradually that he hadn't realized it either, until her life was threatened.  Love isn't something that can be rationalized or quantified…it's simply felt deep inside, and why we love one person or another isn't always apparent, even to ourselves.

Evangeline loved Severus…period.  It simply was.  Time to truly accept that and move on. There was really no other choice, and understanding why wasn't as important as simply accepting that this was the way things were…the way they'd always be.  Suddenly he felt a deep need to get out of here.  He'd spent far too much of his lifetime mooning over something that he simply couldn't have.  For his own sanity, he had to put an end to such unproductive behavior, and he had to do it now.

With a final glare for the smugly cool portrait, Lupin straightened up sharply and strode quickly out of the studio and back into the sitting room.  From there he crossed over to the front door and picked up his bag and mug.  With a ghost of sadness still haunting his eyes he took one final look around the room.  If his missing shirt was somewhere within the cottage then it would simply have to stay there.  If Evangeline found it she could turn it into a painting rag and perhaps remember him fondly when she used it to wipe the paint from her brushes as she'd used him to ease the pain in her life…not that he hadn't begged to be used.  With a sad little smile, he turned away from this sanctuary of the heart and opened the door to the cold harshness of reality, then with a sense of finality he moved resolutely into the future quietly closing the door on love.

                         **************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  I have had a complaint that scrolling through the commentary at the end of the chapter is a pain and detracts from the story in some way.  I apologize if having the commentary bothers some people, but if people are kind enough to give me their thoughts and opinions, then I intend to respond to them, and this is the easiest way to do that.  I appreciate hearing from people, and think it's only polite to reply to them. Let me assure you that it has no effect on the length of the chapters themselves.  The chapters would be exactly the same whether I added commentary or not.

I must also beg your indulgence.  While I have every intention of finishing this story, I may not be able to continue to put out one chapter every week until the end.  The last few chapters need quite a lot of rewriting and life is starting to get a lot busier this time of year.  I'll do the best I can to get the story finished in a timely manner.  Thank you all for reading.

                                                                                                  ***************

Manic:  Thank you.  As for people's problems, love cushions the blow, but it doesn't usually solve the problem or stop the pain.  Happy or not…Remus will survive.

LisaViola:  Thank you, but don't be too sure that this is a true tragedy…we aren't finished yet. :)

Dark Jezebel:  Well, thanks…not so evil…okay then. :)

P. Veronica Tyler:  I hope your exams went well.  Do not let your friend make you question your English.  It's always been easy to understand you, and you've never been offensive in any way, I assure you.  Thank you for your praise.  Yes, protectiveness is a word, and it definitely fits Remus.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Rickfan37:  Yes, you were right.  You often are in your surmises.  We'll see next chapter if Poppy can pull a rabbit out of her hat or not.  The alchemist has nothing to add, though.  He's still a trifle miffed at having spent months in a box. :)

Echo:  Thank you.  It would be sad for both of them.

Arachne's Child:  Well, I suppose being a fiend is a nice change from simply being evil. LOL  Oh, yes, I haven't closed any doors yet…except on Remus' dreams.  That one is very much closed.  Time to move on.

Prophet Dreams:  Thank you.  

Jasara:  Thanks.  Don't worry Remus is a survivor.

Gracelynn:  Thank you.  I'm glad you enjoyed the artwork, too. :)

Whale of the World:  Thanks.  We are hopeful for the future.

Zagzagael:  I'm pleased that you find my solution acceptable. :)  They will work through this, and their love is strong…but they both are still hoping for sexual fulfillment.  

Egypt Kaiba:  Thank you.  I'm glad you like the story.   

Lady Tamarisk:  Evangeline will eventually forgive Dumbledore now that she has Severus back.  Lupin will find a way to get over Evangeline.  He has to for his own sanity.   

BookWitch:  Yes, it was a risk, but she didn't have a whole lot of choice.  Thank you.  I'm glad you liked the pictures. 


	29. Confronting Old Wounds

                                                                                     Chapter Twenty-Nine: Confronting Old Wounds

As Evangeline and Severus climbed through the castle, Severus found himself slowing his steps.  Now that a decision to seek Madam Pomfrey's advice had been made, he wasn't going to back out of it, but at the same time he could feel his pulse beginning to race and uncomfortable feelings taking root in his stomach.  Was he simply reluctant to face the truth because he knew in his heart that it would be bad news?  Or was there more to it?  

Thoughtfully he turned his gaze on the woman at his side who held his hand tightly in hers and moved forward with such a determined look on her face.  If he was right, and nothing could be done, he was going to have to watch as the shadow of disappointment settled into her eyes, clouding their brilliance, as hope was lost.  How will he live with the fact that his physical infirmities will bring her sorrow every day…and night…of their life together?  She'll be brave and determined at first, but time will work a hideous magic of its own.  If the answer isn't held within the magical medical community will she really be able to accept the fact that she's married to a man who can't ever satisfy her needs?  Worse yet…to a man who still felt all the same yearnings he ever did, but could no longer act on them?  Could he stand to live with such temptation as she would provide every day of their lives together without becoming a bitter angry hateful husband?

How would it feel to live with her every day…sleep with her every night…hold her body in his arms and yet not be able to satisfy the deep yearnings that they'd both be feeling?  Could he do it?  No.  It would drive him insane.  It would make him impossible to live with.  He knew himself well enough to know that he'd begin to take his frustrations out on everyone around him…even her…especially her.  It would doom their marriage as surely as death ever could.

When this new thought hit, he came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the hallway just below the staircase that led up to the hospital wing.  Evangeline turned to him with a questioning look as he stopped moving.  A horrified expression bloomed on his suddenly ashen face and he shook his head and attempted speech.  "Evangeline…I…what if…I mean…"

With a smile of compassion and love, she took his face into her hands, and stared deeply into his eyes.  "Severus.  We have to know the truth.  It'll be all right.  No matter the outcome.  I'll be with you always.  Please don't worry."

Always…but would that be a good thing for either of them if this didn't work out?  Not wanting to admit his thoughts to her, he nodded stiffly.  As he nodded, she slipped her arms around his neck and slid in closer to his body.  His arms immediately…automatically…lovingly came up around her as she pressed her lips to his in reassurance of her love for him.  He responded to her kiss with passion and tried to ignore the deep ache it inspired in his groin.  

Oh please…if there's any fairness and compassion left in the world…don't let her have to suffer any more.  For surely as the sun will dawn in tomorrow's sky, if he had to remain in his current condition, he'd end up treating her badly once again out of frustration and pain, and she didn't deserve to have that happen.

When the two of them entered the infirmary, Poppy quickly bustled over to confront them with a no-nonsense scowl on her face.  "Well, it's about time you two showed up!  Remus Lupin has come and gone some time ago.  Before he headed off to report to Dumbledore, he told me that both of you had been injured as well.  What's taken you so long to get yourselves up here?  You can kiss and make up later, after all, once I've made sure that neither of you suffered any permanent damage from those horrid creatures who attacked you."

Evangeline looked seriously at Poppy.  "The damage done by the Death Eaters was minimal, Poppy, but there's something else we need your help with."

Poppy opened her mouth automatically to tell them not to be making medical decisions on their own, when something in their pale strained faces stopped her.  Instead she found herself nodding slowly and simply said, "All right, come with me."

She led them to the slightly more private back corner of the empty room and looked at them with serious eyes.  "Which one of you is the patient?"  She asked calmly.

Evangeline looked at Severus who swallowed with difficulty and responded in a low somewhat hesitant voice.  "I am, it appears."

Poppy nodded and gestured for him to take a seat on one of the beds.  The reluctant wizard sat down with the air of someone facing his own execution.  "I'd feel better about this if you'd draw the privacy drape, Poppy," he continued in the same quiet tone.  The very last thing he wanted was someone walking in at an inopportune moment.  It was bad enough that Evangeline and Poppy would have to see what was hidden under his clothing.  It would be simply intolerable to suddenly be faced with an even wider audience.  Perhaps that prat Potter might stub his toe or something, and then where would he be?  An object of ridicule and derision throughout the school in a matter of hours, that's where.

Evangeline moved swiftly away to draw the curtain around them and returned to his side once she'd finished while Severus slowly began to unbutton his shirt.  Once he'd completed the task, he opened it and stared stonily at Poppy, waiting for her horrified gasp.

Although no gasp was forthcoming, her mouth did drop open in stunned surprise, and she stared at him silently with a shocked expression on her face.  Without a word she reached over and removed the shirt from his body completely.  Then she ran her fingers delicately over the entwining lumps and ridges of discolored scar tissue trying to ascertain their cause.  In a slightly shaky and rather perturbed voice she said, "Damn it, Severus.  Why didn't you come to see me when you arrived here two days ago?  This was obviously done to you while you were that creature's prisoner."

Snape's answer was low pitched and little above a whisper.  "Much of this is very old now, Poppy.  I didn't believe there could be anything you could possibly do to help me after all this time.  I know that scars are easier to manipulate when they're new, and frankly, I wasn't eager for anyone to see what had happened to me…not even you."

She nodded in understanding.  "Well, you might be surprised at what I can do.  These scars have different origins, though, don't they?  What caused them?"

Wincing in remembered pain, he closed his eyes as the hateful details of the scars' creation flitted tauntingly through his mind while Poppy bent nearer to examine him more closely.  Once again he momentarily regretted the fact that when his memory had returned to him, the agonizing memories of all he'd experienced in the past year had flooded in along with everything else.   He forced himself to speak quietly in a matter of fact tone that hid the wealth of pain that was seared into his thoughts.  "Some are burns, both magical and chemical…some were inflicted by a lash, both unadorned and one with several nasty metal tips, but most of them were done with a very sharp knife."

"A lot of them were badly infected at one time or another weren't they?  That tends to make the resultant scarring worse.  In fact, if I'm not mistaken, a few of these are still infected underneath the skin.  Does it hurt when I apply pressure here, Severus?"  Poppy glanced up at her patient while pushing gently on a spot on his back that was redder and a touch more swollen than most of the badly discolored skin surrounding it.

Snape flinched slightly and nodded, "Yes.  It is a bit more tender there.  Infection is to be expected, I suppose.  Prompt medical attention isn't usually a hallmark of a stay in the Dark Lord's prison cells.  Adequate sanitary conditions aren't exactly a priority either."

With a snort of agreement and a shake of her head, Poppy pulled out her wand and began a series of probing medical scans while Snape sat there quietly and held Evangeline's hand tightly in his own.  Not quite daring to hope just yet.

After an initial examination, Poppy had Snape remove the rest of his clothing and lie down and then she examined every inch of him in detail once again.  As Severus undressed and exposed all of his horrid wounds for view, Evangeline's heart ached even more with each passing moment, and she tried not to show on her face just how much it distressed her to see the full extent of her husband's injuries.  The brutality of what had been done to him shocked her.  The suffering he went through was almost beyond her capacity to truly comprehend.  How could anyone inflict such abuse on a fellow human being?   Voldemort and his creatures were even more perverted and inhuman than she'd thought.  As he lay there and allowed his disfigured body to be inspected in this impersonal yet necessary way she instinctively tightened her grip on his hand and stroked it gently in reassurance as he squeezed back in gratitude for her support.

Poppy took her time with her examination not wanting to overlook anything and to be sure that she had an accurate picture of what it would be necessary to do in order to treat Severus' injuries. The whole process took quite awhile, but once she was done, she faced the two of them immediately with her preliminary results.  "Well, I can't guarantee that I can get rid of all these scars for you, but most of them should be treatable," she said with a heartening smile.

Hope flared at her encouraging words, and flashed even brighter as she continued, touching on the subject that they'd both been more concerned about than either of them wanted to admit.

"As far as I can determine there's no permanent damage that should prevent you from functioning sexually, Severus.  I imagine, judging from some of the scar tissue, that you've been concerned about that, and it would probably be rather difficult and very painful at the moment, though perhaps not impossible, it's hard to say.  It would depend on how determined you were and how high your pain threshold was, and I know from experience that yours is pretty high.  I can't imagine there'd be much enjoyment in it, though."  Both Evangeline and Severus blushed and squirmed slightly at her words, although the thoughtfully absorbed mediwitch appeared not to notice as she continued.

"However, I shouldn't have any trouble at all removing the constricting scar tissue that might've interfered there.  One treatment should put that to right, pretty easily.  Then everything should function as well as it did before, although there might be some residual soreness for a short time.  You should even be capable of fathering another child should the two of you decide to try again to have a family.   There appears to be no underlying damage at all there.  However, it will take a little time to remove some of the other scars.  Several treatments will be necessary to repair all the damage that can be repaired and treat the underlying infections, and yes, there is more than one spot that's still infected.   On the positive side, I anticipate that at least 90% of the scars will yield to treatment.  Once we get started, I'll be able to judge more accurately.  Would you like to begin now?  The sooner the better, it seems to me."

Snape nodded at her, a little dazed at hearing that what he'd thought was a permanent disfigurement might not be that at all.  "What exactly would this treatment involve, Poppy?"

"Well, it's a process of medical transfiguration that I've been working on with Minerva.  Through the use of several ointments and potions that are activated by transfiguration spells, I'll be transfiguring the damaged tissue back into its unmarked state.  It's worked quite well on a small scale.  You'll be the first large scale guinea pig I've had, though.  It's not a perfect process, Severus.  I won't lie to you.  The burns, for instance, may be rather stubborn and may not yield perfect results.  I think it has something to do with the chemical changes that occur in the skin when it's burned.  However, it should still be a big improvement over what you have now.  Do you want to try it?"

The overwhelming relief that the tense couple felt at Poppy's words left them both feeling weak in the knees.  Severus turned to Evangeline with a glimmer of hope in his eyes, and she smiled in relief and bent and kissed him gently.   When she pulled back from him, he turned back to Poppy feeling less burdened than he had for a very long time.  "By all means, Poppy, let's begin right away."

Poppy nodded and smiled at the two of them.  "Good.  You'll have to stay the night, Severus.  Now the initial stages of the treatment are rather uncomfortable.  I'd imagine that they could be down right painful on the scale we'll be dealing with in your case."

Snape snorted shortly and spoke in a slightly acerbic tone of voice.  "Uncomfortable, you say?  Really, Poppy, do you think acquiring these charming little adornments in the first place was a pleasant and comfortable experience?  A little pain is not going to discourage me, I assure you."

Poppy nodded and patted Snape on the shoulder reassuringly, "All right, Severus.  You just stay put and I'll nip into the back and get the potions I'll need, and we can begin."

With a comforting smile for both of them, she turned around to go and get some things from her office.

Severus turned once more to Evangeline and found her smiling happily down at him.  She stepped up closer to him so she could feel the warmth from his skin as she slid her arms around his shoulders and leaned down and kissed him gently.  He brought his arms up around her and held her close while he deepened the kiss, softly, lovingly.  Feeling true hope for their future together for the first time in days.  His fears melted like wax in the sunshine of hope.  He had his wife back at last, and with luck, he might get his life back as well.  It was so much more than he ever expected. As they parted he smiled into her sparkling eyes.  "Thank you, Evangeline, for not giving up on me."

"Oh, Severus.  How could I ever give up on you?  My life is so empty without you in it.  I love you.  Things will work out for us this time.  You'll see.  The worst is over."  

"I truly hope so."

                          ************************************************************************************************

It was fairly late when Evangeline finally left the infirmary for the night.  Poppy had insisted on putting Severus to sleep while she treated his scars.  The whole process was quite time consuming involving the use of many potions and creams and the spells that activated them.  Evangeline suspected that Poppy was right, and it would be a rather painful and tedious ordeal, and was glad that Severus would sleep through most of it.  It had been bad enough that he'd had to suffer through the creation of all those scars; it would have been heart breaking for her to have to watch him suffer through their removal as well.  After one treatment she could already see more improvement than she expected and was now very encouraged.  Perhaps they'd be able to get their lives back, after all.  At least most of their lives, her throat tightened incrementally at that painful thought, for nothing could ever replace that part of themselves that now lay in the small grave behind the castle.

Once Poppy had a free moment from treating Severus, she'd treated Evangeline's minor injuries as well and insisted that she go home and get some rest.   

Poppy smiled at the younger witch as she finished healing up the wound on her forearm.  "You should go get some rest now, Evangeline.  Severus will be fine.  He'll sleep through the night easily.  There's nothing you can do for him at the moment.  I've got one more series of treatments to perform tonight, and then I certainly intend to get some sleep myself. So there's no sense in your staying.  Come back in the morning and you can take him with you then."

Evangeline smiled at her gratefully.  "Thank you for all you've done, Poppy.  Despite my trying to be encouraging for Severus' sake, I really was so afraid that he was right and there wouldn't be anything that you could do to help him.  You have no idea how glad I am that I was wrong about that."

Poppy smiled kindly.  "Oh, I think I have some idea, Evangeline."

Evangeline blushed and threw her arms around the mediwitch.  "Thank you, anyway."

She pulled back and looked over at her sleeping husband.  "I hate to leave him again, Poppy, we've spent far too much time apart.  I know there really isn't anything that I can do at the moment, but couldn't I just…"

Poppy put her arm around the young woman's shoulders and turned her around, guiding her firmly to the door.  "No, you can't sleep in one of the other beds, Evangeline.  I told you that I have more treatments to give Severus, and you need some rest.  You look exhausted.  I imagine it's been quite awhile since you've gotten a full night's sleep." 

Poppy reached into the pocket of the apron she wore over her robe.  "Here…I almost forgot to give this to you."  She withdrew a wand and handed it to Evangeline.

"Remus left this with me, he said it was yours.  I imagine you'd like to have it back."

Evangeline reached out and took the wand and stared at it in surprise, having forgotten its loss completely.  "Thank you. I lost this in the grass at home.  Remus must have found it."  She looked up at Poppy feeling guilty that she hadn't enquired about Remus before.  "Was Remus all right, Poppy?  He hadn't been too badly injured by the Death Eaters, had he?"

Poppy smiled reassuringly and shook her head.  "No, Remus is fine.  He received some shallow cuts and burns just like you and Severus did, but they weren't anything that I couldn't take care of easily.  Now go home and get some rest.  There's no more need to worry about Remus or Severus tonight. 

As Evangeline looked as if she was about to protest some more, Poppy put on her sternest face and opened the infirmary door.  "No arguments, Evangeline.  Go home and get some real sleep.  Everything will be all right, don't worry.  Come back and get Severus in the morning." 

Although she hated being parted from Severus for yet more time, she recognized that arguing with Poppy wasn't going to get her anywhere.  So she bowed to the inevitable and left with one final lingering glance behind her at the sleeping form of her husband.

                          *************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  

Arachne's Child:  Thank you.  It was difficult to hit just the right balance with the last chapter.  I wanted to give Remus a chance to grieve over his loss, but I didn't want to tip over the edge and get too sappy and depressing.  I'm glad you thought I hit the right tone.

Xhana:  As much as he might think so now, I don't think Remus will give up on finding love.

Jasara:  Thanks. :)

Rickfan37:  Well, it's obvious that Remus sees Snape differently than we do, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  You'll just have to wait and see what I have in mind for Remus, but as you say, I'm quite fond of him.

Snapefan51:  Life isn't really a bummer…just busy at the moment.  You got plenty of the 100% genuine article in this chapter.  I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Whale of the World:  Yes, Remus needs to move on and there are certainly opportunities for him out there.  He just needs to find them.

Zagzagael:  Thank you.  I'm glad you like my wolf.  :)


	30. Putting the Pieces Together

                                                                                   Chapter Thirty:  Putting The Pieces Together

When Evangeline exited the painted realm and entered her cottage, she found herself wondering if Remus would still be there.  She wanted to see him again, to thank him for saving Severus' life, and to see how he was doing.  With a guilty shock, she realized that she hadn't given Remus' feelings a second thought when she'd leaped into Severus' arms back in the Forbidden Forest.  She'd been so relieved to see her husband alive and had been so overwhelmed by his loving response to her, that concerns for Remus had faded into nothingness, and she was sorry and rather ashamed about that.  Remus had been so kind to her and in return she'd given him nothing but pain.  She knew that she didn't deserve his loyalty and his compassion and certainly not his love.

She came out of a seascape into the quiet of her studio, and as she crossed the room her most prized painting spoke to her.  "Good evening, Evangeline.  I'm rather surprised to see you back here this evening."

With a smile for the Potions Master, she approached his painting and asked, "Why wouldn't you expect to see me?  I've come back every evening."

"True, but the werewolf said that you'd reconciled with your husband.  I assumed that that meant you'd be spending the night with him.  Is there a problem after all?"

She shook her head in reassurance.  "No.  There isn't a problem.  In fact the future looks pretty wonderful.  I'll be moving back to Hogwarts to be with him again just as soon as possible, but tonight…well, he had something else that he needed to do this evening, that's all.  I'll see him first thing in the morning."

The portrait raised an eyebrow at this slightly evasive answer, but refrained from questioning her any further.  "I'm glad that things have been resolved between you and your husband.  You deserve to be happy, Evangeline.  I'm sure that you will be now that he's back in your life…and you've finally managed to shake off the attentions of that annoying Gryffindor."

At the mention of Remus, a flush of guilt ran through her again and she eyed the portrait Snape thoughtfully.  "You said that Remus told you that Severus and I had reconciled.  Does that mean that he's here?"  Her eyes flew to the doorway into the sitting room as she contemplated going to look for him.

The portrait snorted shortly and grimaced as he crossed his arms and replied, "He was here, but thankfully he's gone.  Hopefully never to return.  You're well rid of him if you ask me."

A frown crossed her face as she turned back to the portrait.  "Did the two of you argue?  Were you rude to him?  He had a very trying day.  He really didn't deserve to be talked down to by you this evening."

Snape raised an eyebrow and regarded her with faint amusement, "Are you afraid that I might have hurt the sensitive wolf's feelings?  Well, you needn't worry.  He didn't seem insulted by anything that I said to him…unfortunately.  Although he wasn't exactly thrilled to hear the truth, he did seem to finally accept defeat in the matter of your relationship.  I doubt if he truly understands your love for your husband, but he does seem to have accepted that the two of you are going to be together, and that that fact leaves him rather out in the cold."

A shiver ran through Evangeline as she thought about Remus and how alone he must be feeling right now.  "Yes," she whispered sadly, "Yes, it does."

With a murmured good night for the painting, the somber witch turned and left the studio, passing into the silent sitting room where she paused and looked around.  This place had been a welcome haven for her during a time of absolute despair.  It would always feel like a place of refuge, but it wouldn't ever be an easy place to live again.  There was too much pain wrapped up in these rooms…and too much wolf.  Quietly she moved through the cottage looking for any sign of Remus, but he seemed to have been quite thorough in his picking up.   He hadn't been able to remove all reminders of his presence though she realized as she paused by the Christmas tree that he'd helped her to pick out and decorate.  The golden ornaments that he'd shown her how to create sparkled brightly on its boughs and increased the melancholy in her heart.

Slowly she climbed the stairs and checked in the spare bedroom where most of his things had been.  His bag was gone, the dresser empty, the portrait must have been right; he must've packed up his things and gone back to Hogwarts.  Probably he felt that she was unlikely to need his company any more now that she and Severus had reconciled, and he was right.  Guilt stabbed even more deeply at her.  Remus was such a wonderful man, and she'd enjoyed being with him so very much.  If only her heart hadn't already been totally captivated by Severus, she knew that she'd have been happy to have had someone as wonderful as Remus in her life.  Shame ran through her once more as she thought about their relationship.  She'd hurt him deeply and there was no way to repair that kind of damage.  Emotional scars can be so much deeper than physical ones.

When she turned to leave the empty bedroom, her eyes fell on the painting that she'd given to Remus for Christmas.  He'd left it behind.  She couldn't really blame him.   It probably was a painful reminder of things he'd rather forget.  Feeling much sadder than she had before, she returned to her own bedroom.  As she magically lit the candles upon entering the room her eyes fell on a shirt that lay crumpled up and partially hidden under the side of the bed.  It appeared that he hadn't taken everything after all; she crossed the room and bent down to retrieve it.  When she straightened up she balled the soft fabric up in her hands and buried her face in its folds inhaling the scent of its owner.  Sharp images of Remus filled her mind, regret and sadness prickled at her conscience, and she sank down onto the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Remus.  I turned out to be the very worst thing that ever could have happened to you.  I tried to love you.  I really did, but I just couldn't give you the love you really needed.  My heart wasn't in it, and that was so unfair to you.  I simply couldn't let anyone take the place that Severus held in my heart.  I should never have let you talk me into becoming your lover.  If I'd been stronger and followed my heart and my conscience things would have turned out so much better for both of us.  I hope you can forgive me someday for all the pain I caused you."  With a sad sigh, she brought the shirt down away from her face and laid it gently on the bed smoothing it tenderly with her hand.

With a much heavier heart, she rose from the bed and began to unfasten her gown.  Slowly she exchanged her clothes for a nightgown and went over to her dresser to remove her earrings.  On top of the dresser lay the moonstone necklace glimmering softly in the candlelight.  She reached out to touch it gently.  Reminders of Remus' kindness were everywhere and his presence was likely to fill this cottage for a long time to come.  It was probably just as well that she'd be moving back in with Severus instead of him coming here.  It would be unbearably awkward every time one of them came across some reminder of her affair with the werewolf.  She'd have to be sure that she checked the cottage over thoroughly before Severus ever set foot here again.  No need to take even the slightest chance of causing him any more pain…not when they were finally beginning to heal and finding their way back to each other.

Extinguishing the candles, she climbed into her bed and tried to get herself to sleep.  Hoping to find some comfort, she told herself that this would be the last night she spent alone.  That from now on she'd be once again spending her nights wrapped in her husband's loving embrace.  Just the thought of once more being held in his strong arms, of spending her nights with him in their bed, made her sigh with contentment.  She'd missed the simple warmth of his embrace more than anything else in all the months that she'd spent alone. Now finally that would become her reality again. With that happy thought she drifted off to sleep.  Yet hope for the future warred with sadness over the past invading her dreams, both Remus and Severus swirled through her thoughts all night, making her sleep a rather restless and unsettled affair.

The next day Evangeline woke to face the world feeling somewhat tired.  As she got out of bed and drew back the curtains to face the sunshine of the new morning, she forced herself to banish the doubts and conflictions of the night and instead to feel hopeful and happy as she anticipated a joyful reunion with Severus.  Resolutely she decided that she couldn't change the past…she could only move forward and suddenly she found herself very eager to do so.  Once she'd dressed, she opened a drawer in her dresser and withdrew a box that had sat untouched for a long time.  Inside the box were her wedding and engagement rings, along with Severus' wedding band.  With a smile on her face, she removed her rings from the box and slipped them back onto her finger.  A peaceful comforting feeling came over her as she looked at them, it felt so good to wear them again, to know that they truly held meaning for the future instead of simply being reminders of the past.  Then she picked up Severus' ring and held it in her hand.  She'd give it back to him today.  Hopefully he'd want to put it on again and once more proclaim to the world that he was her husband, and they belonged together.                     

Eager to see how well Poppy's treatments had gone, she left the confines of her tiny cottage and returned to the rambling hugeness of Hogwarts castle.  When she entered the infirmary, she saw Severus sitting on the edge of his bed, buttoning up his shirt.  As he hadn't seen her enter the room, she crept quietly up behind him, knelt on the bed, and slipped her arms around his slender body, squeezing gently as she placed a kiss on his neck.  "Good morning, Severus.  How are you feeling this morning?"

In answer, he turned around and grabbed her tightly, pulling her off the bed and across his lap to be held securely in his arms as he bent and kissed her thoroughly.  The feeling of being in his arms again, of having his lips pressed once more to hers as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth and warred playfully with her own, was indescribably wonderful.   Oh, yes, looking to the future was a happy thing and greatly to be desired.

When he finally pulled his face back from her own, she smiled contentedly up at him.  "I take that to mean that you're feeling better this morning."

He returned her smile.  "I feel much better than I have in quite some time.  Poppy's treatments have already worked wonders.  I'd forgotten how it felt to be able to move freely without stiffness or burning irritation to my skin.  The scars had been so constricting for such a long time; it had felt as if I was wearing clothing that was far too tight and that pinched in all the wrong places.  Although visually most of the scars are still there, they no longer bind my limbs and rub against my clothes with each movement.  I'm beginning to feel human again.  It's been a long time."

Lifting a hand to brush his hair back from his face, she smiled even brighter.  "That's wonderful.  Poppy will be able to put things right again, you'll see.  The future will be much brighter than the past."

"If you're in it, Evangeline, I have no doubt that that will prove to be true.  However, there are still things in the past that we need to deal with."

She nodded thoughtfully.  "Yes.  Here's one."  She reached into her pocket and drew out his wedding band.  Holding it out to him with a solemn air, she asked, "Do you want this back, Severus?"

After a moment's hesitation, he released her from his grasp and allowed her to sit up next to him on the narrow bed, as he reached out and took the ring from her hand.  Swallowing hard he stared at it for a moment as if unsure just what to do with it, then he slipped it back onto his slightly trembling finger.  "Before you arrived, Albus came to see me.  We talked about a lot of things, but one of the things we discussed was renewing the binding magic that the Dark Lord broke.  Would you be willing to renew our vows, Evangeline?  It's not really necessary to the legality of the marriage, but the binding does lend an intimacy to the relationship that I've found that I miss…very much."  His dark eyes earnestly searched her face for her response.

So happy she felt as if her heart would be unable to contain it all, she smiled up at him.  "Oh, Severus…of course I would.  I've missed that emotional connection, too…so very much.  I vividly remember when it was severed.  The shock left me unconscious on the floor of your classroom.  Afterwards I felt so unfocused…not sure at first just what had happened to me.  It should never have happened.  I'll be more than happy to renew the binding.  It's been missing from my life for far too long.  I need to feel that deep connection again."

Immensely relieved, he smiled at her. "I'm glad you feel that way.  I told Albus that, with your agreement, we'd take care of that little detail later this afternoon.  Does that meet with your approval?"

She nodded.  "Absolutely.  The sooner, the better.  Now, are you ready to get out of here?"

His smile broadened.  "More than ready.  Poppy had somewhere she had to go, but before she left, she told me that I was free to leave as soon as you got here.  I'll need to return tomorrow night for another intensive treatment apparently, then I'll only need to come in a few more times during the day, no more overnight stays.  In a week or so, the worst of the scarring should be gone or at least extremely minimized.  No longer will that be all you'll see when you look at me.  I'd have never believed it could be so easy."

"Severus…that would never be all I'd see…no matter what."  They exchanged smiles once more.  "Amazingly some things are easy.  I'm so glad this is turning out to be one of them."

He stood up and looked down at her seriously.  "Yes well, I think it's time that the two of us faced something that won't be so easy."

She stood as well taking his hand in hers and looking up at him in concern.  "What do you mean?"

"Our daughter needs a name, and we need to give her one…together."

                                 *******************************************************************************************

While a brisk wind chilled their bodies to match the heavy coldness in their hearts, Severus stood with his arms wrapped tightly around Evangeline, his heavy woolen cloak enfolded the two of them as she leaned her back against the solidity of his chest.  Sadly they stared at the standing stone in the lonely little graveyard and tried to draw comfort from each other.

With a deep twinge of pain and a tightness in her throat, Evangeline whispered, "What do you suppose that thing is that's buried with our daughter, Severus?  Everyone was so sure it was your head.  I should've never believed them, but it seemed so real…so certain."

Severus gently rested his chin on the top of her head as he replied softly.  "I don't know.  It was obviously created by powerful dark magic, a form of transfiguration most likely, probably using bits taken directly from me after I was captured at Malfoy Manor.  I don't remember that time…I think I was unconscious for quite a while, at first.  I'm so sorry that happened.  It must've been indescribably awful for you.  I can't even imagine what it must've been like to open that box and find that horror inside."

Haltingly Evangeline nodded as her tears flowed silently down her face leaving stiff frozen tracks on the pale skin.  "It was the single most horrible moment of my life.  It destroyed so much.  We can renew the binding magic and heal most of your wounds, but we can't ever replace the time we lost together or the child that Voldemort's malevolence took from us.  She's lost to us forever.  I wasn't even here when they buried her.  I never saw her…never held her…I should've been stronger.  Instead, I was hiding inside my grief, trying to escape from my pain.  Sometimes I dream about her.  Our little girl.  She has your dark hair and eyes and the sweetest smile I've ever seen, and she runs to me with her arms outstretched, so full of love and life and…I…I always wake up crying.  It's so unfair!  I should have protected her!  I should have been stronger…why wasn't I stronger?!"

Snape strengthened his hold on his wife and held her more tightly as she turned her face to his chest and began to cry more forlornly while guilt and pain crept up and sank their nasty little teeth into her soul once more.  He closed his eyes and listened to the misery that poured from her heart and filled his own in turn.  "Please, don't blame yourself, Evangeline.  None of this was your fault; you did everything you could.  We simply have to face up to this and move on.  The only thing we can do for her now is to give her her own identity.  She shouldn't rest in a grave marked by her father's name.  She needs her own."

Trying to regain her emotional control, Evangeline wiped her tears from her face with stiff fingers and nodded as she tried to calm her ragged breathing enough to speak.  "Yes," she whispered hoarsely.  "We'd never gotten to the point of thinking of names for her, though, Severus.  I can remember talking about it that morning you …left.  You were supposed to think about baby names.  I don't suppose you ever got around to it, though.  Do you have any suggestions now?"

With an air of solemnity he nodded as his long fingers caressed his wife's hair comfortingly.  "You were right about me, Evangeline.  I was afraid to become a father, and so I found myself putting off and pushing away all thoughts of the practical aspects of fatherhood, as if that would allow me to escape from the reality for a short while longer.  Unfortunately that included choosing a name for our child.  I deeply regret that now, and I've actually thought about it quite a lot since I've been back.   It seems to me that it might be a good choice to name her after your mother…Galatea."

"My mother would be happy with that, but there should be something from your family, too, Severus."

He snorted and shook his head regretfully.  "By and large, the Snape family hasn't run to pleasant sounding names.  I'd hate to saddle her with Agrippina or Hortensia."

Evangeline smiled sadly up into his eyes, "They don't really trip lightly from the tongue, do they?  What was the name of your great aunt, whose ring I'm so fond of?"

Snape's expression lightened slightly, "Ah, yes.  She married into the family, thus she fared better in that way.  Her name was Adriana."

"Adriana.  I like it.  Adriana Galatea Snape."  She looked up at him for his approval.

He nodded in satisfaction.  "I like it, too.  Shall I?"  He withdrew his wand.  At her nod of agreement, he made the alteration in the headstone.  Instead of his name incised in the hard gray granite, it now bore the name of their daughter and the date of her birth and death, sadly one and the same.

                                  ******************************************************************************************

Tired eyes looked out through a window located on one of the upper floors of the castle and sadly watched the two figures standing very much together in their shared grief.   As Remus Lupin looked on, the tall wizard drew his wand and changed the name on the headstone; the two figures standing in the snow stared at it for a bit longer and then turned and slowly made their way back to the castle tightly wrapped in each other's arms.

Lupin was too far away to read the name that now was carved into the stone, but it was a good feeling to know that the innocent, murdered by evil, now had her own name to rest under for eternity.  Bit by bit, Evangeline and Severus were picking up the pieces of their life and moving forward.

With steady resolve, the werewolf made his way back to the quiet of his room and withdrew a piece of parchment from his desk.  Then with determination in his heart, he sat down to write on it.  There was one other thing he could do to help them to face the future more easily…and he knew it would help him, too.  So very much.

                                  *****************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  For those who celebrate it, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Dark Jezebel:  Glad you're happy.

Whale of the World:  The transfiguration treatment won't eliminate all of Severus' scars, but it will minimize the worst of them and make life easier and more comfortable for him.

Zagzagael:   No, I hate stories where everything always works out perfectly.  Life isn't like that.  Severus will always bear scars from this period of his life, both physical and emotional.

Snapefan51:  I imagine that Poppy will probably tell Minerva that she used their treatment on Severus if he is willing for her to.  That she's treating him for injuries suffered while he was imprisoned is unlikely to remain a secret at any rate.  You'll just have to read the rest of the story and make your own judgments as to whether Severus and Evangeline are going to be happy again.

Gracelynn:  Not being able to consummate their love for each other would be very hard on both of them and wearing on the relationship in the long run.  Thanks for your kind words.

Arsinoe3:  Snape isn't a man who asks for help easily or is too willing to even admit that there's a problem.  He needed to have someone else force the issue.

WendeeB:  It was a nice surprise to see your comments on ff.net.  :)  It's never silly to comment on the content of the story.  I want to hear what you think.

Bookwitch:  If I write another story about Severus and Evangeline, I will try to have Severus meet his portrait, but it's not going to happen here.  Poppy is very competent in my opinion…obviously.  :)

Arachne's Child:  I know I'm often guilty of having more shoes to drop than an Acromantula, but this story is coming to an end.  Lucius will have to wait patiently for another tale to wreak havoc in.

Rickfan37:  I'm so glad you found my transfiguration treatment plausible.  Hopefully most of the loose ends will be tied up to everyone's satisfaction.  There are, of course, things which will have no easy resolution.

Nataly Ravenlock:  Soap Operas tend to deal with emotional upheaval and so does this story.  I won't deny it.  Snape had what seemed to him to be valid reason's to let Evangeline go and be with Remus.  He wanted her safe and happy…two things he didn't think he could do for her in his present condition.  When he thought her dead suddenly none of that mattered to him except how much he loved her.  Sorry it didn't work for you.

Whitewolf02:  Thanks.  I'm glad you think my characterization of Snape is on target.

Werecat99:  I'm glad you were able to find some free time to catch up.  I know you've been awfully busy.  This chapter will mark our last glimpse of the painting, hope you enjoyed it. :)

CrisisKris:  Thank you.  Please, relax.  It's easy sailing from here on out.


	31. Soul Dance

                                                                                             Chapter Thirty-One:  Soul Dance 

When they were once more within the dungeon quarters that she remembered so fondly, Evangeline gazed around at all the open boxes strewn about with their contents in disarray and shook her head.  "Severus weren't you ever going to put some of this stuff away, or did you plan to live out of boxes for the rest of your life?"

He raised an eyebrow at her as he was hanging their cloaks on a hook by the door.  "I fully intended to unpack everything, Evangeline.  I've had a lot on my mind since I've been back.  I simply haven't been much in the mood."

Looking at all the empty brandy and whisky bottles that lined the otherwise clean desk, it was clear what sort of mood Severus had been in these past few days.  Hopefully that was all changed now.

Turning her attention back to the boxes, Evangeline suggested, "Well, now we can do it together, I suppose.  I'll need to get my things from the cottage, but perhaps we should deal with this mess, first."

Coming up behind his wife as she peered down into the nearest box, Severus encircled his sheltering arms around her and bent down to nuzzle her neck.  "Perhaps we could leave all that for later, Evangeline," he murmured yearningly.  "As I believe I told you yesterday, I haven't had occasion to make love for more than a year.  Now that Poppy has assured me that everything is in working order, I very much want to take her at her word and put it to the test, but a test would be ever so much more effective…and enjoyable…if I don't do it alone.  Would you join me my Angel and make love to me again?"

His quiet words sent a shiver all the way to her soul as she gently caressed the darkly clad arms that held her and leaned back into her husband's encircling warmth.  "Oh, yes," she sighed contentedly.  "I think a test is long overdue."

Sliding around in his arms, she took his face into her hands and gently brought his lips down to meet hers.  Just the barest touch of their sweetness was enough to send waves of desire cascading through her body.  Ever so slowly they deepened the kiss to touch, taste, and explore each other once more.  Suddenly time stretched before them endlessly, whispering its promises seductively in their willing ears.  The next few hours were entirely theirs to do with as they wished.  No one to interrupt them, no one to hold them back, they needed to account for themselves to no other person.  Long slow minutes and hours to be savored in a rediscovery of each other and the love that they still shared.

Evangeline entwined her hands in her husband's dark hair, enjoying the smooth feel of it slipping softly through her fingers, as she settled her body up against his, back once more where it truly belonged.  Nothing had felt so right…so perfectly right in more than a year.  Her hands slowly caressed the planes of his face re-memorizing its shape, its feel, its taste...as her lips gently followed her fingertips.  She slid her hands across the expanse of his shoulders and down his arms to snake back around his waist and feel him pressed close to her again.

His hands played at the same game of touch and stroke and caress as they moved gently through her thick hair down her neck and slowly down the curve of her back to contently fondle the smooth roundness of her derriere at the end of his reach.  Then with a burst of sudden intensity, Severus swept her off her feet and whirled around and carried her into the bedroom as she clung tightly to him.  Her heart pounded out the staccato beats of her joy and happiness as she laid her head against his shoulder and anticipated being truly intimate with her husband for the first time all over again.

Reaching his goal quickly, he bent and gently laid her down on the unmade bed in the middle of the cluttered room and lay down beside her.  Evangeline ran her hands over the uneven surface of the mattress and looked questioningly over at him.

"Severus, why isn't the bed made?  You've been living here for two days already.  Haven't you been sleeping here, too?"

A sigh escaped his lips and he gathered her up into his arms as he kissed her gently before answering her question.  "I couldn't face sleeping in the bed without you. I've been spending my nights in one of the chairs in front of the fire, when I was able to sleep at all, that is.  It was simply easier…less painful."

Anxious to ease the pain she heard so clearly in his voice she threw her arms around him once more and held him tightly.  "Oh, Severus, I'm sorry that I hurt you so much.  Causing you pain is the last thing I'd ever want to do."

Comforted by the familiar warmth of her body pressed against his own, he shook his head and breathed in the sweet rose scent of her hair as he spoke softly. "No.  It's I who owe you the apology.  You were trying for days to explain things to me, and I was too afraid to listen to you.  You had every right to go on with your life when you thought I'd died.  It was wrong of me to have ..."

She drew back and reached up a hand to cover his mouth and gently stop him from going on.

"No, Severus.  We can both apologize until the giants come home to Britain, but it won't change anything.  I know you're sorry, and you know that I am.  Let's just try to leave things at that and go on.  I want so much to leave all the pain of the past year behind us and just look forward to our future.  I finally have you where I've so longed for you to be…in my arms again.  This is the miracle that I wished for so often in the last year even though I had no true hope that it would ever happen.  I don't want to think about anything else.  Let's just enjoy this moment.  Together."

Together.  That one small word had the most wonderful sound imaginable to it.  Once more life was surprising him, and for once the surprise was a pleasant one.  This time things would go well.  He'd see that they did no matter what he had to do.  No one would separate them again.  No one.  Never again.

He hovered over her body as she lay on the bed and looked up at him with shining eyes.  Once more his fingertips caressed her face and hair with wondering gentle strokes.  Then with a small knowing smile on his face, he began to unfasten her gown and ease it off her shoulders, revealing the white silk shift that she wore beneath it.  Slowly his fingers moved from button to button gently easing the fabric-covered nubs through their holes, one after another in a simple rhythm, while she breathed in and out and her chest rose and fell beneath his light touch.

Finally he opened the gown completely and eased the soft woolen fabric down off her body and discarded it on the floor by the bed.   He then slipped off her shoes and ran his hands lightly up the side of her silk clad legs as he bent down to kiss her once again.  His wife had been nothing more than a dream to him for so long that he was determined to savor his reintroduction to the reality of her intimate presence.  Her smooth skin felt as enticing as he remembered and he was determined to reacquaint himself with every inch.  In his absence she'd known another as intimately as she'd once known him, so this was his chance to wipe those memories from her mind, to reassert his place in her life, and to remove any lingering reminders of Remus Lupin from her thoughts forever.  He'd grind them into the dust if he could, but that thought was for another time…not now.

While Severus was exploring Evangeline's lightly clad form, her fingers were eagerly releasing the fastenings on his clothes as well.  His loose black robe fluttered down to join her gown in a pile on the floor quite quickly, but she struggled a bit with the heavier frock coat due to the delicious distraction of what he was doing to her neck and shoulders while she was trying to make her fingers work the buttons properly.  Once he obligingly shrugged out of the unbuttoned coat, she sighed with relief at finally making some progress.  The man had always worn far too many layers of clothing for her taste…at least under certain circumstances. 

As she smiled at her husband when he turned once more to her after laying the jacket aside, a gleam of bright silver behind his head caught her attention. Involuntarily she gave a soft gasp as she recognized the herald of Slytherin's study twinkling brightly on the stones waiting silently to be noticed and heeded.  Severus frowned at the surprise on her face and twisted around to discover its source.  They both sat up and stared at the small serpent charm, and then turned to contemplate each other.  A warm rose scented wind caressed them both as they returned their gazes to the snake.  It was obviously an invitation, and as Severus at least knew, perhaps it was also a command.

Evangeline was the first to utter a word.  "Should we accept?" she whispered hesitantly, her last trip to the study still ached in the back of her mind.

Severus sighed as he too remembered the pain of his last visit to Slytherin's study.  "As I discovered a few days ago, if it wants us to come, it has ways of enforcing its wishes."

"Really?  Has it appeared to you since you've been back?"

He nodded slowly, "Yes.  It was quite emphatic in its wish that I visit.  It wanted to welcome me back and to tell me how to live my life."  His tone was dry and slightly irritated which peaked Evangeline's curiosity.

"What did it want you to do?" she asked softly.

With a snort he turned and looked at her, amusement gleaming in his eyes.  "It wanted me to take you back.  I, of course, was still furious about not finding you wasting away with grief over my absence and so I'm afraid that I wasn't particularly sympathetic to the room's desires at the time.  Though it was right, of course.  Having you with me once more was what I truly needed.  I just didn't want to hear it then.  I was rather rude when I left.  Who knows what sort of reception we'll find if we return."

Evangeline ran a comforting hand down his arm.  "The last time I was in the study, the room was in deep mourning for your passing.  As hard as it was to be there without you, I found it rather comforting to see such an outpouring of sympathy and grief.  I do believe Slytherin…or whoever's spirit controls that room, wishes us well, Severus.  I think we should go…see what it wants."

The Potions Master nodded, "All right.  Let's see what it wants of us now.  Perhaps it simply wishes to rub my nose in the fact that it was right, and I was wrong."

Evangeline smiled at his mocking tone, and the two of them got up from the bed and approached the snake on the wall.  While Evangeline watched, Severus extended a hand to the silver charm and opened the passageway that led to the serpent door and the study beyond.  When they traversed the tunnel and again twisted the crystal doorknob, they found a room that had once more undergone a transformation.

The sunlight that streamed through the colorful stained glass and small diamond panes of the windows was the warm and inviting light of a bright summer's day.  Every bit of wood gleamed with the application of fresh polish and huge bouquets of flowers filled the room.  Dozens and dozens of roses cascaded from every surface interspersed with sprigs of heather and olive and phlox, with their welcoming messages of love and unity.  The fire burned cheerily in the grate and the floor in front of the hearth was strewn with colorful rose petals.  No furniture stood before the fireplace instead there was a soft white fur rug of immense size, which graced the floor and beckoned them closer to experience its comfort.  A large ornate silver urn stood nearby containing a chilled bottle of wine and two crystal goblets with entwining silver serpents for stems sat beside it awaiting their pleasure.

Evangeline took Severus' hand in hers in silence and turned her head to look up at him.  "I think it still wants you to take me back, Severus.  Are you willing to?"

In answer, he pulled her across the room onto the soft rug and down onto her knees as he captured her face in his hands and kissed her deeply over and over until she could barely breathe.  "I never intend to let you go again.  Never."  He murmured fervently as he kissed her hair and her eyes and her neck in rapid succession.  "You're mine, Evangeline.  No one else's…mine alone."  His whispers became more raspy with his desire and his fingers slid the straps from her shoulders and let her shift slip seductively down her torso catching gently on the curves beneath it only to be persuaded on its way by a gentle shimmy of her body as she pressed herself against him and kissed him back with equal fervor.

Carefully, as if handling fine china, he laid her down on the soft rug and quickly removed the last vestiges of her clothing while he gazed with longing at her nude form finally viewing her as he'd longed to see her for so long.  He ran a gentle hand up along the contours of her body, lightly caressing the smoothness of her thighs, lingering momentarily on the slight curve of her abdomen, remembering with a twinge of sadness…and then finally pausing to cup a full breast in his palm.  Slowly and deliberately his head descended to her breast and he took her nipple into his mouth to suck and nibble at it gently while his hands stroked her tenderly and she moaned her pleasure at finally receiving his welcome touch in such a familiar manner.

"Is this to be a one person game, Severus, or may I play, too?" she whispered breathlessly.

His dark head came up in response to her voice and his eyes smiled teasingly down into her own.  "It's always more fun with two, my Angel."

With a loving smile on her lips, she reached up and began to unfasten his shirt.  "Good…because I want to see the final result of Poppy's first treatment."

A slight shadow flickered in his eyes at her words as if he'd forgotten in his happiness at her return to his arms that he himself was no longer quite the same man that he'd been when they were last here in such an intimate embrace.  Still he forced a faint smile and allowed her to slowly unbutton his shirt and push the halves aside, sliding it smoothly over his slim shoulders and down his arms to reveal his naked upper body.  He found himself holding his breath as he waited for her to pass judgment on the result of Poppy's first attempt to remove his scars as he shed the shirt completely.  Knowing that while the mediwitch's treatment had resulted in a big improvement, he was still far from a handsome man in any way, not that he had been before.  He'd bear many of the remaining scars for the rest of his life.  No matter how many treatments Poppy gave him, having an unmarked body was forever a thing of the past.  None of that seemed to matter to Evangeline, though.  He'd never truly understood what had attracted her to him; had simply decided that for once in his life he wouldn't question his good fortune and would simply accept the wondrous gift that she offered to him with such open and genuine love.

Slowly she ran her hands over his shoulders and down over his chest touching his flesh delicately and making him shiver at her simple caress.  He'd almost forgotten how wonderful it felt to have her hands exploring his body.  The scars had definitely faded greatly.  There were now places where the skin looked practically normal again.  Most of the painful ridges of heavy scar tissue were greatly reduced if not eliminated completely.  Even the slashes of burn marks looked better than they had despite Poppy's fear that they might not respond greatly to her treatment.  To Evangeline's eye the improvement was truly remarkable, and if she closed her eyes it simply felt like the same smooth warm skin that she'd always enjoyed caressing so much.

Evangeline raised glistening eyes to his and smiled,  "It really looks so much better, Severus.  How does it feel?  Does it hurt when I touch you?"

Immensely thankful to be able to answer negatively, he shook his head and gently combed his fingers through the soft length of her hair.  "No.  There's a slight tingle that wasn't there before, but the burning stiffness of the heavy scar tissue is gone."  He rotated his shoulders and stretched out his arms.  "I can move much more freely which is such a relief.  I can truly feel your touch against my skin again, and it feels indescribably wonderful.  It's been so long…too long since you've touched me.  Please don't stop, I've missed you so much."

Once more he drew her against him and covered her mouth with his.  With delicate pressure he invited her lips to open and slipped his tongue inside to taste and explore as she did the same to him.  She ran her fingers through his thick hair and slid them down to fondle the sensitive skin on the back of his neck; he moaned softly into her mouth as her feathery touch sent shivers coursing down his spine.

His lips left her sweet mouth and began to blaze a trail across her skin, down her slender throat, and across her shoulders before heading inexorably down toward the soft flesh of her rounded breast with its hardening nipple.  As his mouth met its goal once more, waves of desire began to crash through her so hard that she felt like the hapless beach as it was over run by the waves of the relentless ocean.

Sudden need overcame both of them at once and Severus quickly shed his remaining clothing and they pressed their bodies against each other, exulting in the sensation of warm naked flesh coming together as it was meant to. 

Evangeline slid her hands eagerly down over the expanse of her husband's strong back as he began to kiss the crook of her neck avidly, sucking at the tender skin and nipping softly with his teeth, marking it as his own, claiming her body once more as he'd forever claimed her soul.  A low moan escaped her lips as she dropped her eyelids over her eyes and lost herself momentarily in the wealth of sensations coursing through her at the touch of his wet demanding mouth on her sensitive flesh. His strong hands clutched her against him possessively as they stroked her body roughly in his ever increasing desire.

As need built within her, she slid her hands around his body to grasp his cock firmly in her hand and smoothly stroke it's satiny length.  Slightly relieved, despite Poppy's reassurances, that it seemed to be responding normally.  Thankfully no trace of the constricting scar tissue remained to mar its sleekness.  As her supple fingers stroked him with more insistence he moaned against her throat and grasped her buttocks roughly pulling her closer to him.  

More than ready to feel him within her once again, she spread her legs wide and guided him inside her, not that he didn't know the way, wrapping her thighs tightly around his body as the two of them began to move together in the smooth rhythm of love.

Severus found a tremendous satisfaction in finally burying himself deeply once again within the warm loving body of his wife.  This was the way it should always be for them.  Together they rode a wave of ecstasy up to the heavens as they once more found their destined place within the heart of each other.   Higher, faster, harder, holding tightly to each other and vowing never to let go again.

Gradually coming down to earth, Evangeline felt her pulsing heart finally beginning to slow when she opened her eyes to meet the intense dark gaze of her husband as he lay beside her on the soft rug and watched her face intently.  The familiar and long desired sight of him looking at her with love in his eyes warmed her thoroughly.  She felt a pleasant flush spread outward across her sweaty body as it began again to respond to the desire and warm regard in his eyes.  Gracing him with a loving smile, she rolled towards him and reached out a languid hand to let her finger trace a line down the center of his strong nose and along the curve of his cheek following a path down along his jaw and further down across his throat ending up on the firm muscles of his chest as it rose and fell with the aftermath of his exertions.

Now that their initial hunger for each other had been sated, they returned to a more unhurried re-exploration of each other.  Evangeline relaxed against the softness of the fur rug beneath her as her husband's questing fingers reacquainted themselves with the intimate curves of her body, and he pressed his sensuous lips to whatever part of her caught his fancy as he pursued his unhurried investigations.  

"Well, I'd have to say that the first test was a rousing success from my perspective," she said with a satisfied sigh and a happy playful smile.  Sobering slightly, she added with reluctance, "Was there any discomfort for you, Severus?  Poppy seemed to think that there might be for a bit."

Severus lifted a brow and smirked down at her with satisfaction written all over his still overly thin face.  "Thankfully Poppy seems to be wrong in this instance.  Making love to you again was as wonderful as it ever has been.  More so, if that could be possible."

"Do you want to perform a contraceptive spell?" she asked quietly watching his face with careful eyes.

He hesitated, realizing that she was asking for more than his momentary desire in this matter.  "Are you asking me if I want to try again to have a child, Evangeline?"

With a slow nod of her head, she acquiesced, "Yes, I suppose I am.  You said that you regretted letting your fear of fatherhood stop you from participating fully in the experience when I was pregnant.  Has losing our daughter changed your mind about becoming a parent?  Do you want to try again to start a family…or is this something that you'd prefer to consider at another time.  Perhaps it's too soon to think about it.  I shouldn't have even mentioned it.  I forget that you haven't had as long as I have to mourn Adriana and wish …   I'm sorry."

Reaching down he tenderly kissed her lips and silenced her fears.  "No.  Please, don't apologize.   I've actually thought about being a father quite a bit over the last few days.  I realized that although I was…concerned …that I might not be particularly good at it, I had been looking forward to the experience.  I'll regret the loss of Adriana for the rest of my life.  We can't simply replace her, but that doesn't mean that we should give up the idea of having a child.  If you feel that you're ready to try again, I…would not be adverse to the idea."

"So…then no spell?"

He glanced away from her and into the fire as words that he didn't want to utter spilled reluctantly from his mouth.  "Are you certain that it's not too late for a spell to be effective?"

A shiver ran through her as she realized what he was asking.  She sat up beside him, took his face gently in her hands, and turned him back to her, searching his slightly shadowed eyes with her own earnest ones.  "I am not pregnant, Severus.  I promise you.  I will not have anyone else's child but yours.  I may have been weak enough to take a lover in your absence, but I would never have taken another husband or had another child.  Only you could fill that place in my life.  No one but you…ever."

As doubt still haunted the back of his wary eyes, she pleaded with him to understand just what he meant to her…what belonged to him and him alone.

"Do you realize how deeply I love you?  What you mean to me?  I've been connected to you since the very first day that we met.  When you took me shopping and I raised my eyes to yours and realized that you were imagining me wearing that beautiful negligee you held in your hands, it sent shivers through me.  For a moment in time as you stared into my eyes and your strong face blushed ever so faintly I was certain that the connection was real and there, but then you turned away and I thought I must have imagined it.  I couldn't completely shake the feeling it left in me though, and I found myself looking for connection whenever we met again.  In that moment in your quarters when you kissed my hand and spoke my name for the first time I felt its presence once more.  With every conversation we had, no matter the subject…with every look that we exchanged…I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into my attraction for you.  I realized just how bad it had gotten when you massaged an ache from my shoulders and I found myself wishing that those wonderful fingers of yours would move on to touch more intimate parts of my body."

"Still I refused to completely admit to myself how much I wanted you…until the night of the Halloween Ball.  I dressed only for you that night.  Thought only of you.  Wanted to be in your arms alone…no one else's could suffice."

He ran a caressing hand up along her body sending tingles of desire through her from her head down to the soles of her feet.  "I wanted you as well that night, Evangeline.  Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to take you into my arms and actually dance with you…in public?  I could've destroyed my carefully constructed reputation so easily that night.  I told myself that no one would know it was me beneath the mask and so I could take the chance which was a foolish conceit, but I grasped at it anyway because it was the first truly legitimate chance that I'd had to hold you in my arms, and I wanted that so much.  It was all that I'd dreamed it would be, too.  Dancing with you…holding your body against mine.  I've never wanted anyone so badly…never.  That night held such promise…and delivered such pain."

"Yes…there was pain…a lot of pain, but I at least learned something so important that night.  It was the first time that I truly realized how much I'd come to love you.  I was so utterly devastated to think that you'd deceived me…that you could have been one of those who sought to take my life and freedom from me.  When Remus explained the truth, the relief that I felt was so strong and overwhelming that I had no choice but to finally acknowledge how much I loved you.  Then I was devastated again to realize how close I'd come to absolute happiness and then lost it all by not believing in you.  From that moment on I've always believed in you Severus."

Gently he gathered her into his arms and held her body against his as he stroked her hair and enjoyed the feeling of her warm skin beneath his finger tips and the feeling of her arms encircling him tightly, the feeling of her heart beating against his chest.  "That night made me realize just how much you'd come to mean to me as well, Evangeline.  In much the same manner, actually.  I was devastated when you ran from me in horror, knowing that in my fear I'd hidden the truth for too long.  At first I didn't dare to let myself hope when you returned.  Then just when I started to open the door again, I realized that once more my past had come back to haunt me, and this time it would deprive me of the one thing I had come to desire above all others.  As I realized my guilt in your mother's death, I could feel all the hopes and dreams that I'd only begun to nurture crumble to nothing in my heart.  I had come to realize that I loved you…just in time to believe that I'd lost you forever."

"Oh, but Severus…we were both wrong.  We found our way through all that pain and much more besides…and each hurdle we overcame just strengthened our love for each other.  My love for you is deep and real.  It knows no bounds and no end.  Your death couldn't destroy it.  It took me a year of trying to come up with the courage to look past it, to think beyond it's scope, but I could never deny it…and I could certainly never replace it."

"Yes…I could have sex with Remus, but I could never make love to him.  He knew it.  Deep down inside, he had to know it.  Having a child together is the deepest expression of love that I can imagine.  Do you think that I'd take even the slightest chance that I'd be forced into the position of having to bear the child of a man I didn't love when there were simple ways to prevent it?  I will never have a child with anyone but you.  I will never truly love anyone but you."

Relief spread warmly through his body as she laid to rest this concern that he hadn't even been able to articulate to himself.  The idea that she might have been carrying the werewolf's child had nagged at the back of his brain but he hadn't been able to face even the thought.  Somehow he was going to have to put to rest the demons that danced in his brain whenever he thought of them together.  That was the past.  Rehashing it…reliving it was only going to cause pain to both of them. Now was the time to move forward into the future.  She belonged to him…from here on out they would belong only to each other.  That was all that he needed to focus on.

Gently he laid her back down on the rug.  Then he loomed over her prone figure and lightly kissed her forehead, then moved on to press fleeting kisses on her eyelids and the tip of her nose, across her cheeks, and the curve of her chin, to finally settle on her breathless lips, sucking gently on their swollen softness as his fingers lightly caressed the side of her face and trailed slowly down her neck.

Her restless hands stroked the lean corded muscles of his arms as they supported his weight while his lips moved slowly down her body leaving a glistening path of wetness on her already moist skin.  His silky hair tickled her flesh as he moved ever so slowly down her chest toward the fullness of her bosom as it rose rapidly up and down in anticipation of the touch of his desire.

Severus raised his head from her breast and clasped its soft fullness in his hand, enjoying the way it settled warmly into his palm filling it perfectly as if it had been created to rest there.  Slowly he brought his mouth down onto the rosy nipple once more to nibble and suck gently as Evangeline groaned softly at the feelings his touch evoked within her and arched her back in response, desiring only to get closer to him.

She ran her hands delicately over his shoulders and down his arms letting the tips of her fingers wander wherever they wished across his warm flesh.  With a sudden shock, she realized that she'd been unconsciously tracing the lines of the scars that still twined their way across his chest and shoulders.  She moaned regretfully and jerked her hand back from his body causing him to pull back slightly and gaze down into her suddenly shadowed eyes.

With a pang of dismay, she bit her lip and looked up at him sorrowfully.  "I'm sorry, Severus.  I wasn't thinking…" she whispered.

Bringing a finger up to caress her lips and stifle her apologies, he shook his head and smiled wryly.  "Sh…don't apologize.  I'm well aware that my skin still looks a bit like the bizarre map of a Knot.  I don't mind that your fingers travel along its pathways.  Your hands feel so good against my skin.  Please, don't stop touching me.  The scars don't hurt me any longer, Evangeline, only the loss of your touch would do that."

Relieved at his reassurance, she slid her hands gently up over his chest and encircled his neck pressing her body tightly against his once more.  Exulting in the feeling of his long lean length draped along her body.  The firm bulge of his reawakening arousal pressing tantalizingly against her thighs.

Slowly he trailed his fingers up her legs and along the soft flesh of her inner thighs as he gently urged her legs to part for him once more so he could caress her most intimately.  He rubbed his thumb teasingly against the warm moistness of her clitoris, smiling contentedly as her body shuddered against his, and he once again felt the wetness of her readiness for him against his exploring fingers.

Evangeline lay flat on her back as Severus leaned up on his forearms and gazed deeply into her eyes as he gradually entered her once more.  She gasped at the strength of the feelings coursing through her as he penetrated her body and then withdrew himself with long slow thrusts increasing incrementally in speed and depth as he pursued a mesmerizing rhythm.  Their communication became a harmony of soft moans and sighs of communion intoxicating beyond anything either ever experienced in another. As the intensity continued to build Evangeline felt herself thrusting forward to meet him faster and faster until once again they attained a mutual orgasmic release and collapsed in each other's arms in relaxed fulfillment.  Reunion complete in all ways.

With a sigh of absolute happiness, Evangeline ran her hands gently over her husband's strong sweaty back as he lay atop of her breathing heavily and whispered in his ear once her own breathing had stilled enough to attempt speech.

"Oh, Severus…I don't think I even realized how much I've needed you.   Your absence from my life left such a deep void in my soul…for the first time in unbearable eons I finally feel complete once more.  Please, don't ever leave me again."

His lips curved slowly upward as he lifted his head to kiss her gently.  "If I have anything at all to say about it, Evangeline…I never will."

              ************************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  Special thanks to my friend Zagzagael for her advice on this chapter.  It's much appreciated. :) 

Dark Jezebel:  Thank you.  I'm glad you liked it.

Werecat99:  Well…now, as you can see, they are going to get reacquainted…as often as possible, I'd imagine. :)

Lina Lupin:  Thank you.  I promise not to be too hard on Remus, you'll see.

Elaine Lahey:  Thank you.  That's a really nice thing for you to say.  I'm glad that you've enjoyed my stories.  I do hope to keep writing…if the ideas keep coming.  I don't want to start repeating myself.

Rickfan37:  Once again I think you've given me too much credit, but thank you for the kind thoughts. :)  I'm really pleased that you're finding the wrapping up to be emotionally satisfying.  I hope this chapter was as well.

Jasara:  I'm glad you liked the naming.

Cloudshape:  The last chapter is an epilogue dealing entirely with what happens to Remus.  Thanks for the kind words. :)

Arsinoe3:  I wish I could promise a sequel, but I can't.  At the moment, I have quite a few ideas of things I'd like to see happen to them, but I don't have a fully realized plot.  Other than a couple of one-shots, including one about Remus' way of handling Sirius' death, I don't have anything else ready to go when I finish this story.  I'll keep working on it, though.

Whale of the World:  Thanks. :)

Zagzagael:  Thank you…for all your help and encouragement.

P. Veronica Tyler:  As I told Cloudshape, the last chapter is all about Remus and what happens to him.  I wouldn't want to leave that hanging.

Arachne's Child:  For the moment, at least, the portrait will remain at the cottage…while Severus and Evangeline remain at Hogwarts.

Katty:  Two more chapters after this one, but I don't know yet if there'll be a sequel.

Sage and Snape:  Thank you.  I appreciate your kind words.  Don't worry about Remus.  A suicide note wouldn't help any of them face the future more easily.


	32. Toward the Future No Matter What Comes

                                                                   Chapter Thirty-Two:  Toward the Future…No Matter What Comes

When Evangeline and Severus entered Dumbledore's office at the appointed time, they found him sitting at his desk studying a piece of parchment.  There was an air of sadness to his manner, as if something had happened that he'd perhaps expected but nevertheless regretted deeply.  When they approached him, he raised his eyes to theirs and banished all hint of melancholy from his face.  Indeed his eyes sparkled with their more familiar mischievousness as he addressed them with a wide smile.  "There you are.  How good it is to see the two of you together again.  We're all truly happy to have you both back here with us, you know, and I'm so pleased that you've decided to allow me to perform a renewal of the binding magic for you."

Severus took Evangeline's hand in his own and smiled at the Headmaster.  "We're both pleased to be back here together as well, Albus.  Thank you for agreeing to perform the ceremony."

Dumbledore rose and came around his desk to stand next to them as he shook his head.  "There's no need to thank me, Severus.  There's nothing I want more than to see the two of you happy.  I'll do all that I can to make that happen, I promise you."

The couple exchanged pleased glances and returned their attention to the elder wizard who now focused his gaze more seriously on Evangeline.

"My dear, now that the two of you have found your way back to each other, I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my part in Severus' loss.  You were right to place the blame on my shoulders, for although I certainly never intended for such a horrible outcome for my actions, I can see in hindsight that I should have done much more to prevent that tragedy from befalling both of you.  I'm deeply sorry for all the pain I caused."

Snape shook his head and opened his mouth to deny his friend's guilt, but Dumbledore raised a hand to stop his speech.  "No, Severus.  I know you don't blame me, and I appreciate that, but much of the fault does lie with me.  I should have known better.  I should have taken more careful precautions.  I regret my lack of foresight and will regret the pain it caused to so many for the rest of my life."  

The Headmaster returned his gaze to Evangeline, who had continued to watch him quietly and unlike her husband, hadn't tried to raise a protest to Dumbledore's assumption of guilt.  "Do you think that you'll eventually be able to find a way to forgive me for my actions, Evangeline?"

Evangeline swallowed with difficulty and spared a sideways glance for her husband who was watching her somberly before returning her gaze to Dumbledore.  "I do intend to try, Albus.  My placing the blame entirely on your shoulders was very unfair.  I know that now that I understand more of what happened, and I've tried to put aside my anger and hatred.  Having my husband back in my arms again has restored some of the generosity and goodness to my soul and allowed me to try to be more forgiving in my feelings.  Since I'll be moving back here to Hogwarts to be with Severus again, we'll once more be living beneath the same roof, and it'll be easier on all of us if we aren't at odds.  Severus and I are going to be trying very hard to look forward…not back, so I really do wish for us to be on good terms again.  I know that you didn't mean any harm to anyone, and that you were simply trying to do the right thing and safeguard all of us."  Resolutely she extended her hand to the Headmaster, who clasped it gratefully in his own.

"Thank you, my dear.  I'm pleased that you're willing to give our relationship a second chance."

Evangeline smiled an uneasy smile as she withdrew her hand from his.  "Time is a great healer, Albus, but the past isn't always an easy thing to forget."

Severus found his thoughts flitting once more to a vivid image of Remus Lupin as the wizard stood bare-chested in the sitting room of Evangeline's cottage and told him with mockery in his tone that his child was dead.  With that unsettling image pulsing in his thoughts he found himself silently agreeing with his wife wholeheartedly.  The past inexorably shapes the future and we all have to live with the consequences of our actions, but the pain of the past tends to linger on whether we wish it to or not.

Fate seems to occasionally have its act together and so at that moment when the atmosphere was straining ever so slightly Minerva McGonagall knocked lightly on the office door and entered briskly when the Headmaster happily called out to her.  She immediately crossed the room with a warm smile on her face and embraced first Evangeline, and then to his surprise, Severus, as well.  "I'm so happy to see that the two of you have put all that unhappiness aside and have decided to act sensibly.  You do belong together you know."

"Thank you, Minerva.  Yes, we do belong together.  Don't we, Severus?"  Evangeline turned glowing eyes up to her husband.

With a contented look softening the lines of his thin face, Snape nodded briefly as he gazed back at his wife.  "Yes…yes we do."

So without further preamble, they got down to the happy business that had brought them all together.  Evangeline and Severus stood in the middle of Dumbledore's office with the Headmaster and Minerva McGonagall at their sides.  The fire burned warmly in the grate, and all the former Headmasters hung on the office walls peered out of their frames and down at the scene below them with great interest.  Many of them were remembering the entertainment this particular couple had afforded them while on their honeymoon, and were hoping that their reunion might lead to some more interesting and watchable events at a later time. It can be tedious to be a painting after all.  One must grab all the amusement one can whenever it comes within reach. Everyone both painted and living seemed very cheerful now that the younger couple had worked out their differences, the future looked to be much happier than the recent past had been.

Evangeline found herself unable to take her eyes off her husband for long.  Just being with him, standing next to him, feeling the slight brush of his robes against her sleeve as he shifted his stance, brought a happy contented feeling to her being that she never knew in the presence of anyone else.  It would be a struggle she knew to avoid becoming a clinging vine because suddenly she never wanted to be far from his presence.  She wanted to spend every moment of the future with him.  Deep down in her soul she recognized a lurking fear that whispered insidiously in her ear that she needed to hold on tight or he'd slip between her fingers once more, and she knew that she'd never survive his loss a second time.

Dumbledore smiled at the younger couple with affection.  "Well, are you ready to try to repair the binding magic?"

They both nodded.  "More than ready, Albus.  Will we need to go back and step into the binding circle again?"  Evangeline asked.

The elder wizard shook his head.  "No, my dear, the magic should still be within your rings, I simply need to reactivate it.  The Dark Lord used some sort of masking trick to break the bond without the death of either one of you.  I just need to remove the mask and let the true magic of the bond shine forth again.  We can do that here…or anywhere else of your choosing."  

His eyes took on his characteristic teasing twinkle.   "However, you would be more than welcome to have a second ceremony with all the trimmings if you wish.  We're always ready to find a reason for a happy celebration here at Hogwarts.  Perhaps the entire student body could be invited this time."

With a shiver at that horrifying thought, Snape frowned impatiently at his friend and spoke with derision in his tone.  "Here will be fine, Albus.  No foolish fripperies will be necessary.  Going through one "ceremony with all the trimmings" was quite enough.  We hardly need to become the object of a three-ring circus."   

Seeing the sudden glare that his wife directed his way, he back tracked a bit and hastened to add, "Not that it wasn't worth it to have been able to claim Evangeline as my wife, of course."

With a snort of amusement at his momentary discomfort, Evangeline smirked up at her husband.  "Nice save, Severus."  

He smiled a trifle uncomfortably, and they both redirected their attention to Dumbledore.

"All right, then.  Please, clasp your left hands together and hold them in front of me."  Dumbledore withdrew his wand from a handy pocket and waited until they did as instructed.  Then he touched their rings with the wand and intoned in a solemn voice, "Iugo Matrimonium Renovo!"                         

There was a flash of bright light, then a warm golden glow with silver flecks seemed to spread through each of them emanating from the rings on their clasped hands.  They shivered and gasped in unison as the intimate touch of the binding magic coursed through them once more.  Evangeline had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be so intimately bound to her husband.  The resumption of this emotional bond brought tears to her eyes.  Now finally, her world felt right again, after being so empty for such a long time, she finally felt content with his shining presence nestled warmly within her once more.

Neither of them could suppress a smile at the wonderful feeling of warm strong connection that coursed through them.  Without a word, they moved together and sealed the bond once more with a tender kiss.  When they parted both McGonagall and Dumbledore offered their sincere congratulations.

As he replaced his wand in his pocket, Dumbledore asked Snape, "Have you made any plans for the immediate future, Severus?"

Snape glanced at Evangeline then returned his attention to the Headmaster.  "No, Albus.  We have no immediate plans.  The first thing we need to do is to make our quarters livable once more and move Evangeline back here to the castle.  I'll feel a lot better once that's accomplished.  Since I no longer have a position here at the moment, I rather thought I might take one of your suggestions and pursue some of my private research ideas that always get shunted to the back burner by other responsibilities.  I'm trying to look at the enforced time off as an opportunity to do things that I've never been able to find time for in the past."

Evangeline smiled at her husband, hearing in his voice his attempt to convince himself that being unemployed for the first time since he was a student, wouldn't be as tedious a thing as he was afraid it would be.  "I'd like to get you to spend a little time with me in Cornwall, too, Severus.  I've been perfectly safe there and see no reason why that should change.  It's a lovely spot, and I'd like to share it with you."

"As you did with Remus Lupin?"  Flashed through his mind, but he had the intelligence not to voice that thought aloud.  Much better not to go there at all. 

"We'll see, Evangeline.  If it truly appears to be safe, then I'm sure I'd enjoy spending time there again.  As long as you're with me it couldn't help but favorably compare to the time I spent there in the past."

She smiled.  "We really should go and visit with Mrs. Trevalleyn.  She'll be wondering what happened with us."

He nodded thoughtfully.  "I suppose so."  To Dumbledore and McGonagall's questioning look, he added, "She's the woman who helped me and took me in after I escaped from Voldemort's prison.  Evangeline knew her too as it turned out.  The last time I saw her she knew I was going to seek out my wife.  As Evangeline says, I'm sure she's been wondering how it all worked out."

Dumbledore nodded.  "Yes, you should go and visit her by all means, but I may have another suggestion as to how you could spend most of your time, Severus."

Snape eyed Dumbledore curiously.  "Oh, really?  And what would that be, Albus?"

"It seems that I'm in need of a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to finish out the year.  Remus Lupin just handed in his resignation, effective immediately.  Would you be willing to take the position until the Potions position becomes vacant again in the fall?"

Snape's eyes gleamed.  "You know the entire student body will believe that I somehow cursed Lupin and stole his position from him. It wouldn't surprise me to have several of them digging up the grounds searching for his sadly abused body.  They're forever convinced that Defense Against the Dark Arts is my preferred position within this school, and that I feel terribly thwarted by not being able to attain it.  It does their little hearts good, I think, to feel that I'm not getting what I truly want."

Dumbledore shrugged and his eyes twinkled mischievously.  "Well you do apply for the job every time it becomes available."

Snape shrugged.  "After all these years, I continue to do that just so you can have the dubious pleasure of turning me down, Albus.  It's become a rather quaint little ritual by now.  My life can be so dull at times, surely you don't begrudge me a little fun?"

They smiled at one another in understanding.  "Will you take the position, Severus?"

The dark wizard nodded and cocked a brow at the Headmaster.  "I'd be happy to.  I'll look forward to finally showing you how that position should truly be handled.  Actually the thought of having nothing planned for the foreseeable future was rather daunting.  I function better when my life has some order to it…some purpose."

Evangeline had been listening to this exchange with only half of her attention.  All she could think about suddenly was Remus and how much his association with her had cost him.  "Albus?  When did Remus turn in his resignation?" she asked with a touch of sadness in her tone.

Dumbledore turned to her with a kind smile.  "Just before you and Severus joined us, Evangeline."

Hesitantly she turned to her husband.  "Severus, would you mind terribly if I went and spoke to him?  I haven't seen him since we came back from my parent's house, and I'd hate to have him leave without being able to say good-bye."

Snape looked at her solemnly.  As much as he wanted to keep her away from Remus Lupin for the rest of her life, he realized that they'd shared something important.  If Evangeline was ever going to be able to move back into her life with him, she needed to put a closed stamp on her relationship with Lupin.  So he nodded and forced a smile.  "Go ahead, Evangeline.  Tell him I said good-bye and thank you for saving my life."

Gratefully she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly then she turned and ran out of the room hoping to catch Lupin before he left Hogwarts.

                  *********************************************************************************************************

"So the bastard wins again, huh?  Just like that!  He forces you out into the cold and you just pick up and go.  It's not fair, Remus!  Not fair at all," exclaimed Sirius Black as he paced around his friend's small bedroom and watched him pack his belongings into a bag in preparation for leaving.

Lupin sighed as he slipped a folded robe into his bag and turned to look at his friend.  "Severus didn't force me to go anywhere, Sirius.  Leaving was my idea.  Do you really think that I could stand to stay here and watch Severus and Evangeline pick up the pieces of their lives and go back to being husband and wife?  Do you think I could sit by at dinner and watch the two of them together…perhaps come upon them snogging…or worse…in the hallway?  Every time I had to watch him touch her I'd…hell it would drive me insane.  I'd rather transform into a wolf and back everyday for the rest of my life than have to watch the two of them together anymore.  It wouldn't hurt half as much!"

Black released his pent up energy in one big sigh and turned back to his departing friend.  "I know…I'm sorry.  I understand why you're leaving.  I just hate that you have to, that's all.  Where are you going to go anyway?  Would you like a traveling companion?  I'm pretty free right now, and I'm used to traveling light."

"I'm not sure just where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do.  I do know that I've got a lot of thinking to do, and that it'll be easier to do it alone.  Besides, you promised Harry that you'd stay until Christmas break is over, and I really can't hang around that long.  Even one more day would be too long to wait.  I need to leave now."

Black nodded reluctantly.  "I know.  I just hate it…that's all."

Lupin smiled and crossed the room to embrace his friend.  "I'll be okay, Sirius.  Don't worry…I'm a survivor just like you.  This won't stop me.  Who knows?  It could end up being good for me.  You never know what life has in store after all."

Black pulled back and clapped his friend encouragingly on the shoulder, managing a lopsided smile.  "No.  You never do.  I'm sure you're right.  You'll do fine.  Take care of yourself and keep in touch, okay?"

Lupin nodded and returned to his packing.  "I will…as soon as I have anything to say I promise that you'll be the first one I say it to."

Black nodded and headed for the door.  "It just galls me to see Snape win; I can't help it."  He turned back with an abashed grin.

Lupin paused and gave him a sincere look.  "I'm just happy that Evangeline wins.  Her happiness is all I care about here.  If her happiness also happens to make Severus happy, well then so be it.  I can live with that."

Black shook his head.  "I still say that she's a fool to pick him over you.  You're clearly the better man, Remus.  You take care now."

With a final nod, Black turned and left Lupin to his packing.  The werewolf stood and stared after his friend for a brief instant, feeling yet another moment of loss.  Then he shook off the feeling and returned to his packing, muttering quietly to himself… "Oh, yeah…I'm a prince.  Prince of fools."

                 *********************************************************************************************************

With a sense of finality, Remus Lupin closed his bag and carried it out of the bedroom to join the other one on the floor of his classroom.  He was accustomed to traveling light, and he'd never been big on material possessions, had never really had the means to become so, so this was all that he had to show for his time here at Hogwarts…two worn travel bags and an empty classroom.  A bit sad if you thought about it for too long, which he was determined not to.  As he bent to pick up the other bag in the hopes of escaping quickly, unseen by others he hoped to avoid, his door flew open abruptly, and slightly startled at this sudden intrusion, he looked up to see Evangeline standing in the doorway with a sad expression on her face.  He sighed internally…too late.  Perhaps it was for the best, he had to admit that there was a deep lingering part of him that had longed to see her…to touch her…one last time. 

"Were you really going to leave without saying good-bye, Remus?" she asked quietly.

He straightened up and sighed, gazing at her wistfully.  "I had hoped to, yes.  I didn't want to get tangled up in a long good-bye.  Too painful."

"I'm so sorry, Remus.  I really messed things up completely for you, didn't I?  I feel like I've taken your whole life away from you.  It's all so unfair…that you feel you have to give up a job that I know you love, because of me."

"It's all right, Angel.  Things will work out in the end, they always do.  I've been wanting to do a bit more traveling again, and now I'll get the chance.  Did Albus offer Severus the position?  Did he take it?"

She nodded.  "Yes, to both questions.  Was that your idea?"

A brief smile crossed his face.  "Yes.  Now I know that I'm leaving everything in good hands.  Tell Severus that I've left a complete accounting of what's been covered so far this year in my desk along with all the upcoming lesson plans that I'd completed.  He can use the information however he wants.  I imagine he'll have his own ideas on how to teach this class, anyway.  He's wanted the opportunity for years, after all."  

She nodded once more.  "You're probably right.  Thank you.  I'll be sure to tell him."  

Remus nodded in return and they just stood there for a moment staring awkwardly at one another, not knowing quite how to say what they wanted to say to each other.  Finally Evangeline cleared her throat and ventured another thought.

"I found the painting that I gave you for Christmas still at my cottage.  Don't you want it, Remus?"

A sad smile flitted over his lips echoing the sadness in his eyes.  "I do want it, Angel.  It means a lot to me, but I was hoping that you'd keep it for me for the time being.  I need to be traveling light for a while.  I really won't have a place for it, and I'd like to put all those memories into storage for now and try to move on.  I hope you can understand."

Her throat had tightened and she nodded a bit jerkily.  "Yes," she whispered softly.  "I understand.  I'm so sorry that I hurt you so much, Remus.  I was afraid that that would be the result of our changing our relationship from friendship to something more intimate.  You deserved so much better than you got from me."

"That's not true, Angel.  Please, don't be sorry.  I'm not.  I went eagerly into our relationship with my eyes wide open.  I knew that you didn't love me, and that I was taking a chance, but I think I'd have ended up feeling even worse if I'd never tried.  It just didn't work out, that's all.  The time we spent together was absolutely wonderful.  I'll treasure it forever.  The memories that I'll always have were worth taking the risk.  Neither of us could've ever anticipated that Severus would turn up alive."

She shook her head, a wry smile on her lips.  "No.  I suppose not.  How often does something like that occur, anyway?"

"Well, I want you to know, that I'm not sorry that he's alive.  His return gave you the only thing that would ever truly make you happy.  That's always been my main goal, you know, but I could never succeed at it like he can.  I hope the two of you can pick up the pieces and get your lives back on track again.  I want you to be happy, Angel…and I know that for you that means being with Severus."

"Yes, it does.  I think we can put things back together again.  It can't ever be quite the same, but the love that we have for each other is still there, as strong as ever, and with that we can accomplish a lot.  We've made a good start already. Thank you from both of us for saving his life, Remus."  She smiled wistfully at him.

"You're welcome. I couldn't do anything else.  I knew that that's what you'd want me to do."  His eyes burned slightly as he stared intently at her.

Nervously she cleared her throat and looked down momentarily at her feet. "Uh…do you know where you'll be going when you leave here?"

Lupin shrugged uncertainly.  "Not really.  As I said, I'm going to do some traveling for a bit.  I just need to put some distance between me and "this pile of magical rocks" as you so colorfully described this place.  Time and distance are what I need to heal, but please don't worry about me.  I'll be all right.  You'll see me again.  I promise."

"I'll miss you, Remus," she whispered softly.  Tears glittered in her eyes as she looked at him.

A huge lump suddenly settled in his throat as he stared back at her.  Leaving her behind him forever was even harder than he'd thought it would be.  "I'll miss you, too, Angel…always."

Suddenly he simply couldn't stand there talking to her for one more second.  With a quick step forward he seized her in his arms and crushed her slender form against him, his lips devouring hers in one final soul searing kiss.  With a sob, she threw her arms around him and returned his kiss and his embrace fervently.  Time stood still for one brief moment then just as suddenly he released her from his arms for the last time and grabbed up his bags.  With a final quick good-bye flung over his shoulder, he flew out the door and down the hall towards the stairs as fast as he could decently go.

From the depths of the shadows further up the empty hall, Severus Snape watched Lupin's hurried departure with mixed emotions.  A large part of him felt a bit guilty to be taking so much away from the man, yet he knew he couldn't stand the thought of sharing his wife with anyone, and there were still things that he knew he'd always have trouble forgiving the werewolf for.  It was better for all concerned that he should leave…as soon as possible.  In the long run, it was the best answer available for a horribly difficult situation.  Wherever Lupin was going he wished him luck, but he freely admitted to himself that if he never had to lay eyes on the Gryffindor again, he'd be perfectly content.

Once Lupin had fled out of sight down the stairs, Snape left the dark shadows and walked quietly down to the open classroom.  He peered inside to see Evangeline clutching the window frame and staring unseeingly out into the cold gray of late afternoon while copious tears flowed down her stricken face.

With a deep sigh, he walked up behind her and slipped his warm arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head.  She leaned gratefully back against him drawing comfort from his presence as her body melted into his.  As the two of them watched from the window, Lupin burst out of the castle and without a backward glance, he headed for the gates as fast as he could go in the hampering snow.  Together they stood there silently and simply watched until his small figure had vanished from sight. 

"He'll be all right, you know," Snape ventured softly.

Evangeline nodded and whispered, "I hope so."

"We'll be all right, too."

With a hopeful smile she turned in his embrace and looked up into his loving dark eyes as a flower turns to the warmth of the sun.  "Of that I have no doubt.  Now that we're truly together again, I know that things will be all right for us.  I love you, Severus. As long as we're together, I know I can face anything that comes our way."

He smiled down at her.   "I love you, too, Evangeline…forever, no matter what comes."

Slowly they turned around with their arms entwined around each other and left the empty classroom behind heading for their own quarters in the dungeons, and the start of their new life together.

                     *****************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  There's only one more chapter to go now, an epilogue that will explain…what happened to Remus. :)

Rickfan37:  Thank you, RF.  Your kind words have helped to alleviate some of my concerns over this chapter.  I thought it was appropriate to bring them back to Slytherin's Study for their more private reunion.  I'm glad that you agree. :)

Whale of the World:  I think it's a happy ending.  As happy as I can make it anyway.  Remus is up next chapter.

Arachne's Child:  Thank you.  Last chapter was about reunion and also communication.  They really had a lot to talk about.  In fact they still have a lot to settle between them, but this gave them a good start at truly reconnecting on all levels.

Prophet Dreams:  Thanks.  I'll look forward to hearing your opinions.  :)

Zagzagael:  Thanks for all your help, dear. :)

Snapefan51:  Thank you.  Severus is going to have to work very hard to banish the images that are so vivid in his mind of Remus making love to his wife.  The thought that he could end up playing stepdad to a little "wolf" was a very painful thought for him.  It was important for them to lay that concern to rest right away.

Gracelynn:  I'm so glad you weren't disappointed by the love scenes.  I worry about that a lot.  Since I don't feel that I'm very good at them.  Severus is definitely a worst-case-scenario kind of guy and ending up having to raise Lupin's child would've been very hard for him.  They'd never have been free of each other.  I did consider the possibility, but I decided that we'd all had enough pain. :)

Werecat99:  Thank you.  Severus has just gotten his wife back.  Having a fit over the fact that she'd had sex with Remus, which he's well aware of, would have been very counter productive for him.  Especially while Evangeline was telling him how deeply she loved him and only him.  That's not the time to start a fight, I think.;)


	33. Okay, so this werewolf walks into a bar ...

                                                                           Epilogue: Okay, so this werewolf walks into a bar see…

Heedless of the close confines of the crowd he was part of, Remus Lupin turned carelessly away from the bar with yet another brimming pint in his hand and smacked right into the person behind him.  His drink sloshed all over the surprised face and form of Eleanor Hamilton who'd been awaiting her chance to get to the front of the mob.  The startled woman jumped and frantically began to wipe liquor and foam off of herself as she directed a few choice words at her clumsy assailant.

"Of all the idiotic moves!  It's crowded in here, didn't that thought penetrate your pea brain and clue you in to the fact that you needed to move carefully, you ignoramus!" she snarled in exasperated anger as she raised furious eyes to glare at the incompetent who'd just doused her in beer.

As their eyes met, hers bright and angry, his bleary and embarrassed, she gasped in surprised recognition.  "Remus Lupin!  How the hell did I get so lucky?"

Lupin swayed on his feet and clutched the remains of his drink in front of himself as he stared somewhat blankly at the angry blond that he'd just baptized with liquor.  He should know her apparently.  She obviously knew him…and the association wasn't a pleasant one from her tone.  He concentrated very hard and tried to bring her face into sharper focus.

"Elllie…Ellaa…Eleanor.  Yes, it's Eleanor, right?  Pretty Eleanor."  He smiled faintly at his success.  "Well…well…well, what brings you here, Ellie-nor?"  The vacantly smiling wizard listed rather obviously to the side as he stood and confronted the surprised witch.

Her mouth fell open in shock.  Lupin was clearly more than three sheets to the wind.  How odd.  He didn't seem the type.  Her anger faded and her curiosity was peaked.  Last she'd heard he'd managed to finally get his paws on Evangeline after sniffing around her ever since her husband had died.  The werewolf should be off living in glorious sin somewhere in the wilds of Cornwall.  Why the hell was he in a pub in the middle of London, drunker than Bacchus at a midsummer revel?

She frowned at him in concern. "The question should be what brings you here, Remus.  Are you all right?"

He moved away from her heading unsteadily toward a dim private booth at the back of the pub.  His voice floated casually back to her from over his shoulder wafting along on the fumes from his libations.  "Oh, yeah…I'm just peachy.  No problems here.  No sir. Everything's just wonderful.  I've never felt better in my life."

Perplexed, she forgot her desire for a drink and instead turned and followed him back to his waiting booth then slipped in across from him as he sat down heavily on the cracked leather of the seat and stared down into his half empty mug.  The rather sticky table in front of them was littered with empty glasses of all sorts.  Apparently beer hadn't been the only beverage that Lupin had been imbibing this evening. The empties were lined up end to end as if someone was trying to build a defensive wall of glassware to hide behind.  Judging by the formidable size of the crystalline barrier, Lupin had been at this for quite some time.  He was certainly going to regret this reckless behavior in the morning.

As the soused wizard didn't seem to be in any hurry to further enlighten her as to why he was here getting as drunk as he could all by himself, she decided that if she was going to satisfy her curiosity, she'd have to be the one asking the questions.

Eleanor leaned closer over the table and tried to catch his wandering eye.  "Remus, why are you in London?"

His shaggy head came up in surprise to see that she was still there.  He blinked his eyes a couple of times, trying for focus that simply wasn't possible anymore, and shook his head.  "Don't you live in some hot place, Ellie-nor?  Africa, right?  Somewhere with sand and bugs and too many Goblins?"

She suppressed a smile.  God, he was drunk.  "Cairo, yes."

He nodded, vaguely pleased by his success in remembering.  "Yeah…Cairo.  Why aren't you in Cairo?  Did the Goblins sack you?"

"No.  I'm actually in London for a funeral.  My uncle died, and I was the only relative he had left, so I had to settle the estate."

Lupin thought about that for a moment, and then ventured tentatively, "Are you sure?"

Confused, she asked, "Sure I'm his only living relative?  Well, yes.  As sure as you ever can be, I suppose."

The drunken werewolf shook his head heavily, his unkempt hair drooping down into his eyes.  "No, no, no.  Sure he's dead."

Astonished at this bizarre query, her mouth dropped open, and she stared incredulously at him for a long moment before summoning up an indignant answer.  "Of course, I'm sure he's dead.  What kind of a question is that?"

He glanced around with a suspicious gleam in his eyes, leaned closer over the table, and spoke in a conspiratorial tone.  "A smart one if you ask me.  You can't be too careful when someone tells you someone is dead because sometimes someone is wrong and then where are you…hm?  Tell me that?  Where're you left when someone who's supposed to be dead isn't really dead at all and tha's the end of everything?  So I say you can't be too careful.  Yes, I do."

Completely confused by his words and manner, she shook her head and gaped at him.  Clearly she was missing something.  "Well, I'm absolutely sure, Remus.  I've seen his body and everything.  There's certainly no doubt he's dead."

Lupin nodded sagely and downed the rest of his drink.  Then he looked in her general direction once more although his eyes refused to focus at all.  "Well…I hate to tell you, but seeing a body isn't proof.  I seed a body and where did it get me, huh?  Well…okay if you want to get technik…technicle…if you want to split hairs…I only actually saw a head, but you'd think that'd be enough, wouldn't you?  I mean…bodies don't usually run around without their heads, do they?  So a head ought to have been enough proof, wouldn't you think…but was it…NO!"

The drunken wizard slammed his hand down on the tabletop so suddenly that Eleanor jumped and banged her knee hard on the underside of the table.

As she rubbed some feeling back into her abused knee, Eleanor continued to gape at her companion, worried now that he wasn't simply drunk, but was actually deranged.  "Remus.  What are you talking about?"

"Wha my talking about?  Wha do you thing I'm talking about, Ell-nor?  Snape, that's what!  Made a fool out of me, he did.  Yup.  I'm a fool.  Yeah…definitely a fool."

As Lupin swayed back and forth in his seat and stared with an air of melancholy down into his glass, Eleanor reached over and took his hand and tried to get him to look up at her.  "Remus.  You're not making any sense.  What about Severus Snape?  He's dead."

Lupin shook his head solemnly, and turned to stare up at her in bleary-eyed sincerity.  "Tha's what I've been trying to tell you, Elee-nor.  He's not dead after all!  The bastard's alive and well and back at Hogwarts teaching my classes an' shagging the woman I love, an' he's all alive an'…everything."

                ***********************************************************************************************************

With a brisk motion of her hands Eleanor drew back the drapes over her window and let the bright light of late morning flood into her room.  Then she turned and contemplated the rather pitiful figure lying huddled on her bed.  The werewolf groaned loudly and attempted to block out the sun with his hands.

"For gods sake!  Close those drapes.  Some of us are trying to die over here."  He moaned as he tried to move and suddenly clutched his head fiercely as the top of it threatened to come flying off.

Eleanor merely crossed her arms and smiled rather smugly.  "Goodness, one would almost think you were a vampire instead of a werewolf."

Lupin shaded his eyes with a shaky hand and squinted in her direction.  "Very funny.  Who is that anyway?  I can't see who you are with the light behind you."

With an exasperated sigh, she walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, cocked her head and frowned down at him.  "Recognize me now, Remus?"

He returned the frown as his abused eyes tried to focus on the figure in front of him.  "Eleanor?  Is that you?"

"Very good, Remus.  Got it in one."

"What the hell are you doing in my hotel room?"

Eleanor sighed theatrically and shook her head.  "Oh dear, and you were doing so well, too.  Take a closer look around you, Remus.  This isn't your room…it's mine."

The very hungover wizard leaned up on his elbows and waited a moment for his aching head to catch up to his body.  "Your room?  I don't understand," he muttered in pained confusion.

"What's the last thing you remember?" she asked with an air of amused condescension.

That made him pause.  Good question.  What was the last thing he remembered?  "Um…I think I was in a pub.  Yeah…The Leaping Gryphon.  Seemed like a good choice.  Things get a little vague after that."

The elegant blond snorted in amusement.  "I'm not surprised."  

He focused his eyes on her as best he could.  "Um…I really don't remember leaving the pub at all.  How did I end up here with you?  Uh…we didn't…um?"

She laughed shortly, and he winced faintly at the incredulity in her tone.  "No.  We didn't "um" anything.  You were so falling down drunk last night that you couldn't have "um-ed" if your life depended on it."

At that he blushed rather severely and lay back down.  He closed his eyes once more, covered them with a trembling arm, and moaned in embarrassment.  "Oh.  So how did I end up here, anyway?  I assume that we met in the bar?"

"Yes, indeed.  You managed to spill half a pint of beer on me.  You always were a charmer, Remus, I'll give you that."

Lupin groaned in misery.  "I'm sorry.  You must think I'm an absolute idiot."

"Well…the thought did cross my mind, I must admit, but if what you told me last night is true then it sounds as if you had good cause to be getting drunk."

"Really?  What did I tell you?"  He let his arm slide to his side as he cracked open his eyelids and peered up at her once again.

"You told me that Severus Snape isn't dead after all.  Is this true?"

He sighed wearily.  "Yes.  It's true.  Severus Snape is very much alive."

She nodded thoughtfully.  "You also said that he was at Hogwarts, teaching your classes and "shagging the woman you love".  Your words not mine.  From that I inferred that he was now holding the Defense Against the Dark Arts position and that he and Evangeline have gotten back together.  Am I right?"

Lupin threw his arm back across his eyes again and groaned softly.  "Evangeline did say that you were the smart one of her friends, Eleanor.  Yes, that's exactly right.  Once Severus showed up alive, I knew it was only a matter of time before he and Evangeline got back together.  She never really stopped loving him, and despite his anger at finding her involved with me, it was obvious that he still loved her very much, too.  Once they were back together again, I knew I couldn't stay there and watch, so I resigned my position and suggested to Albus that he give it to Severus.  He took me up on it, so I left, and that about brings you up to date on the pitiful life of Remus Lupin, prize idiot."  He smiled sheepishly up at her as he lifted his arm once more.  "Warms your heart a bit, doesn't it?"

Eleanor gave him a small wry smile.  "To be honest, there's a tiny part of me that feels good to see this all blow up in your face, Remus, but only a tiny part.  I know that you couldn't help how you felt about Evangeline.  Under the circumstances, I never really expected you to do anything other than what you did.  Our relationship was too new to hold anything to rival the love you felt for her.  I'll admit that when you rejected me to pursue her, it hurt, but I came to understand it.  I don't have any hard feelings, Remus.  Honest.  I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you.  I am happy for Evangeline, though.  I know how much she loves her husband."

Lupin nodded sadly.  "Yes, she does…and she always will.  I need to start accepting that."

"Yes, you do.  I'm not sure that acceptance is best found in the bottom of a glass, though."

He shrugged.  "You're probably right, but it helps…at least a little."

"If I may ask.  Where was Severus all this time, anyway?"

"In Voldemort's hands, actually.  He spent the last year being tortured in some hellhole of a prison…while I was romancing his wife.  That ratchets up the guilt factor, let me tell you."

She nodded in understanding.  "I'm sorry, Remus.  Well, now that you've left Hogwarts, what are you going to do?"

He stared her in the eye.  "I don't have the faintest idea.  I've been simply testing out every wizarding bar in London so far…next I was going to move on to the Muggle ones.  They're cheaper anyway what with the exchange rate and all." 

"I see.  Well, that's certainly a plan…a fairly stupid and unproductive plan, but a plan nevertheless."

A frown flitted across his face, and he turned away from her.  "Well, frankly, it was the only thing that came to mind so I went with it."  He sighed heavily and turned back.  "You don't happen to have a better idea, do you?"

"As a matter of fact, I do.  As usual, while I did have to be in London for my uncle's funeral, the goblins weren't about to let me go without doing something work related while I was here.  The bank has a job opening up, and they wanted me to scout around for candidates.  They're primarily interested in Aurors or ex-Aurors, but I'll bet an ex-Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would fit the bill as well.  So…are you interested in working for Gringotts?"

Lupin was intrigued in spite of himself.  "Well, I'm not sure.  You seem to do more than just work for the goblins, Eleanor.  Frankly, they seem to run your life.  I've just left a job that was mine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I'm not sure that I want to plunge back into another position that would take up all of my time."

"Oh, I see, and just what do you plan to do with all of this copious free time you want to have?   Get so blasted drunk every night that you don't know where you are the next morning…or whom you might or might not have slept with?  Or perhaps you'd prefer to spend your time brooding about Evangeline and how she should be in your bed not Snape's?"

Lupin winced at her mocking tone.  "That's a little harsh."

"Is it?  Personally, I'd think you'd want to have a job that kept you busy.  It would make it easier to get past all this pain and allow you to move forward with your life in a productive manner, but if that's not what you want then forget I mentioned it."

He sighed and slowly hauled himself up into a sitting position and leaned wearily back against the headboard of the bed as his head continued to throb along with his heartbeat.  "Okay…you're right, as usual.  Don't you ever get tired of that?"

She just smiled serenely.  "Do you want to hear about the job or not?"

"Sure.  Why not?  I'm not exactly overwhelmed with employment opportunities, after all.  Being a werewolf does seem to put a damper on my chances most of the time."

"Well, this time, it might actually help.  After the attack on the English branch of the bank last year, the goblins have been feeling a little insecure.  They're looking to hire a new chief of security for the bank.  They want someone with experience fighting against the dark side.  Part of the job would be to beef up security at all the branches and to work out strategies on how to better safeguard our customers' assets in times of trouble or attack.  Since Voldemort used werewolves in his attack, your intimate knowledge of their strengths and weaknesses would be a point in your favor.  Are you interested?"

Lupin frowned and considered the idea.  "Actually…yeah…I think I am.  It would certainly be a challenge.  One I think I could meet."

Pleased to have gotten him to focus on something besides his own personal misery, she smiled at him.  "Excellent."

"If I took this job, where would I be based?  Would I have to live in Cairo like you do?"

"No.  I doubt it.  I'd guess you'd end up being based here in London, as the bank in Diagon Alley is the largest and the most important one to protect, but you'd be traveling around a lot.  All of the branches would need some of your attention."

"It sounds good to me.  How would I go about applying for the position?"

"Well, I can set up an interview for you sometime in the next couple of days.  That should give you enough time to sober up and pull yourself together a bit. You'd need a couple of letters of reference, but that shouldn't be a problem.  I'm sure that Professor Dumbledore would write one for you…Severus might as well, don't you think?"

Lupin laughed shortly.  "Oh, yes, I can just see me asking Severus for a letter of reference.  He could tell them what a wonderful wife stealer I am."

"If I know anything at all about Severus Snape, it's that he hates to be indebted to anyone, and he has to feel at least a little indebted to you for taking such good care of Evangeline for him.  From what I heard, she might not have survived if you hadn't been able to pull her out of her depression.  I'm willing to bet that they both feel a little guilty that you felt the need to quit your job and leave Hogwarts, too.  Snape is still held in high esteem by the goblins.  A word from him would clearly be a feather in your cap.  Although, I must admit there will be some grumbling when they realize that since he never was actually dead, they'll have to reinstate the perks they accorded to him as a reward for what he did for the bank."

Lupin grinned.   "Yes.  I suppose from their point of view, he was the perfect hero.  He helped them out, took their reward, and promptly died after only using the reward for a short time."

Eleanor grinned back in amused agreement.  "Indeed.  However, they'll simply have to get over it.  So what do you think?  Can you get the letters?"

"I can certainly ask.  What do I have to lose anyway?  I'll send a couple of owls today."

"Excellent.  I have a feeling that this will work out for you, Remus.  Now do you think you feel well enough to get up and return to your own lodgings?"

Lupin sighed and grimaced slightly.  "If I move very slowly.  I think I can manage it.  You never did tell me how I ended up here with you, you know."

"It's really fairly simple.  I convinced you that you'd had enough to drink, and it was time to go home for the night, but when we got outside, the first thing you did was throw up and then you collapsed in the gutter.  I couldn't wake you up, and as tempting as it was, I couldn't just leave you there, so I levitated you up here to my room and let you sleep it off.  You hadn't told me where you were staying, and I didn't really fancy scouring all of the hotels in London for your room."

"What hotel is this anyway?"

"The Acromantula Arms"

Lupin smiled.  "You're not going to believe it, but I'm supposed to be in room 318."

She snorted in amusement. "Well…so much for me being the smart one, I should've figured that you wouldn't go too far a field to get drunk.  This is room 420.  Think you can manage to find you way down one flight of stairs?"

Lupin eased off the bed and headed for the door…carefully.  "I think I can manage it."  He turned back to look at Eleanor as he paused in the doorway.  "Thank you for all your help, Eleanor.  Both last night and today.  I'm not sure that I deserve it, but I truly do appreciate it."

She walked across the room to stand next to him.  "No problem, Remus.  Actually, I'm glad I can help you.  Get yourself cleaned up and send your owls, I'll be in touch when I've set up the interview, all right?"

He nodded, thanked her again and left the room closing the door softly behind him.  As he started off down the hall to the stairway, he found himself feeling optimistic for the first time in a very long time.  Perhaps things would work out okay, after all.  So with a lighter heart, he headed off to his room to start working on his new life.

                    ******************************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  We'll that's it for this story.  I want to thank everyone who read and commented on it as we went along.  It was truly helpful to hear from all of you.  I appreciate your kindness and support.  Some of you have asked what I plan to do next.  Unlike previously, I don't have another story ready and waiting in the wings at the moment.  However, that doesn't mean I'm giving up on writing.  I do have two one shots that I'll be posting shortly.  One of them concerns Lupin's reaction to the death of his friend, the other concerns Dumbledore.  In addition, I've posted an anthology of short stories that were written for a LiveJournal site called 30-Minute HP Fics.  These shorts were responses to various challenges and all were written within a timeframe of 30 minutes.  The title of the anthology is "Owl Posts", there are currently five stories there and I'll be adding to them soon.  I do have ideas for another sequel in this storyline that I intend to devote some time to shortly, so hopefully I'll be continuing with Severus and Evangeline's story in the near future.  I also hope to work on a couple of other story ideas that I have…a humorous piece that contains only canon characters, and a Lupin romance.  At the moment, I'm embroiled in a "writer's duel"…sort of a round robin…with a very talented HP fanfiction author.  This war of words is taking place on our LiveJournals.  It's a somewhat unlikely battle between Minerva McGonagall and Hermione Granger for the affection of Severus Snape.  I am arguing the case for Minerva while my friend Bleodswean, also known as Zagzagael, fights for Hermione.  It's been a lot of fun and if anyone is interested in reading the posts, my LJ URL is up on my author's page here on fanfiction.  Thank you all once more for reading, I hope you've enjoyed it.  It's been a pleasure hearing from all of you.  Happy Holidays.

Arachne's Child:  No, Evangeline isn't really the forgive and forget type any more than her husband is.  Black doesn't like to see his friend hurt, and in the end, he'd always rather blame Snape than anyone else.  I hope you were satisfied with the outcome for Remus.

Lina Lupin:  I'm a bit sorry that the story is ending, too.  I'm very pleased that you've enjoyed it.

Lady Tamarisk:  Well, Remus certainly encounters Eleanor again, as you can see.  I'm not sure if they get back together, though.  There would have to be some major fence mending first.

Rickfan37:  You really are too kind in your comments to me. :)  I'm very happy that you've enjoyed this story.  Your insights into all the chapters have been very helpful.  You always notice the little details and give me lots to think about with your thoughtful commentary.  I thank you sincerely.

Dark Jezebel:  Yes, Severus will always win where Evangeline is concerned.  Remus never truly had a chance with her…she was far too deeply in love with her husband.

Jasara:  I hope you approve of how I settled things for Remus.  This gives him a whole new career to pursue.  Hopefully he'll find new interests to make him happy.

Snapefan51:  I imagine that the paintings gossip amongst themselves.  Most flesh and blood people seem to ignore them, though.  Hmmm…that gives me an idea.  I do need to decide what to do with Snape's portrait, don't I?  Thanks.  I'll miss this story, too.  I'm glad you liked it. :)

Elaine Lahey:  Thanks for your support and encouragement.   I'm glad that you've gotten so much enjoyment out of this story.  I've enjoyed hearing from you. :)

Zagzagael:  Thank you for all your help.  I appreciate it and you very very much. :)

Whale of the World:  I think it's a pretty good ending for Remus.  If not a happy one then at least a hopeful one.  Thanks for all the support. :)


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